Are you a leader? If you’re anything like me, you’ll say no.
Unfortunately, in our culture, saying you’re a leader or even that you aspire to be is seen as a negative thing. We’ve come to equate the power-hungry, the arrogant, and the unscrupulous with leadership. That’s unfortunate, because we don’t have as many quality leaders as we need. When elections roll around, we groan because we have so few good options. But the impact of a negative view of leadership extends beyond politics.
One of the consequences of a negative view of leadership is we fail to recognize our own potential.
At our church’s women’s retreat, one of the women told me she saw me as a leader. That wasn’t surprising considering I lead Bible studies and have been in charge of numerous programs over the years. What was surprising is that I didn’t see myself that way.
I have internalized the idea that it’s not ladylike or appealing to seek leadership. I’ve just allowed myself to “fall into” the role, so I can’t be accused of being one of those aggressive people no one likes.
While my negative attitude hasn’t kept me out of leadership, it has kept me from developing my leadership potential. I haven’t worked to develop as a leader. I haven’t fully considered the impact of what I say and do on the people I lead (even if only by example). I’ve certainly experienced the consequences of this. I started a small group Bible study years ago without any leadership education. I believe that I could have prevented some serious problems that developed, had I thought of myself as a leader from the beginning.
A second consequence of a negative view of leadership is we fail to raise children as potential leaders.
At one time, my strong-willed son expressed an interest in a political career. It didn’t take long for the media to beat that idea out of him. But I didn’t help. Deep down, I assumed that in order to succeed in politics, my son would have to lack character. Rather than training him in what it means to be a godly leader, I just hoped the interest would go away and it did.
If we aren’t really clear on what a leader is, how will our children understand?
We can raise up a generation of godly leaders with education.
When I first read Dan Black’s blog On Leadership, I wondered what I was reading it for. Not only was I not a leader, but I wasn’t interested in leadership. Dan must have been inspired by the Holy Spirit, because he kept interacting with me through my blog and Twitter and I was impressed. He was really behaving like a godly leader and he was so young!
The more I read, the more I realized that studying leadership wasn’t much different than the personal development material I pore over. The only difference is intention. Leaders develop themselves so they can serve others. That was a completely different definition of leadership than the one I was operating from. I started paying more attention to what Dan wrote.
When I read his new book, The Leadership Mandate {affiliate link}, I felt I finally understood what it meant to be a leader. Of course, it has nothing to do with the talking heads on TV! I realized that I needed to teach my children the principles in Dan’s book so they would be willing to lead as the Lord calls them and would know how.
We can raise up a generation of godly leaders by developing as leaders ourselves.
The Leadership Mandate isn’t just a book describing good leadership; it’s a book that suggests how to live it out. There are action steps for each aspect of leadership. What’s even more important to me than the specific steps is the new attitude this book has helped me adopt. I’m not living for me; I’m living to serve others! Whatever I choose to do is an example to others for good or evil.
Embracing my leadership potential has been very freeing. I don’t feel I have to hide it. Instead, I can focus on how to help people using what the Lord has been teaching me.
That is the mandate for every Christian — to love others — is it not? I hope you will read The Leadership Mandate and will join me in developing your leadership skills and raising up a next generation of leaders. If you get the book this week (beginning 9/30/13), Dan is offering some free bonuses. Make sure you check them out!
Do you think of yourself as a leader? Why or why not?
I sometimes wonder if this picture is how my children will remember me: my back to them, staring at the computer screen, saying, “Just a minute” for the fifth time in a row.
If you can relate, I would love to have you read my post on 5 Minutes for Faith today and share your thoughts.
I’m writing my niece (who is expecting her first baby) a letter about what she doesn’t want to know about being a mom. Maybe she’ll have the courage to read it a few years from now when she wonders why she can’t stop crying.
#1 It hurts.
We’ve already covered the pain of labor. But if you’re going to nurse your baby, be prepared for the sensation of your nipples being subjected to a nutcracker for 25 minutes every couple of hours. The good news is this pain is better with lanolin and time (about two weeks will do it). The bad news is this is just the beginning of the pain your child will inflict on you. You can look forward to being bitten, head butted, and whacked with a hard toy when you least expect it. When your little darling leaves marks, be prepared to convince those who are sure you’re a domestic violence victim that you’re just a mom.
#2 You’ll never be alone.
You don’t want to be away from your baby now. Understandable. It’s also understandable that you enjoy being around people. But trust me when I tell you that you will think Guantanamo is an amusement park when your kid gets done torturing you. Just when you fall asleep, there they are to wake you up. You go to use the toilet or take a shower and your little blessing will be banging on the door screaming for you. When you sneak off to chat on the phone, read a novel, or have some chocolate, he will appear suddenly like a stalker in a scary movie. Only it’s your life. The really terrifying thing is they never grow out of it.
#3 Your house will never be the same.
Be sure to take pictures of your beautiful nursery now, because it’s going to be trashed very soon. Newborns pee, poo, and puke on everything and no matter how much you Shout it out, you’ll be left with stains. As your little doll gets older, expect to see the wallpaper ripped, the walls littered with graffiti using various mediums, the carpet dyed, and the curtains cut. Everything you love in your house will be lost, broken, or used to start her personal landfill. Is it possible to protect your home and belongings from this destruction with gates, locks, and strict discipline, you ask? Absolutely! However, your reputation will be destroyed when your child starts a tell-all blog about her mommy dearest.
#4 You’ll abandon your principles.
Whether you’re committed to giving your kids no fast food, no toy guns, or no video games, odds are you’re going to cave. Why? Remember, you’re going to be in pain, sleep-deprived, and living in a house ready for a Hoarders episode. If you’re really going to make your child be the one weirdo who can’t go to the McDonalds birthday party, play with the other boys in a Nerf War, or use any kind of screen (they all have games), you have some family therapy in your future. The therapist will probably agree to guest post on your child’s blog.
#5 You’re going to be afraid.
Remember the hypochondria you had during pregnancy? That’s going to grow along with your child. You’re going to be certain that every disease, disorder, and cause of death is going to visit your kid. Then you’re going to be afraid that you have the opposite problem. You’ll worry that you’re ignoring symptoms that would be cause for obvious alarm to anyone who wasn’t awakened by a screaming interrogator every 30 minutes. The truth is most of these terrifying scenarios won’t happen. Unfortunately, you still have reason to fear. Read on.
#6 You’re going to be embarrassed.
You’re careful to be politically correct and not to offend people. Your child, on the other hand, will behave like an alien life form or a National Enquirer reporter who has no respect for your reputation. She will point out everyone who’s fat with a Simon Cowell kind of honesty. She will tell your mother-in-law what you said about her before she came over. She will repeat the curse word you used in a weak moment when someone you want to impress asks how she is–probably your mother-in-law. If you give your little paparazzi a Facebook-connected camera, you deserve what you get.
#7 You’re going to be disappointed.
The disappointment your child dishes up will go beyond embarrassment. Kids are like cashiers at fast-food restaurants who listen carefully to your request for no mustard, no onions, and extra ketchup and then give you the opposite. When you express your disappointment, the cashier and your kid will look at you piteously as though you just haven’t learned not to sweat the small stuff. Whether your request is no mustard or a college athletic scholarship, my advice is the same. Don’t place any special orders and you’ll be satisfied with what you get.
#8 You’re going to need help.
Like any other torture victim, you’re going to need some counseling. Even if all you do is sit and cry to another mom, do it. It’s cheaper than therapy. And for heaven’s sake, relax your rules if they’re making you crazy. A bottle won’t kill a kid who’s nursing, a serving of chicken nuggets and fries won’t destine your child for the Biggest Loser, and getting a housekeeper doesn’t mean all you’re doing is sitting around watching reality TV and eating chocolate (unless you are, in which case call me. It sounds like fun). If your husband isn’t motivated to help out, use your best vacant stare and repeat gibberish. That shouldn’t be hard for you.
#9 Your body will never be the same.
You think you’re going to be one of those moms whose body looks just as good as it did before you had a baby. You probably think you’re going to win the lottery one of these days, too. Go ahead and blow the money on the stretch mark cream and the chiseled ab workout programs. They’ll help you get through the denial phase. Sure it’s possible that you’re one of those freaks of nature, who doesn’t have an abdomen that looks like a Shar Pei puppy after giving birth. But I feel it necessary to remind you of what we covered in the truth about pregnancy. If your body is the same, your friendships won’t be. We’ll all hate you. To avoid this, be a smart girl and wear a tankini even if you don’t need to.
#10 You’ll love it so much, you’ll want another baby.
Yes, despite learning everything you never wanted to know about being a mom, you’re going to want another child. It’s crazy! My diagnosis is Stockholm Syndrome. The child has hurt you, tortured you, destroyed your house, made you abandon your principles, scared you to death, embarrassed you, disappointed you, reduced you to dependency, and ruined your chances of appearing on the cover of Shape magazine, yet you’re convinced they’re one of the best things that’s ever happened to you.
When you’re a busy mom, 5 minutes may be all you can devote to your faith at a time. That’s why I’m thrilled to be a contributor at 5 Minutes for Faith. I’m joining a lot of wonderful mom writers who will help you use your five minutes well.
My first regular post is up today, entitled “In the Way He Should Go.” I’d love to have you come by and see what this picture is all about! And please leave a comment if you have one extra minute.
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When kids have a break from school (even if you homeschool), parents and grandparents have an opportunity to make great memories.
Have a Family Meeting
Before you take a break this spring, talk with your family about what their expectations are. If you’re hoping to get organized, the kids are hoping to play video games, and dad wants to go camping, no one will be happy. You may have time for all of those things, but not without planning. After coming to some agreements, create a schedule for the week. Make sure the kids know what the limits on screen time are. If you decide you’d like some spontaneity, opt for an activity jar. Write everything you’d like to do on separate pieces of paper and draw them from a jar when you’re ready for something to do.
30 Ideas to Get You Started
Some of these options are even more fun with friends. Talk with other families taking a break at the same time you are and plan a fun week together.
1. Check a family/church events calendar. Many interesting classes and programs are scheduled to coincide with spring break.
2. Make time for fitness. Whether you exercise indoors or out, consider options like roller or ice skating, swimming, biking, hiking, and tennis.
3. Visit area attractions. Local museums and zoos are great places to spend time during spring break.
4. Have a craft day. There’s no excuse not to come up with a great craft idea. Check out my Spring Break board on Pinterest for some options.
5. See a movie. Go to the theater or watch at home. A great DVD series my family loves is Sue Thomas F.B. Eye.
6. Host a tournament. Our church has had a combination video game/ping pong tourney that is a big hit with my family, but we’ve also created our own family Olympics in past years. Come up with a list of games to compete in. We’ve done darts, Catch Phrase, cake decorating, relays and more.
7. Go shopping. It’s a fun time to check out seasonal fashions at the mall or to get a bargain at a thrift store.
8. Have a surprise a day. I did this with my kids when my husband and oldest son were on a mission trip. I found free attractions and used gift cards and Groupons that I had saved to surprise them in some small way every day and they loved it.
9. Have a sleepover. Kids love to have sleepovers with their friends or cousins and it keeps them busy!
10. Let them check out 50 great websites for kids. It’s like an amusement park online.
11. Do a unit study for a day. Homeschoolers are familiar with studying a subject from every angle (including literature, art, and field trips, for example). Take a day to study a subject of interest in depth. Here’s an example on snow–probably the last thing you want to study over spring break!
12. Go on a parkathon. Take the kids to many different parks in your area. Have them vote on their favorite.
13. Take time to freshen up the house. Sort seasonal clothing and spend time giving kids’ bedrooms or playrooms a fresh, organized look.
14. Go to the library. You can get books, movies, audiobooks, and activity kits at many branches. Enjoy the materials as a family.
15. Cook together. Most kids love to cook. Bake up some meals or goodies to put in the freezer or to give to a shut-in.
16. Take a no-limits road trip. Start heading out of town and stop wherever the kids want to stop. You may have to head straight home when you’re through!
17. Have a camp in or out. If it’s too cool outside to sleep, let the kids create their own fort to sleep in. Make s’mores over a fire or in the oven.
18. Have a picnic. Whether you eat outside or on a blanket inside, be sure to have special foods you don’t normally eat.
19. Have family devotions. It’s hard to carve out time for devotions that include fun object lessons in the midst of school and extra-curriculars, so take the time to do them this week.
20. Go geocaching. Check out this website to learn more.
21. Go fishing. There is no such thing as bad fishing weather for a die-hard fisherman.
22. Plan your own drama, puppet, magic, or talent show. Invite family, friends, or neighbors to watch.
23. Fly a kite. You can buy one or make your own. Just make sure you have plenty of string.
24. Create your own scavenger hunt. Here’s how. You could combine this with a surprise a day.
25. Work on a puzzle together. A week gives you plenty of time to finish it.
26. Garden together. Go to the garden center together and let your children have their own plants to care for.
27. Have or go to a garage sale. Teach your child to negotiate.
28. Teach your kids something you’re good at. Having a grandparent teach a skill is particularly special.
29. Volunteer together. Look for a chance to help out at church, in your neighborhood, or community.
30. Play games. Whether you play board games, video games, or outdoor games, the kids will love spending time with you.
Listen to my interview on KFUO radio on this subject!
What’s your favorite way to spend spring break or time off from school?
If you want your child’s attention, just get on the phone and they’ll appear in an instant with the latest whine or dispute for you to referee. Am I right? Unfortunately, misbehavior works to get our attention. Good behavior often doesn’t.
The Problem with Ignoring Good Behavior
Whatever is rewarded gets repeated. I’m a psychologist and I taught my clients this. But in my own home, I’ve struggled to use this principle. When the behavior is bad, I react. When my kids are good, I just want to celebrate. You know, by taking a nap. I’m not wanting to go out of my way to reward them.
While it’s inconvenient to reward and discipline, it’s vital that we do. That’s why I was ecstatic to find the Caught Being Good app for the iPhone. I have my iPhone on my person at all times (why is another story), so using it to reward good behavior is very convenient.
The idea behind Caught Being Good is that you look for the behavior you want (not what you don’t). Of course, misbehavior should have consequences! But the purpose of the app is to teach children WHAT to do rather than punish for doing something wrong. Verbal praise is a powerful reward, but using other rewards can make behavior change even more likely.
How Caught Being Good Works
If you’d like to watch a video of the app in action, check this out. If you prefer my incredible description to clicking over to YouTube, here goes. Anything your kids do that you like, you announce, “You’ve been caught being good!” or something to that effect. You then present them with your phone with the app open. They choose their name and spin the wheel. They’re then given a reward from among those you’ve pre-selected using a frequency you’ve chosen. If you can’t give the reward immediately, you can save it under their name for later.
Using this app with my kids has prompted them to make my bed for me numerous times, do chores without being asked, and to surrender a privileged seat or snack to a sibling. Some rewards I’ve included include choosing a snack or cereal from the store, being taken out for ice cream, or having a sleepover. Rewards I least want to give out (like sleepovers) I’ve set to occur least often. It’s taken some time to work out the right rewards. The kids have helped me by telling me which rewards are lame and which are occurring too seldom. Yes, they’ve complained about the sleepover.
Catch Your Kids Being Good
If you have an iPhone, you can download Caught Being Good in the app store for $.99. I’m not being paid a commission on it. (What’s wrong with this picture?) Set up an account for your kids (I’ve used it with my 16-year-old, too!) and add your rewards. I discourage you from announcing your intentions. Just surprise everyone by announcing at dinner that Junior’s been good by eating his broccoli without complaint. When the rest of the kids (and your hubby) chime in that they’ve been good, too, and also want a spin, explain that they can’t request spins. They have to be caught.
What if you don’t have an iPhone or don’t want to spend the money on the app? Make your own paper reward wheel using an old board game spinner or create a reward jar.
I’m a Christian psychologist turned homeschooling mother of six. My life can be a little crazy, so I look for sanity-saving ideas to use and share. I hope you’ll read my About page to learn more.
{affiliate link}, I felt I finally understood what it meant to be a leader. Of course, it has nothing to do with the talking heads on TV! I realized that I needed to teach my children the principles in Dan’s book so they would be willing to lead as the Lord calls them and would know how.
