Maybe, like me, you have so many reasons to be joyful, but it seems that someone or something seems to run off with this spiritual treasure. What can we do to stop 'em from stealing our joy?
Quit doing business with them. In our local news lately have been reports of home invasions that strike fear in the hearts of neighbors. The fact that the criminals were doing business with the victim makes everyone feel a little bit more at ease. We can feel safer emotionally by choosing not to do business with people who attack us verbally or physically or who only make emotional withdrawals, never deposits.
Claim your right to the joy. Some theft victims are reluctant to press charges because they feel guilty for having so much. We are never to feel guilt for having joy, even if others are depressed. We may not be able to share our joy, but we can share its Source.
Stop stealing from yourself. I've had my share of things stolen, but I've robbed myself of more than any thief has. I haven't taken care of my belongings and they've been misplaced or destroyed. In the same way, we can steal our own joy by not taking care of ourselves. Joy is harder to come by when we don't have optimal sleep, nutrition, or exercise.
Use a security system. Most of the times I've been robbed have been when I've left a car door unlocked or left my valuables in plain sight. We don't have to hide from others to keep our joy, but we do need a security system. God's Word is not only an inexhaustible source of joy, but it's a weapon we can use to ward off the lies the con men use to get access to our treasure. The Bible is the best security system there is, but even it won't be effective if we keep letting the thieves in the door through the media we take in.
Have you found any other ways of keeping your joy, short of gun ownership? 😉
You suffered along with those in prison and joyfully accepted the confiscation of your property, because you knew that you yourselves had better and lasting possessions. (Hebrews 10:34)
I was on relay teams in high school track and while I had plenty of poor starts and bad hand-offs, there is one thing I never did in response–go back. Imagine the reaction if I had jogged back mid-race to the starting blocks to try it again. What if I just ran off the track in defeat? Or picture me insisting that my teammate hand-off to me again. Crazy, right?
Yet that is what you and I often do when we feel like we've gotten off to a bad start or have made a poor transition. We oversleep, don't have time to work out or make a healthy breakfast, and we figure the day is lost. We stop running and fret about our imperfect start. We might even do this in marriage or career settings. We might wonder if we really knew what we were doing when we said, "I do" or took the job. Instead of finishing the race we're in, we long to return to the start.
I didn't realize what havoc my habit of returning to start was wreaking in my life. If I didn't get up on time or get every part of my routine done, I was either getting quite cranky about it or I would foolishly try to get my morning routine done when it was too late. Believe me, if I miss my devotional time before the kids are up, it's an exercise in frustration trying to have it with them around. The more I tried to catch up, the behinder I got! I found myself running the wrong way on the track, getting tripped up, and wondering what was wrong.
In a race, I worried about getting out of the blocks poorly or fumbling the baton after the race was over. Until the next practice, I just ran for all I was worth, not worrying about what didn't go well before. That's what I'm practicing now. If my day is interrupted, I start where I'm at. If I have extra time to go back and do the things I missed (fat chance), I can. If not, at least the latter part of my day will go smoothly. At day's end, I can evaluate what went wrong in the morning and take steps to prevent it from happening again.
Maybe you're struggling with something more serious than an upset day; perhaps it seems that you've gotten a bad start in life and you'd like a do-over. What if you started where you are? Made the most of the marriage and career you have? I'm not suggesting that this is good advice for every situation, but it's an option to consider.
If today's gotten off to a bad start, either pick up your routine from here on out, or make a new, short list of what you'd like to accomplish with what's left of the day. Remember, plenty of relay teams have gotten off to a bad start or bungled the hand-off and went on to win the race.
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us (Hebrews 12:1)
Like you, I’ve been hurt many, many times. While the scrapes, burns, and injuries are soon forgotten, the emotional hurts can fester for years. I have not become perfectly proficient in healing relationship wounds, but I have learned a few things professionally and personally. Perhaps one of these “bandages” will help you handle hurt, too.
Admit you’re hurt. Denying that someone hurt you makes it more likely that you will act out and hurt yourself or someone else. Even if you don’t have the courage to tell the person who hurt you, acknowledge the pain and tell someone you trust.
Get it out. Like thorns in the flesh, emotional wounds that aren’t removed can infect us, destroying our health. I’ve found the best ways to get it out are to write it out, talk it out, and cry it out.
Look for the root. Seeking to understand the real cause of the hurt can help you heal. Most of the time we’re either being overly sensitive or the perpetrator is acting out of her own pain. Often what was said or done isn’t about us. Understanding doesn’t excuse wrong behavior, but enables us to get over it more quickly.
Don’t take it too seriously. Some of the things people say and do that are hurtful are quite comical when you look at them a different way. My master’s research was on laughter’s impact on pain perception. Humor helps physical pain, but it’s a great analgesic for relationship hurts, too.
Don’t pick at the wound. Once we’ve shared our heart with a trusted confidante, continuing to talk about the painful words or behavior is like reopening a scab. Commit to leaving it alone so it will heal.
Exchange your hope. We may find ourselves hoping that the perpetrator will finally understand how they’ve hurt us and will express their deep regret for doing so. That kind of hope leaves our wounds open to infection. Instead, hope in the God who allowed the situation so He could work it for your good and His glory.
Pray for the one who hurt you. The most healing prayer is not that the perpetrator will be hit by a speeding bus! Instead, pray that the Lord would heal her and forgive her so she will not hurt herself or others anymore. Of course, as we pray we recognize that we have inadvertently hurt others, too. Thank God for His mercy and forgiveness.
If none of these help, email me. My husband is a black belt in ju jitsu and he would be happy to beat up the person who hurt your feelings. Hope that made you smile. 🙂
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. (Psalm 147:3)
I went to the funeral of my husband's beloved uncle today. And I was surprised.
No one mentioned his weight, his body fat percentage, his golf handicap, his IQ, his investment return, Amazon ranking, his Klout score, number of Facebook friends, followers, or blog page views.
They did mention how many grandchildren he had, but really the only impressive statistic was 69–the number of years he was married to the same woman. Despite this veritable dearth of evidence of greatness, people really seemed to have loved him.
Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. (Luke 12:7)
I’m going to get real with you and admit that I have been really disappointed in people lately. Really. So I went to the Lord with the problem, assuming He would sympathize. Instead, He said, “I know. Imagine how I feel.”
I have tried convincing myself that the people I’m disappointed in haven’t done anything wrong. That isn’t working. They clearly have done wrong, even by God’s definition. I have tried telling myself that everyone sins. That doesn’t help either. I’m still really disappointed that especially professing Christians are so comfortable with sin. I’m not really sure what I expected God to do to make me feel better–give people a supernatural spanking? Turns out, God gave me one instead. Here it is (ouch!).
Luke 18:
9 To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else, Jesus told this parable: 10“Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11 The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’
13 “But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’
14 “I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”
Discipline, while painful at the time, always teaches us something. Here is what I’ve learned. I will be disappointed in people if I compare them to my inflated opinion of myself and yes, even if I compare them to God’s perfect law. To gain victory over disappointment in others, I must keep my eyes focused on the Lord and how *I* look in comparison. Turns out I look like a really bad “before” picture.
There is no question that I am someone else’s disappointment. There is also no question that sometimes we are called to lovingly and honestly talk to others who have hurt us or who are going astray. But remaining stuck in disappointment with others means we need our vision corrected. Thank you, Lord, for helping me see myself more clearly and as a result, loving you more dearly.
Most of us realize that continually giving handouts to the financially insecure will not help them long-term. This is not to say that we should not help an otherwise financially secure individual who has had a setback. We should. But the truth is, the more we give to the truly financially insecure, the more insecure they will become. Rather than believing that they can provide for themselves (or that God can provide for them), they will come to expect you to save them. Not only will the helpee feel more insecure, but her resentment toward you as her benefactor will grow, too.
While I have understood this principle in the realm of finances, I have failed to recognize its validity in the social realm. If an individual is chronically insecure (and isn’t just having a temporary setback), there is no amount of emotional handouts that will satisfy. Compliments, encouragement, and even vulnerability on our parts will not create social security for those who have not discovered the means for claiming security for themselves. Further, as your insecure other continues to be dissatisfied with all you do to lift her up, she will often decide to tear you down.
If you’re writing social insecurity checks your spirit can’t cash, consider:
Asking your insecure other questions to provoke insight. If she is a believer, you might ask her what keeps her from experiencing God’s perfect love and approval. If she is not, share with her how God has given you a deep and lasting security.
Relinquishing guilt for your insecure other‘s suffering. No one feels insecure because of someone else’s happiness. Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Chronically insecure people choose to feel insecure.
Focusing your attention on those who are willing to take responsibility for their own self-image. There are women whose identity is solid, but could use a little encouragement. They don’t get it from us when we’re busy trying to help the chronically insecure.
Praying for your chronically insecure person. Only God can fill the hole that you keep trying to fill up. Trust Him to create the circumstances most likely to create change. You may have suggested therapy, books, and Bible studies to your insecure person to no avail. If you’re working harder to help than the insecure person, it’s time to transfer the case to Jesus. He’s the best therapist I know!
LORD, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure. (Psalm 16:5)
I’m a Christian psychologist turned homeschooling mother of six. My life can be a little crazy, so I look for sanity-saving ideas to use and share. I hope you’ll read my About page to learn more.
