When I went to unbuckle my 3yo after church today, he said, "I'm happy" and kept repeating it. When I asked him why he said, "because." I wonder if it has anything to do with the picture he's been carrying around all morning? I am happy, too. May Jesus give you His joy today.
— Post From My iPhone
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I believe some procrastinators have hidden tasks on their
lists that are wreaking productivity havoc. I’m not referring to the
time-wasters like web surfing that we fail to record, although making a habit
of adding these to our list can work wonders. I’m talking about the tasks we
may have subconsciously added to our lists at our own or others’ initiative.
Here’s an example. Your higher-up tells you he’s very unhappy
with the work performance of someone in your department. You’ve talked with her
before with no results. You wonder if you didn’t train her well or communicate
the problem effectively. Your hidden task is “improve employee’s work
performance.” If you’re particularly intuitive, you may have added a task like,
“Decide if I need to do anything about employee” to your list. But many people
won’t do that unless they have a specific task assigned to them. In this
situation, your manager hasn’t told you that dealing with the employee is your
responsibility. Yet you’ve taken it on.
Hidden tasks are common at home, too. We may unknowingly add
tasks of solving family members’ problems, resolving conflicts, or making them
happy. To-do’s that start with, “feel guilty about…” are often embedded in our
lists or concealed behind more traditional tasks like, “call mom.” Other hidden
tasks start with “feel responsible for…” and can be extended to every facet of
our lives like church or community roles.
Because these tasks are not in black-and-white, we do not have
the opportunity to put them up for review. If we did review them, we could
plainly see that our adult son’s happiness is not our responsibility, but
making sure he has our records for his college financial aid application is. If
we put “improve employee’s work performance” on our list, we may recognize that
we’ve already fulfilled our responsibilities to her and cross it off the list.
The emotional energy devoted to hidden tasks of guilt and
misplaced responsibility makes procrastination of our real responsibilities
more likely. As we work on our written to-do list, we are subconsciously
crossing off tasks that require a great deal of emotional energy. At the end of
the day, we may feel we’ve accomplished little of value, yet feel drained.
So how can we bring these hidden tasks to light? Write the
answers to these questions on your task list where you can review them or cross
them off:
* What work, home, relationship, church, community problems do
you feel personally responsible for?
* What or who do you wish you could change, but you haven’t
been able to?
* What tasks that are currently on your list provoke guilt?
* What responsibilities have others assigned to you that might
not be yours?
Some examples of answers you might add to your list include:
Am I responsible for making my siblings get along?
Should I feel guilty that I don’t want to spend time with a
certain old friend?
Can I improve our family finances single-handedly?
When you come to these newly revealed tasks, consider them
consciously. You may find that you experience more peace and much less procrastination.
At a painful and controversial time about who should or shouldn't be pastoring God's people, I had to share something praiseworthy.
God has laid upon my heart a desire for a meek, quiet, other-centered spirit. That's going to require painful change for me! Yesterday I was at Walmart when the cashier asked me how I was. I said, "Great!" Often, sad to say, I don't make a genuine inquiry into how people like this cashier are doing. I'd rather get out of there quickly. In fact, a lot of times, I am listening to my iPod while I check out. Yesterday I asked how this dear lady was. She told me she was tired and had a hard time working every weekend. I can understand that! I told her I was sure glad she was working there yesterday. When she finished with my purchase, she said, "Are you a minister?"
I recently watched Voddie Baucham's Culture Wars DVD in which he chides us for seeking to witness with our lifestyles rather than with the gospel of Jesus Christ. I deserve that rebuke! Yet I wondered at this small interchange where the name of the Lord was never mentioned, yet I was perceived to be a woman of God.
Of course, I am not a pastor, but I do believe I am called to be a minister of His love and grace. So are you! 2 Corinthians 3:6
He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant—not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life. May the Lord bless you as you minister His Spirit to a hurting world today.
Well, I'm still scuba diving. And that has given rise to fear. Today my sweet hubby heard this on the radio and shared it with me. I found it so encouraging. I hope you do, too! In honor of Dr. Stanley's advice and in honor of my friend, Deb's, practice of requesting five favorites on Friday, I decided that I would share my five favorite ways that God has been faithful to me. Please share your favorites even if Friday is long since past as they will encourage me and my other readers.
1. It was 1985 and I was a lower middle class girl from South Dakota wanting to attend a private Christian college. I was a finalist for what was called a Faculty Scholarship. It was for $10,000 which at that time was a lot. I had done all the interviews and I felt sure I would be awarded that scholarship. I remember clearly trudging through the snow to the tiny post office in my hometown (of 100 residents) to pick up the envelope that had my college fate inside. After I opened it, I couldn't believe that God had let me down. I had not gotten the scholarship. My little life had been mostly full of successes up to that point. I was reeling as I realized that I couldn't attend college there. I showed the letter to my mom and I made the difficult phone call to the college to tell them that I was withdrawing my registration. To my surprise, the admissions person said that although I hadn't won the scholarship, I had been awarded enough other scholarships and financial aid to pay for all my schooling. God is faithful!
2. In 1989 I traveled to Europe and the Soviet Union as part of a college seminar after I graduated. I left my passport and all my critical belongings (credit card, airplane ticket, visa, etc.) but $200 on a train in Moscow. I was told that my passport would most likely have been sold on the black market immediately and that it would take the cash I had just to call home. My seminar leader told me that they would have to go to the next country without me. I went to my hotel room and took a shower that alternated between scalding hot water and freezing cold. Maybe just to make the story better? LOL I remembered that we are to pray about crises like this until we have peace. That is just what I did. I said, "Lord, you can make the person who finds my passport turn it in." I fell asleep after feeling the matter was decided. I was awakened by my leader who told me the passport had been found. When I retrieved it the next day, not one coin had been removed from it. God is faithful!
3. In the late 1990s, I received a phone call that my dad was near death. I was devastated. I wasn't ready for him to go home. I prayed and prayed and asked God for affirmation from His Word. I opened my Bible randomly to read Psalm 6. It said my prayers had been answered and my dad couldn't praise God from the grave. My dad did indeed recover. In 1999, I had the habit of calling my dad in the nursing home every Wednesday evening. Often if I had something else to do, I would forget to call him and would call on Thursday. I remembered one Tuesday evening that I would be at church the following night so called my dad. We had a conversation that encouraged me that my dad knew the Lord. The next night I received a phone call before I left for church that my dad was once again near death. I knew that he would not live. But I also knew that God had assured me of my dad's salvation. He died that night. God is faithful!
4. In 2001, I aspired to be a "real" writer. One afternoon I received a copy of Woman's Day magazine that asked for nominations of women who make a difference in their communities. I put the magazine in my massive to-do pile, intending to nominate Sharon Rohrbach, an acquaintance from church who had founded Nurses for Newborns. A couple months later, I came across the magazine and emailed a letter with a brief prayer, sure that it was too late. Several months later I learned that Sharon would be an award recipient and would be flown to NYC to meet the First Lady. I was shocked when a few weeks later one of Woman's Day's editors called and invited me to come, too. I met with an editor who asked me to send her a story idea (the story idea is an incredible answer to prayer, too). Suddenly, my writing was printed in a magazine with a circulation of 6,000,000. God is faithful!
5. In 2001, I had also suffered a painful miscarriage. I had also wrestled with the grief of never having a daughter. I was so thankful for my healthy baby boys and loved them all passionately, but had to let go of the dream of a girl. In 2003, I was nursing my fourth precious boy when I began to feel extremely fatigued. I was sure I wasn't pregnant as I had not even started cycling again. I had always planned my pregnancies to the minute in the past. But sure enough, I took a pregnancy test and was stunned to learn I was expecting again. Because I had no idea how long I had been pregnant, I had to have an ultrasound. The technician gave me the baby's due date and I sobbed all the way home. It was the same due date as the baby I had miscarried. Months later I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. God is faithful!
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An acquaintance of mine asked me recently what I’ve been
doing this summer. This shouldn’t be a tough question. I mean, isn’t this a kid’s
favorite essay topic upon returning to school in the fall? Yet for me, the
question was a challenging one. My acquaintance seemed puzzled by my reaction
as I struggled to produce a list of activities that sounded good. After a few
awkward moments and my acquaintance looking as though she were sorry she’d
asked, I told her the truth: I’ve been deep sea diving.
My husband introduced me to the delights of snorkeling on
our honeymoon 17 years ago. In exchange for very little risk (you wear a life
jacket and float on top of the water), snorkeling offers you a little glimpse
of heaven. Beneath tropical waters lies a breathtakingly beautiful new world
where colorful fish, plants, and creatures live and play. I was so enamored
with snorkeling that when my husband suggested deep sea diving, I said no,
thank you. I preferred floating on top of the water where I had a ready source
of oxygen and was close to shore should a shark decide to ruin my fun.
My husband accepted my refusal, but this summer, God didn’t.
He decided I was ready to dive. Deep sea
diving requires that you wear a heavy air tank that helps you descend into the
depths and is also rather essential for breathing. This spring is when I
noticed that I started to feel weighed down. A number of troubling new physical
symptoms appeared and some that I’ve been familiar with grew worse. I convinced
myself that I could hold my breath until I reached the surface in a few days.
But before long I had to admit I was continuing to descend and needed another
source of air.
Frankly, my devotional life had become like snorkeling. I
would take God’s Word in with a short tube, but I never kept my face in the
water for long. But now that the weight of illness had me sinking further and
further into the dark and murky depths, I was desperate. I began praying
fervently, reading and studying my Bible, and taking in a neglected devotional:
Streams in the Desert. Streams in the Desert told me that I was diving and why.
God had weighed me down and was keeping me in the depths so that I might find
pearls.
I’ve never been a huge fan of pearls, especially because you
can buy an imitation strand for next to nothing. But when it comes to pearls of
wisdom, I soon learned that God thought I had chosen cheap imitations long
enough. My fake pearls were the healing advice of those who denied God. This
worldly wisdom couldn’t withstand the pressure I was now under. As my symptoms
drew me into deeper, murkier waters, the more fervently I searched for answers
that would return me to a healthy life on shore. I was really glad when I found
those first few real pearls. God showed me some of the reasons for my illness
and I made some significant changes. I waited to begin ascending to the
surface. But it didn’t happen. I continued to breathe in what God had to say in
the Bible and I continued to search for pearls. Every time I found another
precious bit of wisdom, I would be certain my ascent back to good health would
begin. But it didn’t.
I am so thankful my dive hasn’t been entirely solitary.
God has never left my side and every so often, my husband, family, and friends dive down to encourage me and
send up prayers on my behalf. So many times I have thought I was done
collecting pearls. I would have been happy collecting enough for a ring, but
God apparently has me stringing together a long necklace! One thing I do know:
I am not just enriching myself. As I search for the answers to my own health
problems, I find pearls of wisdom for loved ones who are suffering. I have
prayed for so long for so many of those whose precious pearls I am now
collecting in the depths. When I return from my dive, I am eager to share the
answers to prayer I have found.
I am still diving. I do not know how long it will be until I
return to good health. But I know that the same air tanks that brought me low
will sustain me. I know God’s dives are never too short or too long. I am so
thankful that God sent me to this fearful place. What incredible treasures I
would have missed had I stayed safely floating on the surface. Before this
summer, I was a snorkeler; now I am a deep sea diver. I do not wish illness on
anyone, but I do pray that God will draw you into a living, breathing,
life-transforming relationship with Him. If He does, then when someone asks
what you did this summer, you can smile and answer, “I went deep sea diving.”
If I go up to the
heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. (Psalm 139:8).
An acquaintance of mine asked me recently what I’ve been
doing this summer. This shouldn’t be a tough question. I mean, isn’t this a kid’s
favorite essay topic upon returning to school in the fall? Yet for me, the
question was a challenging one. My acquaintance seemed puzzled by my reaction
as I struggled to produce a list of activities that sounded good. After a few
awkward moments and my acquaintance looking as though she were sorry she’d
asked, I told her the truth: I’ve been deep sea diving.
My husband introduced me to the delights of snorkeling on
our honeymoon 17 years ago. In exchange for very little risk (you wear a life
jacket and float on top of the water), snorkeling offers you a little glimpse
of heaven. Beneath tropical waters lies a breathtakingly beautiful new world
where colorful fish, plants, and creatures live and play. I was so enamored
with snorkeling that when my husband suggested deep sea diving, I said no,
thank you. I preferred floating on top of the water where I had a ready source
of oxygen and was close to shore should a shark decide to ruin my fun.
My husband accepted my refusal, but this summer, God didn’t.
He decided I was ready to dive. Deep sea
diving requires that you wear a heavy air tank that helps you descend into the
depths and is also rather essential for breathing. This spring is when I
noticed that I started to feel weighed down. A number of troubling new physical
symptoms appeared and some that I’ve been familiar with grew worse. I convinced
myself that I could hold my breath until I reached the surface in a few days.
But before long I had to admit I was continuing to descend and needed another
source of air.
Frankly, my devotional life had become like snorkeling. I
would take God’s Word in with a short tube, but I never kept my face in the
water for long. But now that the weight of illness had me sinking further and
further into the dark and murky depths, I was desperate. I began praying
fervently, reading and studying my Bible, and taking in a neglected devotional:
Streams in the Desert. Streams in the Desert told me that I was diving and why.
God had weighed me down and was keeping me in the depths so that I might find
pearls.
I’ve never been a huge fan of pearls, especially because you
can buy an imitation strand for next to nothing. But when it comes to pearls of
wisdom, I soon learned that God thought I had chosen cheap imitations long
enough. My fake pearls were the healing advice of those who denied God. This
worldly wisdom couldn’t withstand the pressure I was now under. As my symptoms
drew me into deeper, murkier waters, the more fervently I searched for answers
that would return me to a healthy life on shore. I was really glad when I found
those first few real pearls. God showed me some of the reasons for my illness
and I made some significant changes. I waited to begin ascending to the
surface. But it didn’t happen. I continued to breathe in what God had to say in
the Bible and I continued to search for pearls. Every time I found another
precious bit of wisdom, I would be certain my ascent back to good health would
begin. But it didn’t.
I am so thankful my dive hasn’t been entirely solitary.
God has never left my side and every so often, my husband, family, and friends dive down to encourage me and
send up prayers on my behalf. So many times I have thought I was done
collecting pearls. I would have been happy collecting enough for a ring, but
God apparently has me stringing together a long necklace! One thing I do know:
I am not just enriching myself. As I search for the answers to my own health
problems, I find pearls of wisdom for loved ones who are suffering. I have
prayed for so long for so many of those whose precious pearls I am now
collecting in the depths. When I return from my dive, I am eager to share the
answers to prayer I have found.
I am still diving. I do not know how long it will be until I
return to good health. But I know that the same air tanks that brought me low
will sustain me. I know God’s dives are never too short or too long. I am so
thankful that God sent me to this fearful place. What incredible treasures I
would have missed had I stayed safely floating on the surface. Before this
summer, I was a snorkeler; now I am a deep sea diver. I do not wish illness on
anyone, but I do pray that God will draw you into a living, breathing,
life-transforming relationship with Him. If He does, then when someone asks
what you did this summer, you can smile and answer, “I went deep sea diving.”
If I go up to the
heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. (Psalm 139:8).
I’m a Christian psychologist turned homeschooling mother of six. My life can be a little crazy, so I look for sanity-saving ideas to use and share. I hope you’ll read my About page to learn more.
-Dr. Melanie Wilson
