I woke up this morning feeling sad. And I had Jesse’s song from Toy Story 2 playing in my head. When I can’t get a song out of my mind and there’s no explanation for it, I usually find that God is my DJ. This morning was no exception.
I have had a lot of people in my life who loved me once, but don’t anymore. Or at least it seems like they loved me at one time. I know I’m not alone in that experience. I spoke with a woman at length this week who wanted to know why her husband didn’t love her anymore. She didn’t say it quite that way. Instead she said, “Why do you think he…?” and “If I did that, do you think he’d…?” I told her we could spend all day talking about the why’s and what if’s and still the ache in her heart would be there.
I know my heart still aches. I’ve been going to the Lord with the same kind of questions that woman had. Why? What if? I told my husband about the Jesse song and he being not a particularly emotional guy said, “Oh, that song is soooooo sad.” It sure is. And why is it so sad? Surely it’s not sad because we feel badly for a make-believe toy that has no feelings?
Most likely the song tugs on our heart strings because we identify with Jesse. We are the toy that has been cast aside in relationships
that once meant so much to us. Jesse knew why she was under the bed. Her owner was growing up; she was changing. But the explanation didn’t make life without her any easier for Jesse.
As I often do with songs that keep playing in my head, I looked up the lyrics. Reading them as though I were Jesse made me feel the
sadness more acutely. But as I sat before the Lord looking for His wisdom for dealing with my broken heart, He told me that I wasn’t the one who’d been cast away. He was. God was singing these words over me as written by Sarah McLachlan:
When somebody loved me, everything was beautiful
Every hour we spent together, lives within my heart
And when she was sad, I was there to dry her tears
And when she was happy, so was I, when she loved me.
Through the summer and the fall, we had each other, that was all
Just she and I together, like it was meant to be
And when she was lonely, I was there to comfort her
And I knew that she loved me.
So the years went by, I stayed the same
And she began to drift away, I was left alone
Still I waited for the day, when she’d say “I will always
Unlike a doll, God does have feelings. He longs to have me come to Him for comfort when I feel rejected and alone. I don’t want to throw Him under the bed. Instead I want to tell Him I will always love Him by how I relate to Him and others—even those who don’t love me.
“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:5b)