I am irked. I have given hours and hours of my time and lots of my money to particular people and particular purposes in my life. Not only have I gotten precious little praise in return, but normally I get criticism and complaints instead.
This morning I was wondering if I ought to say something about a particular grievance I have. It's quite funny to contemplate, because most likely I would still not be appreciated, but then I would also be viewed as a whiner.
I have a sneaking suspicion that I am not the only one who feels that they've given the best performance of their lives only to get the gong. Do you remember The Gong Show? There were contestants who obviously knew they had no talent and laughed really hard when they were given the gong. But there were others who were sincerely disappointed when they were rejected. What's the difference? When you know your goal and your audience, it's much easier to take your bruises and go home.
I realized that the reason I'm so rankled is because I was playing for the wrong audience for the wrong reason. If I'm going to go on after the gong, I need to recognize that I am playing for God. When I consider the time and money I've given, I know He appreciates it. When I consider my unappreciative human audience, I feel they don't deserve a minute or a dollar more of me. But in light of what Christ has done for me, I feel I could never do enough.
So join me on this world stage and give your all. Life goes on well after the gong has stopped.
Because of the service by which you have proved yourselves, men will praise God for the obedience that accompanies your confession of the gospel of Christ, and for your generosity in sharing with them and with everyone else. (2 Cor. 9:13)
I’ll admit it. I like to look good. In the process of doing a superb, life-changing Bible study called Sonship, I have discovered how MUCH I like to look good and to get all the praise that goes along with that.
A couple of weeks ago I decided to finally get rid of a bunch of books and homeschooling materials I’m not using. One of them was an excellent book on chores that included name badges and templates. I could have made some money reselling it, but I thought I’d just really like to bless someone by giving it to them for free on Paperbackswap.
I spent a ton of time packaging up over 40 books requested by other paperbackswap members, but when I packaged up the chore book with all the goodies included, I really felt virtuous. I mean, how many people would just GIVE that away, I thought to myself, let alone including the accessories? Most of the time when you ship a book to a paperbackswap member, you receive a thank you from the receiver. I’ve gotten some really nice thank yous from people who comment on the nice condition of the book. So I couldn’t wait to get the thank you for the chore book. Man, that was likely to be some kind of thank you!
So I got the message that the member received the book. And I got messages that people had received other books and I got some thank yous for them. But no thank you for my incredible generosity! I couldn’t believe it! In fact, not only did I get no thank you, but I got two complaints from people that their books had writing in them, which is against the rules. (I won’t try to look good by explaining that I did not intentionally send books with writing in them. lol) What I will explain is that I got exactly what I deserved. And it doesn’t look good on me.
“So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full.” Matthew 6:2
The question homeschoolers are asking each other at the beginning of summer is, “Do you homeschool year round?”
I usually have a tough time answering that question. If you ask me if I’ve intended to homeschool through the summer, the answer would be a resounding YES! Have I actually homeschooled during the summer? Hm. Sort of?
As I approach yet another summer with great intentions, I am convinced that continuing our schooling all year isn’t going to motivate my kids or me. So I won’t do it!
Homeschoolers who take a break in the summer months do it for a variety of reasons. Kids and moms need a break. It’s hard to focus when the beautiful weather beckons. Vacations and numerous activities can interrupt the flow of schooling. Neighborhood friends, cousins, and even some dads are off work in the summer. It can be beneficial to be on the same schedule as the schools for social and practical reasons.
But that’s not why I say you might not want to homeschool year round. You might not want to homeschool year round if you want to be a motivated homeschooler. One of the principles of motivation is that we only want to do things we know we can do. In order to know we can do something, there has to be a point at which we know the task is complete. That’s one reason housework is so demotivating: it never feels done! If we create a perpetual homeschool, your children are denied the opportunity to be successful in completing their learning. Their education can become a never-ending assembly line of work that will bore them (and you).
So how can you and your kids continue to learn every month of the year without losing the joy of it?
Choose a last day of school and celebrate it. Have a special meal or treat. Consider giving out certificates or awards noting your child’s achievements. You might want to invite your spouse, extended family, or other homeschoolers to participate in your celebration.
Rest. Have at least a week where you and your students can relax, recharge, and regroup for another session of learning. Don’t even think about “school.” You should consider resting after each unit of school (see below).
Break the school year into units. Schools do this to maintain motivation and so should we. The four seasons work great for this, but you could have shorter units of time, too. In another post, I’ll share how to use units of time to increase your productivity significantly. By the way, this unit approach works for housework, too. If we have a list of chores to be done on a given day and we finish it, we are DONE with housework for the day and can move on to something else (even if there’s more to do).
Change things up. This is the best strategy for maintaining motivation if you are learning every month. If you use a more formal approach to teaching, consider doing unit studies or unschooling during one of your school seasons. Avoid the trap of thinking you have to use a curriculum or approach all year. Use it for a season and then try something else.
Spend a season doing the things you wish you had time for. The subjects you put off, the topics you want to explore, the classes you’d like the kids to take–use one season to do only these things. I think of the homeschooling mother of five I met who died while her children were still young. What did she wish she had made more time for? I bet it wasn’t math workbooks.
Learn what you want to learn for a season. Make time to read, sew, scrapbook, take a class, get in shape. Tell your kids what you’re learning and share your passion for it. Involve them in what you’re doing and the division between me-time and teaching time will disappear. We can’t expect our kids to love learning if we don’t model it.
Set achievable goals for each teaching season. My problem in the summer has been imagining I can get more done than is feasible. Give your kids (and yourself) a standard that you can reach with only a little stretching. If you’re goal-oriented all year, take a season to let go of the expectations. See what God has in store for you and your kids every day instead.
This summer, I am not going to homeschool. I am going to have fun learning with my kids. How about you?
When I think about my past, I can easily get caught up in feeling sorry for myself. As a Sanguine personality, I have been deeply hurt by people who didn't think I was all that Wonder-full. Especially hard to handle are the relationships that seemed to start off well but ended badly.
Over the years I have asked myself why certain people didn't love me or just stopped. And I have formally and informally counseled people over the years who have asked themselves the same question. Of course, I have crooned along with Garth Brooks about the blessings of unanswered prayers with respect to some of those failed relationships! But some of them have been much harder to get over–like the relationships I'm still in but aren't anywhere near what I'd hoped they would be.
Recently I exchanged my woe-is-me attitude about not being loved for a wow-for-me one. Where I once felt bypassed by God in the lack of some of these loving relationships, I now feel God's blessing in them. Of course, with time and maturity has come the realization that I'm better off without some of these people in my life. But even those disappointments that I haven't been able to assign to this category I now see as a gift. Why?
When it comes to relationships, I have to be motivated to pursue them. In the past, I have frequently found myself satisfied with the number of people in my life. At those times, I did nothing to pursue new relationships and wasn't very responsive to any invitations from others during those times. But when the old friendships were gone, I was suddenly very motivated! I am not suggesting that being unloved is a gift simply in that it motivates one to meet new people. The true gift is much more valuable.
If I had been loved by all those people who didn't love me and if they still loved me even now, I would have missed the greatest love of all. And no, Whitney Houston, the greatest love of all isn't learning to love yourself. The greatest love of all is being loved by someone who knows you, really knows you, and still never stops loving you. If I had had my fill of the appetizers of these other relationships, I never would have had room for the most incredible main course and dessert. I would have said, "No thanks" to the love my Savior had for me. As it is, I came to Him hungry for love and I'm still hungry for more.
Thank you, God, for not allowing us to be satisfied with anything but Your love.
"The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying: "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness." (Jeremiah 31:3)
I really haven't used this blog to address controversial issues, but since I've been reading the Duggars' book, following their preemie daughter's fight for life, and keep coming across hateful blog posts about them, I feel compelled to respond.
They're crazy to keep having children. If you aren't a Christian, I could see where everything about the Duggars would rub you the wrong way. I won't try to defend them to you and this post isn't directed to you. But if you believe God's Word as I do, I take issue with these kinds of statements. The Bible speaks of children as a blessing, not a burden. Nowhere in the Bible does God advise us to be careful about having too many children, not even for the sake of "common sense" or finances. In fact, in Ps. 37:25 the psalmist tells us that he has never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread. If God is not to be trusted to provide for our families, then why trust Him at all?
The Duggars are holier than thou. I have seen the Duggars speak in person, have been reading their book, and have seen them a few times on television. I have not yet felt they were telling me I am inferior for not living as they do. In fact, they seem quick to downplay decisions they have made (like clothing standards) as being their choice alone. The humility I have seen in them has really touched me. So why all the people decrying them as holier-than-thou? Could it be that their good choices make them feel guilty?
They can't possibly be giving those children enough attention. This has to be one of my favorites as the people who say it are typically parents of just a few children who send them to school with 20+ other children in a classroom. For seven hours a day, their child will have just one adult teaching them who doesn't truly love them. Research shows a student is lucky to get a couple minutes of personal attention. There will be no loving brothers or sisters to tutor or play with them during the day. What there will be are plenty of kids willing to tease them or physically torment them if they have the opportunity. These same parents will drop their kids off at sports in the evening, feed them a meal in the car, will rush them through homework and baths and shoo them off to bed. Yes, how could the Duggars possibly give their kids as much attention as these parents do?
It's abusive to make those older girls care for the younger kids. Would it be abusive to allow them to babysit other people's children as so many teen girls do? The basis for this statement is that it is abusive to have to be responsible to one's own family. In this view, the "kind" thing to do is to turn girls loose in the mall or the movie theater with spending money they haven't earned where they can collect immodest clothing, watch soft porn movies, and get STDs at the same time. If you don't understand that latter reference, you might want to research where many young teens are having their first sexual experiences. In my counseling practice, I saw several teen girls who would have gladly helped care for their siblings if only they received any attention from their parents at all. Throughout history, the role of young adult men and women was always to serve the family while living at home. Only in recent years have we produced a generation of young people who characterize this as abuse.
It's immoral for them to put their family on TV. I will not stand in judgement of fellow believers for this choice, especially when I know they prayed about it a great deal and feel God is using it for His purposes. They have certainly opened themselves up to persecution, haven't they? But so did Jesus. If there had been television in Jesus' day, perhaps He would have preached on it. As believers, it behooves us to remember Romans 14:4. Homeschooling 19 children may not be God's plan for us or what we desire for ourselves, but as Christians, we ought not criticize those who are sincere in their witness.
Yesterday my husband, son, and I were driving slowly along an unfamiliar street and stopped at an intersection. The car behind us started honking wildly. I was sure we either knew the person or the driver was trying to alert us to some unknown danger. My husband thought he was just tired of our poking along so waved him on. The driver gunned past us and came to a screeching halt just yards to our right. When the man angrily emerged from his car and headed toward us, I had just one thought: Go!
I’m still not sure what my husband was thinking, but I do know he just sat there watching the guy approach. I kept screaming for him to hit the gas to no avail. It’s true that the man had no visible weapon. It’s also true that I’ve behaved a lot like my husband in the past when it comes to crazy people. I’ve just stayed put and taken a beating. No weapons were visible, but I was left bruised and battered just the same.
I am so thankful that I now know to steer clear of crazies. I am now fully convinced that I can never be nice enough to talk sense into them. I hit the gas! Thankfully my husband eventually drove on and the anger management school flunkie didn’t follow us.
Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered (Proverbs 22:24)
Do you steer clear of crazy or do you go round and round with them?
I’m a Christian psychologist turned homeschooling mother of six. My life can be a little crazy, so I look for sanity-saving ideas to use and share. I hope you’ll read my About page to learn more.
