I recently discovered that I had a list of things I thought I shouldn’t have to do. I guess that isn’t a life-changing discovery. We all have things we would rather not do. Hopefully, continuing to read this blog post isn’t one of yours. What was a life-changing discovery, however, was my list was keeping me from doing the things I most wanted to do. Maybe, just maybe, you have a list that is frustrating your attempts at meaningful change, too.
Since being healed of ulcerative colitis and allergies and having freedom to eat anything, I gained a few pounds. Maybe more than a few. Thankfully my friends and family didn’t notice. Or they didn’t say anything. They may have been afraid to. I’ve been having some issues with PMS as I’ve mentioned.
Anyway, I attempted to return to my ideal weight on numerous occasions during the past two years to no avail. When a good friend recommended I read the Beck Diet book, I finally understood what the problem was. I thought I shouldn’t have to change the way I ate in order to lose weight. In the moment I came to that realization, I could imagine Dr. Phil snickering, “And how’s that workin’ for ya?” Gee, Dr., not very well!
I understood why I had come to have the eat-all-you-want-and-still-lose-weight mentality (something I will explain in a future blog post), but I was honestly horrified that I felt that way. I would certainly mock anyone else who had that belief and yet expected results (at least mentally). The amazing consequence of my realization was that I lost the weight I gained. Fast.
I was delighted with the results of a simple change in thinking, but my success had me thinking even more. What other changes was I unable to make as a result of my “I Shouldn’t Have To” List? Here are some other prominent items on my list:
– I shouldn’t have to promote my blog or book to get readers – I shouldn’t have to stick to the schedule to get everything done – I shouldn’t have to check my kids’ chores for them to get done properly
Here are some other popular I Shouldn’t Have To’s:
– I shouldn’t have to pray/read the Bible/go to church to grow spiritually – I shouldn’t have to get up early to work out/get caught up/have quiet time – I shouldn’t have to give up something to save money or have free time
I could go on, but I shouldn’t have to. 🙂 Hopefully, you get the idea and you are already thinking about what’s on your list. Remember that you really don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. But neither will you get the results you want.
You don’t have to, but I would love to hear what’s on your list. Any aha moments?
I see scratched DVDs and CDs in my sleep. They seem to go together with kids like fraying furniture and cats with claws. And even though we access so much online, we still use DVDs and CDs a lot.
A ruined $20 movie that we’ve watched numerous times doesn’t tie my guts in knots, but an art curriculum that I spent well over $100 on did. The first DVD in the set wouldn’t work at all. There were no visible scratches on it and I don’t think my kids damaged it for a change. But I didn’t know what to do. I’d purchased the curriculum on Ebay and there is no way to buy just one DVD in the set.
So I started researching how to repair scratched DVDs. I read very mixed reviews about sanding machines, and frankly, I couldn’t see myself scratching away at the disk with the right amount of pressure either with a machine or manually. When my eyes start crossing in reading the details of a solution to a problem I’m having, I start looking elsewhere.
In this case, I found reports that a simple product called Rain-X might solve my problem. I picked up an inexpensive yellow box of the original formula along with a fuzzless microfiber cloth. I squirted a little onto the cloth, rubbed the defective disk in a circular pattern, and waited until the disk was obviously wet and cloudy with the wax. I waited maybe ten to fifteen minutes until it was dry and then polished the disk. I used a dry part of the cloth and kept rubbing in a circular pattern until the disk was shiny.
I inserted the treated DVD into the player and hallelujah, it worked! A couple of bucks’ worth of Rain-X saved me over a hundred dollars. It turns out that Rain-X doesn’t actually take the scratches out. It just covers them so that the light isn’t scattered when it hits them. Simple, isn’t it?
Blessed are those whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. (Romans 4:7)
I'm on a USTA tennis league and have been for the past 2.5 years. There are many aspects of playing that I enjoy, but the one that has been a particular blessing lately is the opportunity to work on my thinking.
You wouldn't think that I would be nervous on the tennis court, being a speaker who's comfortable with any size crowd. But when I first started the league, my anxiety was crippling. The second I thought about losing the point or double faulting, that's exactly what happened.
I've been reading a variety of books on the mental game of tennis, but this one really convinced me that no matter how far behind I am, I can still win. The author gives many examples of pros who just gave up and lost matches that were theirs for the taking and other examples of players who seemed to come back and win against impossible odds. The key to winning? Believing that you can.
A couple of weeks ago, my partner and I handily won the first set of a match, then fell apart in the second, and finally lost the tie break. Yesterday, we seemed to be repeating that disappointing pattern. We won the first set without much trouble, then soon found ourselves down 5-2! If you know anything about tennis, you know that the other team just needed one more game to win the set.
I could see the discouragement and frustration in my partner and I could feel it developing in me. Then I told her, "We're going to pull a David Freese and win this set." She smiled. When either of us made an error from that point forward, I made a point of saying, "That's okay. We can still win." Many times we were in a David Freese, World Series kind of way by being one point away from losing the set (though not the match). I felt the pressure, but refused to give in. Neither did my partner. We came back to win the set and match 7-5.
The truth of Allen Fox's words became very clear to me on the tennis court, but they've become clear to me in life, too. Maybe you're against impossible odds like:
You're getting older and you still haven't met "the one."
You've filled out dozens of job applications and you're still unemployed
You have a hundred pounds or more to lose
You've been trying to conceive for months to no avail
Your house is such a mess that it seems it would take a team months to clean it out
You've been unhappily married for years and nothing you've tried has worked
You have an addiction you just can't beat
You're tens of thousands of dollars in debt
Your loved one is elderly and still hasn't received Christ
While it's true that the right attitude doesn't guarantee victory, I believe it's also true that no matter how far behind you are, you can still win. I could give you examples of people I know personally who've experienced an unexpected victory in these situations. The key? Believe that you can.
Jesus replied, “What is impossible with man is possible with God.” (Luke 18:27)
Have you noticed that people are really rude these days? I have. Some of these behaviors would have been unheard of in my grandmother's day and even in my mother's:
Road rage – honking, cursing, using a crude gesture, or becoming violent, usually because someone commits the crime of being too slow.
Criticism – name calling, fault finding, and character assassination aren't just for politics anymore. Judgement in the true sense of the word. Being condescending and presenting oneself as perfect.
No respect – cursing in any public place, whether children are present or not. Making fun of the elderly and talking over a speaker. Pushing past someone to get ahead in line, to get the sale item, or the last seat. Wearing casual or sexy clothing to formal events or in sacred spaces. Making a mess and expecting someone else to clean it up. Children hitting parents.
No manners – taking calls and texting any time, with anyone, and in any place. Failing to RSVP, or feeling no obligation to attend an event one has said 'yes' to. Demanding an explanation for an invitation not received. Feeling entitled to others' possessions and not sending thank you notes (or even saying 'thank you.'). Not responding to a phone call or email for days. Not leaving a tip. Being late or failing to keep a promise.
Why are people so rude? The easiest way for me to answer that question is to think about my own problem with rude behavior. I won't tell you which of these rude 'tudes I've been guilty of, but there is more than one. I don't know for sure, but I think people are willing to be rude today because:
Rude is cool. Bart Simpson is the poster child for rude behavior. He made rude funny, especially between children and parents. Our most popular media forms are rude and while the media reflects the culture, the culture also reflects its media.
We're stressed. Never before have we had so many opportunities and the choices to go along with them. So you RSVP for a party and then you get a better opportunity or you choose the option that makes you feel less guilty. Or you don't RSVP at all, because you frankly forgot. You're in a hurry, so you honk at the elderly driver in front of you going 15 in a 25. If you don't multitask by talking or texting while doing other things, you'll never get caught up.
We're anonymous. In the busyness of today's world, we can feel like a low-priority item. Criticizing someone, cursing, and wearing something revealing may get us negative attention, but at least it's attention. Some of us need attention because we're hurting. We're depressed, feeling rejected, and lost and the pain comes out in rude behavior. The internet makes it possible to say and do things we would never feel comfortable saying face-to-face.
Lack of training. Boys and girls don't get etiquette training anymore. They're too busy participating in sports and extra-curriculars and playing video games and doing more homework and… Mom and Dad are so busy that teaching manners or even obedience is hard to find time for.
People have been rude to us. The number one trigger to anger is someone being angry with us. The more often we are the victims of rude behavior, the more tempted we will be to be rude in response.
Just because rude is all the rage, we don't have to join in. The Bible is very clear that we are not to return rude for rude, but kindness. Robert Chapman's biography relates the story of this great and humble evangelist being spat upon by a grocer as Robert preached in the public square. When a visiting family member insisted on buying Robert some groceries, he agreed, but asked that his family member buy the items from the spitting grocer. When this rude man learned that Robert Chapman had specifically requested that his purchase be made from him, he cried and asked Robert's forgiveness, later confessing faith in Christ.
Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; (1 Cor. 13: 4-6)
Maybe, like me, you have so many reasons to be joyful, but it seems that someone or something seems to run off with this spiritual treasure. What can we do to stop 'em from stealing our joy?
Quit doing business with them. In our local news lately have been reports of home invasions that strike fear in the hearts of neighbors. The fact that the criminals were doing business with the victim makes everyone feel a little bit more at ease. We can feel safer emotionally by choosing not to do business with people who attack us verbally or physically or who only make emotional withdrawals, never deposits.
Claim your right to the joy. Some theft victims are reluctant to press charges because they feel guilty for having so much. We are never to feel guilt for having joy, even if others are depressed. We may not be able to share our joy, but we can share its Source.
Stop stealing from yourself. I've had my share of things stolen, but I've robbed myself of more than any thief has. I haven't taken care of my belongings and they've been misplaced or destroyed. In the same way, we can steal our own joy by not taking care of ourselves. Joy is harder to come by when we don't have optimal sleep, nutrition, or exercise.
Use a security system. Most of the times I've been robbed have been when I've left a car door unlocked or left my valuables in plain sight. We don't have to hide from others to keep our joy, but we do need a security system. God's Word is not only an inexhaustible source of joy, but it's a weapon we can use to ward off the lies the con men use to get access to our treasure. The Bible is the best security system there is, but even it won't be effective if we keep letting the thieves in the door through the media we take in.
Have you found any other ways of keeping your joy, short of gun ownership? 😉
You suffered along with those in prison and joyfully accepted the confiscation of your property, because you knew that you yourselves had better and lasting possessions. (Hebrews 10:34)
The word 'intolerance' has become synonymous with hate and no wonder. Unspeakable crimes against humanity have been committed as the result of it. But I believe there is another side to intolerance.
What many people don't know is my mom was intolerant; she refused to put up with backtalk. As a result, our home was free of the parental disrespect that has become so commonplace today.
My friend, Sharon Rohrbach, was also intolerant. She couldn't sleep at night thinking about the babies being discharged to homes that weren't equipped to care for them. Sharon's intolerance led her to start Nurses for Newborns, a foundation dedicated to protecting some of our most vulnerable citizens.
American women were also intolerant. They couldn't abide the injustice of the denial of their right to vote. Many of our foremothers worked tirelessly to gain suffrage.
I'm thankful for my mom's intolerance that taught me to respect authority, for Sharon's intolerance which taught me to be concerned for at-risk newborns, and for a heritage of women's intolerance that gave me the right to vote.
But I am most thankful for our intolerant God. While it is true that He could not ignore our sin, it is also true that He could not tolerate the consequence of that sin–our eternal separation from Him.
What is the difference between this kind of intolerance and the kind that gets all the press today? The former is motivated by love.
For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall have eternal life. (John 3:16)
I’m a Christian psychologist turned homeschooling mother of six. My life can be a little crazy, so I look for sanity-saving ideas to use and share. I hope you’ll read my About page to learn more.
