I received an email from an unmotivated homeschooler this week and with her permission, I am posting it here in the desire to encourage other home educators who are in the same place and to solicit even more great feedback from you veterans.
I came across your website tonight while doing a google search… yep, I googled, “What if I love the idea of homeschooling, but I’m really not cut out for it?” I’ve been trying to do it for almost 5 school years now. My first son took two years for kindergarten because I got sick (and lazy), my second son is special needs – on the autism spectrum somewhere, and my third school-age child is my first daughter in Kindergarten, and I have a 2 year old.
My point is that I’m at that place where I really think I’m doing an injustice to them by keeping them home. I’m not getting things done, they’re lazy and it’s most likely because they see it in me. There’s a lot that goes into that, but the question remains… how do you DO what you know you need to do? How do you kick yourself in the tuckus so to speak to get the job done? I know what my calling is and what is expected of me, but I’m really struggling in getting it done…thanks for any advice.
An Unmotivated Homeschooler
I had some thoughts, but I took the issue to my Homeschool Homies (HH) and here is what we have to share with her:
- Check your expectations. One of my HHs suggested that if you took two years to do kindergarten, you might be expecting way too much. Kindergarten should be a gentle introduction to math, reading, and learning in general. There are few reasons to hold your child back in kindergarten, though you can continue to work on skills at his level. In other words, are you really lazy, or do you expect to do more than is reasonable? Unreasonable expectations lead to overwhelm which can in turn lead to feeling unable to start.
- Do less. When you feel like you aren’t doing much, this seems like crazy advice, but having less to do helps you do more. One HH swears by taking time to train her children to do household chores like laundry and cooking. When my children were younger, I had a housekeeper come in once every two weeks. Both strategies can free you up to spend more time teaching. Next, simplify your schooling. Set aside time-consuming, activity-heavy curriculums and do the essentials (some Bible, math, reading, and some language arts instruction–maybe some handwriting practice). Subjects like history, science, and geography do not have to be done every day and can be simply reading a great book in that subject area.
- Get accountability. Being a home educator is tough for many reasons, but perhaps the biggest is we have no one overseeing our work and giving us feedback (at least in most states). Ask your husband to hold you accountable, join or start a co-op requiring preparation every week, and/or find an accountability partner. Ask an experienced homeschooler to look over what you hope to accomplish in an average day or week and let her tell you if it’s reasonable. Once you have a reasonable plan, have an accountability check-in each day or week. I use a website called idonethis.com and when I reply to it each evening with a list of accomplishments, I cc my accountability partner. Agree with your partner that if you haven’t met a minimum standard in a certain time period, that you should send your children to school.
- Get support. My HHs agreed that you have a lot to handle at this stage of your homeschooling. If you don’t get together with other homeschoolers in person or online on a regular basis, may I suggest that you do so ASAP? This is a very difficult calling and we need our HHs to cheer us on. I dont know what I would do without the time to talk, laugh, and cry with my HSing pals. I really like the Hip Homeschool Moms FB page for asking questions and getting support. You may also want to consider programs that can support your homeschooling. From enrollment in online schools where all the teaching and grading are done for you to day programs and classes, you will find that you really don’t have to do it all!
I also asked my HHs how they get things done that they’re reluctant to do. Here is what they said:
I just do it. If it has to be done…
That might seem unreasonable, but sometimes we obsess over a task ten times longer than it would take to just do it. Just doing it may be setting a timer and doing it for a minimum time and then being allowed to stop. Your children will respond well to this, too.
I give myself a reward. If we get a lot of school done one day, we might go to the park the next.
One of the biggest reasons we homeschool moms get stuck doing things that aren’t school-focused is we don’t give ourselves guilt-free time. Make sure you have some every single day. Whether your older child plays with the younger while you surf the web for half an hour, you pay a sitter to come give you time away once a week, or your husband takes over at scheduled times, you will find yourself refreshed and ready to homeschool once again.
I pray about it.
Love this one. We are doing something great for the glory of God. Why would we expect it to be easy or to do it alone? God is there to help us and will certainly equip us for the work He has called us to do. My Homeschool Homies and I are praying for you!
for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose. – Philippians 2:13
P.S. Treat your homeschooling like a career. Develop habits and a routine (FLYLady is wonderful inspiration) or a schedule (Managers of Their Homes is excellent). Build in break times that coincide with times you’re tired. Give yourself credit for what you DO do, rather than what you don’t.
Be sure to follow me on Pinterest for plenty of motivating ideas.
Do you have any other suggestions for our Unmotivated Homeschooler? Are you an unmotivated homeschooler who needs advice or prayer? Just ask!
Amazing article, once again. You’re going to help so many people with your advice and experience! 🙂
Amy, thanks so much for the encouragement. I hope you’re right! So glad you stopped by again.
I cannot even tell you how wonderful all your advice is here! I know I have felt very similar to how that mom is feeling. So encouraging to see such a great homeschooling blog! Thank you for sharing.
Chelsey, thanks so much! I’m so blessed if anything I share is helpful. I’m excited that I will be speaking on the subject at the Ultimate Homeschool Expo (link at right). I will have time to expand on the topics and engage with other homeschooling moms. Details to come. So glad you stopped by!
Those are such excellent suggestions!! Homeschooling is not a sprint, it is a marathon. We cannot keep up the fast burst of speed for long if we want to stay the course. Yep, there are times when we are not motivated. There are times when we experience burnout. BUT we have so much flexibility when we are walking in the power of the Lord in our schooling. It’s not just about US, it’s about glorifying God in our academics.
I really love your blog!! I will most definitely be back. Even after homeschooling for 23 years, I can use encouragement!
Kate, I’m so glad you will pop in. We can benefit from your godly wisdom and experience! You’re so right. It is God works in us to will and to act according to His good purpose.
Dr. Mel,
Love your advice. I wanted to chime in with some encouragement. I homeschooled my 4 kids, now ages 15 to 24, from kindergarten on. I also wasn’t cut out for homeschooling and it was a huge sacrifice when they were young. I was lazy and not always on the ball with school. I didn’t even worry about teaching them more than reading, writing, and math before the third grade.
I kept at it, though, and got a little better each year. By the time the youngest was in 1st grade I really began to reap the benefits of it. I loved the middle school and high school years. It was definitely worth the sacrifice. I have two in college now, one traveling and working, and one still in high school, so they made it despite my ineptness.
The bottom line is that you don’t have to be an on-the-ball person to be a good homeschooler. Because I was so not-on-the-ball, I had the kids do most of the chores and even cook one meal a week each – which sounds really terrible – but they all enjoyed the cooking and appreciate the skills now that they’re adults (and it made my life way easier when they were kids – we started when the youngest was 4 or 5 – she made chicken breasts with barbecue sauce over the top and baked potatoes every week and was very proud that she was the cook.)
Anyway, hang in there – life gets better!
Barb
Barb, I so agree with you and so appreciate the encouragement you’re offering to homeschoolers still in the trenches! The encouragement to get the kids cooking is great.
I can relate to being a bit unmotivated and even having unmotivated kids. I was diagnosed with RA in 2010 and the disease and/or meds wear me out. Sometimes I crawl out of bed at 10am and need a 3 hr nap by 3pm. I too worry that my kids are learning laziness from my health issues. However, I am thankful that I trained them early on in household chores. My 1st visit to the rheumatologist I was asked how much housework did and I was happy to say, “None.” That monkey was already on their backs because I had zero chores growing up and I struggled in early adulthood with not knowing what/how to do them and didn’t want my kids in that boat. They love me for it…not today, but they will someday. As far as academics…my kids have always preferred play over school…and I allow them a lot of time to explore whatever in the day. I don’t focus too much on non-essentials because I find a lot of it to be busywork and not helpful to real world learning. Still, my kids…all four of them…have struggled with a desire to read. I think I taught myself to read between age 4 and 5…but I always hated forced school reading and didn’t leanr to even enjoy reading until I was 26! I was a big writer though, but my kids lack interest in both of those areas. So, it has been frustrating to teacvh them something I took for granted. Two years ago, I had a 10 & 11 yr old who couldn’t read very well. I found an online program and tested them. It was very sad….1st grade-2nd grade in most areas. But in only 6-8 weeks, they had both gotten up to grade level and beyond. Silly me, thought it would help my younger 2 kids…HA. They couldn’t even be bothered with it on most days. Homeschooling is a live and learn, room for improvement, ever-morphing lifestyle. We just roll with it. They can always learn more later.
Thanks so much for your honest comments, Anne-Marie. You’ve made some wise choices in teaching the kids to help with chores and not wasting time on busywork. Fortunately, we can quickly get our kids up to speed in various subjects with the right approach. I will be posting about how to motivate reluctant readers soon. You’ve given me another idea, too: homeschooling when you’re not well. I look forward to your comments and you have my prayers for energy and health.
I love your advice to treat home schooling like a career. That’s what I strive for. One of my sons was in public school last year, and it feels like he is doing that grade (1st grade) all over again, since that is his reading level…..but I just remind myself that age guidelines are just guidelines. We all develop differently. So many people I grew up with that I way out performed in school, have way more successful careers than I do!! So how we handle kindergarten/1st grade is not necessarily such a great indicator.
I definitely think being in a co-op helps too. But the biggest most successful change I’ve made is sleeping more at night. If I go to bed at 10pm, I can finish my day strong and even have dinner made. If I stay up until midnight reading, that turns me into a monster in a couple of days. Maybe you need more sleep!
Great advice, April. There is definitely no reason to worry about a little guy’s language arts skills. We do develop at different rates and usually kids catch up, even when they start later. That’s what is so great about homeschooling. There’s no reason to worry or label! Thanks for sharing this. I love co-ops, too.