If you’re thinking about how to plan your homeschool schedule for next year, don’t forget to include time for yourself. As a psychologist, I think it’s critically important that busy homeschool moms take time to be refreshed and even be a little selfish!
Please join me at HomeschoolinMama for motivation for taking personal time and practical ways to do it. While you’re there, enjoy some of Meg’s great resources!
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I’m writing my niece (who is expecting her first baby) a letter about what she doesn’t want to know about being a mom. Maybe she’ll have the courage to read it a few years from now when she wonders why she can’t stop crying.
We’ve already covered the pain of labor. But if you’re going to nurse your baby, be prepared for the sensation of your nipples being subjected to a nutcracker for 25 minutes every couple of hours. The good news is this pain is better with lanolin and time (about two weeks will do it). The bad news is this is just the beginning of the pain your child will inflict on you. You can look forward to being bitten, head butted, and whacked with a hard toy when you least expect it. When your little darling leaves marks, be prepared to convince those who are sure you’re a domestic violence victim that you’re just a mom.
You don’t want to be away from your baby now. Understandable. It’s also understandable that you enjoy being around people. But trust me when I tell you that you will think Guantanamo is an amusement park when your kid gets done torturing you. Just when you fall asleep, there they are to wake you up. You go to use the toilet or take a shower and your little blessing will be banging on the door screaming for you. When you sneak off to chat on the phone, read a novel, or have some chocolate, he will appear suddenly like a stalker in a scary movie. Only it’s your life. The really terrifying thing is they never grow out of it.
Be sure to take pictures of your beautiful nursery now, because it’s going to be trashed very soon. Newborns pee, poo, and puke on everything and no matter how much you Shout it out, you’ll be left with stains. As your little doll gets older, expect to see the wallpaper ripped, the walls littered with graffiti using various mediums, the carpet dyed, and the curtains cut. Everything you love in your house will be lost, broken, or used to start her personal landfill. Is it possible to protect your home and belongings from this destruction with gates, locks, and strict discipline, you ask? Absolutely! However, your reputation will be destroyed when your child starts a tell-all blog about her mommy dearest.
Whether you’re committed to giving your kids no fast food, no toy guns, or no video games, odds are you’re going to cave. Why? Remember, you’re going to be in pain, sleep-deprived, and living in a house ready for a Hoarders episode. If you’re really going to make your child be the one weirdo who can’t go to the McDonalds birthday party, play with the other boys in a Nerf War, or use any kind of screen (they all have games), you have some family therapy in your future. The therapist will probably agree to guest post on your child’s blog.
Remember the hypochondria you had during pregnancy? That’s going to grow along with your child. You’re going to be certain that every disease, disorder, and cause of death is going to visit your kid. Then you’re going to be afraid that you have the opposite problem. You’ll worry that you’re ignoring symptoms that would be cause for obvious alarm to anyone who wasn’t awakened by a screaming interrogator every 30 minutes. The truth is most of these terrifying scenarios won’t happen. Unfortunately, you still have reason to fear. Read on.
You’re careful to be politically correct and not to offend people. Your child, on the other hand, will behave like an alien life form or a National Enquirer reporter who has no respect for your reputation. She will point out everyone who’s fat with a Simon Cowell kind of honesty. She will tell your mother-in-law what you said about her before she came over. She will repeat the curse word you used in a weak moment when someone you want to impress asks how she is–probably your mother-in-law. If you give your little paparazzi a Facebook-connected camera, you deserve what you get.
The disappointment your child dishes up will go beyond embarrassment. Kids are like cashiers at fast-food restaurants who listen carefully to your request for no mustard, no onions, and extra ketchup and then give you the opposite. When you express your disappointment, the cashier and your kid will look at you piteously as though you just haven’t learned not to sweat the small stuff. Whether your request is no mustard or a college athletic scholarship, my advice is the same. Don’t place any special orders and you’ll be satisfied with what you get.
Like any other torture victim, you’re going to need some counseling. Even if all you do is sit and cry to another mom, do it. It’s cheaper than therapy. And for heaven’s sake, relax your rules if they’re making you crazy. A bottle won’t kill a kid who’s nursing, a serving of chicken nuggets and fries won’t destine your child for the Biggest Loser, and getting a housekeeper doesn’t mean all you’re doing is sitting around watching reality TV and eating chocolate (unless you are, in which case call me. It sounds like fun). If your husband isn’t motivated to help out, use your best vacant stare and repeat gibberish. That shouldn’t be hard for you.
You think you’re going to be one of those moms whose body looks just as good as it did before you had a baby. You probably think you’re going to win the lottery one of these days, too. Go ahead and blow the money on the stretch mark cream and the chiseled ab workout programs. They’ll help you get through the denial phase. Sure it’s possible that you’re one of those freaks of nature, who doesn’t have an abdomen that looks like a Shar Pei puppy after giving birth. But I feel it necessary to remind you of what we covered in the truth about pregnancy. If your body is the same, your friendships won’t be. We’ll all hate you. To avoid this, be a smart girl and wear a tankini even if you don’t need to.
Yes, despite learning everything you never wanted to know about being a mom, you’re going to want another child. It’s crazy! My diagnosis is Stockholm Syndrome. The child has hurt you, tortured you, destroyed your house, made you abandon your principles, scared you to death, embarrassed you, disappointed you, reduced you to dependency, and ruined your chances of appearing on the cover of Shape magazine, yet you’re convinced they’re one of the best things that’s ever happened to you.
You know what? You’re right.
Congratulations!
Love,
Aunt Melanie
P.S. Very soon, you’ll be cooking for three so I have a gift for you–a dinner time survival guide.
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When you’re a busy mom, 5 minutes may be all you can devote to your faith at a time. That’s why I’m thrilled to be a contributor at 5 Minutes for Faith. I’m joining a lot of wonderful mom writers who will help you use your five minutes well.
My first regular post is up today, entitled “In the Way He Should Go.” I’d love to have you come by and see what this picture is all about! And please leave a comment if you have one extra minute.
Like what you see? Sign up for the free newsletter and get the devotionals in your inbox.
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If you want your child’s attention, just get on the phone and they’ll appear in an instant with the latest whine or dispute for you to referee. Am I right? Unfortunately, misbehavior works to get our attention. Good behavior often doesn’t.
Whatever is rewarded gets repeated. I’m a psychologist and I taught my clients this. But in my own home, I’ve struggled to use this principle. When the behavior is bad, I react. When my kids are good, I just want to celebrate. You know, by taking a nap. I’m not wanting to go out of my way to reward them.
While it’s inconvenient to reward and discipline, it’s vital that we do. That’s why I was ecstatic to find the Caught Being Good app for the iPhone. I have my iPhone on my person at all times (why is another story), so using it to reward good behavior is very convenient.
The idea behind Caught Being Good is that you look for the behavior you want (not what you don’t). Of course, misbehavior should have consequences! But the purpose of the app is to teach children WHAT to do rather than punish for doing something wrong. Verbal praise is a powerful reward, but using other rewards can make behavior change even more likely.
If you’d like to watch a video of the app in action, check this out. If you prefer my incredible description to clicking over to YouTube, here goes. Anything your kids do that you like, you announce, “You’ve been caught being good!” or something to that effect. You then present them with your phone with the app open. They choose their name and spin the wheel. They’re then given a reward from among those you’ve pre-selected using a frequency you’ve chosen. If you can’t give the reward immediately, you can save it under their name for later.
Using this app with my kids has prompted them to make my bed for me numerous times, do chores without being asked, and to surrender a privileged seat or snack to a sibling. Some rewards I’ve included include choosing a snack or cereal from the store, being taken out for ice cream, or having a sleepover. Rewards I least want to give out (like sleepovers) I’ve set to occur least often. It’s taken some time to work out the right rewards. The kids have helped me by telling me which rewards are lame and which are occurring too seldom. Yes, they’ve complained about the sleepover.
If you have an iPhone, you can download Caught Being Good in the app store for $.99. I’m not being paid a commission on it. (What’s wrong with this picture?) Set up an account for your kids (I’ve used it with my 16-year-old, too!) and add your rewards. I discourage you from announcing your intentions. Just surprise everyone by announcing at dinner that Junior’s been good by eating his broccoli without complaint. When the rest of the kids (and your hubby) chime in that they’ve been good, too, and also want a spin, explain that they can’t request spins. They have to be caught.
What if you don’t have an iPhone or don’t want to spend the money on the app? Make your own paper reward wheel using an old board game spinner or create a reward jar.
Need reward ideas? Whether you use the app or not, check out this list of reward ideas for kids of every age.
Now if only the kids would catch me being good and would give me a good long nap as a reward!
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You’re busy educating your children. It’s hard to filter through all the great homeschooling ideas and resources available online to find the real gems. While there’s no way I can read it all either, I do want to share a few can’t-miss articles with you each week. If you find or write something homeschool-related that you think is hot, please comment or contact me and I’ll consider including it in the next week’s installment. Just click on the orange article titles that interest you and enjoy! You’ll bless the authors if you share them.
I Don’t Feel Like Being Perfect Today
Heather of The Joyful Family describes what happened when she realized she had forgotten a play date at her house. I think we ought to give every mom passes to use for just this occasion!
When you’re struggling in some aspect of your homeschooling, it’s tempting to keep it to yourself and try harder. Renee Gotcher of NextGenHomeschool explains the risks of not reaching out.
Top Unschooling Questions Answered
Unschooling is like homeschooling is to traditional schoolers. It can be confusing, even for those of us who homeschool. Jenny does a great job clarifying what unschooling is all about at Heart of the Matter. You might decide it’s a good choice for your family.
Create a Lenten Tree to Prepare for Easter
Elizabeth Curry, also at Heart of the Matter, outlines readings and objects you could hang on branches to help your children prepare for Easter. She recommends clay or pictures, but I’m thinking this is an opportunity for a Christian company in the future!
13 Fun Indoor Activities for Kids
Whether it’s illness or weather keeping you cooped up, these are great, easy ideas especially for the youngers from Jean of The Artful Parent.
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Christian parents want their children to choose godly virtues, but training them to make good choices can be a challenge. Certainly the Bible is the ultimate tool, but how can we help kids focus on godliness when ungodliness is constantly vying for their attention? And how can we be effective in training with so many other demands on our time?
We Choose Virtues offers wonderful biblical tools that parents and grandparents can use to help kids focus on developing the character of Christ. Scripturally-based attention-getting cards, posters, and charts take very little time to use, but leave a lasting impression. My homeschool kit is on its way and I can’t wait!
Of course, talking about Christian values and even using We Choose Virtues is of no benefit if we aren’t leading virtuous lives ourselves. Generosity is a vital virtue to instill in our children. I wanted to help Tamara of School Days Gone By raise money for her brother and sister-in-law’s family as her sister-in-law is seriously ill. You can learn more by reading at the link above.
If you purchase We Choose Virtues through this, her affiliate link, you will be helping this hurting family and your own at the same time. Or enter the giveaway for We Choose Virtues at the end of Tamara’s post and you could earn a We Choose Virtues kit for free! If you’re a blogger, please generously share the link to Tamara’s giveaway and help raise funds in a fun way that can benefit families for generations. I have no affiliation with We Choose Virtues. I just think it looks like a great means of teaching godly character.
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I’m a Christian psychologist turned homeschooling mother of six. My life can be a little crazy, so I look for sanity-saving ideas to use and share. I hope you’ll read my About page to learn more.
-Dr. Melanie Wilson
