If you're struggling to get things done or to make significant changes in your life, it pays to consider whether you're at war with your inner rebel. Are you:
Giving your rebel too many rules? Are any of the rules extreme, seemingly stupid, or put in place to please others?
Asking your rebel to do something far too easy for her? Have you neglected to give her a big challenge, preferably with some competition thrown in?
Neglecting to give your rebel the opportunity to be unique or to lead others in the process of change? Are you inadvertently encouraging her to follow the sheep?
Disrespecting your rebel by putting her down? Are you asking her to follow the advice of someone who's a hypocrite or has few credentials (even if that's you)?
Heaping on the guilt, in an effort to motivate your rebel, for tasks that aren't vital to sustaining important relationships?
The truth is, however, that even after addressing all of these potential rebel stumbling blocks, you still may not have the change you want. I've been there! In those situations, it's time for a Super Power solution.
One of my favorite changed rebel stories is that of George Mueller. More than a rebel, he was a conniving thief! He attended a prayer meeting with a friend with the intention of making fun of it later at the bar. But hearing the Word of God brought him up short. He continued to attend those meetings until he felt compelled to submit his life to Jesus Christ. George's life changed radically. But one thing didn't change; George was still very strong-willed. He ended up becoming an example of what radical faith can do.
In the same way, your inner rebel is likely to keep her strong will. God can use that strength to do great things. But perhaps like George, you need to hear the Word of God and you need to bow the knee to Jesus Christ and His purposes for your life. That's my prayer for you.
Who is wise? Let them realize these things. Who is discerning? Let them understand. The ways of the LORD are right; the righteous walk in them, but the rebellious stumble in them.
I have written previously about my view that one rarely-considered motivation for procrastination is the desire to avoid obligation. I have found that any time I feel required, locked in, or enslaved by expectations or rules, the less likely I am to want to complete the task. Depending upon the consequences for not completing the task, I may ultimately do the work, but will avoid doing it as long as possible.
Even pleasant tasks can become unpleasant if rules or expectations become attached to them. For example, I enjoy checking Facebook regularly to see what my friends are up to. However, as soon as I feel someone expects me to read their status and comment on their schedule, checking Facebook becomes the last thing I want to do. Why do we behave in such an irrational manner?
One reason we resist obligation-laden tasks is a desire to avoid a poor evaluation. I love to sing. But I would never try out for American Idol (even if the age range were increased) because I don’t relish having Simon tell me what an atrocious waste of time I am. In the same way, I know if someone expects me to check and comment on her Facebook status every day, I know I will one day let her down and fail. This desire to avoid a negative evaluation applies even when we give ourselves the rule. I would rather avoid the “audition” of even trying to keep up with unrealistic expectations, whether they’re my own or another’s expectations.
A second reason I suspect that feeling obligated can lead to procrastination is the assumption that anything that must be enforced by rule or stigma must not be desirable. Children who hear, “Eat your vegetables and then you can be excused,” may assume that vegetables are not good to eat. Otherwise, why would pressure be required? The opposite assumption also operates here. If we are given rules restricting access to something, then we will likely consider it something very valuable. So hearing “You can have candy for special occasions” may prompt the child to think candy is something very special indeed.
If I am right about the role of obligation in procrastination, how then might we avoid unnecessary rebellion in getting things done?
First, you might try some reverse psychology. If your habit is to wait until the last possible time to complete a project, give yourself a rule that you cannot work on the project before that time. Write out your reverse rules, share them with others, and earnestly try to adhere to them simply to see what happens. If you are spending two hours a day online and you’d ultimately like to spend less time that way, see how many days in a row that you can spend at least two hours a day online. Do you have a snack or dessert every day that you think you’d be better off without? Make it a rule to eat the same dessert every day.
Second, avoid negative evaluation. Spend as little time as possible with people who criticize and demean you. If you have to interact with them, try to get encouragement before and after you do so. If you have a really critical boss, show your work to a sympathetic coworker before turning it in, and get a pat on the back after you’ve been subject to a scathing. The easiest way to avoid negative evaluation, though, is to stifle your inner critic. Allowing internal dialogue like, “You’re such a slacker. You’re online again,” will only throw fuel on the fire of procrastination. Better to say, “When I’m ready to logoff, I will.”
An excellent way to avoid negative evaluation is to get things done early. Before anyone can ask you about a task, you'll have it done! No nagging and critical comments will be coming your way, but only surprised praise. You can enjoy your own praise for being on top of things, too. Of course, you don't have to get things done early, but you might want to.
Third, avoid rules altogether. Even adopting a rule of using reverse psychology may be something you rebel against. Giving yourself complete freedom to do whatever you wish may diminish obligation-based procrastination significantly. What that means for me is not having time management rules. I feel free to use a list or not. An iPhone app or not. A schedule or not. Avoiding rules is easier said than done. We’re constantly being bombarded with rules for living. When someone says something that makes you feel required to do something, you can dismiss it from your mind with the truth that you have a choice. Even if you are the one piling on the guilt, you will have to rethink your requirement of yourself in light of the freedom you have. One way of doing that is reframing your tasks as something you want or choose to do, rather than something you must do.
I am on a tennis team right now and am very motivated to practice regularly and improve. The coaches for the team have never suggested that I put in extra practice time. If they did make that suggestion, my initial reaction would be to procrastinate. How could I get around that? I would ask myself if the reasons I wanted to put in extra practice before their request were still valid. If so, I would choose to dismiss their expectation of me, knowing that practicing was still my choice.
While I was composing this post, my husband presented me with an obligation-laden request for help with the computer. Too bad he hadn’t read my blog first! We’re more likely to gain others’ cooperation if we keep these principles in mind. Friends can get more Facebook feedback from me by thanking me for posting, no strings attached. Of course, my initial reaction to my husband’s request was to resist, but the intensity of my resistance is much less than had I been permitting superfluous obligation to rule the day. I’m going to reframe his request as something I want to do now that I’m finished with this post. The reality is we all have to deal with a certain amount of obligation. But the more of it we reverse or avoid, the more productive and happy we’ll be.
I’m a Christian psychologist turned homeschooling mother of six. My life can be a little crazy, so I look for sanity-saving ideas to use and share. I hope you’ll read my About page to learn more.
