I have a Ph.D. in clinical psychology, but I don’t see patients and I don’t teach at the university. I gave that up to stay home with my children and homeschool them.
The most stinging criticism I received for that choice was:
“What a waste.”
It wasn’t “what about socialization?” or “how can you possibly teach children at different levels?” or “I would be crazy being home with my kids all day.” It was “Don’t you think you’re wasting your education?” that got to me.
Truth be told, there was a part of me that agreed with those critics. I had accumulated $30,000 in debt for my education. I had also invested ten long, tearful years in school and practice for the privilege of calling myself a clinical psychologist. I could have helped hundreds of people had I continued practicing the past 16 years that I’ve been homeschooling. Yet I chose to pour out my education for the sake of six little people who call me mom and not Dr. Wilson.
I’d like to tell you that I had thoroughly thought through that choice, that I had counted the cost, and that homeschooling was the clear winner in my deliberations, but that isn’t how it happened. Instead I found myself pouring out what I thought was so precious without even fully knowing why. I just knew I had to. I wanted to.
I was like another woman two thousand years ago who was accused of waste.
“While Jesus was in Bethany in the home of Simon the Leper, a woman came to him with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, which she poured on his head as he was reclining at the table. When the disciples saw this, they were indignant. “Why this waste?” they asked. “This perfume could have been sold at a high price and the money given to the poor.” Matthew 26:6-9
I wonder if, like me, this woman ever second-guessed herself. Who could she have helped? What else could she have become if she hadn’t chosen to waste what she had? Jesus answered her question and He answered mine.
“Aware of this, Jesus said to them, “Why are you bothering this woman? She has done a beautiful thing to me. The poor you will always have with you, but you will not always have me.” Matthew 26:10-11
There will always be people in need of counseling. These poor souls will always be with us. But my children won’t be. My oldest has just finished his first year in college and day after day I think, “I wish I would have taught him this, too.”
When I was counseling, the number one pain point for the people I saw was a disconnect with mom or dad. Mom or dad weren’t there to guide, weren’t there to teach, weren’t there to encourage and the hurt of that carried on for decades. It’s true that I have poured out my education–wasted it even–for the sake of six children I love so much. I never wanted them to sit in a therapist’s office saying, “She was never there for me.” In pouring myself out for my kids, I believe I’ve done a beautiful thing for them and for Christ, to whom I was being obedient. Not every mom is called to homeschool, but I was.
As hard as it was to hear how I was wasting my education when I chose to stay home, I was also so encouraged. At the time I was leaving the Christian practice I was in, a dad with his Ph.D. was joining us. When he learned why I was leaving, he said,
“I’m so proud of you.”
I still get misty thinking of that. More than most, this man understood the sacrifice I was making–the sacrifice I am still making, with no regrets.
And so homeschooling mom who has wasted your education to homeschool your children, I want you to know I’m proud of you, too. What a beautiful thing you’re doing.
I would love to get to know you better at Homeschool Sanity on Facebook.
Be sure to read more reasons iHomeschool Network bloggers chose to homeschool.
I homeschool my four grandchildren, ages 7-12. We started when their parents were having problems, and just kept going after things settled down. The different grade levels are a challenge, and any and all suggestions I read in your blog are greatly appreciated!!
I so admire what you’re doing, Patricia. I’m thrilled if my blog is of help. I will be writing about curriculum that is best suited to teaching multiple ages soon.
I will be watching for it…it is the hardest part to do!!
Wow, homeschooling your grandchildren! That’s so great! What a blessing you must be to your family!
A few years ago I was working as an au pair/nanny for a family and fell into conversation with the parents about what I’d like to do with my future. At that time I didn’t know what career I’d pursue but I knew that I dreamt of being a stay at home, home educating mother. And they said to me “that would be a waste of the country’s investment in your education”. I was shocked, not least because they were paying me to stay at their home and care for their children – the irony was apparently lost on them! I can’t think of anything more important than raising and educating people, whether they’re your own or others’. Surely having a strong educational background and extensive knowledge can only be a good thing!
I wish I could say I was surprised, May. The fact is that parents’ educational level (and not what they actually do for work) is a powerful predictor of their children’s success. So we are NOT wasting our education. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2853053/
LOVE this! I love the comparison.
So glad, Ticia. I loved it too when the Lord brought it to mind.
Yes! Great words of encouragement today! Thank you, not just for the words, but also for doing what God has called you to do without apology.
Thank you, Dede. You’re an encouragement to me too.
And I’m also proud of you, Melanie! That was one of the hardest parts about homeschooling – that I was making a sacrifice for my kids, but so many people thought I was doing a bad thing rather than a good thing. Homeschooling definitely isn’t an ego-boost occupation. 🙂 But I have to say I am SO THANKFUL I stuck with it. I’m loving the freedom of the empty nester life after 22 years of homeschooling and 27 years of momming, but I’m so thankful I homeschooled. What a privilege to be able to stay home with our kids, disciple them, and just enjoy them. I have no regrets, even though i did go a little crazy some of those winters when they were all young and noisy!
It means a lot coming from you, Barb. You’re definitely an inspiration! Now you’re helping so many people in addition to your own children.
Wow! I would never look at it as a waste. That is so sad, really. Just another learning season in your life. Sad people view it that way. We are blessed to be able to be with our children and guide them through their studies. It really is a true blessing. I don’t have a degree in anything, such as yourself, but I get the snide comments because we choose to live our lives very frugal and thrifty just so we can homeschool. Sure things would be easier financially if I brought in a full income, but having monetary gain is not worth it for us.
Thank you so much for the post. You send a powerful and encouraging message.
Brandy, it’s surprising to me that people would be critical of a thrifty lifestyle, but I do know that a lot of people try to justify their own decisions by attacking others. What a wonderful example you are being for your kids and others. There comes a time when we have to do what we are called to do, regardless of what anyone else thinks, right? Thanks so much for sharing your experience.
Love this article! I’m proud of you too!! Not a waste at all, and such a wonderful point. So many people spend their lifetime recovering from their childhood. Man, I hope that won’t be my kids!
Thank you, April. I can’t imagine your kids being anything but thrilled with their amazing mom and family. They are so loved. And you are so blessed!
I don’t think of a master’s degree as an only. 🙂 You’re right to focus on what you’ve accomplished and that there is a LOT to be said for the freedom and reduction in stress you get with the homeschooling lifestyle. I love it.
You are not alone! After obtaining my DVM and practicing 9 years I left to homeschool my 4. Some days I miss it, but I was missing more at work. 🙂
Ashley, I had a terrible time before I chose to stay home. I always missed my baby, but I felt like I wasn’t doing enough when I was home. Now I’m know I have the BEST job ever! Thanks for sharing. I’m proud of you for homeschooling.
Thank you for posting this. I never went to college, but I can relate to your article in another way. I grew up in a single-parent home. My father died when I was a baby, and my mom worked more than full-time hours. She was never home. It’s affected me more as an adult than it ever did as a child. The more I’ve gone after unanswered questions about my past, the more I realize I’m better off not knowing. I’ve had so many people tell me how much I’ve given up or sacrificed for homeschooling my four kids these past 15+ years. I don’t see it that way at all. I’ve been with my children, and that’s something I didn’t experience as a child.
Rena, I’m sorry for your experience, but I’m so glad you’ve been able to make things right with your own family. It helps, doesn’t it? Thanks so much for sharing your story with me.
I actually had a similar experience when,i decided to be a stay-at-home mom, only the one with the doubts was ME! Luckily I had a really awesome friend, another woman engineer who said to me, “Your degree gives you knowledge you can use for the rest of your life, but you don’t have to make it your life.”
Jana, you had a very wise friend. Knowledge is never really wasted. Thanks so much for sharing that. And you’re so right. We often stand in our way.
Dear Melanie,
I, too, have a Ph. D. and homeschooled my 5 kids. Two have graduated from our homeschool and the rest are rapidly growing up. We have certainly made the right decision; nothing is as important to our children and to society as giving them the love and connection they need. Not that homeschooling guarantees that they will not need therapy, but it allows us the time and opportunity to minimize the risk as well as to enjoy them.
God bless you, and thank you for this article.
Thank you so much, Annie. I am honored to be in the company of homeschooled moms. They are some of the smartest, most creative, committed moms I know, regardless of their degrees. I appreciate you telling me that I’m not alone! Blessings on your continued homeschooling.
Wonderfully said and encouraging to read! Thank you for posting…and for answering the call. You’ve done a service for this world that will run into the future forever!
Thank you, Michelle. The great thing is I’ve enjoyed every minute of my service. I appreciate your encouragement.
I am not “wasting my education” because I knew very early that I wanted to be home with my kids, so I didn’t bother to pursue higher education. I am apparently just “wasting my mind”. I became an optician (basically a trade certification) and people told me that was a “waste”, that I should have done something more intellectual. Then when I chose to stay home and homeschool my 4 children, that was also a “waste”. I was very touched and encouraged by your comparing our “waste” to the alabaster box of perfume. It is a good analogy. Nothing, given for the cause of Christ, is ever wasted. As you said, not all are called to this but for those of us who are, it is an act of worship and obedience. I have never regretted it- going on 18 years.
I so agree…nothing for Christ is ever wasted. So glad you heeded the call. 18 years of blessed service. Thanks for sharing your experience with us.
Melanie….good for you! It’s really too bad that we live in a culture where so many view stopping out of a career path as a “waste”. I wanted to homeschool my kids but financial issues preventing me from doing so. I took what I consider the next best option, I quit my full time tenured faculty job as a college instructor and counselor and began working the same job on a part time basis. This was ten years ago. When I quit my full time job, my mother told me I was making such a mistake by “throwing away” my education (funny…..I still have it and didn’t go anywhere).
I homeschool my kids in the summer months to try to supplement what they learn in school. They attended a Christian school for a while now a public school during the school year. My kids are now in high school and I’m considering homeschooling them both full time. I’ve never regretted my choice and am glad I was able to be around for them when they got home from school. We’ve had to make sacrifices but it’s been worth it. Like you stated in your blog….we never get the time back with our children as they are growing up. Your degree can never be taken from you. It will still be there when your kids are grown. Your family is blessed.
I love this: “funny…I still have it and it didn’t go anywhere.” lol
I think it’s fantastic that you are supplementing your kids’ education. I plan to write about this in the future because I think it’s such a great option for so many parents. Blessings on your continued homeschooling, whether it’s part-time or full and thanks so much for sharing with us.
My husband & I made,the decision in 1992 that when I graduated from law school that I would homeschool and not pursue employment. I, too, had over $30,000in debt. Within 2 weeks I was offered 3 jobs. I turned them down and have never regretted leaving my briefcase behind. I passed the bar 8 months pregnant and kept my license for a while. Now I have 9 children, graduated 4 and am starting our 24th year of homeschooling the other 5. It is a most rewarding and enriching way of life.
Wow! I’m impressed. I kept my license active for a while, too. I still have it on an inactive status so I could return if necessary. You’re an inspiration to many of us in many ways. Thanks for sharing your story.
Melanie,
I still remember my high school principal pulling me aside, my senior year after some test results came in, and begging me not to “waste my brain raising a bunch of kids.” The presumption was that since I had a brain, I’d better “give back” and use it. Well. I gave back–I gave back my best to God by raising 6 gorgeous children for him. I’ve never regretted “wasting my life” homeschooling and raising my children, though I’ve got a good education. And boy howdy, it has taken all my smarts to keep a step (or two) ahead of my smart-alecky bunch of potential reprobates, make no mistake! But God has blessed me richly–I could go on and on about how intensely proud of my children I am, and how grateful I am to God for them, and for the opportunity to spend time with them at home.
Amy, you are so right that it takes all our smarts! I’ve been more challenged as a psychologist with my kids than I was in practice. What a great point and we are definitely blessed! Thanks so much for sharing your experience.
Love this post. While I don’t have a Ph.D, I did leave a college career to stay at home with my daughter, who we also plan to homeschool (I am a homeschool graduate myself). The question I get asked the most is if I miss working and when I will go back.
I love that I am able to stay home and watch my daughter grow up and I get to use my degree still every day sharing things on my blog. My career and degree will always be there. There will always be people to treat when I do go back, but my daughter is only here for a short time. Amen mama!
Heather, you’ve definitely been able to use your education to bless many. It’s really amazing how God uses our education and experiences in ways we don’t expect. Thanks for sharing your experience here.
I know what you mean about struggling with our own insecurities. That’s the hardest thing!
There are actually a lot of women who have given up careers and great jobs to homeschool. It’s just a topic that isn’t discussed so we don’t know. It’s been fun to hear from many of them. Thanks for taking the time to share!
Thank you so much for this! It really speaks to where I am now.
I’m so glad, Lara. Blessings on your homeschooling.
I am also extremely proud of you in making this incredibly important decision! I too heard the same kinds of comments when I decided to stop working and homeschool my children. I taught my children at home for total of 16 years. There were definitely days I thought I had lost my mind and questioned my decision, but looking back now I am so glad I chose this challenging and rewarding path. I’m in a completely different season now, with my youngest having finished school, and my oldest having to finished law school. I’ve been back in the workforce full time for the past 7 years, and owned my own Real Estate Company for the last 3. To all those homeschooling moms out there, and ones that are considering this path, my words to you are to grab hold of this season if you feel God leading you in this direction. you will have many years after your children are grown to focus on following your own desires. our journey had many bumps in the road along the way, & I was definitely not a perfect homeschool mom. But, my relationship with my children is close and transparent because of all the time we spent together. They saw me at my best and my worst, and I saw them in the same light. We know each other very very well…there is nothing greater!
Susan, thank you so much for this sweet encouragement. I hope a lot of moms read it and are encouraged as well!
You’ve mentioned another aspect of homeschooling for many families that isn’t often discussed. The financial challenges can sometimes be viewed as “our fault” because of the choice to homeschool, making the sacrifice even tougher. That’s why being in a community of other supportive homeschoolers is so vital. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
My degree is in education, and I have heard this many times, too. “Why would you waste all the time and money if you were just going to stay at home and do nothing with it?”
The hardest thing I deal with is when people see me struggle (My youngest is special needs.), they automatically suggest that I put the kids in public school. I always want to ask, “if a public/private school teacher were having a rough day, would your first suggestion be to quit?” I imagine the answer would be “of course not”.
That’s one of the best responses I’ve heard! It’s so true. We don’t encourage the “professionals” to quit! Thanks for sharing.
This message is for Patricia Ann Barnett (who stated she is homeschooling her grandchildren). Patricia, there is a homeschooling support group for Grandparents on Facebook if you are interested: https://www.facebook.com/groups/686789221387006. I hope that helps you {the group is geared towards families using the Easy Peasy program}.
I left my career as a labor and delivery nurse. I have no regrets. But I do miss it.
Last week I had lunch with an Ob doc I used to work with and whom I’ve been friends with since she was a resident. When I told her I had no plans to return to nursing, she told me it made her sad because she thought I was one of the best nurses she ever worked with. While I received her compliment with grace, it did tug at my heart for just a moment. It is more than just a career we give up when we give up what we were good at, what we worked hard to achieve and loved doing. Those years I helped bring babies into the world were some of the best years of my life in terms of growth, friendship, and sharpening. Nursing was a calling for me — I refer to it as my first ministry. And while I am content that my main ministry is at home now, I am grateful for the time I spent in my career. It was a sacrifice to give up something I loved so much and worked so hard to attain. But I love my son more and I don’t really even consider it much of a sacrifice today to pour into him. I know I will never regret the change in ministry. But I wouldn’t trade my years in nursing for anything. My education was not wasted. It served it’s purpose “for such a time as this.” Thank you for reminding us all of why we do what we do, and why it is indeed worth the sacrifices we all make (not just in giving up careers).
Marcy, your description of your conversation had me right there with you. I could feel the tug. One thing that has confused me in the past is the idea that I have just one purpose, just one calling. That’s wrong. We can be used by God to fulfill multiple purposes and callings in this life. How blessed we both are to have enjoyed two amazing callings (at least). I look forward to getting to know you better at an upcoming conference. Thanks so much for your comment.
I too am another law graduate who passed the bar exam while pregnant (found out two weeks becore). I current ha e an inactive license but am thinking of retiring it as we’re pretty set on homeschooling. My undergrad degree is in education, so I don’t get as many doubts about ability as some, which helps in dealing with naysayers. The debt is rough, as it makes out one income harder to live on, but I have never felt the education wasted. Law school informed me so much of how to deal with everyday things such as reading contracts, knowing legal ramifications of your actions, and how to avoid litigation, even as simply a homeowner. Plus law school was the reason I relocated and my new location was where I met my husband.
You’re right that education is never wasted, Christine. I have kept my license on inactive status for a long time and will probably continue. I just don’t know what the future holds. I have met a lot of former lawyers who homeschool! That’s so cool. Thanks so much for sharing your experience.
Rachel, you never know! God has a plan. I relate to feeling attacked by Satan with this. Thanks so much for commenting.
I have the same degree and have been asked the very same question by people, even at church. Priorities!
Audra, that’s interesting! I wasn’t challenged by people at church, interestingly enough.
Before getting married I have finished medicine. Now I’m “at home” since 8 years, growing up our son, teaching him our languages (he is frequenting regular school but as we live in “3rd country” meaning nor mine nor my husband he is learning other language than ours), helping him with his therapy (he has selective mutism, and speech problems), teaching also other children our religion
I hear frequently especially from side of my mother that I wasted my education and that I lost my life, that I’m nobody now and I could be a doctor.
Sad
I’m sorry you aren’t appreciated for what you do, Fatma. But you know you’re doing what is best.
I admire what you did for your children and I am facing a similar situation. I have a toddler and a baby on the way and I am a public school teacher. My experiences have me fully convinced that I either need to open my own school or homeschool my children. The only problem is financial! I need to be able to make an income and figure out how to homeschool my children. There don’t seem to be many options but I am searching out as many as I can! Your education is never wasted when it is poured into your children. If anything, the investment and legacy will last even longer. Best of luck!
Thanks, Kathleen. I appreciate your comment. I also appreciate your dilemma. I’m praying that you will have the wisdom and provision to make the right decision for you and your family.
I just received this EXACT revelation during my church’s Easter service 3 days ago. My pastor was reading about the woman who anoints Jesus’ feet with expensive perfermed oil, preparing Jesus for burial. Even though the pastor didn’t make the connection to being a stay at home mom/homeschooling mom, it hit me like a ton of bricks that this was what I was supposed to get out of this passage and I just wept and wept. The part that made me choke up the most was that Jesus corrected the questioners. I feel the need to defend myself often, even if it’s in my own mind. I was a first-generation college student, bound for med school, with all of the grades, MCAT test grades and internships that made a lofty goal like that fairly realistic. I got second interviews at my top schools. It was thrilling that this life wanted ME but I realized that I didn’t want or feel truly called to IT. My husband and I felt called to start a family, and we’ve had 4 children that I stayed home to care for. I’m now homeschooling one, and will be homeschooling 2 next year. I’ve often imagined that certain people view my investment in my education as a waste of money or of my potential. Thankfully no one has said it to me, which I am thankful for, but it still sort of hovers around when I’m having a particularly challenging day as a homeschooling mom. What a beautiful thought that it is Jesus who has the final word. He is the one who will say “You did it out of obedience to me. Well done, good and faithful servant.” It wasn’t every person’s calling to anoint His feet, but it was hers and she did it and He saw her heart and He was pleased. 🙂 I wasn’t even searching for this scripture, or any confirmation of this revelation…I was looking at a post about your block scheduling method and came upon this post, three days after hearing the scripture and discovering this application to my life! Thank you so much for sharing it. Your words have truly blessed me, and your story is inspiring.
That’s wonderful, Meagan! Thanks so much for sharing that. Sometimes we just need confirmation and encouragement from the Lord.
Hi Melanie,
Like you I am a homeschool mom to many (5) in Missouri. 🙂 Unlike you however I get criticized not for wasting an education but for not having one. I was working towards my college degree when we decided to pull our then 9th, 2nd, and 1st grader from public school to homeschool them. I couldn’t keep it up with also having a preschooler and a newborn in the house so I, along with my husband of course, decided that their education was more important than mine. I am perfectly fine with it, relieved a little even, but I get asked all the time in accusing tones how I can homeschool without a degree. Really gets to me. Oh well, I know the truth, don’t I? 🙂
I know WHO has equipped me to do so. 🙂
Looking forward to hearing you speak at the St Louis homeschool expo next weekend. Especially the organizing your homeschool and the homeschooling in less time. Hoping you’ll have copies of your book for sale too. See you then!
Liz, I appreciate you sharing your experience so much. I hadn’t considered this side of it and I’m sure you’re not alone. You are definitely doing the Lord’s work and it’s worth it! I’m looking forward to meeting you.
How funny it was to me reading this, I worry about homeschooling my kids because I lack a collage education. My husband and I have decided I will homeschool our kids, so I can give them one on one attention, and for spiritual reasons that are very important to us. I dropped out of collage when my grandmother, who was living with my family, got diagnosed with Alzheimers and we all wanted to keep her in our home until she passed. Then in the same year my mother got stage three breast cancer, so I decided to work and help support my family. After my grandmother passed, peacefully in our home surrounded by family and my mom was done with chemo, I moved out of state and got married. I am now a stay at home mom, to two little monsters, and I would love to be able to homeschool but I have my doubts. I’m sure I should get ready for the comments like, “why cant you put your kids in school and go back to school yourself,” or ” if their relationship with Christ is important, cant you put them in private school”? I have a husband who supports me so I am looking forward to homeschooling, regardless.
Jennifer, you will get an amazing education teaching your children. My grandmother went to college when she was in her 70s. There will be time for you to go to school if that’s what you feel called to do. Homeschooling is like being a general contractor. You do the parts you feel confident doing and you can hire out the parts that you don’t. You can do it!
I SO needed to read this. It spoke to me about more than just homeschooling. I am experiencing a lot of backlash about the number of children I will have and so on – and about homeschooling. But I love that Bible verse in connection with our sacrifices for Him!
Didi, I’m so glad it spoke to you. We have to follow God’s lead and as long as your husband is supportive, you have to stay on the path. God’s blessings on your homeschooling!
You are doing an awesome job! You are such a blessing to your family.
Thanks so much. It’s a joy!
I’m so glad to have found this blog. I’ve also home-schooled my kids and was very glad I chose to do that. I couldn’t see any other way, the school system was failing, in their aspect of teaching and failing at teaching my kids in a way that they could retain the information. You had more kids in the class that didn’t want to learn than the ones who wanted to learn, and that put a big strain on the kids who wanted to and was willing to participate in the class (positive) activities. Now that my kids are all Adults, I’m really thinking about doing it all over again, Homeschooling my Grandkids. My Grandson comes home everyday talking about how the kids are not listening to the teachers and also picking with other kids during lunch time or playground time. This is really getting so sickening to see how the school systems are consistently failing our kids.
Trudy, thank you for your homeschool testimony. It would be a blessing if it works out for you to homeschool your grandchildren, too. So glad you commented.
I am a Muslim woman, with 2 masters degrees and a bachelors, all from the US, accomplished businesswoman making a very handsome six figure income before I decided to become a stay at home mom and homeschool my only child. I have only one child as I chose career over having kids in the first 10 years of my marriage, and so I have no regrets now about not having had a great career. My child also has turned out to be a wonderful human being growing up, with God’s Blessings. I agree that making a choice between having a career and homeschooling can be very hard, especially after we have depleted our entire savings educating our precocious child, who is also 2E. W feel very blessed, we have no retirement savings but will count on our good health and ability to work hard to earn to see us through our senior years, once our child is safely done with college and on making their own way through life. We homeschoolers give up so much to be close to our children, we take it as a scared duty to make them law-abiding good citizens who will be responsible human beings, and that is the way it should be. No amount of healthy 401Ks can take away the feeling that we are doing our duty, to our families and to God. And as we say in Islam, God Provides for whom He will. We have to earn that Providence. Kindest Regards, Fatima
Fatima, I really appreciate your comment. You’ve reminded me that moms from many different backgrounds make sacrifices to do what’s best for their children. God bless you and your family.