I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.
I recently discovered that I haven’t learned that. Oh, I don’t pine away for material possessions, but that’s no credit to my character. I have everything I need and so much of what I want. Yet, I am not content. Here’s how I know:
I feel like I never have enough time to accomplish all I want and need to do.
I feel dissatisfied with the amount of success I have in many areas.
I feel frustrated with people who don’t behave the way I would like them to.
I feel disappointed by institutions, my country, and even my church.
In short, I haven’t learned to be content like Paul. Can you relate? Do you find yourself wanting more and being dissatisfied?
Having had times in my life in which I experienced true contentment, I can say unequivocally that I wouldn’t trade it for momentary joy. While I am sure we will know joy in heaven, contentment has got to reign supreme. Over the next several weeks, I’d like to explore what God would like to teach us about His contentment while we still live on earth. I will know that I am learning when:
I am not stressed out and in a perpetual hurry
I see everything I accomplish as progress toward His purposes
I recognize that people are wretched sinners like me who are in the Lord’s hands; if we weren’t, we wouldn’t need a Savior
I understand that God is in control of every institution, country, and church and I’m not
The sweet baby pictured above would not be content if he had fear. Fear is opposed to contentment. We’ll delve into that in the coming weeks, but for now, here is your assignment:
Look for instances of discontentment in your life. One I’ve noticed is a habit of looking at my smart phone constantly.
When you notice lack of contentment, ask yourself what if anything you’re afraid of? I sometimes look at my phone because I’m afraid of being left out of a conversation. Looking at my phone makes me appear to be a busy, important person.
Thinking of some of my difficulties as lack of contentment is helpful to me. For example, concern about how much blogging I do isn’t leading me to work harder as it would have, but now to be content with the time I have.
How about you? Do you struggle with discontentment?
My husband and I recently admitted that screens were once again taking up too much of our family’s time. As I looked for substitute activities, I found the book, 15 Minutes Outside.
One of the weird things about me, having grown up camping, gardening, and working on a farm, is that 15 minutes outside seems like a long time. I’m not a fan of getting dirty, I can’t stand mosquitos (though they love me) and I absolutely, positively hate being cold. Couple that with the fact that almost all of my responsibilities take place inside and it’s a wonder I even sampled the book. But I did.
Even though my husband is amazing about getting our kids outside to play, I have felt guilty about my indoor ways. First, I know that the sun and fresh air are good for my health (and my kids’). Second, I love the idea of using nature to teach kids. I have the Handbook of Nature Study and I’ve looked longingly at the great blog that inspires homeschoolers to use it. I did the first outing that was recommended in our neighborhood and it was a terrific time! But sadly, the first outing was the last. Finally, I have been wanting to spend more time just playing with my kids and enjoying them. I tend to teach and train and then I’m often too tired for more.
The Challenge
For those reasons and to entice the kids away from the screens, I announced that I was going to spend fifteen minutes outside with the kids every day. The kids were excited and started thinking of all the fun places we could go. Pathetically, they reminded me of our one and only nature outing. At lunch, we shared the news with Dad, who thought it was a great idea. As my son played with our dog (pictured bottom right), I kept thinking of how I was going to endure 15 minutes on the coldest, wettest days. My husband said, “It’s torture for her.” I nodded, surprised that my husband knew what I was feeling. Then I realized that he was telling my son not to let the dog get so close to the food on the table.
Right after lunch, I donned my jacket and headed out for a game of basketball P-I-G. (The kids reminded me of my commitment–already.) I was shocked that even my homework-addicted teen joined the fun. Not only did he join, but he thanked me later for the invitation. I have to admit that I planned on setting my iPhone timer for 15 minutes. The kids would have none of that, though, and we ended up playing for half an hour. We had a little bit of a nature study in that we tried to identify where the woodpecker pecking sound was coming from. But mostly, it was just good, refreshing fun.
To make it less torture for me, I plan to photograph, blog, and scrapbook our 15-minute outdoor adventures this year on my personal blog. I’ll be indoors for most of that! It isn’t realistic for me to blog daily, so my goal is a weekly roundup post. I’m also not promising to get outside when there’s a tornado warning, it’s -50F, or I’m really sick. But I’m willing to get out of my comfort zone.
This week, our friend Gari sent out this great list that he lives by. Not only does Gari live it, but he inspires others to live likewise. He challenged his friends to do 3000 pushups this month (100 a day for 30 days). My husband in turn challenged our kids to participate, offering a financial incentive so good that I had to take the bait, too. Last night when I was finishing my last 20 pushups of 100 for the day very late at night, I was cursing him (sorry, Gari!), but I admire Gari’s attitude and commitment so much. Even if you’re more into faith than fitness, I think you’ll find that these habits translate very well.
1. They don’t think of their fitness as work, but rather a way of life.
It’s kind of like taking a shower; you don’t need one, but you just don’t feel right the rest of the day.
2. They don’t skip workouts.
They take training days as serious as a Dr’s appointment. Appointments and meetings get scheduled around their workout time, not the other way around.
3. They take their rest as seriously as their workouts.
They know that in order to perform at their best and to get the most out of their bodies, they have to give it a rest. Rest days and sleep are as essential as the workouts themselves.
4 They eat to fuel their goals.
Everything they eat serves a purpose. Protein for muscles, carbs for energy, and produce for vitamins, minerals and antioxidants. Treats are done, but never over-done.
5 They tune everything out when they workout.
Focus. They know that anything you give your undivided attention to works out better. Being in tune with your body allows them to make tweaks, and know which tweaks to make.
6 They push through frustration.
If you think it’s easy for the super fit to get fit,and stay fit, you’re wrong. They’re highly competitive and always striving to hit new goals. They struggle like everyone else with busy lives. Stress, plateaus, fatigue, and frustration. But there isn’t a thought of giving up, it’s just a matter of finding their answer.
7 They prepare their food in advance.
They know what they’ll be eating the whole day. If they don’t bring their food, they know what they can order off menus and what they can find at a grocery store. Drive-thrus don’t exist in their world.
8 They use their flaws as motivators, not a reason to give up.
They see their flaws (even if you don’t) and despise them like everyone else. But rather then letting their flaws bring them down,,they use them to motivate themselves.
9 They envision the win-goal-finish line every day.
The goal is crystal clear in their mind. The thought of the sculpted body or winning the race always keeps them motivated. Regardless of life’s pressures, they race towards the winner’s tape.
10 Persistence, persistence, persistence.
Yes… they are persistent!
11 There are no excuses.
They learn early that excuses are time-suckers and don’t get you anywhere near your goals. Better to get it done than whine about why you didn’t.
12 There is no giving up.
Enough said…
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us – Hebrews 12:1
Which of these habits do you struggle with the most?
I received an email from an unmotivated homeschooler this week and with her permission, I am posting it here in the desire to encourage other home educators who are in the same place and to solicit even more great feedback from you veterans.
I came across your website tonight while doing a google search… yep, I googled, “What if I love the idea of homeschooling, but I’m really not cut out for it?” I’ve been trying to do it for almost 5 school years now. My first son took two years for kindergarten because I got sick (and lazy), my second son is special needs – on the autism spectrum somewhere, and my third school-age child is my first daughter in Kindergarten, and I have a 2 year old.
My point is that I’m at that place where I really think I’m doing an injustice to them by keeping them home. I’m not getting things done, they’re lazy and it’s most likely because they see it in me. There’s a lot that goes into that, but the question remains… how do you DO what you know you need to do? How do you kick yourself in the tuckus so to speak to get the job done? I know what my calling is and what is expected of me, but I’m really struggling in getting it done…thanks for any advice.
An Unmotivated Homeschooler
I had some thoughts, but I took the issue to my Homeschool Homies (HH) and here is what we have to share with her:
Check your expectations. One of my HHs suggested that if you took two years to do kindergarten, you might be expecting way too much. Kindergarten should be a gentle introduction to math, reading, and learning in general. There are few reasons to hold your child back in kindergarten, though you can continue to work on skills at his level. In other words, are you really lazy, or do you expect to do more than is reasonable? Unreasonable expectations lead to overwhelm which can in turn lead to feeling unable to start.
Do less. When you feel like you aren’t doing much, this seems like crazy advice, but having less to do helps you do more. One HH swears by taking time to train her children to do household chores like laundry and cooking. When my children were younger, I had a housekeeper come in once every two weeks. Both strategies can free you up to spend more time teaching. Next, simplify your schooling. Set aside time-consuming, activity-heavy curriculums and do the essentials (some Bible, math, reading, and some language arts instruction–maybe some handwriting practice). Subjects like history, science, and geography do not have to be done every day and can be simply reading a great book in that subject area.
Get accountability. Being a home educator is tough for many reasons, but perhaps the biggest is we have no one overseeing our work and giving us feedback (at least in most states). Ask your husband to hold you accountable, join or start a co-op requiring preparation every week, and/or find an accountability partner. Ask an experienced homeschooler to look over what you hope to accomplish in an average day or week and let her tell you if it’s reasonable. Once you have a reasonable plan, have an accountability check-in each day or week. I use a website called idonethis.com and when I reply to it each evening with a list of accomplishments, I cc my accountability partner. Agree with your partner that if you haven’t met a minimum standard in a certain time period, that you should send your children to school.
Get support. My HHs agreed that you have a lot to handle at this stage of your homeschooling. If you don’t get together with other homeschoolers in person or online on a regular basis, may I suggest that you do so ASAP? This is a very difficult calling and we need our HHs to cheer us on. I dont know what I would do without the time to talk, laugh, and cry with my HSing pals. I really like the Hip Homeschool Moms FB page for asking questions and getting support. You may also want to consider programs that can support your homeschooling. From enrollment in online schools where all the teaching and grading are done for you to day programs and classes, you will find that you really don’t have to do it all!
I also asked my HHs how they get things done that they’re reluctant to do. Here is what they said:
I just do it. If it has to be done…
That might seem unreasonable, but sometimes we obsess over a task ten times longer than it would take to just do it. Just doing it may be setting a timer and doing it for a minimum time and then being allowed to stop. Your children will respond well to this, too.
I give myself a reward. If we get a lot of school done one day, we might go to the park the next.
One of the biggest reasons we homeschool moms get stuck doing things that aren’t school-focused is we don’t give ourselves guilt-free time. Make sure you have some every single day. Whether your older child plays with the younger while you surf the web for half an hour, you pay a sitter to come give you time away once a week, or your husband takes over at scheduled times, you will find yourself refreshed and ready to homeschool once again.
I pray about it.
Love this one. We are doing something great for the glory of God. Why would we expect it to be easy or to do it alone? God is there to help us and will certainly equip us for the work He has called us to do. My Homeschool Homies and I are praying for you!
for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose. – Philippians 2:13
P.S. Treat your homeschooling like a career. Develop habits and a routine (FLYLady is wonderful inspiration) or a schedule (Managers of Their Homes is excellent). Build in break times that coincide with times you’re tired. Give yourself credit for what you DO do, rather than what you don’t.
I discovered today that I have been logging in to comment on blogs for a long time with a profile that connects people to blogs I haven’t updated in years. While I was dismayed by this discovery, I was delighted by another. I found a blog post on homeschooling I don’t remember writing six years ago. Here it is:
I am teaching my 4th grader long division. Every time I say it’s time for math, he stalls. “What time is it?” “Do you need me to watch the younger kids?” “Aren’t we supposed to be reading now?”
When he does sit down to work, he usually does handwriting instead…on his math page. He covers his paper with, “I don’t get it. I need help. I don’t know.” I remember learning long division. It’s the most challenging of the math operations to learn for sure! But my 4th grader is extremely bright and knows what is required to divide.
When I went over his work with him, explaining again and again what he needed to know, it suddenly occurred to me what the problem was. I told him that there was a technical term for the struggles he was having. I wrote it on his paper. L-a-z-i-n-e-s-s.
He smiled. He knew I was right. In order to do long division, you have to guess at the correct answer. Then you have to check to see if you are right. If you are not, you have to erase and try again. And you repeat this process over and over.
How many times in my life have I been like my son? I’ve said, “I don’t know how to lose weight. I don’t get how to exercise regularly. I need help to get organized.” Yet, like my son, I really didn’t need someone to tell me over and over and over how these things were done. I knew what needed to be done. I just didn’t want to try, make a mistake, and start over. The problem was l-a-z-i-n-e-s-s. I can smile at that.
Is it time to work on your problems?
The postscript that should make YOU smile is that this math-lazy boy is now in an AP class for Calculus BC as a high school sophomore. There is hope for lazy students and teachers.
Do your children make excuses for not doing their work? Do you ever search the web for more information on doing something you already know how to do? Or am I the only one?
Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider its ways and be wise! Proverbs 6:6
In So You're Not Wonder Woman, I describe my financial free fall while I was in graduate school. I was living on $600 a month, so putting $400 in car repairs on my credit card was trouble. I didn't live extravagantly, but I did have cable and insisted on having my own apartment–something I now see led to my accumulating debt. Sharing an apartment with one of my single girlfriends could have shaved at least 40% off my expenses. In addition to the usual expenses, I also had a car payment–not a huge one, but it was a hardship at that income.
I eventually had two credit cards that were maxed out and a medical bill that I was being harassed about paying (I wish now I hadn't had physical therapy for a bad ankle sprain). Foolishly, I used my tax return to take a trip to San Diego. I began working more hours and my income increased to $900 a month. That should have helped, but I moved to a more expensive apartment and bought new furniture to boot. I was at the point of using one credit card to pay off another. I regularly received overdraft notices. I took out bigger student loans. It was just too depressing to admit the truth of my situation: I was in debt. Another poor money manager friend told me at the time that I shouldn't go for credit counseling because they would put me on a budget. Perish the thought.
By today's standards, my debt was a pittance. But the cycle of indebtedness had begun and would have continued once I secured my first job. My student loan debt was over $30,000 in 1991. Again, small by today's standards, but huge to a young woman who didn't know a thing about managing money.
I have a friend who writes a secular blog on managing money and has been a guest blogger on Get Rich Slowly. I have mentioned to her that I could never tell my story of getting out of debt, because it isn't like hers. I didn't wise up, get educated, and get frugal. I didn't pay off my debt; someone else did. I have joked to her that I couldn't very well post about how I got out of debt: I got married.
I remember my fiance's big sigh when I revealed the whole of my debt. It was embarrassing to admit to a man who owned a home, bought two vehicles with cash, and had a sizable savings account. He immediately paid off all my debt. He never lectured me about money. He didn't enroll me in a finance course or give me a book to read. He just managed money well and I watched and learned.
I read this post requesting get-out-of-debt stories and I finally felt moved to share mine. I realized that while my story won't get raves from finance fans, it should from faithful followers of Christ. Though I had much to be ashamed of, my Redeemer paid off my debt. I didn't. Now I spend my life learning from Him.
Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he forgave the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?”
Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt forgiven.”
“You have judged correctly,” Jesus said.
Do you have a get out of debt story, financial or spiritual?
I’m a Christian psychologist turned homeschooling mother of six. My life can be a little crazy, so I look for sanity-saving ideas to use and share. I hope you’ll read my About page to learn more.
1. They don’t think of their fitness as work, but rather a way of life.
