Many years ago, I read an article in a Christian parenting magazine about giving children just three gifts each: a gold, frankincense, and a myrrh gift to imitate the gifts that the baby Jesus received from the wise men. With the time and money required to purchase and wrap multiple gifts for each of my six children, I embraced the idea wholeheartedly!
Our tradition is to open these three gifts on Christmas Eve after church. We exchange the same three gifts for the adults as well, while explaining the significance of the gifts for the newborn Savior. I have had fun wrapping the gifts in corresponding papers (gold, white, and normally a deep purple).
If you share our tradition or you’d like to start it, I have some gift ideas to share with you for each type of gift.
Gold
The gold given to the baby Jesus was used to provide for him while He and His parents were in Egypt.
This is usually the easiest category to buy for. This is either the most valuable or most desired gift. If your child has expressed a desire for something, this will be his gold gift. Or you can choose the most valuable (or if your child is young, the largest) gift you plan to give and it will be her gold gift.
If you have no idea where to start, I recommend looking at my list of the 60 Best Christmas Gifts for Kids. These are gifts that my children used and loved the most over 16 years of Christmases. I recommend choosing one of these gifts if you aren’t sure what to buy over the “hot” toys of the season. Most of theses popular toys I’ve purchased have ended up being recycled quickly.
And don’t forget money! My daughter wants money so she can buy her brother’s iPod. Gift cards are an option for gold gifts that teens may appreciate. You may even want to buy stock for children and let them watch how their money (hopefully) grows in value. Investopedia has great advice for giving kids financial gifts. This year, most of my children want an experience gold gift. They are excited about having ski passes for the winter.
Frankincense
Frankincense was used in the temple to impart a fragrant offering to the Lord.
Frankincense gifts have to do with our relationship with God. When the kids were younger, I found every type of Bible toy, video, and game at ChristianBook.com.
For example, I bought this Full Armor of God play set for my two older boys and it lasted through tons of playtime for all the children.
Of course, Bibles and devotionals have been another popular choice for frankincense gifts. I love that you can find Bibles by age and can read reviews of them at ChristianBook.com.
But you can only buy your kids so many Bibles! Other gift ideas are jewelry (for both boys and girls), book lights with Scriptures on them, and Christian t-shirts. Of course, you can find these at ChristianBook.com as well.
One of the more meaningful frankincense gifts I’ve given the children is a gift in their names to other needy children. You can print a picture of the gift given in their honor and wrap it and then discuss what it will mean to the children who receive the gifts. The World Vision catalog is a great option for this.
I have one other idea for frankincense gifts that I haven’t used yet and that is a gift that will enable our children to use their gifts or talents for the glory of God. For example, my son plays guitar for our church, so I have a guitar gift idea for him. Children don’t have to be using their gift at church in order for you to give them a frankincense present that relates to their talent. But it would be a great opportunity to discuss how we invest the talents God has given us.
Myrrh
Myrrh was used for purification of the body (as described in the book of Esther) and for preparation for burial.
Myrrh gifts are gifts for the body. I bought a lot of bath soap for this gift category. When the kids were younger, I included a lot of bath toys, too. Body sprays, lotions, and nail kits also make great gifts for teens. Walmart and Bath & Body Works are my favorite stores for getting deals on these gifts.
But I grew weary of taking the myrrh gift so literally. I began to expand it to include anything to care for the body. The broadest category to expand to is clothing. I had a lot of fun a couple of years buying the kids matching sports team outfits.
Teens usually like clothing, especially if there’s a receipt. A clothing gift card will work if you’re worried. Fun pajamas can be a great gift for younger kids. I loved buying pajamas that did double duty as costumes from Disney. Another clothing idea that was a hit was buying (from the store or a seamstress) matching outfits for my daughter’s My Twinn doll.
Winter is the time of year we redecorate, so when we’ve redecorated the kids’ rooms, their bedding has been their gift. We have also given the kids personalized towels and blankets as gifts.
I have a new idea for the kids’ myrrh gifts this year and that is anything having to do with exercise. A nice water bottle, exercise equipment or DVDs, or a new sports bag would make a great myrrh gift. A Zamzee (a fitness monitor that you can link to rewards) would make a fun myrrh gift as well.
Now over to you. What do you give as gold, frankincense, and myrrh gifts? Let me know in the comments.
Nine years ago I had the crazy idea that I could take my own family Christmas photo to send with our yearly Christmas card. My husband loved my first photo so much that he asked me to send them out as postcards to his customers–librarians. The response from friends, family, and librarians was so positive about not only the photo, but the short “letter” on the back of the postcards that the sending of the cards has become an annual event. People often tell me, “I can’t wait to see what your card will be this year!” It’s a lot of pressure, but honestly a lot of fun. I hope you get some creative inspiration you can use for taking your own family Christmas photos and will consider sending cards. I use Send Out Cards where I can have my postcards sent automatically to everyone on our list–a major time saver because we send over 300.
#1 The Imperfect Card
This was my first attempt at taking my own family Christmas photos for cards. People loved that my daughter is holding her shoe, that my little guy on the right is so happy and wiggly that he’s blurred, and that my Andy isn’t smiling on the left. On the back of the card, I listed the top ten comments we receive and our responses: 10. Are these all yours? (Yes, we collect them)9. They all look alike (We used a home cloning kit)8. What are their ages? (8, 6, 4, 2, and 11 months)7. You finally got your girl. (No, it’s another boy. We just put bows in his hair.)6. That girl doesn’t have a chance with all those brothers. (No chance to play alone!)5. You must have the patience of a saint. (We’re just tired. If that’s patience, ok.)4. Your kids are so well behaved. (Great! Can they come play at your house?)3. I don’t know how you do it. (We’re glad. You probably wouldn’t approve.)2. Are you done? (Would you believe us if we said yes?)1. You really have your hands full (Yes, and our hearts, too).
#2 The Un-Christmas Card
What they didn’t know is what I had to go through to get this level of photo imperfection. While I didn’t send it out, I had fun doctoring up one of the shots for an Un-Christmas Card below.
#3 The Nativity Card
By far the fan favorite, this photo was taken just 11 days after our youngest was born. A friend gave me the idea. We used the shelter that a nursing home hadn’t finished setting up for their Nativity scene yet. On the back of the card, I used cast notes to describe what was going on in each child’s life.
#4 The Spell it Out Card
I bought matching pajamas for everyone and had everyone but the baby holding a wooden letter. I used a photo editing program to add the exclamation point and the word, Christmas. On the back of the card, I used M E R R Y ! as an acronym to describe the family news of the year.
#5 The Old-Fashioned Christmas Card
We had this taken while we were on vacation one summer. What you don’t know is that the baby was coming unglued during this process because he hadn’t had a nap!
#6 Family Portrait Card
We had our family picture taken professionally by Cindy’s Photo. I put a gold frame around this picture for the card and noted what everyone’s “profession” was on the back.
#7 The Family Tree Card
I had everyone dress in green and we tried to make it work with real Christmas lights, but I ended up editing the photo digitally to make it work. I shared the new things we “branched into” in 2009.
#8 The Real Life Card
This was a favorite of many. I took the picture on a fall hike without planning ahead at all. On the back of the card, I shared “real life” challenges we were having. The Scripture shares that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
#9 The Peace on Earth Card
I used red duct tape for each of the kids. The reflection from the flash was a bit of a problem, but it was a hit. I had people using the idea, which is just fine, because I got the idea from someone else! On the back of the card, I shared what each kid says all the time.
#10 The Brady Bunch Card
This was last year’s Christmas photo. I took everyone’s picture against a green backdrop. The family news on the back of the card was to be sung to the Brady Bunch tune.
Bonus #11 The TIME Card
On the back of this card I wrote how each family member spent his/her time. The photo is also by Cindy’s Photo.
Want to see this year’s card? Like the page on Facebook and you will!
I’ve been buying gifts for my now six children (five boys and one girl) for 16 years and I’ve had the opportunity to see which gifts last. Not only have I been able to determine which gifts my kids remember, use, and love, but I’ve also had the chance to see which gifts are popular with their siblings and friends. I hope this list blesses you as you plan and shop for your children and grandchildren for Christmas and other gift-giving occasions.
No matter how expensive the other gifts my kids have received are, they’ve never failed to enjoy punch balloons. Make sure you have extras for the popping that invariably occurs!
I personally hated the Rubik’s cube when I was a kid because I couldn’t solve it. My kids have loved it, but I suspect that has something to do with YouTube teaching them how to solve it!
Memory-Making Gifts
6. Experiences
My children have treasured the opportunity to see a play with a grandparent, to go out for lunch with an aunt, and going to the driving range with dad.
7. Scrapbook
The kids are not only excited to look through a scrapbook when they receive it, but take it out over and over again to reminisce. Shutterfly is a great website for making photobooks if you’d like to make a digital book. Look for discount codes this time of year.
8. Blanket
I saved my money to buy a satin comforter when I was in 6th grade. My aunt took that comforter and used it as the lining for this blanket she gave me as a high school graduation gift. It’s now a blanket my kids fight over. A homemade or personalized blanket makes a treasured gift.
I once donated a box of my old shoes to a missionary who took them to a remote part of Africa. She sent pictures of elated women wearing the shoes I had carelessly thrown in a box. I cried and cried. Giving children the opportunity to give a gift to someone in need is a memorable gift. Even more powerful is to allow a child to get to know how his gift makes a difference. Sponsoring a child through World Vision (this is my friend, Deb Wolf’s sponsorship page) will allow a kid you love to see the impact of her gift.
10.A Family Vacation
Our homeschooling schedule has allowed us to take vacations in early December, when rates are low. My children still talk about those trips, that were extra special because they were taken at Christmas time. If you can’t go in December, a trip scheduled later can take the place of other gifts that would quickly be forgotten.
Even when the electronic part of this toy quit working, my boys played and played with these. If they’re not familiar with Star Wars, any kind of play sword is likely to be a toy they’ll play with for years.
Girls love to carry their stuff around. The less character-specific the luggage, the more likely they’ll use it year after year. 13.Mr. Potato Head
A simple, well-built toy set that kids can’t seem to keep their hands off! It’s great to add some other pieces to this set to keep them playing. 14.Dinosaur Toys
My first son was crazy about dinosaurs and his brothers and any boy visitors to our house since then have spent hours playing with these “terrible lizards.” 15.Doll Umbrella Stroller
I’m not suggesting that these strollers will stand up to years of abuse, but they’re inexpensive and will be played with so much that you can afford to replace them. 16.Fisher Price GeoTrax Train Set
We’ve had a lot of train sets over the years, but for the money, this is my favorite. Very durable and EASY for kids to put together themselves.
While this isn’t the same model we bought years ago, it appears to have the same features that had dozens of kids playing with it for hours. I still have this play set and will probably keep it for my grandchildren.
Are you noticing a theme? Fisher Price play sets are durable and keep kids engaged for years. We just gave ours away and it’s in almost new condition. If you knew my daughter, you’d know that means this set is built to last! 19.American Girl Doll
If you’re like I was, you may be wondering if this pricey doll is worth it. All I can say is that we have gone through many, many dolls that have not captivated my daughter like her American Girl dolls. 20.Step 2 Lifestyle Deluxe Kitchen
Both boys and girls have played with this set for years and it’s in great shape. It’s been well worth it to spend more for a set that lasts (we still have it).
My kids have worn costumes even when they were too small, because they absolutely love them. Pajamas that double as costumes are another well-loved gift.
I’ve been through lots of Lego sets over the years, but this Duplo set outlasted them all. The bonus is they are easy to keep organized. 23.Marble Run
These things are so fun for kids to put together. You may want them to play on a blanket so you don’t miss any of the marbles! 24.Domino Race
Yes, the excitement of knocking down your dominoes lasts just a moment, but the great thing is that setting up the race can take them hours! 25.Zoobmobile Car Designer Kit
Little boys love building cars and this kit makes it easy for little hands to do just that. This set has been very popular with the boys at a P.E. class we attend. 26.Jumbo Blocks
We bought a set of these used and because they were on the expensive side, I wasn’t sure it was a good investment. Kids of all ages (yes, even teens) play with these, so my investment was a great one. The boys love to use them to create barriers for battles. I love these so much, I plan to keep them for future grandchildren.
I’ll admit it. I don’t love this game. But my kids always have. If you’re looking for a game for the younger set, you can’t go wrong with this one. You might have to hide a card or two to bring the game to a close, however. 28.Don’t Break the Ice
Another great game that even the littles can play. You have to have hand strength to put it back together, but the game is short. I’ve always appreciated that. 29.Connect Four
I remember playing this with my brother. While I was writing this post, I saw my younger two playing Connect Four. This game is definitely a winner. 30.Bingo
My kids play this Disney DVD Bingo game weekly. As I write, its price is exorbitant on Amazon. My kids have enjoyed many different Bingo games over the years, and I bet yours will be just as happy with an inexpensive set. 31.Jenga
Jenga was in a condo we rented for a few days and the kids played with it constantly. They continue to play Jenga frequently now that we own it. 32.Apples to Apples
I didn’t realize how popular this game was with my kids until I tried to take it to a women’s retreat with me. There was a revolt! It’s especially popular when the kids have friends over. 33.Chess, Checkers, Backgammon
The kids love playing these classic games with their dad and loved playing with their grandpa when he was alive. 34.Scrabble
Scrabble has worked well for us for all ages as long as we play in teams–and as long as we refuse to play with people who know all the 3-letter non-word words. You know what I mean. 35.Cribbage
You may not be familiar with cribbage, but I grew up playing the game with my dad, who was a cribbage master. It’s a wonderful game for encouraging conversation with your child and it even builds math skills!
I’ve come a long way from a mother who wasn’t going to let her sons play with toy guns to a mom whose boys have an entire arsenal of them. My teenagers will still play with these and when it’s time to declutter toys, these never go into the giveaway box. 37.Hula Hoop
Our homeschool support group has hula hoop contests throughout the year (with prizes). That has motivated my kids to be very skilled with this, but it’s motivated me, too! Buy one for your kids and you can use it to get a good workout in, too.
I’ve kept two of these in my basement for years and they are used, even when I don’t want them to be! There’s just something irresistible about them. 39.Twister
Another game I remember playing as a kid, Twister gets kids giggling, even if they don’t finish it.
My husband can juggle and now my teen is juggling, too. These balls have been great for keeping the kids busy when they’re restless, even when they’re not working on juggling per se.
Shuffleboard is a great game for kids of all ages. My family and the kids’ friends have all enjoyed this reasonably priced shuffleboard game. 42.Jump-O-Lene
We bought one of these inflatable trampolines for our basement when our oldest kids were little and they had a blast concocting fun new ways of jumping into it. My kids and their many friends were quite hard on the Jump-O-Lene and we had to replace it a couple of times. But it was worth it for the fun the kids got out of it. 43.Football
All of my boys love the sport of football. They’ve played flag football and haven’t met a football they didn’t like. They’re playing with the neighbor boys as I write. 44. Baseball Bases
The boys all enjoy playing baseball, too. All of the equipment has been used, but real bases make throwing a backyard game together with friends that much more fun. 45.Soccer Ball
My daughter enjoys soccer, but our soccer balls get used for many other games. 46.Basketball Hoop
My family isn’t big into basketball, but we’ve used our basketball hoop so much for quick games of HORSE and when we have parties, too. 47.Badminton Set
Badminton is a fantastic game to play as a family. We love it and the neighbor kids do, too. 48.Limbo Game
Our homeschool support group also has limbo contests throughout the year and my kids are crazy about it. Don’t tell them, but I think they may get a set of their own this Christmas! 49.Tennis Racquet
We’re a tennis family, but even if we weren’t, I’d recommend a racquet as a gift for kids. Many municipalities have free courts to practice on or you might consider a driveway tennis set. 50.Step 2 Roller Coaster
I wondered if I was wasting my money buying this toddler toy. I couldn’t have been more wrong. We kept this outside and it was played with by our kids until they were in late elementary school. It was a very popular attraction with guests and it stood up to tons of abuse. 51.Disc Golf Set
We are fortunate that we live near a park that has a disc golf course. It’s been a great family activity and one the teens like to do with their friends, too. No course nearby? You might want to try this Mini Disc Set to use at home.
My husband has always had a “no powered vehicles for the kids” policy. We’ve had the same inexpensive scooter for years and I just backed over it. Amazingly, the kids are still using it. 53.Step 2 Climber
I bought a model similar to this 15 years ago and kept it in our basement. I just asked my kids if I could get rid of it. They wouldn’t hear of it. This climber is just part of our castle it seems. 54.Seesaw
I bought a different model of this seesaw and kept it in the basement where it became a source of years of fun. Even though only two could ride at a time, friends and siblings had a blast spinning the riders as fast as they could go. 55.Ping Pong Table
I enjoy having a ping pong table for crafts, but I can rarely use it for that purpose, because our whole family loves ping pong. It’s been a great activity for our teens and their friends.
I was a little worried about injuries getting a trampoline, but we’ve been blessed to have only a few minor ones. This is another gift that has occupied dozens of kids of all ages and has been worth every penny.
Electronic & Music Gifts That Bring Families Together
My daughter purchased this and I figured it would end up in the junk pile. Boy, was I wrong! Most of my kids play it constantly and it’s the first thing teenage guests in our house pick up. A big winner for the price.
We had a CD-player karaoke machine for years and years and while the karaoke part was used a lot, the microphone was used even more. Someone might be getting this new version this year.
When it comes to listening to karaoke, playing games, or watching movies together, we needed more seating in our basement. I purchased this bean bag chair and it’s been a hit, but not for the reason I expected. The kids run and jump on it, have guests sleep on it, and do their homework on it. It’s stood up to abuse, too.
We bought a previous version of this movie projector and have gotten years’ worth of use out of it. We enjoy watching movies together outside using our garage door as a screen, projecting family video games on our basement wall so even Grandma can play, and projecting workout DVDs so we can all get fit together.
Whatever gifts you choose for the kids you love, I pray that you and your family will enjoy a very blessed Christmas! If you’d like more helpful resources, I invite you to get a copy of my free meal planning ebook and to follow me on Pinterest.
I’m writing my niece (who is expecting her first baby) a letter about what she doesn’t want to know about being a mom. Maybe she’ll have the courage to read it a few years from now when she wonders why she can’t stop crying.
#1 It hurts.
We’ve already covered the pain of labor. But if you’re going to nurse your baby, be prepared for the sensation of your nipples being subjected to a nutcracker for 25 minutes every couple of hours. The good news is this pain is better with lanolin and time (about two weeks will do it). The bad news is this is just the beginning of the pain your child will inflict on you. You can look forward to being bitten, head butted, and whacked with a hard toy when you least expect it. When your little darling leaves marks, be prepared to convince those who are sure you’re a domestic violence victim that you’re just a mom.
#2 You’ll never be alone.
You don’t want to be away from your baby now. Understandable. It’s also understandable that you enjoy being around people. But trust me when I tell you that you will think Guantanamo is an amusement park when your kid gets done torturing you. Just when you fall asleep, there they are to wake you up. You go to use the toilet or take a shower and your little blessing will be banging on the door screaming for you. When you sneak off to chat on the phone, read a novel, or have some chocolate, he will appear suddenly like a stalker in a scary movie. Only it’s your life. The really terrifying thing is they never grow out of it.
#3 Your house will never be the same.
Be sure to take pictures of your beautiful nursery now, because it’s going to be trashed very soon. Newborns pee, poo, and puke on everything and no matter how much you Shout it out, you’ll be left with stains. As your little doll gets older, expect to see the wallpaper ripped, the walls littered with graffiti using various mediums, the carpet dyed, and the curtains cut. Everything you love in your house will be lost, broken, or used to start her personal landfill. Is it possible to protect your home and belongings from this destruction with gates, locks, and strict discipline, you ask? Absolutely! However, your reputation will be destroyed when your child starts a tell-all blog about her mommy dearest.
#4 You’ll abandon your principles.
Whether you’re committed to giving your kids no fast food, no toy guns, or no video games, odds are you’re going to cave. Why? Remember, you’re going to be in pain, sleep-deprived, and living in a house ready for a Hoarders episode. If you’re really going to make your child be the one weirdo who can’t go to the McDonalds birthday party, play with the other boys in a Nerf War, or use any kind of screen (they all have games), you have some family therapy in your future. The therapist will probably agree to guest post on your child’s blog.
#5 You’re going to be afraid.
Remember the hypochondria you had during pregnancy? That’s going to grow along with your child. You’re going to be certain that every disease, disorder, and cause of death is going to visit your kid. Then you’re going to be afraid that you have the opposite problem. You’ll worry that you’re ignoring symptoms that would be cause for obvious alarm to anyone who wasn’t awakened by a screaming interrogator every 30 minutes. The truth is most of these terrifying scenarios won’t happen. Unfortunately, you still have reason to fear. Read on.
#6 You’re going to be embarrassed.
You’re careful to be politically correct and not to offend people. Your child, on the other hand, will behave like an alien life form or a National Enquirer reporter who has no respect for your reputation. She will point out everyone who’s fat with a Simon Cowell kind of honesty. She will tell your mother-in-law what you said about her before she came over. She will repeat the curse word you used in a weak moment when someone you want to impress asks how she is–probably your mother-in-law. If you give your little paparazzi a Facebook-connected camera, you deserve what you get.
#7 You’re going to be disappointed.
The disappointment your child dishes up will go beyond embarrassment. Kids are like cashiers at fast-food restaurants who listen carefully to your request for no mustard, no onions, and extra ketchup and then give you the opposite. When you express your disappointment, the cashier and your kid will look at you piteously as though you just haven’t learned not to sweat the small stuff. Whether your request is no mustard or a college athletic scholarship, my advice is the same. Don’t place any special orders and you’ll be satisfied with what you get.
#8 You’re going to need help.
Like any other torture victim, you’re going to need some counseling. Even if all you do is sit and cry to another mom, do it. It’s cheaper than therapy. And for heaven’s sake, relax your rules if they’re making you crazy. A bottle won’t kill a kid who’s nursing, a serving of chicken nuggets and fries won’t destine your child for the Biggest Loser, and getting a housekeeper doesn’t mean all you’re doing is sitting around watching reality TV and eating chocolate (unless you are, in which case call me. It sounds like fun). If your husband isn’t motivated to help out, use your best vacant stare and repeat gibberish. That shouldn’t be hard for you.
#9 Your body will never be the same.
You think you’re going to be one of those moms whose body looks just as good as it did before you had a baby. You probably think you’re going to win the lottery one of these days, too. Go ahead and blow the money on the stretch mark cream and the chiseled ab workout programs. They’ll help you get through the denial phase. Sure it’s possible that you’re one of those freaks of nature, who doesn’t have an abdomen that looks like a Shar Pei puppy after giving birth. But I feel it necessary to remind you of what we covered in the truth about pregnancy. If your body is the same, your friendships won’t be. We’ll all hate you. To avoid this, be a smart girl and wear a tankini even if you don’t need to.
#10 You’ll love it so much, you’ll want another baby.
Yes, despite learning everything you never wanted to know about being a mom, you’re going to want another child. It’s crazy! My diagnosis is Stockholm Syndrome. The child has hurt you, tortured you, destroyed your house, made you abandon your principles, scared you to death, embarrassed you, disappointed you, reduced you to dependency, and ruined your chances of appearing on the cover of Shape magazine, yet you’re convinced they’re one of the best things that’s ever happened to you.
If you want your child’s attention, just get on the phone and they’ll appear in an instant with the latest whine or dispute for you to referee. Am I right? Unfortunately, misbehavior works to get our attention. Good behavior often doesn’t.
The Problem with Ignoring Good Behavior
Whatever is rewarded gets repeated. I’m a psychologist and I taught my clients this. But in my own home, I’ve struggled to use this principle. When the behavior is bad, I react. When my kids are good, I just want to celebrate. You know, by taking a nap. I’m not wanting to go out of my way to reward them.
While it’s inconvenient to reward and discipline, it’s vital that we do. That’s why I was ecstatic to find the Caught Being Good app for the iPhone. I have my iPhone on my person at all times (why is another story), so using it to reward good behavior is very convenient.
The idea behind Caught Being Good is that you look for the behavior you want (not what you don’t). Of course, misbehavior should have consequences! But the purpose of the app is to teach children WHAT to do rather than punish for doing something wrong. Verbal praise is a powerful reward, but using other rewards can make behavior change even more likely.
How Caught Being Good Works
If you’d like to watch a video of the app in action, check this out. If you prefer my incredible description to clicking over to YouTube, here goes. Anything your kids do that you like, you announce, “You’ve been caught being good!” or something to that effect. You then present them with your phone with the app open. They choose their name and spin the wheel. They’re then given a reward from among those you’ve pre-selected using a frequency you’ve chosen. If you can’t give the reward immediately, you can save it under their name for later.
Using this app with my kids has prompted them to make my bed for me numerous times, do chores without being asked, and to surrender a privileged seat or snack to a sibling. Some rewards I’ve included include choosing a snack or cereal from the store, being taken out for ice cream, or having a sleepover. Rewards I least want to give out (like sleepovers) I’ve set to occur least often. It’s taken some time to work out the right rewards. The kids have helped me by telling me which rewards are lame and which are occurring too seldom. Yes, they’ve complained about the sleepover.
Catch Your Kids Being Good
If you have an iPhone, you can download Caught Being Good in the app store for $.99. I’m not being paid a commission on it. (What’s wrong with this picture?) Set up an account for your kids (I’ve used it with my 16-year-old, too!) and add your rewards. I discourage you from announcing your intentions. Just surprise everyone by announcing at dinner that Junior’s been good by eating his broccoli without complaint. When the rest of the kids (and your hubby) chime in that they’ve been good, too, and also want a spin, explain that they can’t request spins. They have to be caught.
What if you don’t have an iPhone or don’t want to spend the money on the app? Make your own paper reward wheel using an old board game spinner or create a reward jar.
Getting Fit NOW or Never on Facebook posted this photo explaining that this young woman had allowed her boyfriend to tattoo his name on her face as a sign of her love. By the way, his name is Rus, not Bus.
The comments summarized what I initially thought of this decision: dumb! Definitely one of those dumb ways to live I have discussed earlier. But I couldn’t get this picture out of my head.
Why I Couldn’t Stop Thinking About This Picture
You don’t have to be a psychologist to know that this poor girl is going to regret her decision. The guy will cheat on her or dump her. Beginning a new relationship will be very difficult. Who wants to bring home the girl with another guy’s name on her face? But maybe I’m too pessimistic. She could beat the odds and stay with her boyfriend for life–maybe even get married. But her life is still ruined. People will always assume she is a reckless rebel, even if she matures. She could get the tattoo removed, but will be scarred for life.
Why Every Parent Needs to Save This Picture
Not one of the thousands of commenters on Facebook applauded what this girl did. They all thought it was stupid! But there is something our children may choose to do that will scar them for life that WOULD be applauded by the majority of people on Facebook and even the majority of people in your church: have sex outside of marriage.
Pam Stenzel warns young women that while a guy they sleep with may be able to walk away from premarital sex without a devastating sexually-transmitted disease, they aren’t likely to have the same fate. One in four young people today has an STD and many of these diseases aren’t curable. Among those that are, many have no symptoms and aren’t treated. The consequences include potential infertility, cancer, and even death.
I share with 8th graders at my church that while it IS possible they can have premarital or extra-marital sex and not be scarred physically, they cannot avoid the spiritual scarring. Andy Stanley teaches that every person we have sex with takes a little bit of our soul. Why? The Bible teaches that sex creates one person out of two (Gen. 2:24). To demonstrate this, I have sealed an envelope. Then I attempt to unseal what I have made into one, representing a break-up or divorce. There are pieces left behind. In other words, try to separate from someone you’ve been made one with and you’re scarred for life.
I urge you to share this picture with your older child and talk about the scarring we experience when we have a physical relationship with someone we’re not married to and walk away. For girls, it’s like having a guy’s name tattooed on your face and then being rejected. (Please pray for this poor young woman.) For guys, it’s like tattooing your name on a girl’s face and leaving her scarred physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
What Other Resources Do You Recommend for Teaching Your Kids Purity?
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I’m a Christian psychologist turned homeschooling mother of six. My life can be a little crazy, so I look for sanity-saving ideas to use and share. I hope you’ll read my About page to learn more.
