My husband and I recently admitted that screens were once again taking up too much of our family’s time. As I looked for substitute activities, I found the book, 15 Minutes Outside.
One of the weird things about me, having grown up camping, gardening, and working on a farm, is that 15 minutes outside seems like a long time. I’m not a fan of getting dirty, I can’t stand mosquitos (though they love me) and I absolutely, positively hate being cold. Couple that with the fact that almost all of my responsibilities take place inside and it’s a wonder I even sampled the book. But I did.
Even though my husband is amazing about getting our kids outside to play, I have felt guilty about my indoor ways. First, I know that the sun and fresh air are good for my health (and my kids’). Second, I love the idea of using nature to teach kids. I have the Handbook of Nature Study and I’ve looked longingly at the great blog that inspires homeschoolers to use it. I did the first outing that was recommended in our neighborhood and it was a terrific time! But sadly, the first outing was the last. Finally, I have been wanting to spend more time just playing with my kids and enjoying them. I tend to teach and train and then I’m often too tired for more.
The Challenge
For those reasons and to entice the kids away from the screens, I announced that I was going to spend fifteen minutes outside with the kids every day. The kids were excited and started thinking of all the fun places we could go. Pathetically, they reminded me of our one and only nature outing. At lunch, we shared the news with Dad, who thought it was a great idea. As my son played with our dog (pictured bottom right), I kept thinking of how I was going to endure 15 minutes on the coldest, wettest days. My husband said, “It’s torture for her.” I nodded, surprised that my husband knew what I was feeling. Then I realized that he was telling my son not to let the dog get so close to the food on the table.
Right after lunch, I donned my jacket and headed out for a game of basketball P-I-G. (The kids reminded me of my commitment–already.) I was shocked that even my homework-addicted teen joined the fun. Not only did he join, but he thanked me later for the invitation. I have to admit that I planned on setting my iPhone timer for 15 minutes. The kids would have none of that, though, and we ended up playing for half an hour. We had a little bit of a nature study in that we tried to identify where the woodpecker pecking sound was coming from. But mostly, it was just good, refreshing fun.
To make it less torture for me, I plan to photograph, blog, and scrapbook our 15-minute outdoor adventures this year on my personal blog. I’ll be indoors for most of that! It isn’t realistic for me to blog daily, so my goal is a weekly roundup post. I’m also not promising to get outside when there’s a tornado warning, it’s -50F, or I’m really sick. But I’m willing to get out of my comfort zone.
I received an email from an unmotivated homeschooler this week and with her permission, I am posting it here in the desire to encourage other home educators who are in the same place and to solicit even more great feedback from you veterans.
I came across your website tonight while doing a google search… yep, I googled, “What if I love the idea of homeschooling, but I’m really not cut out for it?” I’ve been trying to do it for almost 5 school years now. My first son took two years for kindergarten because I got sick (and lazy), my second son is special needs – on the autism spectrum somewhere, and my third school-age child is my first daughter in Kindergarten, and I have a 2 year old.
My point is that I’m at that place where I really think I’m doing an injustice to them by keeping them home. I’m not getting things done, they’re lazy and it’s most likely because they see it in me. There’s a lot that goes into that, but the question remains… how do you DO what you know you need to do? How do you kick yourself in the tuckus so to speak to get the job done? I know what my calling is and what is expected of me, but I’m really struggling in getting it done…thanks for any advice.
An Unmotivated Homeschooler
I had some thoughts, but I took the issue to my Homeschool Homies (HH) and here is what we have to share with her:
Check your expectations. One of my HHs suggested that if you took two years to do kindergarten, you might be expecting way too much. Kindergarten should be a gentle introduction to math, reading, and learning in general. There are few reasons to hold your child back in kindergarten, though you can continue to work on skills at his level. In other words, are you really lazy, or do you expect to do more than is reasonable? Unreasonable expectations lead to overwhelm which can in turn lead to feeling unable to start.
Do less. When you feel like you aren’t doing much, this seems like crazy advice, but having less to do helps you do more. One HH swears by taking time to train her children to do household chores like laundry and cooking. When my children were younger, I had a housekeeper come in once every two weeks. Both strategies can free you up to spend more time teaching. Next, simplify your schooling. Set aside time-consuming, activity-heavy curriculums and do the essentials (some Bible, math, reading, and some language arts instruction–maybe some handwriting practice). Subjects like history, science, and geography do not have to be done every day and can be simply reading a great book in that subject area.
Get accountability. Being a home educator is tough for many reasons, but perhaps the biggest is we have no one overseeing our work and giving us feedback (at least in most states). Ask your husband to hold you accountable, join or start a co-op requiring preparation every week, and/or find an accountability partner. Ask an experienced homeschooler to look over what you hope to accomplish in an average day or week and let her tell you if it’s reasonable. Once you have a reasonable plan, have an accountability check-in each day or week. I use a website called idonethis.com and when I reply to it each evening with a list of accomplishments, I cc my accountability partner. Agree with your partner that if you haven’t met a minimum standard in a certain time period, that you should send your children to school.
Get support. My HHs agreed that you have a lot to handle at this stage of your homeschooling. If you don’t get together with other homeschoolers in person or online on a regular basis, may I suggest that you do so ASAP? This is a very difficult calling and we need our HHs to cheer us on. I dont know what I would do without the time to talk, laugh, and cry with my HSing pals. I really like the Hip Homeschool Moms FB page for asking questions and getting support. You may also want to consider programs that can support your homeschooling. From enrollment in online schools where all the teaching and grading are done for you to day programs and classes, you will find that you really don’t have to do it all!
I also asked my HHs how they get things done that they’re reluctant to do. Here is what they said:
I just do it. If it has to be done…
That might seem unreasonable, but sometimes we obsess over a task ten times longer than it would take to just do it. Just doing it may be setting a timer and doing it for a minimum time and then being allowed to stop. Your children will respond well to this, too.
I give myself a reward. If we get a lot of school done one day, we might go to the park the next.
One of the biggest reasons we homeschool moms get stuck doing things that aren’t school-focused is we don’t give ourselves guilt-free time. Make sure you have some every single day. Whether your older child plays with the younger while you surf the web for half an hour, you pay a sitter to come give you time away once a week, or your husband takes over at scheduled times, you will find yourself refreshed and ready to homeschool once again.
I pray about it.
Love this one. We are doing something great for the glory of God. Why would we expect it to be easy or to do it alone? God is there to help us and will certainly equip us for the work He has called us to do. My Homeschool Homies and I are praying for you!
for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose. – Philippians 2:13
P.S. Treat your homeschooling like a career. Develop habits and a routine (FLYLady is wonderful inspiration) or a schedule (Managers of Their Homes is excellent). Build in break times that coincide with times you’re tired. Give yourself credit for what you DO do, rather than what you don’t.
I discovered today that I have been logging in to comment on blogs for a long time with a profile that connects people to blogs I haven’t updated in years. While I was dismayed by this discovery, I was delighted by another. I found a blog post on homeschooling I don’t remember writing six years ago. Here it is:
I am teaching my 4th grader long division. Every time I say it’s time for math, he stalls. “What time is it?” “Do you need me to watch the younger kids?” “Aren’t we supposed to be reading now?”
When he does sit down to work, he usually does handwriting instead…on his math page. He covers his paper with, “I don’t get it. I need help. I don’t know.” I remember learning long division. It’s the most challenging of the math operations to learn for sure! But my 4th grader is extremely bright and knows what is required to divide.
When I went over his work with him, explaining again and again what he needed to know, it suddenly occurred to me what the problem was. I told him that there was a technical term for the struggles he was having. I wrote it on his paper. L-a-z-i-n-e-s-s.
He smiled. He knew I was right. In order to do long division, you have to guess at the correct answer. Then you have to check to see if you are right. If you are not, you have to erase and try again. And you repeat this process over and over.
How many times in my life have I been like my son? I’ve said, “I don’t know how to lose weight. I don’t get how to exercise regularly. I need help to get organized.” Yet, like my son, I really didn’t need someone to tell me over and over and over how these things were done. I knew what needed to be done. I just didn’t want to try, make a mistake, and start over. The problem was l-a-z-i-n-e-s-s. I can smile at that.
Is it time to work on your problems?
The postscript that should make YOU smile is that this math-lazy boy is now in an AP class for Calculus BC as a high school sophomore. There is hope for lazy students and teachers.
Do your children make excuses for not doing their work? Do you ever search the web for more information on doing something you already know how to do? Or am I the only one?
Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider its ways and be wise! Proverbs 6:6
I think I learned more about changing behavior in my undergraduate psych lab training rats than I did in graduate school. We had the daunting task of teaching an animal that can’t speak (besides a squeak!) how to play basketball with a marble. As you look to your homeschool future, your task may seem just as difficult.
Before we did any rat training, we took one very crucial step that we often neglect in our homeschooling: we kept them hungry.
Well-fed rats aren’t motivated to do anything because they’re already being rewarded with what they want most. Rats that are a little hungry (not weak with starvation) are very attentive to anything that earns them a food pellet. The hungry rat that I trained with my partner very quickly learned to press a bar, peek through a window, swing on a trapeze, and yes, play basketball with a marble–all with no lectures.
Children that can communicate with us should be capable of learning a great deal more, but often they don’t. Why? They aren’t hungry.
Why Kids Aren’t Hungry to Learn
Today’s children are being fed a steady diet of things more rewarding than learning. Reading, painting, discovering, experimenting, acting, writing, computing, solving, and creating are naturally rewarding activities. But these treats can’t compare with the taste of electronics. If you’re meticulous about keeping your kids away from screen time, good for you! But if you’re an average American family, your kids still may be full on the rewards of a prosperous lifestyle. Toys, games, trips, treats, and entertainment aren’t just for special occasions anymore. Even if you refrain from giving your children too much, you may have relatives who fill the gap.
A rat who isn’t hungry won’t be bothered to press a bar for a food pellet and a child who isn’t hungry to learn won’t be bothered to read.
How Can We Keep ‘Em Hungry?
I live in the same keep-em-fed world you do and I’m constantly looking for strategies to keep my kids hungry to learn. Here are a few that I use or would like to:
Limit screen time. This has been my biggest challenge in a house full of boys. Lately the challenge has been having friends call or come over and want to play games and I cave. My plan is to let their friends know when games are off-limits.
Limit gifts. When you can’t think of anything to buy your child (been there!), they have too much. I have made some attempts in this area, but want to be even more vocal about requesting time with people they love. Time learning together is a double gift!
Say no. Deprivation makes the reward all the sweeter. Saying no is a good idea even when the request is positive. Rewards that are given constantly lose their power to motivate behavior.
Make them earn rewards. If kids have free access to lots of stimulating, fun activities that have little educational value, motivation disappears. Educational games should be used as dessert, not the main course.
Offer less appealing alternatives. Allowing my reluctant reader to choose between reading and worksheets has helped him develop a great reading habit. Use the choice between undesirable chores or busy work and the subject you want your child to focus on to keep her hungry.
Let them get bored. Just like few people know what it’s like to be really hungry anymore, few of us are familiar with real boredom. To find stomach hunger, you may have to go without food for hours (or days!). To help your kids find true boredom, you may have to go without screens, noise, toys, or outside playmates. Consider making a day of your homeschool week a day of fasting from all these “fast-food treats” so you can rediscover how delicious learning really is. I’m definitely considering it.
they have become rich and powerful and have grown fat and sleek. Their evil deeds have no limit; they do not seek justice. (Jeremiah 5:27b-28).
I’ll be honest. I have some fat rats at home. I think my belly is protruding, too! Do you have any other ideas on how I can keep my kids hungry to learn? Just a quick caveat. I think it would be easy to leave our little rugrats weak from starvation, too. A little fun and game time gives kids the energy they need to get serious about studying.
There are a number of great resources for teaching apologetics today and what a blessing that is! As a Christian homeschooler who believes in a literal interpretation of Genesis, I am a huge fan of Answers for Kids. While it’s listed as appropriate for ages 8-11, I have used it comfortably with my five youngest, ages 5-13. Few Bible curriculums I have used are as well suited to multiple ages.
One of the best features of the curriculum for us is that it includes colorful graphics on the included CD that grab my kids’ attention. We attach our laptop to our TV in the school room so everyone can see. Doing this also allows us to quickly read the associated Bible passages online. I have my kids take turns reading them and treat doing so as a privilege to be earned once he can read. I have just one more child to go!
Another excellent feature of Answers for Kids is the repetition. We use a number of different resources for teaching Bible and don’t use them every day. The review is a refresher for the kids and me, too!
I consider myself fairly knowledgeable in apologetics, but I have learned new things as I’ve taught the kids. In fact, sometimes the kids have to try to get my attention as I start reading without them! This relates to why I think Answers for Kids is a great Motivated Homeschooler resource: Motivated teachers beget motivated students. If you love it, your kids are likely to love it, too.
Our duty as Christian homeschoolers isn’t just to shelter and protect, but also to equip them to defend their faith.
Finally, this curriculum addresses the challenges to faith our kids are likely to encounter in the future. Answers for Kids is an excellent elementary to junior high weapon for spiritual warfare. Answers in Genesis has a number of other materials I would recommend.
I blogged about the book, The House That Cleans Itself, on Wonder Women and the great impact it had on my housekeeping and filing systems. Lately I’ve been wondering if the principles of the book can be applied to homeschool motivation. I think it can!
The most powerful idea in Mindy Starns Clark’s book for me was the idea of working with what is rather than what we wish it were (I love alliteration, don’t you?). This concept enabled me to let go of the idea that I would ever be a meticulous filer. Instead I worked with what I am, which is a file digger. By filing everything in broad categories into large Pendaflex files by time (most recent folders in front), I’ve been able to find things but haven’t had the stress of the massive to-file pile. I then used this notion to help me find a solution to the kids’ bathroom disaster.
My homeschool isn’t teaching itself yet, but I definitely have some ideas that could move it in that direction.
What I Wish
We were early morning homeschoolers
We could get all our school done before lunch
The kids would do more work independently
I had more energy at certain times than I do
Working With What Is
We start school later now to accommodate later bedtimes. The bonus is I get more morning time alone which is my optimal work time.
We do the fun stuff after lunch. The kids bug me to do it which motivates me to keep working into the afternoon.
I work with the kids on stuff they would otherwise resist on their own (that’s the joy of homeschooling, right?).
I quit scheduling anything for those times when I know I’ll be too tired and got rid of guilt.
Stop Fighting and Start Flourishing!
Making it Work for You
Start by making a list of the aspects of your school that have been very resistant to change. Next, imagine that those things won’t change (depressing, I know). Finally, decide what you can do to make your homeschool run more smoothly, despite those less-than-optimal students and teacher(s).
It may take a while for you to find satisfactory solutions, but the process will be much easier when you let go of those wishes and start working with what is.
P.S. This process works with personal goals, too! Give it a try and let me know what happens.
I’m a Christian psychologist turned homeschooling mother of six. My life can be a little crazy, so I look for sanity-saving ideas to use and share. I hope you’ll read my About page to learn more.
