There are any number of reasons why your child may not be wild about reading:
1) Books he's given are too challenging for him
2) The material doesn't interest him
3) She might have a learning disability like dyslexia
4) Not enough reading role models
5) She's an auditory learner
6) Other options for entertainment are too easily accessible (e.g., video games)
7) He is anxious about it, possibly because Mom or Dad is, too
Whatever the reason for his reluctance, it's a good idea to take a relaxed approach to trying several different approaches to encouraging reading. I have two websites for you and your child to check out. The first is a great one for kids at the very beginning of their reading journey: Starfall. Your child can brush up on phonics and take the focus off her performance by rating the stories she reads. It's completely free!
The second website is from Disney. It offers 600 titles from picture to chapter books. Books can be read to your child or unknown words can be touched and read to them. A dictionary can quickly be accessed, too. Kids love the realistic turning pages. The most innovative part of the program is the intermittent (and unexpected) quizzes that test comprehension and award points. Get a free week trial here without giving your credit card! If you love it, up to three children can read as many books as they'd like for $8.95/month. Very reasonable in my opinion! And nope, I don't get anything for sending you there.
I realize this letter may come as a bit of a surprise as I am not in the habit of writing parents. But I had no choice but to respond to some serious issues that have recently come up in your home. Please understand that I would like to continue to take your children’s teeth and leave them money, but I need your cooperation.
First, be aware that I do not visit in the midst of a stomach flu outbreak. Ever. Please tell your child to save missing teeth for a day when I feel bet–I mean, when I am sure you are all well.
Second, I do not visit the same child more than once in the same week. Believe it or not, I do not use technology to remind me to pick up teeth so when I find myself at the same house in a short period of time, I am sure I have made a mistake and do not leave any money.
Third, for the same reason, I cannot pick up teeth from two children at your house in the same week. I am especially indisposed to doing so during a stomach flu outbreak.
Fourth, please do not allow your children to place their teeth under their pillows themselves. I am only so magic after all. Having to feel around in the dark for tiny teeth that are not in any substantive container makes me less inclined to visit next time. Know what I mean?
Fifth, please share this letter with your husband. It seems he has been occasionally leaving money for your children under their pillows. The pillow is my territory. If he wants to give your children money any other way, that is fine. But spoiling your children this way risks disappointment and a strained relationship with me in the future. Please ask him to cease and desist or he will have to play the tooth fairy full-time.
Finally, please stop disparaging me to your children. I am not too lazy to come in a snowstorm. I am not a forgetful airhead. I am trying to make the process of growing up an exciting adventure for your child.
The kids and I studied human birth and development this year and I had to pass along a fantastic resource for Christian parents: Life Before Birth. It doesn't tell the whole story of conception so it's appropriate for younger kids. It also discounts the evolutionary dogma that leads to pro-abortion attitudes. If you're a homeschooler, this a wonderful resource. But if you're just a mom or grandma who wants to share the miracle of conception and birth with your children, this book is a must-have!
In my grandparents’ generation, it was uncommon for moms and dads to say, “I love you.” Their generation spawned the Mommy Dearest generation, who was ready to spew forth a list of grievances against their parents at the first therapist’s invitation. Today’s parents try to do everything possible to avoid being the subject of a malicious memoir. Most say “I love you” quite frequently. Unfortunately, I think we’re still failing to communicate love. One reason is our refusal to say I’m sorry.
Words We Need to Hear…
When you think back over the worst times of your life–the relationship that ended badly, the job you were fired from, the blame you didn’t deserve, what do you find yourself longing for? When the victim’s family gathers to see the execution of their loved one’s murderer, what do they long for? I think they want to hear a heartfelt “I’m sorry.”
We Don’t Say to Others
We all long to hear these words when we’ve been wronged, yet when we’ve hurt someone, failed someone, or disappointed someone, we don’t say, “I’m sorry.” We say, “I love you.” We explain why it wasn’t our fault. Why we didn’t have a choice. Why anybody could understand if they walked in our shoes. That it’s just how we are. Meanwhile our frequent proclamations of love are giving us more divorces and failed families than any past generation.
Because of our propensity to avoid the I’m-sorry, I have quit telling anyone but my immediate family that I’ve been hurt by something someone said or did. When I have admitted to hurts in the past, thinking that this is a healthy way of managing relationships, I don’t get “I’m sorry.” Instead, the wounding party produces a voluminous list of grievances from the past decades. Apparently no “I’m sorry” is warranted if you’ve been hurt too. In the rare instances I have heard a “sorry,” it is almost immediately followed by a “but.” Or it’s a “sorry you took it that way.”
Why We Don’t Say “I’m Sorry”
Why do we refuse to admit to wrongdoing? When we don’t say we’re sorry, we carry around the guilt of our misdeeds. Perhaps we can fool others into thinking we have no responsibility for anything that we do, but we can’t fool ourselves forever. Guilt eats away at our conscience producing physical and mental disorders in addition to the destruction of our most precious relationships. Do we avoid saying the words because they make us vulnerable? They most certainly do. Negotiating conflict in relationships effectively requires vulnerability, a give and take. Some of us, however, are afraid to say we’re sorry because we think it makes our worst fears about ourselves true: I’m a terrible mother. I’m insensitive. I’m a rotten wife. A bad employee. An idiot.
Saying we’re sorry only means that we admit to doing something that wasn’t right. Saying we’re sorry actually means that we are good mothers, wives, and employees who are sensitive and smart.
I know there are times I haven’t said I’m sorry when I should have or at least as quickly as I should have. But like my parents’ generation desired to say “I love you” to give that which they missed in their own childhoods, I am determined to tell my children I am sorry regularly. They may still write a nasty tell-all book about all my failings, but at least they won’t be able to say, “And she never said she was sorry.”
Do you need to say you’re sorry to someone? Pray for the strength to do it today.
My mom has always lived about four hours away so she hasn't been able to spend much time with my kids. Mom is retired now and has been pursuing lots of interesting hobbies (karaoke, scrapbooking, and now writing). She started two blogs that have been such a blessing for the kids and me. In her personal blog, she shares stories from her past (mostly her childhood). I've begged her to do this for years and finally her brother talked her into it. Thanks, Uncle Keith! I now read the stories to the kids at lunch and we can all enjoy them together.
Her second blog is for her stories for children. I read these to the kids at lunch, too, or at bedtime. She uses pictures of my kids or clip art to illustrate them. What a joy it is to have my kids ask, "Did Grandma write another story?"
My mom is so creative. Leave it to her to come up with a wonderful way to stay connected with grandchildren across the miles.
While on a trip to Disney World, I read Screamfree Parenting on my Kindle. I wasn't expecting a lot, but I really got a lot out of it. Although it is not a Christian book, it is clearly written in accordance with Christian principles. The author suggests that at the heart of many of our parenting frustrations is fear. He confronts us with our own poor self-control and asks why we should expect our children to control themselves if we can't. One of his most convicting points is that every failure to discipline is a broken promise to a child. His book supports two talks I've been doing: one on fearless parenting and the other on fearless homeschooling. It's a quick read and I highly recommend it.
I’m a Christian psychologist turned homeschooling mother of six. My life can be a little crazy, so I look for sanity-saving ideas to use and share. I hope you’ll read my About page to learn more.
