How have you completed this sentence, "Someday I'll…" Have you said you'd run a marathon, learn to dance, or write a novel?
I've often said that I would like to write a novel someday. I enjoyed fiction writing until I went to college and no longer had time for it. Then my passion became writing a nonfiction book. I completed that goal in the scope of one summer. That's why I know that the rationale behind National Novel Writing Month works. The idea is simple. Rather than wait until the conditions are just right and you feel you can do your "best work," you commit to writing 50,000 words in the month of November.You don't edit what you write. You don't even have to plan it! Instead, you just start writing an average of 1667 words a day and at the end of the month, you "win." You guessed it. You won't be pumping out stellar prose every day. But you're writing! And that's more than half the battle.
If you've ever wanted to write a novel, why don't you join me? I would love to have others to compare word counts with. But if you have another someday goal, why don't you plan to do it in November? It's unlikely that you'll have more time some day in the future than you have now. And even if you do, it's unlikely to make you more productive. How many times have you heard of someone who waited to do something that they then weren't able to do? The man who planned to travel when he retired, who didn't live long enough to do it? My friends who are retired are some of the busiest people I know!
What are you waiting for? Sign up for the class, draw up a business plan, volunteer, make the reservations, or go to National Novel Writing Month right now. There's very little risk you'll be sorry you did, but chances are very good you'll end up being sorry you didn't.
As I’ve continued to enjoy living without a to-do list, I keep looking for others online who share my practice. I’ve been able to find precious few people who’ve discovered the peace that is possible when you toss out your to-do list.
At first I thought this paucity of like-minded souls suggested that I had such a novel idea that I should write a book about it. It took me about a minute to determine that the book would be rather short. “Just do stuff. No list.” When I Google the subject, I pull up countless websites that tell me that what I am experiencing just isn’t possible; success requires a to-do list, say the experts.As I read through many simple living blogs, I have to wonder why it takes so long to explain how to do things “simply.”
If I sound mocking, know that I mock myself as well. How many hours have I spent reading and researching how to simplify my life? I would be horrified to know how much of that time has been devoted to reading about cleaning and organizing rather than cleaning and organizing. Does a woman with a Ph.D. really have to be told:
If you don’t use it, need it, or love it, get rid of it.
Yet, I continue to read this advice repackaged in numerous books and websites and act like it’s news to me. “Oooooohhhhh, I see. That’s what I need to do.” All my list-making, software searching, and reading hasn’t helped me live simply, but has certainly convinced me that I’m a simpleton. Why do so many of us behave this way? Why do we have to invest so much of our time and money into learning to do things we already know how to do? Are we really a bunch of people who are so slow that we need to endlessly be instructed about parenting, health, and productivity? Apparently.
So why are we so learning disabled when it comes to simple living and life change for that matter? In A Thomas Jefferson Education, Oliver DeMille argues that all education is self-education. In other words, unless you WANT to learn something, you won’t. And when you DO want to learn something, you won’t even need an instructor. You’ll just learn it. If you don’t really want to declutter your house, you won’t—even if FLYLady makes a personal visit. If you really DO want to declutter, you will. You won’t waste any time waiting for your special FLYLady timer to arrive before you get started.
Don’t get me wrong. Some of us really do need an instructor. But when it comes to most of the changes we need to make, what we really need is the want-to. Here are some signs that you might not have the want-to you need:
· You’ll get started after some future event (the wedding, the baby, the retirement)
· You often talk about why something didn’t work (FLYLady, GTD, Love & Logic)
· You can produce lots of great reasons why you can’t do it (health problem, family member, money, too tired)
· You’d much rather spend time reading about or researching that which you should be doing
· If you suddenly had a free day, you wouldn’t spend time on whatever you “want” to do
· If you knew you were going to be dead in six months, you still wouldn’t do it
If any of those statements sound like you, you aren’t ready to learn and do. Because you aren’t, you’ll make things that are very simple very complicated. But, you may ask, why would any reasonable person behave this way? Here are some reasons to consider:
You are trying to live up to someone else’s standard. It isn’t your standard. Deep down you just don’t care, but you keep thinking you “should.”
You feel guilty when you aren’t doing. Guilt makes you spend more time doing nothing, not less.
You’re afraid of the consequences of doing. Will people expect more of you than you can deliver? Will you lose a relationship or gain one? Will your opinion of yourself change for the worse?
You’re angry at someone or at God. You don’t feel you should have to do something or subconsciously you get back at someone by not doing it.
You’ve believed lies. You think perfection is possible or that you’re hopeless.
If any of these reasons apply to you, how then can you find the want-to you need to get things done? First, be brutally honest with yourself. Second, confess any guilt, fear, apathy, or willingness to believe lies to God and receive His forgiveness. Third, ask Him to give you the want-to. Philippians 2:13 says “It is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose." Fourth, tell someone you trust why you don’t have the want-to and check in with them regularly to talk about how you’re doing. Finally, memorizeScriptures related to the reasons behind your unwillingness and meditate on them as often as necessary.
As each day goes by without the use of a to-do list, I have found that I wonder when my life will fall apart. This simple living just seems too…simple. I sometimes don’t know what to do with all my free time (that’s why I decided to write this post). I miss some of the people I met while trying to make my life more complicated. But simple living works. Try it! If you want to…
I've had disagreements with my parents, my friends, my bosses, pastor, husband, and kids. But until today, I didn't realize that I've had disagreements with God, too. Sure I've had disappointments with God. I'll even admit to being peeved at Him. But I have never thought of them as disagreements.
Disappointments have to be grieved. I remember pitching the biggest fit when I was eight years old about not being able to stay overnight at the new farmhouse we'd purchased as planned. Fortunately, after many tears and a few weeks, I got over it.
Anger has to be soothed. My mother was a master at soothing my anger. She would pretend like I wasn't mad and would try to make me laugh. I almost always did.
I've always thought that heaven would provide me with the ultimate relief from my disappointment and anger. Perhaps I would be so distracted by the glories of heaven that I would forget all about the troubles I'd had on earth. Perhaps God's presence would be so soothing that I wouldn't feel hurt and angry about everything that went on before. But an email I got today from a Bible Question of the Week gave me a completely different perspective. The question the email answered was whether pets go to heaven. The we-don't-know answer was familiar to me, but the last sentence of the answer wasn't:
We do know that God is just and that when we get to heaven we will find ourselves in complete agreement with His decision on this issue, whatever it may be.
In our disagreements with others, we are doing well just to get beyond the disappointment and anger. I once had a serious disagreement with my husband. I am no longer disappointed and angry about it, but I still don't agree.
How different is our relationship with our Heavenly Father. Not only will He wipe away every tear; not only will He fill us with His joy, but we will find ourselves in complete agreement with Him. Every illness, trial, and unanswered prayer we've endured will evoke, "You were right."
My husband can testify to the fact that those words seldom make their way from my lips! But knowing that they will one day be the words I use to praise our awesome God enables me to trust Him when my flesh cries out in disappointment in anger. May we be like Joseph who held no grudge against God for his unjust treatment:
But Joseph said to them, "Don't be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good…" Genesis 50:19-20a
On Saturday morning, my 7-year-old son and I had breakfast at Waffle House so we could enjoy some special one-on-one time. I shared with him fond memories of my dad taking me out for a cinnamon roll on special Saturday mornings and asked him to imagine what is was like for me at his age having only one sibling, not five!
If you’ve never been to a Waffle House, allow me to describe it for you. It’s a tiny old-fashioned hash-slinger restaurant with booths and stools surround the grill and windows encapsulating it all. I haven’t been to this Waffle House in years, because until recently, there was very little I could eat there. Today I rejoiced that I could eat freely and enjoy my son’s company. Against my own advice, I expected as much. What I didn’t expect was to see everyone else at the Waffle House rejoicing, too.
As each new customer entered the restaurant, their name was called out as though everyone were thrilled that they had come. It reminded me of the cries of “Norm!” from the old TV sitcom, “Cheers.” Obviously, most of the people who walked in were regular customers. I noticed that some of them looked tired coming in from the parking lot, but were all smiles as they were greeted. The new faces were welcomed as enthusiastically as the old. One man came through the door carrying a bouquet of flowers. He gave them to a waitress wishing her a happy birthday. She hugged him and I was astonished to hear her not only thank the man, but to affirm him as always being generous and thoughtful. Everyone in the place appeared to be happy and I found myself wishing that I were a regular customer.
I wondered whether this scene will be replayed on Sunday morning. I was sure it would be. I had to ask myself why anyone would want to come to my church on Sunday mornings when they could come to the Waffle House? Ouch. I have many friends at church. I am greeted warmly at my church. But not in a Waffle House kind of way. And sadly, I must admit that I also do not greet others in a Waffle House kind of way.
I continued to wonder in the Waffle House. I wondered how many people walk into my church tired and leave tired, too. I wondered how many people have birthdays that aren’t acknowledged. I wondered how many people think their heavenly Father doesn’t love them in a Waffle House kind of way. But one thing I didn’t wonder is why more people don’t come to church on Sunday mornings.
As I wandered out of the Waffle House, I wondered what would happen if I began loving people at church in a Waffle House kind of way. I wondered what would happen if we all began loving people in a Waffle House kind of way. In that spirit, thanks for joining me here on my blog. You made my day!
We are doing an excellent Bible study on Sunday mornings called, “When the Game’s Over, It All Goes Back in the Box.” The session this week was about score keeping. In a God-incidence, the teacher, John Ortberg, talked about the game of tennis being won in our minds.
This weekend I started getting nervous thinking about playing in the tennis league again today. I practiced serving over and over on Saturday and felt like I would be hopeless come Monday morning! I realized in Bible study that my problem is I never stop keeping score. I constantly compare myself to others and end up feeling like a superior winner or like an inferior loser.
I’m afraid I’m not alone in my score-keeping habit. My Facebook news list is more than halfway filled with people’s game scores. I started off making a list of all the ways we compete, but I can’t really think of any way we don’t? Can you?It’s good-natured fun, but even when I scrapbook in a group, we compare how many pages we’ve completed! The problem with score-keeping is it feeds our pride, even if we suffer for comparison. The emphasis in competition is always on “me.”
This morning I was determined to be anxiety-free playing tennis. I was reassured reading an online article about the mental game of tennis that explained improvement. It seems we often expect tennis mastery to proceed in a linear fashion when like so many other things, it involves steps backward and plateaus. I also considered my thoughts about playing. I realized that the world wouldn’t come to an end if I double faulted every game. The ladies wouldn’t hate me because I would pull all their scores down equally. I also decided to have fun. After all, that’s why I had joined the league. Not so I could claim “best player of the league” status. Who would really care?
So how did I rate? I didn’t win any more games than I won last week, but I had so much more fun. I wasn’t nervous and noticed that no one else was serving with blazing speed. I also realized that I was a real boost to the other ladies’ egos. I’m sure it made the 81-year-old and the just-had-brain-surgery woman feel great that they could beat a younger gal like me.At least I earned a bonus: a good old-fashioned dose of humility.
Philippians 2:3 “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.”
I didn't take this picture today, but it makes me happy to use a picture that's already loaded onto my computer. 🙂
I'm happy that I got to teach my son's Sunday school class this morning. I'm so glad my son doesn't mind me teaching his class and I'm pleased with the interaction I had. I'm also glad that I figured out a way of handling the absence of one of the handouts.
Church was wonderful. The kids sang a wonderful rendition of a song about David and Goliath. The sermon was just what I needed–on taming the tongue! My friend's back is doing better, thanks be to God.
I did the grocery shopping and thoroughly enjoyed it. It's so wonderful to be able to shop and not feel like 95% of the food is off-limits for you.
I made homemade apple pies–four of them–in short order. I had so much fun teasing my neighbor about our competition tonight. I enjoyed having our friend, George, over for dinner. He was the judge of our two apple pies. We asked another neighbor over to help judge and it was unanimous. The neighbor's pie was better. And you know what? I agree! It was such a treat having the neighbors over to eat delicious pie and ice cream and to visit.
I am glad I got the kitchen cleaned up and even made time to write two blog posts today. Oh yes! And my inbox is empty.
I am especially happy that despite feeling tempted to ponder things that do not make me happy, I am writing this list. It really helps! Give it a try. 🙂
I’m a Christian psychologist turned homeschooling mother of six. My life can be a little crazy, so I look for sanity-saving ideas to use and share. I hope you’ll read my About page to learn more.
