I was reviewing responses to a survey I sent out to my email readers. (You can join the email list and get the weekly sanity savers here.) I scrolled down to the section where I asked my readers to tell me what I could do to better meet their needs. Apparently, I expected a lot of criticism. That isn’t what I got. The positive comments and encouragement brought tears to my eyes. It still makes me emotional. It was at that moment that I realized that I have been being too hard on myself. I am always thinking about what I should be doing differently or better. In that moment of reading feedback I realized that other people don’t view me the way that I view me. I know that if I struggle with the issue of being too hard on myself, it’s highly likely that many of my listeners do to.
I decided that I needed to take steps to stop being too hard on myself. Here’s how.
The first step is to recognize that you are being too hard on yourself.
How can you recognize that? By looking for signs. The first sign is surprise at other people’s positive comments. That was a telltale sign for me that I have been being way too hard on myself. When others compliment you, are you quick to disagree? Do you find reasons why their compliments aren’t accurate? If so, you are likely being too hard on yourself.
A second sign that you’re being too hard on yourself is discouragement. If we feel like nothing we ever do is good enough, we are likely to feel down. Lately, I have been feeling discouraged. Last week my website was hacked for the second time. I wondered if it was even worthwhile to continue my blog and podcast. I don’t think I would have had that response if I hadn’t been being too hard on myself prior to that. It’s so easy as homeschooling moms to think we need to be doing more, that we need to be doing better. In fact, one of the mothers who responded to my email survey said she wanted help to be a better mother and teacher. I understand that desire because I share it. But I wonder if that feeling of still not being up to par doesn’t lead to more discouragement. Surprise at others’ positive comments and discouragement are signs that you’re being too hard on yourself.
The third sign is feelings of guilt. You feel guilty because you aren’t spending enough time on subjects. You feel guilty because you aren’t cooking from scratch often enough. You feel guilty because you’re not spending enough time with your husband or just playing with the kids. You feel guilty that you’re not saving enough money. These feelings of guilt often come from being too hard on ourselves. There is a place for legitimate guilt that tells us we need to make a change. But guilt that just torments us is likely a result of us being too hard on ourselves.
A fourth sign that we are being too hard on ourselves is fatigue. When we try to do more and to do better all the time and it’s just never good enough, it’s exhausting. If we give ourselves time to rest and feel that we have completed a job well done, we would have the energy we need to do all that God has called us to do. Without that, we may be on the verge of sending the kids to school or dropping a blog or podcast that we love.
If you recognize any of these signs, there’s a high likelihood that you’re being too hard on yourself. Once we know were being too hard on ourselves what can we do?
The first thing we can do is to move away from negative people.
For those of you who are married to a negative person, I am not suggesting that you file for divorce or leave home. I don’t know you and I don’t know your situation, but I do advise you to speak to your pastor or a Christian counselor and get godly counsel that is just for you. Even if we’re not discussing a negative spouse and it’s an extended family member or a friend, I’m not necessarily telling you to cut off relationship. But I am suggesting that you find a way to spend less time around people who are negative toward you. If you are in a relationship with someone who is critical, who is always pointing out what’s wrong with your work or with your efforts, find a way to spend less time with that person. If you are in a relationship with someone who makes fun of you, if they laugh at you and not with you, find a way to spend less time with this person. If you are in a relationship with someone who brags and you end up feeling inferior in comparison, find a way to spend less time with this person. If you’re in a relationship with a negative person who tells you that it’s you and not them, find a way to spend less time with this person. I’ve done a variety of blog posts on the topic of negative people you may find helpful.
Avoid material that gives you unrealistic goals.
Material that gives you unrealistic goals can include books on how to be a better mother or how to be a better homeschooler. Choose books instead like how to be a good enough parent. Listen to homeschoolers who get real with you about their lives. Avoid looking at magazines even in the grocery stores that have Photoshopped pictures of women, who can give us the idea that we don’t look good enough. Remember that Facebook posts can give us an unrealistic picture of what’s attainable. An example is a great sanity saver that I shared on the Homeschool Sanity Facebook page. It was a video of using a mixer to shred chicken. What the video doesn’t show is that when you do this and your chicken is in any kind of broth or sauce, you will get splatters everywhere. This is a metaphor for social media. If we try to fashion our lives after the perfect images we see, we will end up with a mess. If platforms like Pinterest or Instagram make you feel like you aren’t good enough, give them a rest.
Stop worshiping at the church of productivity.
I love productivity and I love learning new ways to get things done more efficiently. But when I read a blogger’s sentence that read, “If you worship at the church of productivity like me,” I realized there was a problem. Our culture does worship accomplishment. But we need to take time to just be. When I was having severe shoulder pain, I spent quite a bit of time in the hot tub just sitting and thinking. The benefits of that time were amazing. I found myself getting perspective. I felt less overwhelmed. I came up with new ideas.
If you were to ask people who love you why they do, I can guarantee you that they aren’t going to talk about how productive you are. I know this is true because when I think about the people I love most, my affection and appreciation for them has nothing to do with how much work they get done. While I do think it’s important to make the most of our time, it’s also true that spending time enjoying the moment is a great way to use the time we’ve been blessed with.
Find a get-real, encouraging community.
The fact that I have been a member of HomeschoolScopes.tv, a community on Facebook that supports homeschooling moms who enjoy watching or making live broadcasts, has been life-changing. The other moms I have met there are constantly helping me to see myself realistically. Yes, I get some women who tell me how awesome and amazing I am. Those kinds of comments, while meant well, sometimes leave me feeling like a phony or like I need to do more to measure up to them. But just as often, I get true encouragement that comes from women really knowing me. Last week a newer member of HomeschoolScopes told me that it was apparent to her that I spend a lot of time with God. That compliment meant so much to me and helped me in another way. My goal and yours as well if you are a follower of Jesus Christ is not to meet others’ standards of success. Rather it is to be obedient to Christ. And here’s the thing about Jesus’ expectations of us: they are so much kinder and gentler than ours. I came away from hearing that compliment realizing that yes, I have been too hard on myself. My sole mission in life is to walk in Jesus’ footsteps. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. Become a part of a community: a church, a support group, or an informal group of friends who will remind you that you are more than enough.
Look to Scripture.
The well-known story of Mary and Martha shows us the problem we can have when our standards are too high. Martha was worried about many things. I have been worried about many things. I worry then I’m not doing enough as a wife, a mother, a homeschooling mother, a teacher, a blogger, podcaster, friend, and the list goes on. In this account, we are reminded that we are to concern ourselves with just one thing: what God is calling us to do. David and Paul both had reason to be hard on themselves, yet their focus was not on themselves, but on God. Reading their stories and reflecting on the two greatest commandments will remind us that being too hard on ourselves is counterproductive to the Gospel. Our focus ought to be on the privilege we have of being part of God’s story. David and Paul understood that. They didn’t get hung up on all the ways they had failed, but rather focused on what God was going to do in them and through them going forward.
What step are you going to take today to stop being so hard on yourself? Let’s chat about it on Facebook.
I know you’ll enjoy this guest post by my friends at 7SistersHomeschool.com. Be sure to check out their fantastic homeschool electives for high school.
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Homeschooling high school years are the best years of all! While building a transcript and serious life preparation can be intimidating, high school is FUN because of the electives! Electives are enjoyable because they expand your teens’ interests, abilities and experience.
One word of warning: Don’t think that your teen MUST have a prescribed set of electives in order to have the proper transcript. There’s really not one set of BEST electives that fit every homeschooler because:There’s not one right way to homeschool. The “best” set of electives for your teen will be the set that best fits his or her strengths, interests and goals.
Homeschooling teens is such a good educational decision because you and your teens get to choose the educational electives that are the best fit for them. To put it simply:
The BEST electives for your homeschool are the ones that help YOUR TEEN develop into the person God has in mind.
In choosing electives, you are helping your teens develop into the persons they should be, but you are also helping them develop awesome transcripts. Many colleges look at 4 things on the high school transcript:
Level of academic rigor of courses
Level of performance (GPA, SATs/ACTs)
Level of personal development/Kinds of electives (because they are building a freshman class, they want to know the kinds of students they are considering- electives tell them that)
Level of commitment (extra-curriculars, especially long-term involvement extras; and competitions)
With that in mind, here are 5 categories to consider as you choose the best electives for your teens’ homeschool transcript:
Electives that explore an intriguing interest. If your teen loved chemistry, an advanced chemistry would be an excellent elective. If your teen loves Civil War history, a history elective with in-depth exploration of the topic would be a perfect elective. If your teen loves singing, voice lessons make a wise elective.
Electives that uncover an undiscovered interest. Don’t just run with already discovered interests. Most teens don’t fully know what they are interested in. (In fact, as we work with teens we often hear them say that they aren’t sure what they like or what they want to learn.) Choose some out of the box (but not killer-level) courses just to explore. Consider things like human development, field studies on astronomy (learn the constellations, etc- don’t go in for the physics on an exploratory elective), an out-of-the-box world language (think Cherokee or Celtic) painting, or poetry writing and reading.
Electives that attract an admissions officer’s attention. For this one, you’ll need to look at some local college websites (or college websites your teen may be interested in outside your area). See what kinds of electives they are looking for. Often they want to see a social science like psychology or sociology; this kind of information is empowering when you are choosing your electives for the year.
Electives that delve into career discovery. You really, really don’t want to skip this one. Why spend thousands of dollars on college if your teen doesn’t have a clue about what his major should be? Make sure you include an actual career exploration course. Other good career discovery courses include apprenticeships and courses that explore a career (for instance, a course on early childhood education or personal training).
Electives that leap into life skills. Show that your teen can function in the real world. Courses like home maintenance and home economics have not gone out of style. Courses that prepare for life but also have academic value (like human development or anatomy and physiology) are fabulous, too.
What if you aim for at least one elective from each of the 5 categories over the course of the 4 years of high school? That would be a great guideline, but remember: There’s not ONE right way to homeschool high school! When you include courses that are a good fit for your students, you’ve found the BEST electives for them. You’ll end up with homeschool high school graduates with stellar skills and terrific transcripts!
Meet six 20+year veteran homeschool moms who helped each other make it all the way to high school graduation! Vicki, Sabrina, Kym, Marilyn, Sara and Allison make up 7SistersHomeschool.com, providing ebook curriculum, coaching, and encouragement for homeschoolers everywhere. Firmly committed to the truth that there is NOT ONE RIGHT WAY to homeschool, 7Sisters develops curriculum that is adaptable to a variety of levels and promises NO busywork and NO overkill. Sharing with others via blog posts, social media and The Homeschool High School Podcast, your “big sisters” will help you along on your homeschool adventures. “But I don’t understand the “7Sisters” name,” you may say. “When I count the sisters, I only get to 6…”That’s because when you join us, YOU are the 7th sister!
Do you consistently find yourself with more to-do’s than time? If you’ve tried routines and schedules and planners and you’re still not organized, you’ll want to try time boxing. I love it!
How I’ve Organized Time in My Homeschool
FLYLady wasn’t a homeschooler, but in my early homeschooling years she introduced me to the idea that I needed routines. My plan was putting out fires. I handled whichever baby screamed the loudest. I learned that I needed to do the same things in the same order every day. Sure, there were interruptions, but the basic pattern created peace in my home.
I still use routines and talked with FLYLady about the power of routines in homeschooling in an episode of The Homeschool Sanity Show. But when I added more children and more students to my homeschool, I decided I needed more than just routines; I needed a schedule. Managers of Their Homes showed me how mothers of many could homeschool and parent and have a life, too. Time had to be allotted for it. I created the perfect schedule. But I forgot that my family is far from perfect. The schedule never really worked. It felt too constraining. So I started using what I called anchor points along with my routines. There was the noon anchor point by which the majority of my teaching should be done. There was the 5:00 p.m. anchor point at which time I needed to start dinner. Then there was the 8:00 p.m. anchor time which was when I wanted to have the kids in bed. I was usually disappointed in that one.
Today I have more scheduling in my day than I did years ago. Scheduling can be very effective if you don’t resist it. But I find that the more I schedule, the more resistance I feel. I like freedom and I suspect many homeschoolers are the same. Fortunately, routines and schedules aren’t the only options when it comes to organizing your homeschool day. Time boxing is another option and it’s flexible and effective.
What Time Boxing Is
Time boxing is a list of tasks you’d like to complete in a day, together with the amount of time you plan to spend on each. Unlike a routine, a time boxing list will be different every day. The list can be arranged in order of how you would like to complete tasks, but unlike a schedule, can be easily changed as you go through your day. A list for a homeschooler may look something like this:
Bible time – 30 mins.
History – 15 mins.
Read Aloud – 15 mins.
Raking leaves – 30 mins.
Tutoring Time – 60 mins.
Break – 30 mins.
Organizing – 15 mins.
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You decide to do one of these tasks first and set a timer. When time is up, you can either wait to start another task or move on to the next one of your choice. When you’ve finished the list, you’re done for the day.
Tips for Using Time Boxing to Organize Your Homeschool
Use an app. The Sloth (iOS) and Do Now (Android) apps make it easy and motivating to keep track of your tasks for the day. You can easily rearrange the task order, start and stop the timer, and mark tasks complete. I love having my task list with me on my phone. I’m easily distracted!
Don’t include routines. If you already have morning time in which you do the same things in the same order, don’t put them on your time boxing list. Instead, make a list of the other things you’d like to spend time on that day.
Use generous time estimates. Most people underestimate how long things will take. The more time you anticipate, the more likely you will finish with time to spare. You’ll also be less frustrated by the day’s accomplishments.
Use it to add balance to your day. What is it that you never seem to have time for? Add things like sewing, reading, or Bible journaling to your list. Even 15 minutes of these activities matters. The more time we spend doing things that rejuvenate us, the more likely we will get less enjoyable tasks done.
Use it to create habits. Until exercise is a habit, try adding it to your time boxing list. If there is something you always forget to do, add it to your list.
Use it to organize your homeschooling life. The Organized Homeschool Life provides you with 15-minute missions that will help you get organized all year. Add a 15-minute organizing task to your time boxing list and you’ll be on your way to experiencing more peace and joy in your homeschooling and life.
Use it to organize your distracted child. I have a child with ADD who flourishes with time boxing. He learns to plan work for the day, estimate how long tasks will take, and to work quickly when timed. If you use the app on your phone, rather than your child’s, you can help remind your child to stay on track.
Don’t time box your whole day. If you have a whole day’s time allotted to tasks, you are scheduling and not time boxing. The beauty of time boxing is it allows for response to distractions, new tasks, and our need for margin. Keeping the list short is more motivating, too.
If you give time boxing a try, let me know how you like it. If you’d like even more homeschool organizing tips, check out 10 Days of Homeschool Organization Ideas at They Call Me Blessed.
The first Friday in May is National Space Day. Actually, it’s an international celebration. I thought I’d join the fun by sharing six spectacular resources for making the most of this day in your homeschool.
#1 Grammar Galaxy
Grammar Galaxy: Nebula is a complete language arts curriculum for beginning readers that is perfect for National Space Day.
Read the first lesson for free to your kids to get them motivated to read. The first fun mission that follows the lesson has young guardians of the galaxy heading to the library–a perfect time to pick up other space-related books and videos. While you’re checking out Grammar Galaxy, be sure to download your free space-themed Reading for Treasure map by clicking on it.
Even though these ideas are designed for a space-themed birthday party, what a delightful surprise they would make for your kids this first Friday in May. I’m most crazy about the moon rock craft and the snack ideas!
#6 Space-Themed Movies for Kids
What would National Space Day be without a good movie? This list of 12 space-themed movies for kids doesn’t include Star Wars. There are so many good options that you can turn National Space Day into National Space month!
I was given access to this course for free and was compensated for my time. I was not required to give a positive review.
After training our children in the faith and teaching them to love learning, preparing our children to do well on the ACT is a top priority for me and my husband. We have six children to put through college and a high ACT score opens the door to significant scholarship money. (For more on preparing your child for college scholarships, be sure to listen to my interview with Lee Binz on The Homeschool Sanity Show).
Our third son will be taking the ACT for the first time this summer, so I was delighted to have the opportunity to enroll him in the six-week ACT Math Boot Camp from Mr. D Math.
Math makes up a significant portion of the ACT score. Mr. D. of Mr. D Math claims that he can raise your child’s ACT Math score 5 points. That’s significant! That’s taking the math score from average to above average, for example.
I honestly wasn’t sure what I would think of this online interactive course. My first two sons had only prepared for the test using ACT prep books. I am also very picky about teaching style.
What the Mr. D Math ACT Boot Camp Includes
The boot camp is an online course taught live by Mr. D. himself. It is scheduled for Monday evenings in our time zone, which is challenging for my son because he has drum lessons at that time. Attending live allows students to ask and answer questions. However, replays are available, allowing viewers to hear Mr. D’s responses to questions. The interactive course includes teaching of test-taking strategies, help converting word problems to equations, and review of math formulas needed for the ACT. Students look over problems prior to class that Mr. D. then solves with students in class. Students work to solve the same problems on their own between classes, promoting mastery.
The online course is not the only part of the boot camp, however. The course fee also includes the Test Prep Portal. Inside the portal are numerous videos teaching skills such as how to use your calculator during the exam. There are also ACT practice questions for math, links to math games, and even practice questions for the other subjects comprising the ACT. My son characterizes it as “a ton of stuff.”
What We Think of the Mr. D Math ACT Boot Camp
I wasn’t sure if my son would like the boot camp. He is very picky, too! But he was quite complimentary of Mr. D’s teaching style. “He makes things very easy to understand,” he said.
My son is strong in math, but even he can benefit from this boot camp. I think students who are weaker in math would absolutely love this, as would students who learn best through audio and hands-on teaching.
My son hasn’t yet taken the ACT, but I do believe Mr. D.’s claim that he can raise my child’s math score by 5 points. Since 5 points can be the difference between a scholarship and no scholarship, the cost for this boot camp ($197) is a real bargain in my opinion. It’s like having a top-notch math tutor in your home.
How to Get Started With the MrD Math ACT Boot Camp
If you’d like to enroll your child in the boot camp to prepare him or her for the June ACT, go to the Mr. D Math site today. The session just started this week, so your child can still fully participate in this boot camp. Click the same link to enroll in future boot camps. You should also follow Mr. D Math on Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube, especially if your child isn’t quite ready for the ACT. Then you won’t forgot this amazing resource for ACT preparation!
Last week I shared my new language arts curriculum, Grammar Galaxy. It is for beginning readers. This guest post by my friend, Ashley White, will help you get your child ready for it! Be sure to subscribe to Mommy’s Little Learners.
How many times, as a homeschooling parent, have you asked your young reader to “just sound it out!”? We’ve all done it more times than we can count on our own two hands! And that’s ok. I’ll give you some grace on that only because reading research has come a LONG way in the last years.
Times they are a changing, so let me fill you in on 7 Reading Strategies to go beyond “Sound it OUT!”
Keep in mind that these strategies build upon each other. Start by teaching Strategy #1, then work your way slowly down the strategy list. Introduce a new strategy only if your reader has become proficient in the others.
This is a simple strategy that can create a strong reader! If your child gets stuck on a word, ask them to simply “Look at the picture.” Doing this will help them predict words based on the clues gained from the pictures.
**Side note** Make sure that young readers have books with good picture support! This is key when teaching young ones to read successfully. Joy Cowley is one of our favorites. Here’s a great link list of her publications. Joy Cowley books
Strategy #2 – Does it Make Sense?
Simply say it when your reader gets stuck…“You said this ____. Did that make sense?” As adult readers, we do this naturally. By using this phrase, you are setting your reader up for a way for them to self-monitor and check that what they said actually makes sense in context. This is a key-question strategy that will play a huge role in your child’s reading ability once all these have been taught and mastered.
Strategy #3 – Get Your Mouth Ready
Sometimes picture clues and trying to make sense of the word simply doesn’t provide enough information for young readers. So asking them to “get their mouth ready” based off the word’s beginning/initial sound helps them to predict what would make sense. I hope that now you can see how each strategy builds upon each other.
If your reader is taught the first 2 Reading Strategies, then they can apply it when trying to incorporate the third one into their reading. And before you know it, it will come together naturally and beautifully.
Strategy #4 – Does It Look Right?
This is another key-question strategy. When readers look through the word from beginning to end, this allows them to check their prediction that they made while reading. After they have studied that word, they will either confirm or reject their word choice based off of the letter-sound relationship. If your reader can’t make sense of the letter-sound relationship, this is when the other strategies above can be used. Offer your reader the chance to “look at the picture” to check if their word choice matches and “makes sense.”.
Strategy #5 – Reread
When your reader comes to a word they don’t know, ask for a prediction (a “smart prediction”) based off the beginning sound. Go back and try that suggestion in the sentence, asking your reader… “Does that word make sense?” and “Does that word look right in the sentence you just read?” Keep in mind, when readers get stuck on a word, they often forget what they read. To check their comprehension, it’s important for them go back and reread.
Strategy #6 – Does it Sound Right?
This is your final key-question strategy! If your reader reads something that just doesn’t sound right at all, then try reading it back to them. “You read it like this…does that sound right?” This is a helpful strategy for auditory learners. There’s something magical when they hear their mistake read back to them.
Good Readers will continually use and reflect on the 3 key-question strategies: Does it Look Right? Does It Sound Right? Does It Make Sense?Once they have mastered this, you’ll be amazed!
Strategy #7 – Look for Chunks
This is one of my favorite strategies to use with young readers. However, keep in mind that all of the above should be introduced and practiced first. If your reader gets stuck on a word, ask them to use some of the above strategies first before they try this one. Have your reader look for “small words inside the big word.”
For example, the word “flat” has the small word -at inside it. I would cover up the beginning blend to show them the small word -at, then see if they can add the /fl/ blend. Once your young readers has discovered the word is “flat”, then ask them to reread the sentence, just to make sure that it “sounds right” and “makes sense.”
Lots of information, right? Keep in mind that when you implement each strategy slowly and allow your reader time to practice it daily, all this information will begin to feel comfortable, for both you and your reader.
I know many moms that have printed multiple copies of this printable and placed them ANYWHERE their child might be reading…bathrooms, cars, bedside tables, just to name a few.
Enjoy and happy reading with your little ones!
Ashley N. White is a former teacher turned homeschooling mother of 3 boys. Before becoming a mother, she taught in the classroom and was later appointed the title of Reading Coach for the 8th largest school district in the country. When she isn’t teaching her own, Ashley is offering workshops to teach parents adaptable educational ideas that they can apply at home. She blogs and shares her journey at mommyslittlelearners.blogspot.com.
I’m a Christian psychologist turned homeschooling mother of six. My life can be a little crazy, so I look for sanity-saving ideas to use and share. I hope you’ll read my About page to learn more.
