If you suddenly had all kinds of reasons to fear for your health and safety,
you’re doing something right.
If you have no challenges in this area, you won’t grow your faith. You won’t learn to trust God more if everything is going well.
This last month, I had a number of troubling physical symptoms. I also frequently had to ride in the car with my husband at the wheel. Did I perfectly trust God? No. But did I grow in my trust? Yes! I would say dramatically so. I kept thinking about the Trust Project as my top priority. It kept me from fretting, researching dread diseases,, and signaling to my husband that he was about to kill us all.
One thing I learned last month is that I needed to make an addition to our Trust Project and the printables I created to go along with it. If you’re a subscriber, you automatically received these updated forms in your inbox. If you’re not a subscriber, you can request to be by clicking the button below.
What is the needed addition?First, we need to ask ourselves the benefits of trusting God in each area. What are the benefits of trusting God with my kids? I will have far less anxiety. I can enjoy good times without them being sullied by worry. My kids will feel more confident and have more trust in God too. They won’t be annoyed by my unnecessary worry. What benefits will you gain by trusting God with your kids?
The next addition is to ask ourselves what we will stop and start doing if we are trusting God in this area. With my kids, I will start assuming that my kids are safe. I will assume that God will guide them and protect them. I will believe the best about them and for them. I will stop believing that they will have an accident or be crime victims or will make poor choices. I will believe that my kids are in God’s hands and that that is safer for them than being in my hands. What will you stop doing with respect to your kids?
Finally, I have added a section for us to ask ourselves what trusting God in this area would look like. For me, it would look like praying about my kids instead of worrying about my kids. It would look like enjoying them and my times away from them without worry. It would look like peace in knowing that if God wants me to act, He will make that clear. That last part makes me emotional. The enemy wants us to believe that our kids will die or make a terrible, life-altering choice and it will be all our fault. This feeds into the worrying and the hovering, doesn’t it?
Truth in Trusting God with Our Kids
Now let’s move into our TRUST acronym. T is for truth. What is the truth about God and our kids? Our Scripture to meditate on is Matthew 18:10: “See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven.” Did you catch that? Our kids have angels in heaven watching over them and protecting them. Of course, God is also watching over them, but in His lovingkindness, He has also given our beloved children into the care of these heavenly beings. These angels will prevent accidents, crime, and even self-harm when we aren’t there. What a wonderful image!
Our biblical account is from Mark 10:13-16:
13 People were bringing little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them, but the disciples rebuked them.14 When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.15 Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.”16 And he took the children in his arms, placed his hands on them and blessed them.
God loves our kids so much, more than we do. What a reassuring truth that is.
The next part of truth is addressing lies we believe in this area. One of the lies I’ve believed is that God will take one or more of my children from me to make me better or stronger. That belief comes from the lie that God is really not good. It IS true that my kids may go to heaven before I do. But it won’t be because God is callously trying to make me a better person. That’s a lie. If God does permit any of my kids to die prematurely, I can know that He has a good purpose, that it is not to harm me or my child. And I can know that His grace and strength would allow me to survive that loss. I don’t have to prepare for that day that may never come. I’ll have all the grace when I need it.
Remembering in Trusting God with Our Kids
The R in TRUST is for remembering. How has God proved Himself trustworthy with your kids? I made so many mistakes with my kids’ safety when they were babies. I left a knife in the dishwasher that my baby grabbed and cut himself with, for example. But God has delivered my kids from accidents of their own making, too. My 22-year-old had a biking accident that fractured his skull near the base of his neck. It could have killed or paralyzed him, but it did not. My college son needed an internship this summer and was having trouble finding one. I had no time to help him. I gave it to the Lord. Sure enough, he has one!
Understanding in Trusting God with Our Kids
The U in TRUST is for understanding. In some cases, we already understand what the Lord’s will is. We just need to act on it. As I write, I have just learned that my daughter was exposed to whooping cough. I don’t know if she will develop it, but I know what the treatment is. If she develops symptoms, we’ll get her to the doctor and we’ll trust God for her healing. Worrying about it isn’t trusting God.
Supplication in Trusting God with Our Kids
The S in TRUST is for supplication. We pray. I have my kids on a regular rotation in my prayer app. I pray for their faith, their work, their studies, their health, and their relationships. We can also ask others to pray. When I found out about the whooping cough exposure, I immediately asked friends to pray.
Thanksgiving in Trusting God with Our Kids
The final T in TRUST is for thanksgiving. I have to tell you a story about a dear older friend of mine. One of her children (her only son) died of cancer when he was just 16. The Lord has sustained her through that loss in a supernatural way. But two weeks after he had died, she found one of his shirts in the laundry. She didn’t know why it would be there. She felt this spirit of darkness and despair descend on her. She recognized it and she refused it. She put her son’s shirt on and began to praise the Lord. Thanksgiving and praise can defeat the enemy’s lies about our children.
I am so thankful for my children’s health, faith, and family relationships. I am overwhelmed with gratitude that I have been given the opportunity to be their mom, flawed and imperfect as I am. If I were to die today or all my children were taken home in one disaster, how could I, like Job, not give thanks to God for these blessed 23 year of parenting? Take time today to give thanks for the children you’ve been given.
I have many projects on my plate, as I’m sure you do. But I believe the Trust Project is the most important of all. I would love for you to share the project with the people you know who need to believe God for their deliverance and joy.
Next month, we’ll talk about trusting God with single parenting and marriage.
I recently finished the audiobook The Miracle Equation by Hal Elrod. In the book, Hal encourages us to choose a big goal that is in line with our values. He also encourages us to choose a goal that will make us better people — the kind of people who are able to accomplish our other goals. I was walking my neighborhood as I listened to his book. I considered a number of goals, including writing more books and getting into better shape. But the truth is, I’ve already accomplished similar goals. And those goals don’t necessarily line up with my highest value, which is my faith in God.
As I thought about my faith, my life verse came to mind: Proverbs 3:5-6.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.”
I continued walking as I thought and I had an idea. What if my goal was to trust God in every area of my life? In fact, what if I focused on trusting God in a new area every month? I could write about my experience, I could podcast about it, and I could invite people to join me. It would be very similar to what I did with A Year of Living Productively and The Organized Homeschool Life.
I’ve shared what a rough year this has been for me already–not really because of my friends’, husband’s and my own health and other scares–but because I haven’t trusted God. I’ve worried, I’ve panicked, I’ve cried. I’ve lost valuable time; my health has suffered; my happiness has suffered; and even my relationships have suffered. If I had truly trusted God, what a difference it would have made!
I was on board and ready to do it. But I’ve learned that jumping in before having confirmation from the Lord is a bad idea. So I prayed about it as I walked and researched the idea as soon as I got home. The very first link that jumped out at me in my Google search was a video on Trusting God by Chuck Swindoll. Chuck referenced Proverbs 3:5-6 and outlined the blessings of trusting God as well as the curses of not doing so that I’ve experienced to the full this year.
Chuck explained what keeps us from trusting God. Self-sufficiency. We think we can do it ourselves, but the responsibility is overwhelming. Asking friends for help. How often do we call on others to talk through problems before praying? Feeling distant from God. We think our emotions are a measure of God’s power when nothing could be further from the truth. The bad habit of worrying. We tend to think we can’t control our thoughts and while initial thoughts may be reflexive, what we meditate on is completely under our control. Impatience. We think God ought to deliver on a drive-through timeline, when so often quick action could be disastrous. We doubt. We think maybe God can’t or He just won’t. We prefer human counsel. We listen to experts who don’t even share our faith in preference to trusting God. We manipulate and take charge of a situation without being Spirit-led and only later realize that we should have trusted God instead. We toss and turn, trying to come up with solutions and often cling to people and things God is trying to remove from our lives for our good.
All this Chuck said to affirm that trusting God is the greatest goal I could undertake in my life. Then he said something that felt like it was just for me. He said, “Wouldn’t it be a great project…to think through ways that you can begin to trust God?” He suggested inviting a friend or mate to undertake the project too. I began to weep happy tears because I knew then that The Trust Project is my big goal for the year. I knew that I was to invite you and anyone you know who wants to grow in faith to join us.
The Trust Project
After this confirmation, I spent time thinking through all the areas of our lives that we ought to trust God with. We will take on one area each month. If you’re thinking that you don’t have time to do this now, know that this project isn’t about what we do but what we believe. Of course, I have a plan for us to grow in our belief, but it will take very little time. Yet, I know that the time we do spend will pay off in ways that we can’t even imagine now.
We will be using an easy-to-remember acronym for each area we focus on: TRUST.
T is for Truth. We will meditate on a Scripture for each area, read a biblical account that will fortify our trust in God in that area, and we will truth journal all month.
R is for remembering. We will remember how faithful God has been to us in that area of our lives, despite our worry and lack of faith.
U is for understanding. God has already given us understanding and wisdom in these areas of our lives that we must trust and obey.
S is for supplication. We will pray for God to meet our needs in each area and we will ask for Him to help our unbelief.
T is for thanksgiving. We will thank Him for being the loving, trustworthy God He is and for how He has provided, but we will also thank Him for how He will provide in this area of our lives going forward.
If the Lord leads, we can spend additional time reading additional books, listening to music, and watching videos that will further strengthen our faith in each area.
So will you join me? If so, you can download your free Trust Project Printables by clicking the button below.
All the areas of focus, Scriptures, Bible readings and journaling responses are included. When you opt to receive them, you’ll be added to a special Trust Project list, where you will receive only Trust Project updates. So if you have a Christian friend or family member who wants to join us, who is not a homeschooling parent, they can without getting unrelated email.
Trusting God with Our Health and Safety
Now let’s talk about trusting God with our health and safety–our area of focus for this month. I’ll take you through the TRUST acronym with my own responses.
The T in Trust is for Truth. Our Scripture to meditate on this month is Proverbs 3:7-8. “Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.” When it comes to health and safety, I have been wise in my own eyes. I have feared so many things that could make me sick or kill me. But trusting God has made me healthier!
Our reading is from 2 Kings 20.
In those days Hezekiah became ill and was at the point of death. The prophet Isaiah son of Amoz went to him and said, “This is what the Lord says: Put your house in order, because you are going to die; you will not recover.”
2 Hezekiah turned his face to the wall and prayed to the Lord,3 “Remember, Lord, how I have walked before you faithfully and with wholehearted devotion and have done what is good in your eyes.” And Hezekiah wept bitterly.
4 Before Isaiah had left the middle court, the word of the Lord came to him:5 “Go back and tell Hezekiah, the ruler of my people, ‘This is what the Lord, the God of your father David, says: I have heard your prayer and seen your tears; I will heal you. On the third day from now you will go up to the temple of the Lord.6 I will add fifteen years to your life. And I will deliver you and this city from the hand of the king of Assyria. I will defend this city for my sake and for the sake of my servant David.’”
7 Then Isaiah said, “Prepare a poultice of figs.” They did so and applied it to the boil, and he recovered.
8 Hezekiah had asked Isaiah, “What will be the sign that the Lord will heal me and that I will go up to the temple of the Lord on the third day from now?”
9 Isaiah answered, “This is the Lord’s sign to you that the Lord will do what he has promised: Shall the shadow go forward ten steps, or shall it go back ten steps?”
10 “It is a simple matter for the shadow to go forward ten steps,” said Hezekiah. “Rather, have it go back ten steps.”
11 Then the prophet Isaiah called on the Lord, and the Lord made the shadow go back the ten steps it had gone down on the stairway of Ahaz.”
Our journaling prompt question is: How does this Bible reading lead me to trust God with my health and safety? First, it makes it clear that God is in charge of my health and the length of my life. Second, it makes it clear that God will communicate with me about my health. If I am anxious, I can ask Him for wisdom and reassurance.
Next, what thoughts lead me to distrust God? This question is designed for truth journaling all month, but I will go through some of my current anxious thoughts with you about health and safety. I’m thinking, “I have to have a colonoscopy and the preparation will be horrible.” My truth reponse: You’ve survived it before and millions of people do it. God will get you through it. My next thought is: “I’m going to get into an accident and die unless I am watching anxiously while my husband or teen drives.” My truth response: God is in control. My anxious watching cannot save me because I am not in control.
R is for remembering. Our prompt is: How has God proven Himself trustworthy in your past? I have been healed of a gastrointestinal disease and chronic allergies–both of which are miracles. I have been protected from accidents countless times. I am still alive and well in my 50s, despite all my worrying.
U is for understanding. Our prompt is: What wisdom has God given you to believe and obey? God has shown me that I feel best when I exercise, get enough minerals, and avoid drinking soda. I have to obey that last part.
S is for supplication. Our prompt is: What is your prayer in addition to more faith? I pray that I would feel relaxed about medical testing I have done and that tests would show I am in good health. I pray that I would be kept safe as I travel, no matter who is driving.
T is for thanksgiving. Our prompt is: What can you thank God for now and in the future? I thank God for the good health I enjoy and for access to excellent medical care. I thank God that my immediate family and I have never had a serious car accident. I thank God that my life is in His hands and that He will care for me all my days.
I would love to have your recommendations as well. Comment below so others can see them.
Throughout this month, keep meditating on Proverbs 3:7-8. Read other Bible accounts of God’s healing and protection. Keep truth journaling, remembering God’s faithfulness, believing and obeying the wisdom He’s already given you, and praying and thanking Him.
Thank you for joining me in trusting God with health and safety. God bless your week!
Pin the image below to encourage others to trust God.
I didn’t intend to homeschool. I had a Ph.D. in psychology and I planned to practice part-time and be home with my young children the rest of the time. But then I started homeschooling. I found a way out of the CHAOS through FLYLady and routines, and eventually found that I loved it. Surprised, I found it was a fulfilling career. But as I came to love homeschooling, legalism threatened to destroy it. Here’s how.
Even though I hadn’t wanted to homeschool and only did it at what I believed was the Lord’s urging, I found myself wondering why everyone wasn’t doing it. Scratch that. I found myself judging other Christians for not homeschooling.
It was clearly what God meant in Deuteronomy 6:7, wasn’t it? That’s what so many speakers at Christian homeschool conferences said. It was like the 11th commandment. So why wouldn’t loving Christian parents stay home to make sure their children were raised in the faith? Yes, I knew people who sent their kids to Christian schools. But you couldn’t be too sure what teachers would teach, and you certainly couldn’t be sure of the influence the other kids in the school would have.
My husband and I had a community of like-minded homeschooling friends. When we heard stories of Christian kids gone bad, we trusted in the admonitions of Christian homeschool speakers and authors who served as mentors. If we would keep our children out of Sunday school, youth groups, and the dating scene; if we would keep them from summer camps with public school kids; if we would keep them from reading the books, listening to the music, and watching the movies that other kids did, our kids wouldn’t be like those other kids. They would be better.
If we followed the Christian homeschool plan for our families, we could rest easy that our kids would be Christians (many of them pastors and missionaries) who wouldn’t have premarital sex, wouldn’t have a substance abuse problem, wouldn’t end up living in our basements at 30, and wouldn’t reject us. That was the plan, and we felt great about it.
My husband and I frequently talked about families who weren’t following the Christian homeschool plan like we were. Many of them already had problematic children. We shook our heads with a tsk-tsk. They should have homeschooled or homeschooled the right way.
The homeschool plan failed
Our homeschool went smoothly for years. The kids were agreeable to our plans for them. They would complete a college degree while in high school. They would graduate early without debt or the negative influence of college. They would begin dating when they were ready to marry. Our kids would homeschool their kids.
And then my oldest, a smart, strong-willed child, entered puberty.
I don’t have to tell you what happened next, because you won’t be surprised. Yes, he rebelled against everything. Everything. He wanted to go to college far from home and visit us once or twice a year. He wasn’t sure about the Bible and he didn’t agree with our politics. He wanted a girlfriend in junior high. He became defiant and disobeyed us frequently.
Another homeschooling mom we had just become acquainted with talked to me about his behavior. Underlying every word she said was her judgment:
“You’re not homeschooling the right way.”
I was devastated. I didn’t see the irony at the time, nor did I recognize the truth: I wasn’t homeschooling the right way.
Through many tears, we and our son realized that we were terrified and were acting out of those fears. We were afraid our son would reject the faith, our family, and everything we believed in. He was afraid that if he didn’t see things our way that we would stop loving him.
By the time our oldest asked to go to school, he had become less oppositional. We knew that this was God’s calling for him, and we agreed to it.
But the damage had been done. Here’s what I mean: our oldest son had made our legalism clear. We cared more about our homeschool plan and looking good as parents than we did about him, than we did about our other children, than we did about Jesus. Our son’s period of acting out (which he later related to hormones) tore down our idol of homeschooling. We are so grateful.
What homeschooling without legalism looks like
The first change I noticed when we left homeschool legalism was far less judgment of others. We stopped talking about how this or that family was allowing a teenager to date. We prayed more compassionately for those whose children were struggling. We gave advice less and listened more.
The second change I noticed was far less judgment of ourselves. A legalistic homeschool is very tough to maintain. Everyone has to do good and look good because when they don’t, the parents (as the homeschool leaders) are to blame. Bad behavior led to fear which led to anger. We started taking ourselves less seriously.
The third change I noticed was a shift in responsibility. We had felt entirely responsible for how our kids “turned out.” We came to recognize that we took ownership of responsibilities that were rightly God’s and our children’s. Ultimately, we realized that we couldn’t homeschool our kids into the faith and godly living.
Is Leaving Legalism for you?
What’s funny is that at one time I would have believed it was my responsibility to help you leave legalism. I now know that if God is calling you out of legalism, He is far more effective at that than I could ever be. If the Lord brought you to this page, I do want to suggest that you read the book Leaving Legalism by Kendra Fletcher.
Like me, Kendra is a homeschooling mom who fell for the trap of legalism. She calls legalism “hope shifting.” I love that. When we shift our hope from the finished work of Jesus in our lives and our children’s lives, we are destined to wander in the homeschool desert.
It’s so disappointing, but there aren’t six steps for leaving legalism. 🙂 Instead, like the Underground Railroad, there is a Conductor Who will lead us out of it. I pray you will follow Him.
Conclusion
If our son hadn’t made our homeschool legalism clear, I hate to think what the results would have been for our family. We still love homeschooling but not more than we love our kids and our Lord. Have you ever fallen prey to homeschool legalism? Tell me in the comments.
When we struggle in our homeschooling, it’s easy to look for answers in a book, online, or from friends. The answer is usually as close as a prayer.
Here’s how to pray powerfully over our homeschools. Of course we can pray using any words. We can pray from our hearts. We don’t need a formula. However, sometimes we don’t have the words. I am using the Lord’s prayer as a model for praying over our homeschools because we have it memorized. I’m including commentary on the prayer to help us think in alignment with God about our homeschooling. Please join me in praying over your homeschool right now.
Our Father, who art in heaven.
Some of us didn’t have loving, supportive fathers. Some of us still may not have a father who is supporting us in our homeschooling or providing loving, godly leadership for our kids.
Some of us may not have believing husbands or husbands who are our partners in home education. We may feel all alone in our work and exhausted.
Some of us may lack homeschooling friends, who know the challenges of the homeschooling lifestyle. We may not have anyone to co-op with, do play dates with, or just chat with on a regular basis.
But each of us has a Father in heaven who is far more of an encouragement and help than any earthly father, husband, or friend could ever be. He is our father, our husband, and our friend.
Hallowed be thy name.
We often forget what holy means, which is a synonym of hallowed. Holiness means that our God is not only sinless but so awesome that in His presence we would fall to our faces. We may never have been in the presence of anything that evokes that kind of awe. I know I haven’t.
God’s power and holiness aren’t just awe-inspiring though. They are available to us in our homeschooling. Every single trial and difficulty and weakness we have is tiny in comparison to the power of God. Our God is ever present with us in our homeschools. But when we pray, we experience him fully.
His kingdom is characterized by the fruit of the spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, and self-control — all things we desperately need in our homeschools. We often think about the future kingdom at his second coming, but his kingdom can be present in our homeschools today when we pray.
Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
We are often confused about what to do with a child who struggles academically or behaviorally. When we pray, we can be confident that God’s will will be done in our homeschools. Of course, God’s will is always done in our lives. But we worried homeschooling moms need reassurance. We can relax knowing that God is arranging our circumstances to ensure that His will is done in our homeschool and in our lives.
Jesus is the bread of life bread and represents everything we need for life. In 2 Peter 1:3, God promises us that we already have everything we need for life and godliness. If we have more month than money, if we have need of medical care to diagnose and treat a troubling condition, or if we need friends in our homeschooling journey, we can be confident that God will give us this bread. We can go about our day joyfully, knowing that our Father in heaven cares about us and our every need.
And forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.
We have an opportunity every day to forgive our children for their shortcomings, their immaturity, and their foolishness just as God forgives ours. In the process of asking for forgiveness, we model for our children how they should parent our future grandchildren. We model the humility that God can use to lead others to Christ.
And lead us not into temptation. But deliver us from evil.
Unlike every false God, our Father does not tempt us with things that will harm us. He does not tempt us to spend too much time online, too much money, or too much emotion on small matters. Instead, our God makes a way out from temptation. When we are ready to yell at our child for fighting with his brother once again, when we feel tempted to pull into the fast food drive-through, though we’ve already visited twice this week, or when we feel like skipping math because it makes us anxious, we can call on our God for the grace to do what we know is the right thing and He will provide it.
Although it’s easy for us to become preoccupied with avoiding evil and protecting our children from it in the form of media and peers, we can know that our God will deliver us from evil. Why?
For thine is the kingdom and the power
The power for homeschool parents to lead lives worthy of our calling does not come from us but from Him. We have only to ask for it and believe that we have it.
And the glory
We remember that the glory for smart, polite, talented children belongs to Him alone. We pray that we would ever remember how weak we are and how great He is.
Forever and ever.
The math, literature, and chore lessons will not last forever. But the discipleship will. We are raising up missionaries who will share the Gospel with others, no matter what their chosen vocation. In homeschooling we are laying up treasure in heaven. When we homeschool in faith, we will hear, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”
Amen.
We believe what we just prayed and we ask the Lord to help our unbelief as we continue to pray. Consider praying the Lord’s prayer with your children and talk with them about how the prayer applies to our homeschools. These are powerful words that grow our faith.
My thanks to our sponsor KiwiCo for supporting The Homeschool Sanity Show. Remember to go to: http://kiwico.com/homeschool to register for your kit by paying shipping only. If you would like to read a copy of my commentary on the Lord’s prayer, go to homeschoolsanity.com/Lordsprayer for the link. If you know a homeschooling friend who could use some encouragement, share this episode with her.
Homeschooling can be hard, but it shouldn’t be striving. Psalm 46:10 says, “Cease striving and know that I am God.” Striving isn’t a word we commonly use. I looked up the definition and was surprised by it. Striving may be defined as making great efforts to achieve or obtain something. Cease striving? That sounds downright unAmerican. Tommy Hilfiger said, “The road to success is not easy to navigate, but with hard work, drive and passion, it’s possible to achieve the American dream.”
Why should we cease striving then? The Bible dictionary defintion of striving wasn’t much help, except that it defines it as struggle. God would have us work hard, but He wouldn’t have us struggle in our own strength. Habakkuk 1:11 describes the Babylonians as people whose own strength is their god. I have so often been just like them.
Here are signs that you are homeschooling in your own strength, that you’re striving.
There’s no joy
Homeschooling is a burden for you. You resent it. You look forward to it being finished for the day and possibly for good. You’re irritated by your children’s slowness to learn, to work, or your family’s lack of appreciation. It’s not exciting. It’s just really hard. You wish you could make time for other things you enjoy doing or you wish you could find the passion for it you used to have.
You’re fearful
You worry that you’re not doing enough, that you’re not using the right curriculum, that your children are behind, that your children will have low test scores, that you’ll be evaluated and fall short, that your family won’t be able to pay the bills, that your children won’t get into college or find a job to support them. Sometimes you have trouble sleeping. Your fear leads you to compare yourself to other homeschoolers and you find you never measure up.
You’re tired
The fear and the work are wearing you out. You’re doing so much for so many and nothing seems to go as planned for school, your family, your life. You think the answer is to work harder. You must be lazy or your family is or both. So you will try again with a new approach, a new curriculum, or a new schedule. You will lay down the law with yourself and the kids. But even as you think about trying again, you feel exhausted.
If you see yourself in any of those descriptions, there’s a good chance that at least some of the time you are striving. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to recover your joy, your peace, and your energy by ceasing to strive? It IS possible. I’ve experienced it. Here’s how.
How to cease striving
First, determine who your God is.
As I began my homeschooling journey, God was the author of it. It was His idea for me and my family. But after a while, He became little more than an undependable teacher’s helper. When things were bad, I would ask Him to pitch in, but I didn’t expect Him to follow through. In my view, He was even sometimes spiteful — a God who didn’t care if I suffered because it was good for me, a God who didn’t really love me enough to care about my challenges. There is a powerful quiz in the book Sidetracked in the Wilderness by Michael Wells that can help you determine if your view of God is a problem. Find it in the show notes at homeschoolsanity.com/strive
The truth is God is the source of our homeschooling success. If we aren’t abiding in Him, we will lose our joy, our peace, and our energy. He is the only reason I have produced any fruit in my homeschooling. He wants me to succeed because homeschooling was His idea for us. He loves me deeply; He loves my husband; He loves my children. He never wants to see me suffer needlessly as I have in trying to homeschool in my own strength. He isn’t a lame teacher’s helper. He is THE teacher, the principal, the school counselor, the board president, the librarian, the school cook, even the janitor. He definitely cleans up the messes we make. He is our creator and His power is so great that He raised Jesus from the dead and transformed us through the Holy Spirit living in us.
Second, determine who you are.
My inaccurate view of God led me to have a false view of myself. I thought I was the beginning and end of my homeschool. When my child earned a scholarship, that was me. When my child was reprimanded by another adult, that was also me. I was the god of my homeschool. Being god is very discouraging, terrifying, and exhausting because we weren’t created for this role. Even keeping up the appearance that we are the gods of our homeschools is overwhelming.
I don’t know how I’ve borne the fruit of our homeschool–the wonderful blessings I see and that I’ve been praised for–because I didn’t grow it. I don’t have that ability. I’m a self-centered, disorganized, slothful woman in my flesh. I know this is true and it terrifies me when I’ve put myself in the role of god in my homeschool. The truth for you and me is that apart from God we can do nothing in homeschooling or in life.
Finally, abide humbly with your God
Shortly after reading Sidetracked in the Wilderness, I saw a baby being changed at the tennis club where I play. The woman who works in the nursery absolutely adores children. The baby watched his caregiver in complete peace and trust as she changed him. I realized that this is what God wants as He seeks to change me. But I have been screaming, trying to roll away, and trying to change myself. I have been striving.
When we have an accurate view of God, we trust Him to make our homeschools bear fruit. The baby didn’t worry that the woman in the nursery didn’t know what she was doing. We can have complete confidence in God, regardless of our problems. A student who can’t read, a rebellious child, and more month than money are all small things to our great God.
Abiding in Him means that we trust Him to not only solve the problems that invariably arise in our homeschools. It also means that we trust Him to change us. I am not a self-centered, impatient, lazy mother because Jesus lives in me and through me. When I spend more time online than I should, I repent, knowing that my behavior is not who I am. It’s a small blip on the screen of my story that is quickly edited.
Abiding in Him means that I stay close to Him throughout the day, like an employee in training. I don’t imagine that I know what to do. I don’t! Even after 19 years of homeschooling. Instead I call on Him for help and wisdom all day long. I seek to learn from Him by reading His Word and praying and worshiping, not as a duty, but because it is my lifeline. I begin my day by writing to God and sharing what is on my heart and listening for what is on His.
I despise the pride that provokes me to stop abiding in Him. As I experience discouragement, fear, and fatigue, I invariably discover a root of pride. I was hoping to look good, for God to obey my commands, for God to bless my efforts in doing things He hasn’t called me to do.
I have had a homeschool problem with a child of mine recently. I have prayed about it, of course, but more than this, I have been striving. I have applied my education, experience, and my flesh to the problem. But it has persisted. As I’ve taken a fresh look at it through the lens of humbly abiding, I realized that the main reason I see it as a problem is because of my pride. My child has been refusing to do something that would make me look good. My child isn’t concerned about it. Most likely my reliance on myself has made the problem worse. No matter how it works out, I will trust God to manage it. I no longer feel defeated, afraid, or worn out by the situation. I am homeschooling where strivings cease.
Conclusion
This fresh approach to walking with God has honestly changed my life in more than just homeschooling. It has impacted my business and relationships. I’m not burdening myself with trying to produce more and more products on a ridiculous timeline to feed my pride. I’m not fretting about mistakes I make in my business because I’m afraid of looking foolish in front of you. I am a fool and I don’t know how I haven’t made even more mistakes except for the grace of God. I’m finding myself able to let others’ negative behaviors go because I know they come from their own failure to humbly abide and I know I can’t manage them in my own strength. For years now I have tried to determine exactly what to say and do in response to difficult people. Replaying conversations and thinking of what I should have said and what I should say in the future has taken up so much of my time, energy, and joy. I recently admitted to the Lord that I couldn’t manage these people. I had no idea what to say or do, so God would have to do it. Immediately, the tension and unhappiness I have had for so long lifted. I know God will manage it. If I am to say or do anything in the future, He will prompt me then, not now.
I used to understand how to abide and not strive. I wrote the book So You’re Not Wonder Woman about the changes God made in my weight, home, and relationships. What’s sad is that I later thought the book wasn’t good because I don’t give a step-by-step plan for changing your life. I don’t have one! I don’t know how God changed me, but I am so thankful He did. I’m so thankful that He forgives me and brings me back when I have been busy relying on the god of my own strength.
The book My Weakness for His Strength contains daily devotions with reminders of the principles in Michael Wells’s book Sidetracked in the Wilderness. I believe it can help you abide and not strive. Find a link to it in the show notes at homeschoolsanity.com/strive.
My prayer is that you would homeschool where strivings cease. Comment and let me know how I can pray for you.
What does the Bible say about being a homeschooling mother? I’m surprised how much of an example we have in the Proverbs 31 woman. Let’s pick up where we left off after part 1, which you can read here.
Verse 17 says that she sets about her work vigorously.
There it is again, her excellent work ethic. But we read that she also manages to keep her arms strong. My grandmother, in baking goods for an area bakery, had to have strong arms from kneading dough. No doubt she kept fit working in the garden as well. Today we have so many modern servants that it’s harder to stay strong by doing our everyday work. That’s why we have to be intentional about getting the exercise we need. Exercise in the form of walking, jogging, or any of a number of aerobic classes can keep our heart strong and our weight down. But we also need to keep our strength up. Strength training helps to prevent osteoporosis, keeps us looking fit and younger, and allows us to continue caring for our grandchildren well into our 70s. For more on how we can be strong moms, read my guest post on The Musings of Mum.
Verse 18 says that she sees her trading is profitable.
She is managing her business and also household expenses. We too want to be certain that we are good stewards of everything God has given to us.
Her lamp does not go out at night.
The verse continues with what I believe is the most misunderstood aspect of the Proverbs 31 woman. The verse says that her lamp does not go out at night. Real women like us can read these verses and think that in order to be a Proverbs 31 homeschooling mom, we must get up at dawn and stay up past midnight. Instead, I believe we learn here that keeping lamps lit requires proper planning.
Matthew 25 recounts the parable of the ten virgins.
“At that time the kingdom of heaven will be like ten virgins who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom.2 Five of them were foolish and five were wise.3 The foolish ones took their lamps but did not take any oil with them.4 The wise ones, however, took oil in jars along with their lamps.5 The bridegroom was a long time in coming, and they all became drowsy and fell asleep.6 “At midnight the cry rang out: ‘Here’s the bridegroom! Come out to meet him!’7 “Then all the virgins woke up and trimmed their lamps.8 The foolish ones said to the wise, ‘Give us some of your oil; our lamps are going out.’9 “‘No,’ they replied, ‘there may not be enough for both us and you. Instead, go to those who sell oil and buy some for yourselves.’10 “But while they were on their way to buy the oil, the bridegroom arrived. The virgins who were ready went in with him to the wedding banquet. And the door was shut.11 “Later the others also came. ‘Lord, Lord,’ they said, ‘open the door for us!’12 “But he replied, ‘Truly I tell you, I don’t know you.’13 “Therefore keep watch, because you do not know the day or the hour.
The Proverbs 31 woman has planned ahead and has enough oil to keep her lamps burning. The lesson we can take from this is that we do not want to be caught unprepared. If we plan ahead, we don’t have to discover the night before the Christmas pageant at church that none of the stores in our area have black pants in our boys’ size. Planning ahead saves our time, our money, and our sanity. Being prepared and not burning the candle at both ends is what I believe this verse is about. I do not believe that God would suggest we skimp on sleep when Jesus Himself slept whenever He felt the need. The Proverbs 31 woman’s lamp is also lit because she is prepared for the Lord’s return. We can keep the lamp of our hearts burning as we wait for Him as well.
In verse 19, we find a Proverbs 31 woman spinning again. It reads, “In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.”
What stands out to me from this verse is the emphasis on her hand. It is tempting as homeschooling moms to want to delegate as much as possible. I’m all for delegation! But there are some tasks that we ought to take responsibility for ourselves. I believe training our children the faith is one of those. I believe that teaching our children how to live in an increasingly unChristian culture is also our responsibility. We can have pastors and youth leaders and Christian teachers come alongside us to help, but our hands have to be in the business of training our children.
The next verse says that she opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.
This verse convicts me because much of the charitable work I do is outside my children’s awareness. We want to make sure our children know and participate in giving directly to needy people. The responsibility of offering hospitality is also hinted at here. If we do not make the sacrifice of honoring and serving guests in our home, we are missing an opportunity that would bless us and most certainly would bless our children.
When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
In verse 21 review we read once again that the Proverbs 31 woman is prepared. She’s not only prepared for the challenges she expects, but those she doesn’t necessarily expect. We don’t want to be caught unprepared for difficulties whether those are financial or otherwise. We want to be ready. A homeschooling mom I know had two hours to remove belongings before a fire consumed her apartment building. In an emergency like that, would you be able to retrieve your most valued possessions? If not, this preparation is something we want to do to become more like the Proverbs 31 woman.
Verse 22 says she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
Here’s how I read that: She looks good. Making an effort to look good brings honor to her husband. This does not mean we have to wear expensive designer clothes. But it could mean that we make an effort to look as good for our spouse as we would for church or an important meeting. The side benefit of this is the better we look, the better we tend to feel. I used to wear sweatpants, my hair in a ponytail, and no makeup. Makeup isn’t the issue, so don’t let that hold you up. I feel better wearing some makeup; other women don’t. The key is to feel good about how you look. The more confident we feel, the more attractive we will be to our mate.
Verse 23 tells us her husband is respected.
At that time, and even still today, his respectability was somewhat dependent upon his wife’s character.
Verse 24 tells us that the Proverbs 31 woman has another business.
This business may be where she got the funds to start her vineyard. It can be intimidating to think about a woman who has multiple irons in the fire, but I find it exciting. This woman is held up as a model for godly women. If you have the desire to do something other than homeschool, I believe God honors that desire. We each have different capacities, depending on our families and our giftings. It seems to me that the Proverbs 31 woman was so earnest in her work and care for her family that she didn’t have time to compare herself to anyone else. Had her business gotten in the way of caring for her family, no doubt she would have made some changes.
She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.
Verse 25 tells us once again that she is confident about the future.
Verse 26 tells us that when she speaks, she speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She doesn’t say idle words. They are words meant to build up. They are words of wisdom that she believes are vital to her children and most likely other women she mentors. This verse is also very convicting to me because my words are often careless. They are often not words that build up and they are sometimes foolish. As we seek to teach our children, let us ask ourselves if what we are teaching is wise and will build them up for their walk with the Lord.
Verse 27 says she watches over the affairs of her household.
Have you ever been guilty, as I have, of not watching over the affairs of your household? Have you discovered like I once did that work that was marked complete in the student planner wasn’t actually done? Have you gone so long without checking on chores that you’re horrified to see the state of your child’s room or the bathroom that is your child’s responsibility? Maybe it’s just me. Watching over the affairs of our household is what will give our husbands confidence in us. My husband, in particular, gets upset when the kids’ bathroom is a mess. I have been more intentional about checking the state of the bathroom daily. I’m also checking my children’s work weekly.
Verse 28 says her children arise and call her blessed.
Some of us homeschooling moms feel a pang of longing when we hear those words because our children are arising and complaining and quarreling instead. My belief is that the Proverbs 31 woman demands respect and gratitude from her children. It is something that I demand from mine. I feel no guilt over telling my children the sacrifice I have made to homeschool them. But even so, most children have to mature before they recognize how blessed they have been to have a devoted homeschooling mother. Hang in there, mom. The blessing is coming.
I love verses 30 and 31. In verse 30 we read that a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Our faith, our trust in God, and our obedience to Him are a crowning glory. In our culture, we don’t typically receive the honor described here.
The next verse says that her works are honored at the city gate.
Our culture honors money, beauty, and prestige more than a faithful wife and mother. Even though we may suffer the negative remarks of those who don’t believe in homeschooling, I believe we will one day be honored for our work. I believe that homeschooling is an incredibly powerful way that God uses to raise up godly men and women for the next generation. I also believe that the city gate in which we will be honored is a heavenly one. What we suffer now in our hard work and our trials isn’t worth comparing to the glory we will experience one day.
Conclusion
To conclude our study, I believe that we are Proverbs 31 homeschooling moms if we believe we are. Begin each day considering what you did the day before that is consistent with your identity as this godly woman. Consider how you will earnestly take on your work as a Proverbs 31 homeschooling mom today. Know that we can do nothing apart from Him. But in His strength, we can be more than we ever imagined.
Which of these characteristics of a Proverbs 31 homeschool mom are you already making progress on?
I’m a Christian psychologist turned homeschooling mother of six. My life can be a little crazy, so I look for sanity-saving ideas to use and share. I hope you’ll read my About page to learn more.
