I’ve got to be honest with you…this is a sight I thought I’d never see: my mom at a gym. But here she is in her 60s and lifting weights for the first time.
I’m so proud of her. She inspires me! Until last summer I thought exercise and eating right were mostly about looking good. That’s why I wasn’t as excited about exercising as I once was. I figured my “looking good” days were long past! They are, but looking good isn’t the best reason to work out: health is.
Benefits of Fitness for Older Women
Exercise reduces the risk of heart disease, diabetes, and cancer. Exercise can not only help us live long, but live WELL. When we commit to strength training, we do not have to spend the winter of our lives weak and frail. Nursing homes and wheel chairs aren’t inevitable. Sure, there are circumstances you can’t control. But why not do what you can?
Even though I am convinced that aerobic exercise and strength training is a great use of my time, I still need fresh inspiration. Sometimes that inspiration comes in the form of a new workout. If you need a new workout, check out my post on 6 Short Workouts You Can Do at Home. But there’s nothing as inspiring as seeing the benefits of fitness in action.
Inspiring Fit Women Over 50
WARNING: If you find photos of women in bikinis objectionable, pass on all but the last video. Otherwise, check out these amazingly fit older women. Pin this post to your fitness inspiration board so you can look at it again when you don’t feel like heading to the gym.
In my grandparents’ generation, it was uncommon for moms and dads to say, “I love you.” Their generation spawned the Mommy Dearest generation, who was ready to spew forth a list of grievances against their parents at the first therapist’s invitation. Today’s parents try to do everything possible to avoid being the subject of a malicious memoir. Most say “I love you” quite frequently. Unfortunately, I think we’re still failing to communicate love. One reason is our refusal to say I’m sorry.
Words We Need to Hear…
When you think back over the worst times of your life–the relationship that ended badly, the job you were fired from, the blame you didn’t deserve, what do you find yourself longing for? When the victim’s family gathers to see the execution of their loved one’s murderer, what do they long for? I think they want to hear a heartfelt “I’m sorry.”
We Don’t Say to Others
We all long to hear these words when we’ve been wronged, yet when we’ve hurt someone, failed someone, or disappointed someone, we don’t say, “I’m sorry.” We say, “I love you.” We explain why it wasn’t our fault. Why we didn’t have a choice. Why anybody could understand if they walked in our shoes. That it’s just how we are. Meanwhile our frequent proclamations of love are giving us more divorces and failed families than any past generation.
Because of our propensity to avoid the I’m-sorry, I have quit telling anyone but my immediate family that I’ve been hurt by something someone said or did. When I have admitted to hurts in the past, thinking that this is a healthy way of managing relationships, I don’t get “I’m sorry.” Instead, the wounding party produces a voluminous list of grievances from the past decades. Apparently no “I’m sorry” is warranted if you’ve been hurt too. In the rare instances I have heard a “sorry,” it is almost immediately followed by a “but.” Or it’s a “sorry you took it that way.”
Why We Don’t Say “I’m Sorry”
Why do we refuse to admit to wrongdoing? When we don’t say we’re sorry, we carry around the guilt of our misdeeds. Perhaps we can fool others into thinking we have no responsibility for anything that we do, but we can’t fool ourselves forever. Guilt eats away at our conscience producing physical and mental disorders in addition to the destruction of our most precious relationships. Do we avoid saying the words because they make us vulnerable? They most certainly do. Negotiating conflict in relationships effectively requires vulnerability, a give and take. Some of us, however, are afraid to say we’re sorry because we think it makes our worst fears about ourselves true: I’m a terrible mother. I’m insensitive. I’m a rotten wife. A bad employee. An idiot.
Saying we’re sorry only means that we admit to doing something that wasn’t right. Saying we’re sorry actually means that we are good mothers, wives, and employees who are sensitive and smart.
I know there are times I haven’t said I’m sorry when I should have or at least as quickly as I should have. But like my parents’ generation desired to say “I love you” to give that which they missed in their own childhoods, I am determined to tell my children I am sorry regularly. They may still write a nasty tell-all book about all my failings, but at least they won’t be able to say, “And she never said she was sorry.”
Do you need to say you’re sorry to someone? Pray for the strength to do it today.
When one of my friends saw me reading this book, she asked, “Does it just say ‘Get a housekeeper’?'” No, it doesn’t. But I understood the question. I’ve read every major housekeeping and organizational book published in the last 15 years and with a few exceptions, I’ve been disappointed.
The House that Cleans Itself by Mindy Starns Clark is hands down the best book on the subject I have ever read! Why the glowing praise you ask? Because Ms. Clark suggests you stop trying to fight nature–yours that is. All my adult life I have been trying to be organized the way naturally organized people are. I have a huge list of “shoulds” that I perpetually fail in. It’s very depressing feeling like a constant failure. Don’t get me wrong, with God’s, FlyLady’s, and Don Aslett’s help, I am probably a B student in the housekeeping and organization category. If you’ve read my book, you know that’s a far cry from the failing grade I received in graduate school.
I still long to be an A student. I don’t expect to be a virtuoso, just an A student. That’s why I bought this book that a friend recommended. I scored well on the housekeeping quiz, putting me into the category of “Use this book for tips.” I would eventually like to use her system as specified throughout my house, but I was too excited not to start immediately.
What’s So Different About A House That Cleans Itself?
So what’s so different about this approach? Before THTCI I felt like a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. Yes, I’ve shaved off some of my sharp edges over the years. I do have routines and put many things away right away. But I still have boxes of filing to do, for example. I “should” file at least once a week, right? Nope. It’s more like once a year. For half an hour. Thus my problem. Anyway, Ms. Clark suggests that while some shaving of our square edges is appropriate, we should start by creating square holes. Eureka! Now what on earth does that mean?
It means stop trying to force yourself to do things the way the naturally organized do them. Work with your natural habits. That includes dealing with husbands and children.
How THTCI Changed My Entryway
I have a coat rack next to the front door. I expected my children to behave like naturally organized children and hang their coats up on the hooks. Instead, they stuffed them into the small, unsightly laundry basket my husband put under the rack. The basket couldn’t contain all the gloves, hats, and coats so they usually ended up spread all over the floor until someone (that would be me) picked them up. I tried labeling the coat rack to no avail. There were too many coats for the rack (at least one winter coat and one light jacket per child plus adult coats).
After reading THTCI I really thought about how to solve the problem. I cleaned out my entry closet, purging it, and putting all adult coats there. I don’t mind hanging up my coat. I took Ms. Clark’s excellent advice and added a clear shoe holder to the inside of my entry door to hold gloves. Why didn’t I think of that?? I put all hats and scarves in another basket that is stored on the top shelf of the closet. The only time my children wear these is for sledding and serious outside time in the winter. There is no need for continuous access. I left the spring jackets hanging on hooks. Since the basket was removed that left two options for the coats: hooks or the floor.
Yes, I’m hopeful the kids will use the hooks now, but how can I further combat the floor throwing? I thought “a chest!” If I put a chest in my entry way they could just throw their coats in there as they came in. They’re not visible and not cluttering up the coat rack. I looked on Craigslist for a chest, but dh and I realized we had a barely-used toy box that would serve the same purpose. I couldn’t be more thrilled with our neat entryway.
How THTCI Changed My Filing System
Now what about filing? What I hate about filing is creating all the new folders and labels and deciding in what category and sub-category each thing should go in. Meanwhile all my stuff is in two boxes that I dig through when I need to find something. Could there be a solution that was somewhere in the middle?
Yep! I found expanding hanging file folders in different colors. They hang wide open (and have sides) in your file box or cabinet, making sorting quick and simple. Rather than put papers into detailed files and categories, they go in major categories which are assigned a different color: to do, homeschool, writing/speaking, records, etc. As these fill up (and they hold a LOT), I will just put a new file in front of it. This approach utilizes the advantage of a lever file system (most recent papers are filed in front or to the left if using binders). I won’t have detailed files, but if I need a receipt for an appliance bought recently I’ll go to the green records hanging file in front. I’m still digging, but not nearly as deeply or as long!
This system would drive naturally organized people completely nuts. But it will work for me. I’m already completely excited about filing! I’ll be sharing other changes I make as a result of my new philosophy.
Why You Should Read The House That Cleans Itself
If you’re not naturally organized, I highly recommend THTCI. It will make you think, make you laugh, and will even help you see housekeeping from a spiritual perspective. If you are not Christian, you may have trouble relating to some of the content. I found the faith-based approach helpful and very refreshing. If you make any changes as a result of reading the book (or this blog post), please let me know!
With all 8 of us in and around home most of the time, housekeeping is a huge issue. That is why I have been searching for a method of organizing chores that really works for my family for a LONG time (this picture is 2 years old).
I’ve tried magnet chore boards on the fridge. Didn’t work because the kids forgot to change their magnets around and I always had to reset them each day. I’ve tried printed lists. Didn’t work because I had to reprint them all the time. I tried the big tag board from www.familytools.com. Didn’t work because the kids were constantly knocking the whole board down. Too many times of picking up a thousand tags and reorganizing them and I was DONE with that. I’ve tried computer programs that give points for chores. Didn’t work because I had 5 kids clamoring to get on one computer to enter their chores at the same time. Actually, what they were doing is salivating over the rewards. I tried www.titus2.com’s Managers of Their Chores. That didn’t work because the oldest felt it was too babyish and the youngest was losing her cards all over the house. That was just one more thing to pick up! They also despised having the same chores for a year. Lots of bickering about fairness. I also tried Chore Olympics that I devised myself. I created sets of chores that were rotated from child to child. Each child was timed for their chores each day and the totals were added per week. The winner got a prize. Besides the fact that it took forever to add up everyone’s times, I kept running into problems when one of the kids wasn’t there for some reason. Then I have a child who will never, ever, ever win. You know the type. LOL
The biggest problem I had with all of these approaches is that I wasn’t checking all the chores to make sure they were done. I was too busy managing the systems, doing my own chores, and helping the youngest. I think I may finally have a solution. It may or may not work for you. Actually, any of the above systems may work for you if you have fewer or more organized kids than I have! But what we do now is foster cooperation rather than competitiveness. The chores are organized into sets and are assigned the same days as they were before using the same list as I used for Chore Olympics. Only now I set the timer for 25 minutes. If you’re done before the timer runs out, you call out, “Who needs help?” Prizes are awarded for everyone based on the number of days a week chores are completed within 25 minutes. Because I am helping everyone, I have the opportunity to see while we’re doing chores if the work is done. It’s music to my ears when I hear, “Who needs help?” The Lord knows I do! LOL For those who are interested, the rewards I give are a number of draws from a privilege jar I got from www.FamilyTools.com. If we get done within 25 minutes 7 days a week, 3 privileges may be drawn from the jar for each person. They only get to keep one, but the choices increase. The number of choices decreases with days chores aren’t done in time. Originally I had thought of adding choose a chore to everyone’s list if only 1-3 days we make it, but choosing a chore just is a chore for me! I have to show every child how to do those tasks. I prefer to save Choose a Chore for those times when I child whines that s/he’s bored.
I know, I know. Another productivity software post! But this one is really about a method of getting things done that is designed for paper.
It’s true that I change approaches to task management like I change outfits. But after two and a half weeks I am enamored with this approach. In 2.5 weeks I have added more than 600 tasks to my list and have just over 230 to do. I did something last night I have been putting off for two years. I feel that this method of getting things done is probably the best way to beat procrastination!
So what is it? I can’t tell you. LOL. But go to www.markforster.net and sign up for the Autofocus beta testing link for free and Mark will tell you! It is definitely easy to understand and can really be life changing.
I am using Appigo’s ToDo to access Toodledo for my Autofocus lists and I love it. Toodledo may be the most flexible task management software I have used. It isn’t perfect but it’s getting close! However, paper works just peachy.
I am off to mark “do a blog post on productivity” off my list!
I promised you another book review and here it is!
Years ago, I met Shelley through an online writers group. She was looking for a psychologist to do a little writing for her humorous look at the subject of mental health. I was more than happy to oblige! I read Shelley's book and laughed out loud. That says a lot! I rarely laugh out loud at books.
I got to know Shelley and understood why I was laughing: she is very, very funny! She's the only person who's ever written a Christmas letter that I think should be published! Although the book is funny, it deals with a serious subject that Shelley is intimately familiar with. She does a great job at attacking the stigma by being brutally honest.
The book is funny, Shelley is funny, I had great fun writing for her, but that is where the fun part quit until now. Although Shelley was encouraged by many, many publishers, none of them would take the book and run with it. Shelley gave up. When I had a good experience self-publishing, I told Shelley to do the same. So many people I have mentioned her book to had asked, "Where is it? I want it!" So in fairly short order, Shelley has her book published and ready to sell on Amazon. If you know anyone who's not OK, this would make a great Christmas gift!
Check out Shelley's website to read an excerpt of the book and take time to read her blog. She's a riot. I have no doubt that Shelley will be A-OK with you!
I’m a Christian psychologist turned homeschooling mother of six. My life can be a little crazy, so I look for sanity-saving ideas to use and share. I hope you’ll read my About page to learn more.
