Would you like to get more organized in your homeschooling this year? Many homeschoolers would. But where should you start? Should you start with your bookshelves? The schoolroom? Maybe the kitchen because you spend so much time there?
Organizing these spaces is a good idea. But the most important area in your homeschool to organize isn’t a space at all; it’s your time. I’ve written before about the importance of your calendar in organizing, but now I want to take a closer look at why organizing time usage should be a top priority for you this year.
#1 Organizing takes time
How many times have you said (or at least thought), I need time to get organized? However often you’ve had the thought, you were right. Organizing anything does indeed take time. Of course, we all have the same 24 hours in a day, so what we really mean when we say this is we need to take time for organizing tasks.The key is how much time and can we afford to dedicate it to organizing? We may also ask if we can afford not to take time for organizing.
#2 Homeschooling is time
In my state, I’m required to keep track of hours spent homeschooling. Transcripts for high school and college are an accounting of credit hours. And while we can accomplish more educationally in less time than traditional schools, homeschooling is still about time spent. Success in most subjects for most students will correlate with how much time has been devoted to it. Statistics comparing students who read 20 minutes a day to students who read just 5 or 1 minute a day is astounding. When it comes to homeschooling success, organizing your homeschool time will be far more important than how you organize your art supplies. We know this, yet the results of organizing our homeschool spaces are more Instagram-worthy, so we can get off track.
#3 Our time is our life
My kids don’t remember my system for organizing their toys and frankly, neither do I. (I just remember a lot of weeping when small pieces to things were strewn everywhere). My children didn’t even express awe over the binders and bins I used to keep their school materials organized. But they remember the medieval feast, the states and regions field trips, and the holiday parties. They remember time well spent. And so do we.
How to Organize Time
If we recognize that time is the most important area of our homeschool lives to organize, how do we go about it? Frankly, it can be challenging. I have spent years studying time-management approaches (better known as productivity these days). I can’t distill what I’ve learned into one blog post, but I can give you strategies that have made a huge difference in how I organize my time.
#1 Start with God
I think we have heard this so often, that it begins to be an obligation. “Oh, I have to begin my day with God because that’s the right thing. I won’t be a good Christian mom if I don’t do that. God will be mad at me if I don’t.” That sense of obligation and guilt actually works against us having time with the Lord.
Instead, time with God is for us. Time in the Word and in prayer encourages, reduces anxiety, gives wisdom, and saves time. I have had many days that were headed for disaster before my time with the Lord. I was anxious, despairing, and ready to give up teaching for the day. Then I read God’s Word and He spoke to my heart through it. Some days I found what I needed through my regular reading. Other days it came from looking for specific verses. In praying with thankfulness, in humility, and for the needs of others, I found that whatever was troubling me was small in His eyes. In praying about my overwhelm, I found God using my husband to help, tasks taking less time, and scheduled events being canceled. Beginning the day with God isn’t an obligation, but an honor and a privilege. I couldn’t organize my time without Him. For some homeschool moms, beginning the day with God means the night before or even afternoon. Early morning is not an obligation.
#2 Keep a short list
Have you ever noticed that God’s to-do lists were always short? Even in creation (an undertaking so enormous, we can’t fathom it), God’s task list was short for each day. The list of commandments is just 10 items and Jesus simplified them to just two. Jesus never gave His disciples a list of 30 things they had to do. And believers’ action list is just one item long: “Go and make disciples.” We are the ones who complicate matters. And believe me, I understand why. The Bible was written before email, Pinterest, and blogs like this one. You can come away with a list of to-do’s from everything you read or see. But here’s the thing. God hasn’t asked us to do all these things. When we’re overwhelmed, it’s so often because we’re taking on a load He hasn’t given us. Keeping a short list each day requires us to trim those unnecessary tasks, leaving just the essentials.
But I can hear you now. “That’s all I can do? Just the essentials?” Or maybe that’s my voice I hear in my head. I want to do more than the essentials. When we limit our list to essentials, we prevent overwhelm, and are likely to get these tasks done faster than if we were working from a list of 100 things. With the time left over, we can choose to do any nonessential tasks we’d like. And if we have no extra time? We have the satisfaction of knowing we finished everything that had to be done, without the guilt of frittering time away on nonessentials.
#3 Schedule time
Francis Wade’s guest post is one of the most popular on this blog. He argues for the power of scheduling when organizing our time. He won me over. I didn’t like schedules at all. They felt too restrictive. I’m a homeschooler after all! I shouldn’t have to be on a schedule (It was like a dirty word to me at one time). But scheduling allows us to make time for God, for homeschooling, and for that short list of essentials. A schedule is like a budget for your time.
I used to spend money until I got an overdraft notice. I didn’t have a budget because it was too depressing. I would see that I couldn’t get fast food because I couldn’t afford it and my rent too. We can be like that with our time. We don’t want a schedule because then we will see that we can’t sign up for ten field trips next month plus have our kids in the musical and start a podcast, while still homeschooling our kids. So we just do it all and complain that we’re overwhelmed, as though some maniac is in charge of our time. I know a maniac has been in charge of my time!
The solution is to schedule our time — not to the minute, but loosely. We must include not just time for God and homeschooling, but our relationships, homemaking, organizing, and time for things that renew us. Because I’m a rebel at heart, once I get my schedule written out, I find I don’t want to use it. I want to switch things up and I have to accommodate the unexpected. That’s fine. Simply the process of creating a schedule helps to limit our focus and serves as a reality check for our time.
The Easy Way to Organize Your Time
I’ve created a system that will help homeschool moms like you organize the most important area of their lives–their time. It will allow you to organize your time with God, develop a short list of what’s most important, and schedule time for everything God has called you to do — even the fun stuff!
This week I have a mishmash of sanity savers for home and homeschool. Remember that if you want all the time-sensitive sanity savers too, you’ll need to subscribe.
#1 Release of Skedpal
I’ve written about my enthusiasm for Skedpal, an automatic scheduler for busy people, before. But now it’s out of beta. It’s gone through significant changes and it is how I make sure none of my to-do’s fall through the cracks. I love it. Check it out here.
#2 Bible Project Videos
If you’re looking for a way to add multimedia to your Bible time, Bible Project videos are just the thing. They’re free!
#3 This Is My Home, This Is My School
It can be disappointing when you’re a homeschooled child not to see your lifestyle depicted in books. This book title comes to the rescue and helps preschoolers to first graders identify with another homeschooler.
#4 Reusable Wrap
I find the old-fashioned cling-type wraps fairly useless, but somehow that’s all I can find when I want to put something away. I found this reusable wrap (it can last a year) very intriguing. It can be used on anything and reduces waste.
#5 Amazon Echo
I resisted the urge to buy an Amazon Echo because I have bluetooth speakers and Siri on my iPhone. I didn’t need it, I thought. I bought one for my husband and a Dot for my mother for Christmas and they have turned out to be real sanity savers. My husband struggles to get the music he likes to play in the mornings. Now he can request any music he likes — no computer wrestling required. When the music is on and the phone rings or a visitor arrives, it’s fast to ask Alexa to reduce the volume.
My mother has found her Dot to be a fun device that can give her the weather, leave messages for her granddaughter (my daughter also received a Dot), and even play interactive games. If you haven’t seen this Saturday Night Live spoof of the Echo for seniors, you’ll get a kick out of it.
#6 Waveapp
I believe I have mentioned this free accounting software before, but because I have recently recommended it to friends, I’m naming it a sanity saver again. Instead of entering expenses and income by hand, Waveapp is connected to your PayPal, checking, or credit card accounts to tabulate this info for you automatically. You only have to tweak the categories for each expense. This Excel novice is a happy camper!
Which of these sanity savers are you most interested in?
What didn’t get done in your homeschool this year? What things do you routinely put off? What things do your children put off? The solution to accomplishing important tasks or projects in your homeschool is to make them a habit. I’m excited to tell you how.
Our tendency is to want to develop habits by sheer force of will, whether that’s our own or our children’s habits. This method is exhausting and is destined to fail with time.
How Mini Habits Can Change Your Homeschool
I recently read the book Mini Habits by Stephen Guise and rediscovered a powerful tool for accomplishing important things. I chose three mini habits to develop.
The wonderful thing about mini habits is they are so small, and require so little effort, that you can work on developing more than one.
In the past when I have accomplished big things, I have done so by having a singular focus. But as homeschoolers we have many changes we want to make, even if that means having more than one child who needs to make a change. My three mini habits are to write 50 words of Grammar Galaxy curriculum, to declutter one item, and to read one page of a paper book.
The exciting thing about these three mini habits for me is that I have done them every day for more than three weeks. Many times I have gotten to the end of the day and realized I had to do them before I went to bed. These habits are so small that I can finish them in just a few minutes, even at bedtime.
To be successful, your mini habits should take a minute or less.
Let’s talk about the elephant in the room, shall we? These mini habits are so small that they don’t seem to matter. Fifty words, one item, and one page aren’t much. Yet over the course of a year those 50 words add up to more than 18,000. A total of 365 items would have been decluttered and 365 pages would be read. I realize those numbers aren’t likely to motivate you. That isn’t the real gold behind mini habits. The value in establishing mini habits in yourself and your kids is that often we and up doing more than the minimum we have established as our mini habit. I have written curriculum for two hours, have decluttered entire closets, and have read 20 pages in a sitting. So why not make the daily habits bigger, you may ask? To require myself and require yourself to do more on a daily basis will mean we develop resistance. Psychologically, we don’t want to spend two hours writing, cleaning, or even reading. So the big expectation, even if it’s unstated, can interfere with motivation.
Mini Habits to Adopt to Change Your Homeschool
Now that you understand a bit about why we need to make habits that are so small that we feel no resistance, let’s talk about the kinds of habits we can develop to change our homeschools.
Exercise. If you don’t exercise, I believe that a mini exercise habit can change your homeschool. You and your children can develop an exercise habit that will increase your energy, improve attention, and your health. The author of Mini Habits started by doing one push-up a day. Alternatively, you and the kids could use the Move app which provides one small exercise for you to complete. It can be set for the timeframe you prefer (like once an hour), but you would only be requiring yourself to do one exercise per day. If you want to exercise longer, you can. I have used this approach to exercise for many years. On the days when I haven’t wanted to exercise, I only require myself to start.
Is there a subject that your child resists? It’s perfect for mini habits. You may understandably balk at asking your child to do one math problem per day. Math requires more time. But if your child is math phobic, requiring just one problem a day would be a good place to start. You could also establish a mini habit of your child practicing math facts via flashcards or a game for one minute a day. Anything that your child resists and has not developed a habit for is fair game for mini habits. Your child could practice foreign language using the DuoLingo app or could practice a musical instrument for one minute. Some other ideas for your child include reading for pleasure, handwriting, writing 50 words, typing, studying for tests like the ACT with the Magoosh app, and picking up.
It’s important to explain to your child that the only requirement in those instances is the one-minute practice. However, if they are enjoying themselves, they should feel free to spend as much time as they wish. Mini habits should not be used for behaviors that are already habitual. I do not have an exercise habit of doing one push-up a day because I already have the exercise habit. Anywhere you or your child struggles to establish a habit, however, is a great area to use mini habits.
What about mini homeschool habits for you? How about checking work, record keeping, and filing?
The key to making mini habits stick is to track them daily. Do them every day. I did mine over Christmas too. The traditional way of tracking habits is to mark them off on a paper calendar. You can mark off family mini habits on the calendar together. Be sure that your child marks off her own mini habits. The goal is not to break the chain. You want to do the mini habit every day for as many days in a row as possible. Creating a long chain is motivating in and of itself. No other rewards are required. However, depending on the age of your child, you may want to promise a reward like getting a frozen yogurt after a week of mini habits. The younger the child, the fewer mini habits should be established and the limit for everyone should be three. There is an app I love that is very useful for tracking mini habits called Productive. As I slide to mark my mini habit complete, I am given an encouraging statement and I’m told how many days in a row I’ve completed my habit.
Establishing mini habits changes our homeschools.
As we continue to record our mini habits, our way of thinking changes. For example, I constantly find myself looking for things to declutter. I have realized how easy it is to keep my home decluttered if I am always doing a little bit. I have come to appreciate my print books and how enjoyable reading them is. I have rediscovered the value of doing something like writing every single day. Resistance disappears.
As you work on habits in yourself and in your children, you will also discover the value of completing your habits early in the day. Even though it is possible for me to finish my three mini habits before I go to bed, it’s not optimal. Make it a game with you and your kids to finish your mini habits as early as possible to get to the reward of marking them off.
Eventually, you will have the habits established. You won’t even have to think about them and you can work on establishing new habits. But definitely don’t rush this process. If even doing your mini habits is a struggle, your habits are likely too big. They need to be incredibly simple. Doing even a 10-minute workout every day is too long. A better mini habit might be going outside to walk for one minute or driving to the gym. They sound ridiculously small, but they work to establish positive behaviors with our rebellious psyches. In the effort to establish mini habits in yourself, you’ll come to understand your children’s resistance to certain things much better. You will learn to keep requirements of less rewarding tasks small.
And remember: a mini habit completed is better than nothing.
The momentum and self-confidence you and the kids create by completing mini habits will pay dividends for life. You aren’t just teaching your child to complete tasks; you are teaching your child how to make life changes.
Conclusion
I’m excited to get my kids started on mini habits of musical practice, foreign language practice, and ACT study. I would love to hear what mini habits you choose and how it’s going for you.
You can change your homeschool one mini habit at a time!
I have been sharing sanity savers that my subscribers love for a long time. As I go about my daily living, when I discover something that makes life easier, I share it — just like I do with my local friends and family. I decided it was time to share sanity savers that aren’t time-limited with everyone. What does that mean? Some of my best sanity savers are free, discounted, or available for a limited time. If you’d like access to those codes and resources, you’ll need to become a subscriber (aka friend). It’s free, easy, and tailored to you. Click here to get started.
I absolutely love this time of year. I have time to slow down and make a fresh start. I can make changes that will make me better. That’s what this week’s sanity savers are all about.
#1 A New Bra
It’s been at least eight years since I bought new bras. That is crazy. Bra shopping isn’t my favorite, but I decided it was high time I replaced my bras. The elastic had long since given up. I decided on this Lilyette bra from Amazon. It is a minimizer bra that I need and I purchased one to make sure I liked it. Oh my word. Ladies, I look younger in this bra! The girls no longer look like they’ve given up the fight. I had no idea my old bras were aging me, but they were. I bought multiples of it. The price is so reasonable, making replacement of the lot of them easy.
#2 New Mascara
I had no idea my bras were aging me and I had no idea how to fix a years-long problem of makeup smears under my eyes. I tried numerous eyeliners that were supposed to stay in place, but not one of them worked. I was forced to constantly check my makeup before doing pictures, live broadcasts, or social functions. I took to just wiping under my eyes constantly because I knew my eyeliner had smeared without looking. I saw a Facebook ad for Thrive Causemetics eyeliner that wasn’t supposed to smear. In addition, each purchase would mean makeup would be donated to a needy woman. I liked that. I added a yet-to-be released mascara to my order as well.
My eyeliner arrived first. I was disappointed that I had the same old makeup smears under my eyes. I was ready to just accept that there was something funky about my eyes that made this inevitable. The mascara arrived later and I tried it. I liked it, but I didn’t think it was significantly better than the mascara I was already using. And then something remarkable happened. I no longer had makeup smeared under my eyes. For years I had assumed that my eyeliner was smearing when all along it was the mascara on my lower lashes. This mascara does NOT smear. I’ll be using it exclusively from now on. If you’d like to try it, you can use this link to save $10 on your order. I’ll get a credit to use too. I learned that I’m often chasing my tail when it comes to solving problems.
#3 7 Minute Workout
Short workouts can put you on the path to fitness this year. The 7 Minute Workout App is another tool for you to stay motivated. Lack of time is no longer an excuse. This app offers a complete workout that can wake you up in the morning or keep you going in the afternoon. I love that I can listen to my own music while I do it and go at my own pace. There are many testimonials on how this app has allowed people to lose weight too.
#4 Fitness Journal
Speaking of fitness, planning your workouts and tracking them is a research-backed strategy for reaching your fitness goals. New mom, Kathy Gossen, has created the perfect fitness journal for tracking your way to a whole new you. It’s called the Get2Fit Journal. You have space to track nutrition as well as place to journal, which I’m a huge fan of. Watch my interview with Kathy for even more fitness motivation.
#5 Blessed Life Planner
Can you have too many planners? I don’t think so! What I love about the new Blessed Life Planner in dated and undated versions is it’s a place to keep your spiritual life organized. The first and most popular challenge of The Organized Homeschool Life is to organize devotional time. This beautiful planner makes that possible with space for prayers, gratitude, your mission statement, plus encouraging Scriptures and of course, a place to plan other to-do’s.
#6 The To-Do List Formula
Speaking of to-do’s, it’s so easy to become overwhelmed by them, isn’t it? I recently read The To-Do List Formula and loved it. I especially loved the advice to make the number of tasks on your list completable for the day. If you need help managing your to-do list, this book is a winner.
What are you doing to create a whole new you this year? Comment and let me know.
Remember: to get exclusive subscriber discounts and freebies, click here.
The first tip for a saner Christmas is to treat the Christmas season differently. You’ll want to consider again doing a special study for Christmas this season. Consider this unique unit study on Christmas in the White House or an online study from Techie Homeschool Mom. It’s not too late to focus your studies on Christmas itself. But even if you’ve opted not to do a Christmas unit study, you can still change up your homeschooling this time of year. Consider changing your schedule. Church and family and even homeschooling events may keep you up later this time of year. Why not allow everyone to sleep in and start school later? For those of you who have younger children who get up at the crack of dawn no matter how late you stay up, consider having a longer rest time during the day or multiple rest times. Whatever you do, don’t treat this time of year like any other.
#2 Take Time to Get Organized
The second thing we can do to have a saner Christmas this year is to take extra time to get organized. There are plenty of things we can do to get organized for the Christmas season itself, but I am specifically referring to getting organized in your homeschool. Put your bookshelves back in order. File the papers that have accumulated since the beginning of the school year. Put your supplies and other items making your school pace space look out of order away.
Also begin decluttering your house. Use a slower schedule to go room by room to throw away, give away, or sell things you aren’t using. Move items you want to keep but aren’t actively using to storage. Having a decluttered home will make entertaining and even battling potential illness that much easier. Speaking of that, make sure you have everything on hand that you need for colds and flu. You could declutter your home in a weekend. Or using this approach, you could be finished decluttering by Christmas.
#3 Limit Activities
Make a Christmas bucket list with your family. If touring the expensive light display doesn’t make the list, don’t do it! Put all of your anticipated Christmas activities on the calendar so you can view them in one place. The potential for stress and overwhelm will be more evident if you can see everything you’re planning to do. When you see the potential for overwhelm, decide to skip some activities. But skipping is not the only option. You can also reschedule some of these. Celebrating with family on days other then Christmas Eve and Christmas Day can be a real sanity saver. Some families aren’t flexible on this, however. So you will want to use your flexibility for scheduling activities with other people.
One of the best decisions we made in my homeschool co-op was to have our Christmas party in January. Our kids, who aren’t necessarily happy about starting back to school, look forward to this a great deal. We exchange gifts and play Christmas games and even go out to eat. All of these things are easier when they are not smack in the middle of the busiest time of the year. If you are part of a group that has a party, suggest moving it to January. Don’t be discouraged if your suggestion isn’t well received. Suggest it again next year.
#4 Plan Ahead
The next important way to have a saner Christmas this year is to plan ahead. My book, The Organized Homeschool Life, gives you 15-minute missions that enable you to be prepared with Christmas clothing, Christmas decorations, and more this season. But if you’re not on track with the missions in The Organized Homeschool Life, you still have time to be early. The best way to prepare in advance for the holidays is to look through the calendar you created in step three. Make a list of everything you need to buy or do for each event on the calendar. My recommendation is to begin with the first events coming up and work forward from there. However, if you can combine shopping for all of the events on your calendar, you’ll save yourself a lot of time. Perhaps you have a list of items to purchase online. You can do that in one sitting. You could turn a shopping trip for the materials you need into a fun activity with the kids. As you are preparing, consider outfits that your children will need to wear. For some reason, this has always caught me by surprise. Will your child need to be wearing his holiday best for a concert or party? Does your child have shoes, socks, and a belt to look presentable? Now is the time to prepare these items.
Plan ahead for your homeschool too. Pull out books and curriculum you won’t be using next year and give them away or arrange to sell them. Do some research of other curriculum you would like to use next year. Spend time lesson planning for the new year. Be prepared for moans and groans after the holidays. Don’t anticipate hitting it hard immediately after the new year, but find some things to motivate your kids. Kids and moms need fun in January even more than they need it in December.
#5 Keep Things Simple
The fifth way we can have a saner Christmas this year is to keep things simple. If you love elaborate decorating, marathon baking sessions, or shopping for hours, then keep doing those things. But if you don’t love them, ask yourself why you’re doing them. Let me give you an example to get you thinking. I am in charge of a middle school event at my church. I want to provide a snack. Will middle schoolers think less of me or the activity if I provide store-bought snacks as opposed to making fancy Christmas cookies? I think we both know the answer to that. I do enjoy making Christmas cookies, but I don’t have time in my schedule without a lot of stress to make the cookies before the middle school event. I will be purchasing from the store. Here’s another example. If you are attending an ugly Christmas sweater party as I am and you don’t love creating a sweater with hot glue and craft supplies, pick up a premade sweater at the store or even better, ask to borrow one. We want the emphasis this Christmas to be on people and enjoying ourselves with them. If what we are doing to celebrate Christmas adds to our stress level, leading us to become ill, we aren’t going to be able to enjoy our loved ones.
We can keep things simple by buying fewer gifts. We haven’t purchased gifts for my husband’s side of the family in many, many years. We enjoy eating appetizers together on Christmas Day evening. No one has to prepare a full meal. We also enjoy playing games together. Last year we played Reverse Charades and everyone from the oldest to the youngest enjoyed playing together. will provide in the show notes, has one limitation and that is that there aren’t as many cards as I would like. This year I purchased Christmas cards to go with the game.
Talk with your family and friends about not exchanging gifts. If that isn’t an option, consider buying or making one simple gift for most people on your list. You may consider playing a White Elephant Game with a gift that is appropriate or just plain funny for anyone who ends up with it.
When it comes to your kids and close family members, you can limit the number of gifts to three by exchanging gold, frankincense, and myrrh gifts. We have done this in my family for many years and it has saved my sanity. I not only purchase fewer gifts for my children, but the limit and focus of the three types of gifts helps me decide what to buy.
I can give you an example from this Christmas for my own family. I have a son who is constantly asking me for cash. He goes out with his brother who is driving and a friend and loves to buy food. This year his gold gift will be cash in a box. He will love it. My daughter’s frankincense gift will be baking materials. Frankincense is what was burned in an offering to God. Her baking is how she serves God and our family, so these baking materials are an appropriate frankincense gift. I have older boys who are particular about their clothing. This Black Friday when they were around, I asked them to look over clothes that were on sale. I purchased the items as their myrrh gifts this year.
#6 Keep the Focus on Christ
Finally, keep your focus on the reason for the season. The part of the original The Grinch Who Stole Christmas movie where the Whos gather around the tree to sing convicts me every time. All of their food, gifts, and decorations had been stolen from them, but their joy remained. This is who I want to be. I want to model this attitude for my children. Here’s my plan:
First, be as excited about worship and devotions as I am about all the rest of the Christmas stuff. Talk about how you love the music you sing, the decorations at church, and the reading of God’s Word.
Third, make giving a part of your Christmas. Discuss what to give, to whom, and why. Share your joy in giving of your time and money and ask your children to share in the process. Here are 12 ways children can give this Christmas.
Conclusion
I use these tips to have a sane Christmas each year. If I can have a saner Christmas by keeping making the Christmas season unique, getting organized, planning ahead, limiting activities, keeping things simple, and making Christ the focus of Christmas, so can you.
Which of these tips will help you the most? Let me know in the comments.
Do you ever feel guilty as a homeschool mom? If you’re anything like me, you’re well acquainted with guilt. How can we get past the guilt that plagues us?
Before we can think about ways to get past guilt, we need an understanding of how guilt is to function in our lives. Guilt is like a warning light designed to get us back on track. When that warning indicator is functioning correctly, we can make the changes we need to make and that indicator will disappear. If you’ve ever had a car like I have that has an indicator that goes off inappropriately or constantly, you know how annoying it can be. Sometimes our guilt is not an accurate indicator. When we’ve clearly done something wrong, guilt can drive us to apologize or change our behavior. But inappropriate guilt is like that annoying, always-on indicator in the car. We try to ignore it, but we often wonder if there really is a problem we need to address. Inappropriate guilt takes our focus off of what we need to be doing.
If a warning light on my car keeps going off, I can take my car to the shop and have it tested. The problem can either be fixed or the indicator can be turned off. But what do we do about guilt that keeps popping up? There’s no guilt shop to go to, or is there?
My contention is that if we allow God’s Word to diagnose our guilty indicator, we will often find either a quick solution or discover that our guilt is the only real problem. When we allow the world’s standards to determine whether our guilt is a real problem or not, we will likely drive through our homeschooling lives constantly feeling guilty.
Now that we understand the problem of guilt in our lives, what do we do about it?
The first thing we can do is confess.
If we have done something that God’s Word would say is worthy of guilt, the next step is confession. We are to confess our guilt to God, but we may not want to stop there. We may need to confess our guilt to our families, our friends, or anyone who has been affected by our behavior.
Confession makes sense if our behavior is worthy of guilt, but what if it isn’t? Confession can also work in that circumstance. When we confess to our spouse or our homeschooling friends something we feel guilty about, these godly individuals can help us discern whether the guilt is appropriate or not. My husband has been wonderful in helping me determine appropriate versus inappropriate guilt. He will reason with me and help me release inappropriate guilt. However, he has also pointed me toward changing when he feels my guilt is appropriate. Talking with my homeschooling friends and determining that the standards I have for myself are much too high has also been a very effective way for me to release inappropriate guilt. I highly recommend it. I’ve seen the moms in our HomeschoolScopes.tv Facebook group do this for one another.
I’d like to share a personal example with you. I have sometimes felt guilty that my children don’t have as many friends as kids in school do. My homeschooling mom friends have helped me to let go of that guilt. Children don’t require a large number of friends and I am providing my kids with the best education I can in the most loving, social environment possible.
Do the good you ought to do.
The second way we can get past guilt is to do the good we ought to do. We can instantaneously feel better by making even a small step in the right direction. If you know the right thing is to teach your children their math facts and you’ve been avoiding it and feeling guilty, the easiest way to get past the guilt is to go over those math facts. In fact, doing something you’re reluctant to do, for whatever reason, is much less painful than living with the guilt. Think about what one small step you could take in the right direction that would relieve your guilt and take it today. Don’t put it off!
Of course, if you are suffering with inappropriate guilt, then acting on that guilt is not the right step to take. After spending time in prayer, reviewing God’s word, and confessing your guilt to people you trust, discern whether or not you are suffering from inappropriate guilt. If you are, continue with the remaining steps.
Avoid situations that encourage inappropriate guilt.
Step three is to avoid situations that encourage inappropriate guilt. It’s harder to avoid the situations that lead to an errant indicator in your car, but it is possible to avoid them as homeschooling moms. Is there a certain someone who makes everything from scratch, does elaborate science experiments, or is one of those homeschooling wonder women? If so, you may need to avoid her until you get your inappropriate guilt under control. Likewise, you may need to take a break from social media. The perfect Pinterest Photoshopped images may give you guilt. If understanding that these images don’t represent real life doesn’t relieve your guilt, take a break from Pinterest. Do the same with Facebook, Instagram, or YouTube.
Consider who you are in the body of Christ.
The next step is to consider who you are in the body of Christ. I have a sister-in-law who shares the Gospel with nearly every person she meets. Numerous times I have felt guilty that my witnessing is paltry in comparison. But then I go to God’s Word and I am in prayer and I discover that God has given each of us a part to play. We are not all called to the same works. Imagine if we were! What a mess it would be. I can feel good about who God created me to be and the part He created me to play. I don’t have to compete with my sister-in-law’s way of witnessing or feel guilty when I don’t even try. Think about the gifts, talents, and interests you have. Would you want your loved ones to feel guilty if they don’t share those? I’m sure the answer is no. Treat yourself the way you would treat someone you love and let go of the guilt.
Lower your standards.
The fifth step is lower your standards. I had a friend whose defibrillator fired in her chest when her heart rate reached a certain level. That firing understandably caused pain and anxiety. Her doctor determined that the standards set for the defibrillator needed to be changed. It shouldn’t have fired. Like that defibrillator, some of us have to change our standards so as to avoid pain, anxiety, and guilt. One of the most common reasons for our standards being too high is that we don’t really believe we are acceptable. We haven’t fully trusted in the finished work of Jesus Christ in our lives. For most of us, this is subconscious. We are working and trying and striving as I discussed in my post on when strivings cease. The result is anxiety, stress, and guilt.
One of the most stressful situations for a homeschooler is being evaluated. Some homeschoolers are evaluated every year in their state, while others are never evaluated unless there is a legal problem. Imagine how you would feel if your homeschool had been evaluated and certified as fully acceptable. I believe in that case, we would feel free to homeschool without fear or guilt. While our homeschools probably haven’t been certified by an outside agency, we can know that we are fully acceptable to God–not because of anything we’ve done but because of what Jesus has done. He continues to work in us and through us and because He does, we can have freedom from inappropriate guilt. We can homeschool with peace and joy, knowing He is in control of our homeschool.
Homeschool in love.
The final tip I want to share with you for getting past guilt is homeschooling in love. It’s hard to make homeschool decisions. We often don’t know what the priority is, what the best classes or curriculum are, or how we should be spending our time. But love is always the right choice. When our homeschooling is done in love for God, for our families, and even for ourselves, we will be free from guilt. Let me explain that last part about loving ourselves. Genuine love should provoke no guilt. Love means providing the same time, opportunities, and gifts to ourselves that we would provide to anyone we love. Feeling guilt over taking time alone, to be with friends, or to engage in hobbies that renew us makes no sense because these things enable us to love others. Jesus never appeared to feel guilty over resting or being alone.
Allowing ourselves to be ruled by inappropriate guilt can lead to physical, emotional, and spiritual dysfunction. If we do not take steps to get past guilt, whether that is appropriate or inappropriate guilt, we do our families, our friends, and our Lord a disservice. We don’t model a healthy approach to guilt and we do not fulfill God’s purposes for our lives and our homeschools.
Conclusion
In conclusion, it is possible to get past guilt. When guilt is appropriate, we can confess it and make changes. We can feel instant relief. When guilt is inappropriate, we can avoid situations that encourage guilt, consider our role in the body of Christ, lower our standards, and focus on homeschooling in love — including loving ourselves.
What makes you feel the most guilty as a homeschool mom and which of these steps is most likely to help you get past it?
I’m a Christian psychologist turned homeschooling mother of six. My life can be a little crazy, so I look for sanity-saving ideas to use and share. I hope you’ll read my About page to learn more.
