The end of the year always seems to get particularly busy for me. That makes it a perfect time to think about how I want my homeschooling life to be different in the new year. As a psychologist-turned-homeschooler who has been at this for 17 years, here are my recommendations.
The best way to ensure that we get more sleep is to go to bed earlier. Set an alarm on your phone. Use that alarm as a signal that you and/or your children need to go to your room for some quiet reading before bed. Make sure the room is cool and dark enough. Getting enough sleep will give you the energy that you need to accomplish all of your goals for the year. Going to bed earlier means you won’t sleep in. Waking up late is likely to make you feel behind. The one exception I have for going to bed early is teens. It just seems to be helpful for teens to sleep later. But that doesn’t mean that you as mom need to sleep in. I will allow myself to get as much sleep as I need at times when I need it. But I still feel much happier and more productive the earlier I get to sleep at night. If getting enough sleep at night just isn’t possible for you right now, plan regular naps. Sleep when your little ones do. Or nap while your children have a quiet time.
#2 Establish routines
I have mentioned the mistake of giving up on our routines this time of year. Establishing new routines or going back to the old routines that work is a great way of having an excellent homeschool year. The more chaos that reigns, the more likely people in your family are to be irritable and unproductive. If you’re someone who likes variety in their day like I do, you can still use routines. Just don’t make every single part of your day a routine.
Do begin with your morning routine. A book that may inspire you is The 5 Am Miracle by Jeff Sanders. Jeff and his wife don’t have children, but his experience with making the most of the morning hours is inspiring. If you don’t already do morning family time as part of your homeschool, I highly recommend it. You can learn more about it in Pam Barnhill’s Morning Basket Guide. Children are more likely to be cooperative when they know what to expect. Whatever it is that you hope to accomplish in the coming year that didn’t happen this year, a routine is likely to be part of your accomplishing it.
#3 Discipline children
One of the most common questions I get from homeschooling moms concerns their child’s unwillingness to participate in homeschooling. Because homeschooling can be so much more fun than public school, we can get the idea that our children always have to be having a good time. That just isn’t so. You and I learned something from classes we weren’t crazy about. I’m all about making learning fun, but if you have allowed your children to continually complain, ignore your requests, or refuse to participate in schooling, now is the time to correct that.
When I first began homeschooling, discipline was the number one subject I taught. We did a unit on obedience from Konos and I think it was more helpful for me as a mom than it was for my kids. I learned the importance of obedience and how much work was going to be required to teach it. I want to address child discipline in a future podcast episode, but for now recognize that you do have the right to expect your children to complete school work and participate in your homeschooling without excessive complaint. A complaining, obstinate child does not mean that you are a failure as a mother. Sending them to school will not relieve the problem. Even if they decide to cooperate at school, you still have to deal with them once they get home.
If you need help, I like the book How to Have a New Kid by Friday by Kevin Leman. Watch episodes of Supernanny and Nanny 911 on YouTube. And I recommend that you listen to an episode I did with Reb Bradley on the subject. Require your children to participate. Give them a consequence if they don’t that isn’t excessively harsh. With consistency, you’ll have a much saner homeschool year. If you still have a problem, seek professional help.
#4 Require your children to do chores
I did an episode of this podcast on teaching children to do chores well. But if you don’t have a chore system or one that you have use faithfully, I highly recommend that you begin that this year. Again, children don’t have to approve of your chore program. They only have to follow your instructions or suffer the consequences. There are so many chore programs that will work if you do. The main problem that destroys the effectiveness of a chore program is mom’s failure to require it and supervise it. After having tried numerous complicated chore systems, my favorite approach is to work together. We clean each floor of our home for 10 minutes. All the while I am able to see whether they are working or doing a good job or not. My children also have once-a-week chores that they complete. You are not being mean to require children to participate in the upkeep of your home. It’s up to you whether you give your children an allowance or payment for more complicated chores. But I have had great success in using both approaches.
#5 Meal plan
When I am tired at the end of the day, the last thing I want to do is figure out what I should make for dinner. Discovering that I don’t have the ingredients for what I want to make just adds to the stress. Heading to the store at the busiest time of day is not a good idea. I plan my meals a week at a time using Plan to Eat. I can generate a shopping list quickly and easily that way. Currently I am using the 30 day meal plan from Tastefully Simple and my family has really enjoyed those meals. It saves me even more time because the planning is already done for me. Whatever you choose to do for your meal planning, a little bit of time spent planning and shopping in advance is certain to save your sanity. For more on meal planning, pick up your free copy of The Once and For All Meal Plan.
#6 Have an overall plan
Planning, even when we end up changing the plan, is a powerful way of making positive changes in any area of your homeschooling life. I will be planning my homeschool speech class for our co-op happening this semester. Having a plan laid out will keep me from wondering what we should be doing when all the students have already arrived in my home.
Our kids need a plan to follow too. Make sure they have their own list of work to accomplish. I have two free planners for kids. Or give Trello a try.
Homeschool moms tend to spend a lot of time shopping for the perfect planner and I understand that. Planners are awesome! But just as important is what you write in that planner. If you want to teach your kids a new subject this semester, you’ll want to plan for how to do that. We can save ourselves a lot of time by adopting someone else’s plan that we think would be workable. You can use an online unit study from Techie Homeschool Mom that’s already been put together. I’ve also talked about how we can get organized this year by using someone else’s plan, which in this case happens to be mine. The Organized Homeschool Life gives you a plan for organizing a different aspect of your life every week of the year. There may be particular challenges that don’t apply to you. So you can simply choose to work on an area of your homeschool life that does apply to you. But you don’t have to reinvent the wheel.
Search for plans for gaining control and meeting the goals that you have for the various aspects of your homeschooling life besides organizing. If you want to get in shape, you don’t have to cobble a workout together on your own. There are numerous workouts that have already been developed to help you. You can find someone else’s plan for growing spiritually, too. There are prayer and Bible reading calendars ready for you to Google them.
You’re busy. You’re dealing with lots of people. You’re stressed this Christmas season. Stress can lead us to make some mistakes that will make things worse. Avoid these six mistakes and you’re likely to have a merry Christmas.
What we typically do is get busy with other things this time of year. There is more shopping and cooking and even chatting going on. After all, it’s Christmas! Somehow in the midst of all the extra activity, we end up not doing school. But it isn’t a planned break. We just sleep in, do some Christmas shopping, or watch Christmas movies instead of homeschooling. We aren’t doing a Christmas unit study. That’s different. We find ourselves falling into a Christmas break. The result is we feel guilty. We really wanted to get a lot done before Christmas. But we didn’t. And we don’t feel refreshed like we should from a planned break. Instead of falling into a Christmas break this year, decide whether you really are going to do a Christmas unit study. Plan what to do. If you don’t have time to plan, try the Christmas Traditions or Christmas Around the World online unit studies from Techie Homeschool Mom. They’re done for you.
If you don’t want to do a Christmas unit study, plan when you are going to take a break and for how long. If you feel behind on your regular studies, decide what you want to accomplish before Christmas. Make a realistic list for yourself and your children. Give your children the option of finishing early if they finish their work early or you finish your family work early. This is the process I used to create the most motivating homeschool planner ever.
Mistake #2: Changing your sleep schedule
Changing your sleep schedule may be one of the things you look forward to at Christmas time. You can stay up late watching movies and can sleep in. A few nights of this is okay, but erratic sleep schedules will wreak havoc on you and the kids. I recently read that our melatonin levels go down after 10 p.m. This means that it will be harder for us to fall asleep later at night. Adequate, consistent sleep provides a number of benefits. It helps to control weight, maintains a positive mood, increases focus, strengthens immunity, and helps control stress. No matter how busy you are, you will benefit from sticking to your regular bed and awakening time as closely as you can. If you have to stay up late for a Christmas party, for example, sleep in if you can. If you can’t because your kids will be up early, get up at the same time as usual. Then do your best to take a nap during the day. This advice is good for your children, too. We took a family vacation over Christmas break when my youngest was three. He did not get his nap and had night terrors as a result. He woke up screaming and could not be consoled. It’s a great example of what lack of sleep does to all of us internally.
Mistake #3: Skipping personal devotion time
When we go to bed late, we tend to get up late. If you have your time with the Lord in the morning as I do, you’ll miss it. Then you will struggle to have that time with God later in the day. Not having a quiet time of prayer, Bible reading, and meditation is a real problem when you are stressed, because that’s when you need it most. In fact, having that time with God during the Christmas season is likely to prevent stress in the first place. What’s more, if you continually skip your time with God this season, you will find yourself looking back on Christmas and feeling as though you missed the most important part. If in the midst of Christmas stress, you find yourself missing your time with God, make plans to correct that immediately. In addition, don’t limit yourself to your planned times with God. When you find yourself feeling frazzled or annoyed, take a few minutes to sit down in the presence of the Lord. One of my favorite things to do in those instances, is to write out what I’m feeling. Go to God with your stresses and worries and concerns and write them down. Pray and ask God what He has to say to you about these things. He may give you an idea or a Scripture or just a sense of peace that you did not have before.
Mistake #4: Not getting exercise
Another common habit we skip when we are under stress is exercise. That’s unfortunate because exercise helps to control the physical and emotional side effects of stress. For example, our immunity suffers when we are stressed. One of the benefits of exercise is that it raises our body temperature, helping to kill viruses and bacteria like a fever does. Over the Christmas season, we may have erratic sleep schedules, eat differently, and will spend time with large groups of people who may have a variety of germs. Giving up our exercise is not wise in these conditions. Exercise is also proven to relieve depression and anxiety. Christmas is the season we need exercise more than ever. If you don’t currently exercise, now is the perfect time to start. Check out 6 Short Workouts You Can Do at Home. Exercise doesn’t have to take an hour to be effective.
Mistake #5 Dropping other routines
There are other aspects of our routine besides sleep, devotions, and exercise. Because we’re stressed at this time of year, we can be temped to let them go. But not doing laundry, regular picking up, and meal planning will make life even more stressful. A cluttered environment adds to the feeling of being out of control. No meal plan will lead to irritability and an extra expense at this costly time of year. Not taking a few minutes to put laundry away and do dishes will cost you more time. It’s a lie that we will have more time to do these routine things later. Instead of dropping your routines when you’re stressed, maintain your habits. Use this time to start new ones. Set the timer and do a whole house pick up together for 15 minutes. Then do it again the next day. This is the time to be even more careful to schedule your days. You’ll accomplish what you hope to in your homeschooling, your home, and other responsibilities and you’ll still have time to enjoy special Christmas activities.
Mistake #6 Skipping your favorite parts of the season
When we are stressed, we immediately consider ways of saving time and cutting corners. That’s a good thing unless we consider eliminating things that are the highlight of our Christmas. If you don’t love making everyone’s favorite appetizer, pick something up instead. But if making Christmas cookies is a treasured tradition, make sure you do it — even though you’re stressed. The disappointment of having a busy, but unsatisfying Christmas just isn’t worth it. What if you don’t know how you can still do your favorite activities? Pray about it. The Lord will show you if there is something you think is non-negotiable but could be dropped. He may show you a way to multi-task. Need to have lunch with a friend and get Christmas shopping done? Do both together. Be willing to talk to people you love about your predicament. Will they really be disappointed if you don’t do something this year? They’ll let you know. You can include your favorite parts of the season even though you’re busy by asking for help. I used to be exhausted trying to wrap dozens of gifts. Then I switched to purchasing three gifts for my family members. You can find the link to my idea list for this in the show notes. And I asked my family members to help wrap. They love wrapping! And we spend time together while we do it. Being with my family just happens to be one of favorite parts of the season.
Which of these mistakes has caused you the most problems in previous years? Let’s chat about it on Facebook.
Regardless of your opinion of the election results, you’ve no doubt had some conversation about it. Perhaps, like me, you’ve also considered what to say to your children about these events. Or even more, what you should have said to them before these events. These are lessons I want to teach my children. I think they are lessons that every Christian homeschooler should teach, regardless of poltical leanings.
The first political lesson we must teach our children is that conflict like we have had recently is nothing new.
It’s not the worst conflict in history. It’s not even the worst conflict in our country. It’s easy to feel like things are so bad, like they’re so out-of-control when you aren’t keeping them in a historical context. The United States was deeply divided over allegiance to England. It was deeply divided over states’ rights, so much so that some consider the Constitution a miracle. I know I do. It was so divided over slavery and regional differences that family members were willing to fight and kill each other in the Civil War. The 1960s and 70s were rife with civil rights and anti-war protests. Here is a long list of protests and riots that have occurred in the United States over the decades. Your students will be convinced that what we are experiencing in our country today is nothing new.
It’s important that our children understand that recent events are no reason to fear, nor or they a reason to give up hope for our country. The truth is there are many areas in which America has come a long way.
The second political lesson we must teach our children is that politics is a worldly weapon.
I love the New Living Translation of 2 Corinthians 10:4 which reads, We use God’s mighty weapons, not worldly weapons, to knock down the strongholds of human reasoning and to destroy false arguments. Worldly weapons are debates, rhetoric, social media campaigns, and elections. As Christians, we still use worldly weapons. In the United States, we have freedoms that have come at a very high price. Not to exercise the freedom to vote, for example, is not expressing gratitude for the sacrifices that have been made. We have the right to participate in every aspect of the political process. We can campaign for our candidate. We can share videos that argue our view. We can even protest. But that’s not where we put our hope. We don’t have our hope in a democratic republic. We don’t lose hope when our candidate doesn’t win. We don’t suddenly have faith in our country when our candidate does win. No matter who are leaders are, God is in control. The English Standard Version of Proverbs 21:1 says, “The king’s heart is a stream of water in the hand of the Lord; he turns it wherever he will.”
Because God is in control, we ought to go to Him first with our needs and concerns. We use His weapons which are detailed for us in Ephesians 6: 14-18. It reads, “Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints,
No matter what the political issue, we want our children to seek truth, righteousness, peace, faith, the mind of Christ, God’s Word, and prayer. These are mighty political weapons.
The third political lesson we must teach our children is to look for logical fallacies.
These are errors in reasoning that we or our political opponents may make. As much as possible we want our children to avoid making these errors. We also want them to be able to recognize them in others’ arguments. For example, the slippery slope argues that one small step in a direction will necessarily lead to a more drastic decision. For example, requiring a background check to buy a gun will lead to the banning of all guns. An ad hominem argument is an attack of the person rather than his or argument. A person’s prior immoral act does not make every stance of a candidate invalid, for example. A red herring is an argument unrelated to the issue. For example, discussing China’s environmental policy is not related to what the United State’s should be. A straw man argument is when an opponent’s argument is stated in such a way as it is easy to tear down. For example, people who are concerned with terrorists immigrating here are xenophobic and xenophobia shouldn’t be tolerated. There are excellent books and curricula we can use to make sure are children recognize logical fallacies. Here is Cathy Duffy’s list of logic and critical thinking curricula.
The fourth political lesson we must teach our children is that statistics can be used to support any argument.
Statistics aren’t facts. I studied statistics for longer than I ever wanted to, but I’m glad to understand some of the difficulties in interpreting them. Hard science data like weight and temperature can be flawed. What instruments were used? Were they used in every measurement with the same conditions? Could there have been user or measurement error? When it comes to measuring human behavior or attitudes, the potential for error skyrockets. People often don’t do what they say they’ve done or what they say they will do. Questions can be written or stated in a leading way.
A second major problem with statistics is that correlation is often confused with causation. I discussed right-to-work laws with someone who knew more about them than I do. And in case you have a strong opinion either way, let me just say that I have not yet decided what I think about it. The person I talked with told me that states with right-to-work laws have lower wages than states without those laws. Thus, right-to-work laws lower wages. So I did some investigating and discovered that more states with right-to-work laws are in the South where wages are already lower. This may be a case where correlation (the association of one variable with another) does not mean one variable causes another. Or that could in fact be happening over and above the lower wage levels that already existed. There are statistical calculations that can take that into account. But often the side making the argument won’t use statistics that don’t make the strongest argument for them.
Until your children are old enough to study statistics in depth, it’s important for them to know that statistics are complicated. They may or may not be facts that support one side of an argument.
The fifth political lesson we must teach our children is that every argument has two sides.
I think one of the best ways to teach this is to teach your children how to debate. Even if they don’t participate on a debate team, they can debate someone in co-op or even in their own family. The most learning happens when you are required to debate in favor of the opposite view that you hold. I’ve served as a debate coach many times and looking beyond debater skills, I’ve found myself very confused about which side is truly right. That’s what happens when you look at both sides of an issue.
Beyond debate, I think it’s important to talk to people affected by the issue at hand. It’s easy to say that a program should be eliminated if you don’t benefit from it. But after talking with someone who relies on it, you may change your mind. Just as with statistics, political issues are usually a lot more complex than what mainstream media make them out to be. If you as a parent have the opportunity to talk with different parties in a contentious political issue, do it. Unfortunately, you may end up more confused than ever. But at least you won’t have an uninformed view.
The final lesson I think we have to teach our children with respect to politics is the benefits and responsibilities of nonviolent resistance.
There have been times and will be times when we object to something so strongly that we have to take a stand. We must protest and resist a policy or a law. These protests can make positive changes. They have throughout history. But we must resist nonviolently. Our actions must always be motivated out of love. 1 Corinthians 13: 1 says, “If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.” No matter how well spoken our children are, if they protest to make themselves look good, to gain power, or to get revenge, they’re just making a lot of noise. Resistance must always be motivated from love and it must always be nonviolent.
The list of examples we have of nonviolence resistance is long and prestigious:
Jesus
The Apostles
The early church
Luther
The Pilgrims
Ghandi
Martin Luther King Jr.
We have the right to resist immoral or unjust laws and practices. We can see immense positive change as a result. But we also have the responsibility to do so accepting the legal consequences. Did Daniel pitch a fit about being thrown to the lions’ den? No. He had violated the law of the land and he knew it. He had to rely on God to save him. We and our children must do likewise. We have to know that when we choose to protest something that there may be negative effects. We must face them without complaint, relying on God to save us or not as He deems fit.
That’s an advanced lesson, isn’t it? But we are told not to worry about what we will say in that situation. The Holy Spirit will speak through us. He will speak through our children.
Which of these political lessons do you think is most important? Let’s talk about it on Homeschool Sanity on Facebook.
I love Black Friday, don’t you? You can save so much on homeschool curriculum and more. I can’t wait to share the deals I have for you on Psychowith6 products, but I also have deals from my affiliates (aka friends) to share below. If you’d like even more deals for Black Friday, join us at HomeschoolScopes.tv where we’ll be having Black Friday deals on Facebook Live November 21st through the 22nd.
Psychowith6 Black Friday Sale
Get The Organized Homeschool Life, your week-by-week guide to homeschool sanity, for 50% off. It’s ust $5 when you purchase the digital version here from November 21-25 using code BLACKFRIDAY. You’ll get the 2017 organizing calendars for free! Amazon purchasers can get the calendars with a screenshot of your Amazon review. Email Psychowith6 {at} gmail. This can be the year you finally get organized. What a great gift for a homeschooling friend! If you’ve already purchased The Organized Homeschool Life from Psychowith6 , you can get the 2017 calendars by downloading them at https://psychowith6.com/my-account.
You can also get the biggest discount ever on Grammar Galaxy, an elementary language arts curriculum that kids beg to do. Save 25% on digital or print Nebula curriculum designed for beginning readers (1st or 2nd graders and up) using code BLACKFRIDAY.
You can also save 25% with the same code by pre-ordering the next level — Grammar Galaxy Protostar. Protostar is for third graders who are reading or students who have completed Nebula.
I’ll be sharing more about The Organized Homeschool Life and Grammar Galaxy at 3:00 p.m. Central time at Homeschool Sanity on Facebook today. I’d love to chat with you!
Music in Our Homeschool / I Choose Joy Black Friday Sale
Music in Our Homeschool’s online courses are $10 off now through November 30th with code BLACKFRIDAY. Gena Mayo’s 15-minute music courses are safe for kids to do on their own. Talk about a sanity saver! Her high school courses are a perfect fine arts credit that your teen will love.
The 7 Sisters have an amazing deal on a bundle of Christmas curriculum. Beginning on November 25th, you can order a bundle worth $32.93 for just $24.99. I want it all! It includes new curriculum perfect for this busy season:
Writing a Holiday Family Narrative Short Story Writing Guide (5 fun lessons for a week of creative writing) for middle and high school students
Cinema Studies for Literature Learning Study Guide for A Christmas Carol (1984) starring George C. Scott as Ebenezer Scrooge for high school students
Literature Activity Guide for Just in Time for Christmas by Louise Borden for elementary students
Holiday Science Experiences for all ages
Holiday Fine Arts and Crafts for all ages
PLUS…
Literature Study Guide Hymns and Creeds (including study of lyrics to traditional Christmas carols) for high school students
The Christmas Carol War script for a fun taste of Readers Theater for your family or co-op
Christmas Carols in languages from around the world
AND…
encouragement for MOM as 2016 draws to a close!
Christmas with 7Sisters: Real Christmas for Real People (including personal stories from your “big sisters” and tips for handling the holidays when things are harder than usual…after the death of a loved one, when finances are especially tight, when your family is broken or blended, etc.)
Making Great Use of Holiday Family Gatherings in Your Homeschool (a 3-page article to help you blend learning and celebration)
A collection of favorite Christmas recipes from each of us at 7Sisters
A Prayer Journal to encourage you to spend the time you NEED with God as a new year is about to begin
To top it off, the first 30 orders receive a free 7th sister mug. I have one and it’s fab!
They Call Me Blessed Academy Black Friday Sale
Ana Willis’s Grow Your Blog Partying in 30 Days ecourse is on sale for just $39! If you are a blogger who is frustrated with your traffic, Ana’s course could help you multiply that traffic by 10 times. She did it and she’ll show you how. I have had the opportunity to preview the course curriculum and I think this is a bargain. Give your blog this gift.
I love this Christmas program and can’t wait to do the 30 days of random acts of kindness part of it with my kids. But there is SO much to this system for making Christ the center of your Christmas. You’ll save $10 November 22nd-November 23rd with code PREBLACKFRI10OFF you will get a free bonus Christmas banner. This is a must-buy!
Plan to Eat Black Friday Sale
I love this meal planning program. I rely on it! It saves my sanity that I can save recipes to it from across the web and can then plan meals and generate shopping lists. The user interface is just so easy. Subscriptions of Plan to Eat are 50% off November 25th through the 28th.
Bright Ideas Press Black Friday Sale
On Black Friday through Cyber Monday, Bright Ideas Press is discounting everything but bundles, clearance, and online classes 20%. The sale is good for:
1. WonderMaps 2. North Star Geography 3. Illuminations 4. All American History 5. Christian Kids Explore science series 6. A Young Scholar’s Guide to Composers
Thanksgiving is the month for gratitude. I started thinking not just about what to be grateful for, but to whom. That led to me to consider the people who are deserving of our gratitude as homeschoolers. There are specific ways we can express gratitude to bless these people in our homeschool circles.
As a Christian homeschooler I always remember to be thankful to God for the privilege of homeschooling. That’s especially the case for me because homeschooling wasn’t my idea. God called me to homeschool even though I did not want to do it. I thought I would be so much happier as a writer and speaker and did not see how I could possibly homeschool. But here I am in my 17th year of homeschooling and I find myself more grateful for it every year. I don’t have time to list for you all the reasons that I am thankful to be a homeschooling mom, but I can tell you they are numerous. You might want to listen to the homeschool motivation on demand podcast episode. Gratitude always belongs first to our Heavenly Father but sometimes in the busyness of life as a homeschooling parent, we neglect to express our gratitude to other people. I have a list of other people whom we might choose to show gratitude to this month and every month.
Thank Homeschooling Pioneers
The first group of people I would argue we owe gratitude to is the men and women who bravely and sacrificially fought for our right to homeschool. This thought first occurred to me when I heard Zan Tyler speak at the 2:1 conference. She shared the legal battles she had to fight in order to homeschool legally in her state. By the time God called me to homeschool, homeschooling was widely accepted as a legal option. At the 2:1 conference I expressed my gratitude to Zan, but there are so many other pioneers in the homeschooling movement to whom I owe a debt of gratitude. Whenever I have the opportunity, I want to take it and share with them how thankful I am that they made the sacrifice required for me to homeschool in freedom. I have never had my right to homeschool challenged. What a blessing!
Thank Homeschooling Advocates
The second group of people to whom we owe a debt of gratitude is the men and women who serve as our pro-homeschooling legislators and lobbyists. If you’re anything like me, you like to complain about those involved in politics. But I recognize that without favorable voices in our government, our right to homeschool may not exist now and may not continue to exist in the future. While I believe in the importance of sharing our concerns with our legislators and lobbyists, I also believe in the importance of thanking our civil servants and promoters. We could write a letter with our children simply to say thank you for being a homeschooling advocate. I know that letter would be greatly appreciated. We can also thank these individuals by staying involved in politics. I’m going to be honest. I don’t love calling and writing my legislators. But if we all stopped doing that, we could lose our rights to teach our children in the way God has called us to. We express gratitude to the pioneers and political advocates by taking a few minutes every so often to voice our opinion.
Thank Homeschool Support Group Leaders
The third group of people to whom we owe a debt of gratitude is the moms and dads who have founded and led homeschooling support groups in our communities and states. Without these organizations I know I would not have had the courage to homeschool. Not only would I not have had the information I needed to start homeschooling, but I would not have had the friendship support I needed to continue. I met the majority of my local homeschooling friends directly or indirectly because of my local homeschool support group. These hard-working men and women made sacrifices of their time and their families’ time so that you and I would be fully equipped to not only homeschool, but to thrive as homeschoolers. Every year my local homeschooling support group invites members to make a financial contribution to say thank you to its leaders. If your leaders are not adequately paid, I urge you to do the same. But a simple email or thank you note goes a long way to enable these fearless leaders to continue doing what they do.
A second way you can thank homeschool support group leaders is by volunteering. All the activities and resources they make available to us cannot happen without our help. Choose an activity or resource you are passionate about and offer your time. A third way you can thank your homeschool support group leaders is by attending field trips you sign up for. In my area, there are some educational sites who will no longer host homeschoolers because they know they won’t show up. What a terrible testimony! I know field trip organizers who have been frustrated and embarrassed by this behavior. We have great freedom in our homeschooling lifestyle, but that freedom should not be used to let fellow homeschoolers down or to make a bad impression on our community. Don’t sign up if you aren’t sure you can go on the field trip. Only cancel if it’s an illness or emergency.
Thank Homeschool Conference Organizers
The fourth group of people to whom we owe a debt of gratitude is the men and women who organize homeschool conferences. Often the same people who run support groups organize conferences. If you have never planned a large event, you can’t imagine how stressful it can be. You have to try to keep three groups happy: the venue people, the exhibitors/ speakers, and the attendees. Often these three groups want different things! If I had not had homeschooling conferences to attend, it’s possible I would have quit homeschooling. The speakers convinced me that I was doing the right thing. They taught me how to keep my homeschooling sane. The exhibitors introduced me to materials that inspired me and my children. And the venue gave me an opportunity to see my homeschooling friends. I looked forward to conferences like a vacation! I even purchased fantastic gifts for my kids at them.
We can thank these hard-working men and women by first, attending conferences. We didn’t have the online resources and podcasts when I started attending homeschool conventions. But there are advantages of an in-person event even with those online resources. I plan to discuss these in a future podcast episode. For now, I will say that if you don’t attend, these events won’t be held. New, potential homeschoolers won’t see the size of our community, hear the encouragement, be able to ask questions, or touch the curriculum. Without in-person events, homeschooling numbers will shrink. After you attend a conference, you can thank these men and women by completing an evaluation. If you saw or heard something positive, whether it was a speaker or the helpfulness of a registration volunteer, share it. I try to remember this saying, “To think something positive and not share it is a sin.” I don’t know if that’s literally true, but I do know it’s a shame. Your positive comments and thanks will energize convention organizers all year.
Thank Homeschool Curriculum Publishers
The fifth group of people to whom we owe a debt of gratitude is the curriculum publishers. I still get questions from people who know nothing about homeschooling. They want to know how I know what to teach. The authors and publishers of curriculum have taught me so much. I feel like I’ve had a second, superb education. They have taught me how to teach my children and have relieved the anxiety I had about homeschooling. And they also have taught my children one-on-one through curriculum that can be used independently. Some of the books these men and women have written are so dear to me that I may not be able to part with them when my youngest has graduated. As a curriculum publisher myself, I know the hours, the expense, and even the anxiety that is poured into materials that bless homeschooling families. Most homeschool curriculum is not published by a giant corporation, but by homeschooling families who support themselves with this work. Even the large publishers employ homeschoolers.
How can we thank them? First, write them. My son emailed Stanley Schmidt, author of Life of Fred, years ago. Stanley wrote back that the email made all the late nights and long hours of writing worth it. I interviewed Mr. Schmidt on The Homeschool Sanity Show. The second way we can thank homeschool publishers is to buy direct. Many homeschoolers do not realize that when you buy curriculum from discounters like Amazon, the publishers make a dramatically lower percentage of that sale. The discounter can make most of the money! Purchases from an online distributor are particularly discouraging to publishers who have invested great sums of time and money to exhibit at a convention. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. If you can purchase directly at the same or nearly the same price, honor these publishers who have blessed homeschooling by doing just that. Third, we can thank homeschool publishers by not violating copyright. Homeschool publishers as a whole are extremely generous. They offer discounted materials to homeschoolers, quantity discounts, and some of them even allow copying of materials for immediate family members. Not all materials may be copied, however. Check the copyright and ask the publisher. When we violate copyright, we are stealing, period. I have seen homeschoolers scan materials and make them available online for free. They seem to think they are providing a wonderful service, but they are stealing from a homeschooling family. We are also stealing when we share digital downloads we’ve purchased with friends or a homeschool co-op. Think of publishers as your friends, too. Encourage other homeschoolers to support homeschool publishers by purchasing from them directly. If we don’t, many publishers will stop providing the amazing materials we are blessed with.
Thank Homeschool Content Providers
A sixth group of people to whom we owe a debt of gratitude is the homeschool content providers: bloggers and podcasters. Bloggers and podcasters have given me so many ideas and free resources over the years that have allowed me to provide my children with an excellent, inexpensive education. I can’t imagine homeschooling without them! Many content creators are responsible for people choosing to homeschool. But like curriculum publishers, they invest huge amounts of time and money to serve the homeschooling community. Blogs and podcasts aren’t free. We pay to maintain our websites, to create content, and to share on social media, to name just a few expenses. Blogging and podcasting are also very time-consuming. Most would make a lot more money working a job outside their homes. But those who blog and podcast for an income do so because they want to continue homeschooling.
We can thank them by commenting. Bloggers, no matter how popular they are, read their comments. Comments can make their day or crush it. If you enjoy something you read or hear, tell the content creator. You don’t know whether some mean-spirited person who commented has them wondering if they should quit. Second, share their content. The more people who read or listen, the more income that content creator can make or the more encouraged they are to continue doing what they do. Third, support them through your purchases. Many bloggers like me use affiliate links. Those links don’t cost you any more, but help cover the many expenses they have. The other thing you may not realize is that many bloggers’ affiliates are their homeschooling friends. When you purchase an affiliate product through me, I am triply thrilled. You have supported me, my homeschool publishing friend, and have purchased a product that will bless your family. If your favorite blogger produces a product you’re interested in, purchase it instead of Googling for a free version. Fourth, if you like a blogger or podcaster’s content, subscribe. Many people sign up to get a freebie and then immediately unsubscribe. Bloggers invest a lot of time and money into creating free resources so you will know the value of what they offer in a paid product. When we only grab the freebies and go, it’s like eating the samples at Sams Club without purchasing every time. A worker deserves his wages as the Bible says.
I want to end this post by expressing my thanks to you. I am not only blessed to be able to teach my children at home, but I’m blessed to be able to speak and write about this incredible calling. You have made this possible. I sometimes have to pinch myself because I’m doing everything I love to do.
Which of these unique expressions of thanks do you want to make first? Let’s chat about it on Facebook.
I was reviewing responses to a survey I sent out to my email readers. (You can join the email list and get the weekly sanity savers here.) I scrolled down to the section where I asked my readers to tell me what I could do to better meet their needs. Apparently, I expected a lot of criticism. That isn’t what I got. The positive comments and encouragement brought tears to my eyes. It still makes me emotional. It was at that moment that I realized that I have been being too hard on myself. I am always thinking about what I should be doing differently or better. In that moment of reading feedback I realized that other people don’t view me the way that I view me. I know that if I struggle with the issue of being too hard on myself, it’s highly likely that many of my listeners do to.
I decided that I needed to take steps to stop being too hard on myself. Here’s how.
The first step is to recognize that you are being too hard on yourself.
How can you recognize that? By looking for signs. The first sign is surprise at other people’s positive comments. That was a telltale sign for me that I have been being way too hard on myself. When others compliment you, are you quick to disagree? Do you find reasons why their compliments aren’t accurate? If so, you are likely being too hard on yourself.
A second sign that you’re being too hard on yourself is discouragement. If we feel like nothing we ever do is good enough, we are likely to feel down. Lately, I have been feeling discouraged. Last week my website was hacked for the second time. I wondered if it was even worthwhile to continue my blog and podcast. I don’t think I would have had that response if I hadn’t been being too hard on myself prior to that. It’s so easy as homeschooling moms to think we need to be doing more, that we need to be doing better. In fact, one of the mothers who responded to my email survey said she wanted help to be a better mother and teacher. I understand that desire because I share it. But I wonder if that feeling of still not being up to par doesn’t lead to more discouragement. Surprise at others’ positive comments and discouragement are signs that you’re being too hard on yourself.
The third sign is feelings of guilt. You feel guilty because you aren’t spending enough time on subjects. You feel guilty because you aren’t cooking from scratch often enough. You feel guilty because you’re not spending enough time with your husband or just playing with the kids. You feel guilty that you’re not saving enough money. These feelings of guilt often come from being too hard on ourselves. There is a place for legitimate guilt that tells us we need to make a change. But guilt that just torments us is likely a result of us being too hard on ourselves.
A fourth sign that we are being too hard on ourselves is fatigue. When we try to do more and to do better all the time and it’s just never good enough, it’s exhausting. If we give ourselves time to rest and feel that we have completed a job well done, we would have the energy we need to do all that God has called us to do. Without that, we may be on the verge of sending the kids to school or dropping a blog or podcast that we love.
If you recognize any of these signs, there’s a high likelihood that you’re being too hard on yourself. Once we know were being too hard on ourselves what can we do?
The first thing we can do is to move away from negative people.
For those of you who are married to a negative person, I am not suggesting that you file for divorce or leave home. I don’t know you and I don’t know your situation, but I do advise you to speak to your pastor or a Christian counselor and get godly counsel that is just for you. Even if we’re not discussing a negative spouse and it’s an extended family member or a friend, I’m not necessarily telling you to cut off relationship. But I am suggesting that you find a way to spend less time around people who are negative toward you. If you are in a relationship with someone who is critical, who is always pointing out what’s wrong with your work or with your efforts, find a way to spend less time with that person. If you are in a relationship with someone who makes fun of you, if they laugh at you and not with you, find a way to spend less time with this person. If you are in a relationship with someone who brags and you end up feeling inferior in comparison, find a way to spend less time with this person. If you’re in a relationship with a negative person who tells you that it’s you and not them, find a way to spend less time with this person. I’ve done a variety of blog posts on the topic of negative people you may find helpful.
Avoid material that gives you unrealistic goals.
Material that gives you unrealistic goals can include books on how to be a better mother or how to be a better homeschooler. Choose books instead like how to be a good enough parent. Listen to homeschoolers who get real with you about their lives. Avoid looking at magazines even in the grocery stores that have Photoshopped pictures of women, who can give us the idea that we don’t look good enough. Remember that Facebook posts can give us an unrealistic picture of what’s attainable. An example is a great sanity saver that I shared on the Homeschool Sanity Facebook page. It was a video of using a mixer to shred chicken. What the video doesn’t show is that when you do this and your chicken is in any kind of broth or sauce, you will get splatters everywhere. This is a metaphor for social media. If we try to fashion our lives after the perfect images we see, we will end up with a mess. If platforms like Pinterest or Instagram make you feel like you aren’t good enough, give them a rest.
Stop worshiping at the church of productivity.
I love productivity and I love learning new ways to get things done more efficiently. But when I read a blogger’s sentence that read, “If you worship at the church of productivity like me,” I realized there was a problem. Our culture does worship accomplishment. But we need to take time to just be. When I was having severe shoulder pain, I spent quite a bit of time in the hot tub just sitting and thinking. The benefits of that time were amazing. I found myself getting perspective. I felt less overwhelmed. I came up with new ideas.
If you were to ask people who love you why they do, I can guarantee you that they aren’t going to talk about how productive you are. I know this is true because when I think about the people I love most, my affection and appreciation for them has nothing to do with how much work they get done. While I do think it’s important to make the most of our time, it’s also true that spending time enjoying the moment is a great way to use the time we’ve been blessed with.
Find a get-real, encouraging community.
The fact that I have been a member of HomeschoolScopes.tv, a community on Facebook that supports homeschooling moms who enjoy watching or making live broadcasts, has been life-changing. The other moms I have met there are constantly helping me to see myself realistically. Yes, I get some women who tell me how awesome and amazing I am. Those kinds of comments, while meant well, sometimes leave me feeling like a phony or like I need to do more to measure up to them. But just as often, I get true encouragement that comes from women really knowing me. Last week a newer member of HomeschoolScopes told me that it was apparent to her that I spend a lot of time with God. That compliment meant so much to me and helped me in another way. My goal and yours as well if you are a follower of Jesus Christ is not to meet others’ standards of success. Rather it is to be obedient to Christ. And here’s the thing about Jesus’ expectations of us: they are so much kinder and gentler than ours. I came away from hearing that compliment realizing that yes, I have been too hard on myself. My sole mission in life is to walk in Jesus’ footsteps. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. Become a part of a community: a church, a support group, or an informal group of friends who will remind you that you are more than enough.
Look to Scripture.
The well-known story of Mary and Martha shows us the problem we can have when our standards are too high. Martha was worried about many things. I have been worried about many things. I worry then I’m not doing enough as a wife, a mother, a homeschooling mother, a teacher, a blogger, podcaster, friend, and the list goes on. In this account, we are reminded that we are to concern ourselves with just one thing: what God is calling us to do. David and Paul both had reason to be hard on themselves, yet their focus was not on themselves, but on God. Reading their stories and reflecting on the two greatest commandments will remind us that being too hard on ourselves is counterproductive to the Gospel. Our focus ought to be on the privilege we have of being part of God’s story. David and Paul understood that. They didn’t get hung up on all the ways they had failed, but rather focused on what God was going to do in them and through them going forward.
What step are you going to take today to stop being so hard on yourself? Let’s chat about it on Facebook.
I’m a Christian psychologist turned homeschooling mother of six. My life can be a little crazy, so I look for sanity-saving ideas to use and share. I hope you’ll read my About page to learn more.
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