It’s very important to me that my children be grateful. My family didn’t have a lot of money. It seemed easier to be grateful for what we had. My children have a lot more than I did and I was concerned that they could be selfish and spoiled as a result. I have been intentional about encouraging gratitude in my children over the years and I have developed some strategies that I think have been effective. I want to share them with you.
The first strategy is to pray daily with your children.
We begin our homeschool day with prayer. The first thing we each pray is what we are thankful for. When I first began this practice, there were often times when my children seemed confused about what to be grateful for. They needed time and wanted their siblings to go first. But the more we did it, the more exposure they had to all the things that their older brothers and I mentioned. My youngest has developed the funny habit of going on and on about what he’s thankful for. If your child is going to keep talking about something, I can’t think of a better topic.
The second strategy for encouraging gratitude is to make children pay for things.
Because I was so concerned that having more money would lead my children to be ungrateful, I required them to pay for any extras that they wanted. In our home that can be anything from candy to an iPod. While I was planning this podcast, my daughter asked if she could buy a new earring tree. I said she could with her own money. This led her to ask if there were any odd jobs she could do for me to make extra cash. When children learn how expensive things are by comparing prices to how much money they have in their accounts, they are more likely to respect what we purchase for them. I know every parent has a different viewpoint on allowance and chores, but I have always given my younger children an allowance. My older children are paid to do bigger chores like mowing the lawn and shipping books. The kids have also worked with their neighborhood friends to shovel driveways, sell lemonade, and wash dogs to add to their income if they aren’t old enough for an outside job. In addition to making children grateful, requiring children to pay for their wants (and not their needs) also encourages them to be frugal.
The next powerful way to encourage your children to be grateful is to have them listen to a missionary presentation.
My family has the advantage of having a missionary in our family. My sister-in-law travels and learns the needs of people in Third World countries. My children have willingly contributed from their own finances to pay for goats for children in need in Africa, for example. Another friend went on a missionary trip and presented her experiences in Bolivia for our co-op. She explained how raising giant guinea pigs provides for families there. Our family chose to support a child through World Vision as a result. If you don’t have a family member or friend who is a missionary, your church or another area church will likely have missionaries speaking.
The next way to cultivate gratitude in our children’s hearts is to read them true stories of people who are less fortunate.
I love the biography of George Mueller by YWAM. The description of orphans who did not have enough to eat or an education but by the grace of God and the ministry of George Muller, speaks powerfully to how blessed my children are. They have both parents living. They have enough food to eat. Other missionary stories by YWAM have helped my children see how fortunate they are that all their siblings are still living. The high school American literature book we are reading now– A Tree Grows in Brooklyn — also portrays hunger in a way my teens can empathize with.
The next way we can encourage our children to be grateful is to have them participate in servant events.
My children and I have participated in food packing events for Feed My Starving Children. I don’t think that simply packing meals and working hard for an hour and a half would convince my children to be grateful. But the videos that are shown after we are done have touched their hearts. This last event we participated in included a video of a young boy who was left in the hot sun on his knees all day, every day. He was extremely emaciated, unable to walk or speak. A woman with the organization asked his mother if she could take him and nurse him back to health and the mother agreed. Video footage of this young boy thriving in response to being fed was so powerful for me and I know it had to be for my children. See if there is a Feed My Starving Children food packing event in your area. I’ll share the link in the show notes. If not, contact charitable organizations in your area. See if they are willing to talk with your family or co-op about the needs in their own community. Another excellent servant event for your kids to participate in Samaritan’s Purse Shoebox ministry. Our homeschool support group serves as a collection point for boxes. During a Thanksgiving activity, videos of children joyfully receiving their shoeboxes helps kids understand that not every child receives the kinds of gifts they do.
Finally, we can encourage our children to be grateful by keeping a prayer journal.
There is so much to be grateful for. We are not only grateful for having enough food to eat and having a family member still with us, but we are grateful for every answered prayer that demonstrates God’s continued love for us. This is something I want to begin in the coming year. I want to record our prayers in a journal and their answers, so my children and I can review God’s faithfulness to us. Thanksgiving would be a wonderful time to read every answered prayer that you have had in the past year. Encourage your children to think small. We aren’t always able to see the results of prayers for salvation, but we can see answered prayer for colds being healed quickly or a child being able to play a sport well. We can use our prayer journals to record God’s supernatural comfort and peace even in the face of prayers that aren’t answered exactly the way we had hoped. You can use any notebook for this, but I created prayer journal templates for you to print and use.
When we use these steps to cultivate gratitude in our children’s hearts, the bonus is that they will also experience joy. Psychological research supports the idea that being grateful and serving others are powerful approaches to instilling happiness. Of course, as we teach our children gratitude, we can find our own joy growing as well.
The iHomeschool Network bloggers have been sharing unit studies on famous people whose birthdays are that month. I wanted to get in on the fun! But I’m unconventional. I chose to create a unit study on a contemporary comedian who is also unconventional: Howie Mandel.
In the process of creating a unit study on Howie Mandel, I learned a lot. I hope our kids will, too. I love the idea of taking a day to study something completely different. Don’t you?
A unit study of Howie Mandel gives us the opportunity to learn about topics we don’t spend a lot of time on in a traditional school day:
Selling
Voice overs
ADD
OCD
Comedy writing, and more!
Howie’s life also serves as a reminder that individual differences can be the source of our success!
Because I love learning new things, I decided to use this unit study as an opportunity to learn a new platform: Teachable. This online learning site allowed me to put this unit study into a series of lessons, including videos and websites. I’ve even opened the comments on the last section so kids can share their funny material. I’ve made the unit study free since I’m working the bugs out.
I hope you and your kids enjoy it. Let me know what you think of the platform or if you have any questions.
If your kids like funny writing, be sure to download my funny writing prompts for fall. Better yet, purchase Grammar Galaxy — a curriculum that makes reading and writing fun every day.
Homeschoolers have to consult a number of different professionals. For example, I am often asked about having children tested for special needs. Another area I am often asked about is seeing a mental health professional. This could be seeking services for yourself, your marriage, or your children. Finally, we may need to consult professionals for our own or our children’s physical needs.
Why is this even an issue? Because as homeschoolers, we tend to lack trust for those who are outside of homeschooling circles. And this is understandable! We are DIYers. We like to do things ourselves and it can be hard to trust those who may not have a favorable view of homeschooling. However, there are times when not seeking professional help is hurting us or hurting our children. In fact, there are instances when failing to seek professional help could be considered neglect. There is no way I can tell you if you’re in that situation. But I can ask you to prayerfully consider whether it is time to seek professional help. One indicator that it is time is that you are you or your child is having difficulty functioning in daily life.
I wish I did not have to mention this as a reason you may be reluctant to seek professional help, but I feel I have to. If we feel that we have something to hide, we may not want to see a professional who could determine that we are not providing the best education for our children. If you are suffering from clinical depression or severe anxiety to the extent that you are not able to educate your children and this is a chronic condition, not a temporary one, I ask you to consider having your children educated in another way for now. Whether that means asking a friend or family member to help, or putting your children in a traditional school, I ask you to do what is best for your children. If people you trust are telling you that need to stop homeschooling, listen to them. Just because homeschooling isn’t the best choice now does not mean that you will never be able to homeschool again.
How to Work with Professionals as a Homeschooler
If the difficulties that you or your children are having do not threaten your ability to adequately educate your children, then I recommend the following six steps.
Get a referral. My favorite way to have people get referrals for professional services is through their local homeschooling support group. If you are part of an online forum, this is an ideal place to ask for the professional you need. Another place to ask, depending on the type of professional you need, is your church. Most pastors are aware of Christian counselors that they can recommend to you. Finally you may have friends who are in the medical or mental health field who can give you a good referral for a professional in your area.
Become a member of HSLDA. This is especially important if there is any reason to believe that you could go through a divorce in the future. More than just practical assistance, a membership to HSLDA provides you with peace of mind. If you should have contact with a professional who is anti-homeschooling and chooses to make an issue of it, you will know that you have good attorneys in your corner.
Pray for favor. It may be the case that you do not have a Christian professional who is pro-homeschooling that you can work with. That does not mean we should be fearful. Nehemiah prayed that he would have favor with an unbelieving king (Nehemiah 1:11) and he did. Pray that the professional you are seeing will be open and supportive to providing the help and services that you or your child needs.
Don’t tell the professional that you’re homeschooling if that information is unnecessary. There are certainly occasions, such as working with a reading specialist, where it’s obvious that you have to say that you’re homeschooling. But if you are seeing a general practitioner for depression and you are interested in taking an antidepressant, for example, there is no need for you to talk about the fact that you are homeschooling, especially if it’s not relevant. If it is necessary to talk about the fact that you are homeschooling, be prepared to educate the professional about homeschooling. Many people still aren’t aware of the facts of homeschooling or they have unfortunately believed some stereotypes about homeschoolers. For example, they may believe homeschoolers isolate their children so they have a better opportunity to abuse them. Because that is a potential issue, make sure you talk with the professional about the activities that you and your children are involved in. Do not be defensive, but be open and positive in response to their questions about it. You may have had some concerns about homeschooling in the beginning too. I know I did. Of course, I was worried about socialization!
Be open to advice. If you have prayed about your consultation with a professional, be willing to listen to what that professional has to say. Of course, this does not mean that you have to accept the advice, but do try to listen to another perspective. You may be given insights that you would not have had on your own. An example of this in my life was when one of my sons was struggling to read phonetically. Using phonics to read is the approach most accepted in homeschooling circles. But I spoke to my neighbor who is a reading specialist, and she told me that I needed to let my son use a whole language approach to read. If you have no idea what whole language is, that’s understandable. It essentially means that you allow your child to memorize words in whole. As soon as I allowed my son to stop sounding out words and to just memorize them, he was reading and feeling confident about his ability to read. Be open to advice you get from professionals. Research it and discuss it with your spouse and others.
Do not be confrontational. The final step I have for you in working with professionals as a homeschooler is one you need to take when your views of the problem and the professional’s view of the problem are in conflict. The Bible tells us to be kind to everyone and able to teach (2 Timothy 2:24). We cannot be kind or teach professionals about the homeschooling lifestyle and the advantages of it, if we are belligerent. If a professional makes a suggestion, such as you need to put your children in school, simply say, “Thank you for the advice. I will consider it.” Then it is well within your rights to move on to a different professional for a second opinion. I would not announce the fact that you are going to seek a second opinion, however. In every way we want to present ourselves as reasonable, open, and concerned with what’s best for our children. If you find that the professional you have consulted is not a good fit, start the process over again. Get another referral, pray for favor, and be open to advice. Sometimes finding the right person to work with can be as challenging as finding the right mate. Be patient and don’t give up.
What experiences have you had working with professionals as a homeschooler? Do you have any other advice? Let’s chat about it on Facebook.
Whether you’re the one procrastinating in your homeschool or your child is, it’s frustrating! You want to get things done, but day after day, you feel like you’ve failed. I know the feeling. But there’s help for us procrastinators.
First look for the source of procrastination. When you think about the task or project that you’ve been procrastinating, what thoughts come to mind? If your child is the one procrastinating, ask him what he thinks about when the dreaded task is mentioned. Do you think of the task as dull? Does it seem like it will take way too much time? Perhaps you think you’re not good at it? Related to that, perhaps you aren’t sure what to do. Are you afraid of the consequences of completing the chore? Could it be that you don’t need to do it anymore?
Second address the cause of procrastination if possible. If the procrastinated task seems dull to you, determine how you can make it fun. Could tackling the project with a friend make it fun? My daughter tends to avoid cleaning her room unless I’m in the room with her. Once a bunch of us helped a friend clean her house. We all had fun.
What about simply adding music to do the work? For years, I had a chores playlist for my kids with favorite upbeat tunes on it. It helped all of us get chores done.
Could you turn the task into a contest of some sort? I inadvertently benefitted from this approach when my son was procrastinating on doing his algebra. When he learned that his private school friends were ahead of him in math, he got motivated. If your children are procrastinating on cleaning their rooms, offer a prize to the child who gets her room cleaned first! I use quarterly rewards to motivate my kids to finish their independent school work. Consider posting your progress to social media. The encouragement from other people can help you accomplish a dull task.
If the task seems too time-consuming, look for ways to make it more efficient. One of the things that I have frequently procrastinated on is filing. It’s dull and time-consuming. Using a more efficient filing system has allowed me to tackle my filing more frequently. I use large, open color-coded hanging folders – no labeling required. If you aren’t sure how to do something in less time, Google it! Someone else has no doubt had the same question.
If your child feels he isn’t good at something he has been procrastinating, consider changing curriculum. The curriculum you use should help your child feel successful. A simple change to Learn Math Fast for my youngest child made all the difference. If your child is still struggling, spend some time tutoring and encouraging your child. If your child is procrastinating in language arts, be sure to listen to that episode of the Homeschool Sanity show.
If you don’t know what to do on a particular project, make that your first task: learn the steps you need to take to complete the project. Google or ask someone with experience how you should do it.
If fear is involved, consider asking a friend or family member for support. Perhaps you have put off seeing a doctor because you’re afraid of what you will hear. Or you just hate going. Having someone with you for support can make all the difference. If you’re fearful of what a professional like a dentist might tell you, be sure to let that caregiver know. If you’re fearful, spend time in prayer and meditating on Scriptures having to do with fear and worry.
If you’re fearful and that’s why you’re procrastinating, one of the best ways to deal with it is to get the task over with. It’s silly, but I hate to return things. So I put it off. I’m honestly afraid that I will make the clerk taking my return angry or suspicious of me. I know it’s ridiculous. But a few weeks ago, I just decided to get all of my returns over with. What a relief to have it done! I joked with one cashier to ease my tension and another did appear to be suspicious of me. The truth is that attitude wasn’t nearly as awful as I had imagined.
If you’ve decided you just don’t want to do something or don’t need to do something, then drop the task from your list altogether. Let it go! Admit to yourself that you’re not going to do it. I’ve had to do that with scrapbooking projects. I asked my friend who scrapbooks to come over and go through my supplies and projects. She empowered me to declare that I wasn’t going to do some projects. I was able to sell the materials. If I decide I want to do the project in the future, it won’t be the worst thing in the world to repurchase it. This is a great truth to apply to homeschool curriculum. I have bought curriculum a second time because I had sold it and I survived.
If you’re procrastinating something that does need to be done, delegate it. I knew I would never sell my unused scrapbooking materials. My friend was happy to do it to make the extra cash. If something needs to be done, but you don’t want to do it, ask someone else in your family to do it or pay someone to do it. The relief you will experience in letting these tasks go is worth the price. The bonus is you can teach someone else a new skill or help them make extra money.
The third step in addressing procrastination is to use tricks. After you’ve determined the source of your procrastination and you’ve addressed the cause of your procrastination if possible, take some action on the project you’ve been procrastinating. It can be the smallest step: file one piece of paper, put one item in a box to give away, tell your friend you’re terrified of going to the dentist. If you can’t think of one small step to take, set a timer for five minutes. Work on the task or project for that time and know you can quit when you’re done if you would like to. One year, I cleaned my basement storage room (something I’d been procrastinating) five minutes at a time.
Another powerful trick for overcoming procrastination is accountability. It certainly works with my homeschoolers. When they know their classmates will be doing the work or they have another teacher who will be reviewing their work, they get busy. You can create accountability by promising someone that you will finish the project on a deadline. Announce the deadline publicly. The more concerned you are with others’ opinion, the more powerful accountability will be for you.
Finally, review your reasons for doing the task in the first place. Picture yourself in detail having it done. How do you feel? When I did this when I was procrastinating writing the second volume of Grammar Galaxy, I found myself so motivated that I began writing at night–a time that I don’t usually have energy to write.
Don’t allow yourself or your kids to say, “I’ll do it later” without first considering the truth that you won’t have more time later. Doing routine tasks in the moment saves time. I encourage you to watch this Do It Now video. Your kids will like it too.
So many times when I am certain that I am losing my mind (or my child is), I later learn that hormones are playing a role. Biochemical changes are a reality that require a response for homeschoolers.
I want to begin by reminding you that I am not the medical doctor. I was trained as a clinical psychologist, So I can speak to the issues that come along with hormonal changes from a psychological perspective. But most of what I’m going to share with you today comes from personal experience, unfortunately. You should seek your physician’s advice first and foremost. But what I have learned is that when it comes to hormones, information is powerful medicine. Knowing that what you’re feeling isn’t abnormal helps immensely. There are four P’s that I want to share with you today concerning hormones and our homeschooling.
Homeschooling and Pregnancy
The first P is pregnancy. It wasn’t long into my pregnancy when I realized that hormones were changing my personality. The cheesiest commercials would have me bawling my head off. I was certain that I was hideously unattractive and that the physical changes I experienced were permanent. When we are pregnant while homeschooling we would do well to explain our hormonal variability to our children.
One of the most important ways we can handle our hormones and pregnancy is by getting extra rest. Our bodies are pulling out all the stops in order to create a whole new person. No wonder we feel so tired. I have been pregnant many times while homeschooling other children. I have worried that my lack of energy has been a detriment to them, but I have no evidence of that. Take a nap when you need it, Mom. Your kids want you to be well rested. Nap when they do. Save videos or games for these times. Or ask your husband to be in charge.
Along with getting extra rest when you’re pregnant is the importance of exercise. Taking a walk is a great way of helping to control the extra hormones that are flooding your system. Exercise is a known mood lifter and, of course, is good for you and the baby. It can also help with another consequence of hormonal changes during pregnancy, which is increased appetite. During my first three pregnancies, I was alarmed by how much weight I gained. I wish I would not have been worried. The weight quickly came off when my appetite returned to normal after delivery.
In addition to getting extra rest and exercise and not fretting about your increased appetite, be sure to ask for help. Tell your husband, family, or friends what you need—whether it’s a nap, a walk alone, or time off from cooking. I often went to my husband with that overwhelmed look on my face, which was his prompt to say, “Do you want to go out to eat tonight?” I’m pretty sure he was afraid not to ask that. Ask for help in your homeschooling, too. My friends were happy to help me in our home school co-op when I was pregnant, whether that meant teaching, carrying loads, or taking care of a toddler. We just have to put our pride away and ask.
In your homeschooling, feel no guilt about doing the activities that don’t exhaust you. If science experiments and field trips overwhelm you, put them aside until the baby comes. Do the activities that rejuvenate you. Your children will survive.
Homeschooling and Puberty
The next P is for the second hormonal milestone in your homeschooling journey: puberty. This is the time in your homeschooling when you will likely ask,”What happened to my child?” I didn’t realize that puberty was at the heart of the changes I saw in my son. Where there was once a happy and agreeable boy, there was a weepy, angry, rebellious son. I jumped to the conclusion that I had failed as a mother. He jumped to the conclusion that he was failing as a son. Once the hormonal haze had cleared, we both realized that hormonal changes were to blame. In fact, he acted a lot like I had when I was pregnant with him! I will say that not every child will experience these hormonal changes in the same way, just as not every mom does.
If you have a child who is experiencing the hormonal changes of puberty, one of the most important things you can do is to be sure your child gets enough sleep. This is challenging as teens often begin staying up late at the same time that hormonal surges begin. Have a serious conversation with your child about the dramatic changes that are happening in his or her body. Major growth is taking place that requires an increase in sleep. This would be a time to consider beginning your school at a later time. We start school later now as a result of having more than one student in puberty.
Weight training seems to have been a significant help to my teen boys in puberty. They were able to put their extra testosterone to good use. Weight training for girls can also be very beneficial. It seemed that consuming protein shakes was helpful for my kids. Interestingly, my kids have all become interested in healthy eating during these hormonal changes. Ask your teens what kinds of food to keep on hand. They may be able to tell you what they need during this growth period.
In addition, an important lesson I’ve learned about hormonal teens is not to talk to them when they are emotional. Wait until they have had rest, even if they require discipline. Have all important conversations face-to-face. Don’t talk about emotional subjects on the phone or via text. Guess how I learned that?
Homeschooling and Perimenopause
The third P is for the next hormonal stage in our homeschooling journey: perimenopause. I really didn’t believe it was a thing. Suddenly I was experiencing night sweats daily. I was so drenched I had to get up in the middle of the night to change. Whereas I had never had significant PMS symptoms, I found myself suddenly having them all. I could go from being happy to depressed and angry in a moment. I began to experience hair loss, palpitations, anxiety, and the same increase in appetite I had experienced in pregnancy. The combination of symptoms was very alarming. It helped to talk to other women who have experienced the same thing. Some of them felt they needed to take hormones to treat their symptoms. I tried this as well and immediately experienced side effects that weren’t acceptable to me. I didn’t know what to do.
I found the book The Hormone Cure by Dr. Sara Gottfried. What I love about the book is her stage approach to dealing with perimenopause. The author, a gynecologist, does not immediately suggest hormone therapy. Instead, she first discusses the vital role of stress and lifestyle. Because of the book, I realized that I had experienced significant relationship stress that was exacerbating my symptoms. After reading the book, I was careful to make sure I got adequate sleep, exercise, and good nutrition. I also found a combination of supplements that has helped me. I am not symptom-free, but I am much, much better. I can manage my symptoms, especially knowing that they are hormonally mediated and short-lived. If you are experiencing the symptoms of perimenopause or suspect that you may be, consider buying The Hormone Cure and seeking the advice of your physician.
The fourth P I would like to share with you today is prayer. Whether you are experiencing the hormonal symptoms of pregnancy, puberty, or perimenopause, you can find health and hope through prayer. Our heavenly Father knows what we are experiencing. He can be trusted to help and advise us. He will also use godly women to counsel us. I have felt such relief in sharing my experience with other Christian women who understand and will pray for me. I advise you to reach out to women you know to talk about the hormonal issues you’re dealing with. I am praying for you right now to know His peace and health as you persevere in your calling as a homeschool mom.
I was at church this morning, trying to comfort a woman whose dear friend has only a few days left to live. Her beautiful inside-and-out friend who was beloved by so many of us went from feeling a little run down to having a terminal diagnosis in a matter of weeks.
We know where our friend and sister in Christ is going. We know that she will be in perfect health and peace when she gets there. But it’s hard to let go. We talked about our prayers for her husband and family in light of this loss. I promised to pray for the woman who is losing a close friend, too.
Then I saw something through the glass doors of our church that disturbed me. An elderly couple whom I have loved for more than fifteen years was outside.
The two of them have been leaders in our church for years. I remember him telling someone who was upset about a potential church move (which we did eventually make) that it was God’s church and not his. I remember their faithful presence in Bible class and their commitment to witnessing to our neighbors. I remember her oohing and aahing over my babies.
I remember so many church services that ended with them asking how I was and what was happening with our family. As my kids grew older, I remember my gratitude for their intentional conversations with my teens and their compliments of them, sometimes when I needed to hear them the most.
I remember the first stroke he had. I remember his acceptance as he described the results and his prediction that his symptoms would eventually get worse, not better. I wondered if I would have as much grace and a smile in his circumstances.
I remember the day she seemed confused and couldn’t find their car. I wondered how they would get along if she had dementia. I remember my relief when she remembered the lost car incident from the week before.
This morning when I saw this beloved couple outside before I had had the chance to say good-bye, I ran. They don’t move quickly any more, but I couldn’t take the chance of missing them. Anything could happen. And I wanted to make sure I saw them and hugged them and said good-bye. She thanked me for running out. It was as though she knew what I was thinking.
I was thinking that we never know when it’s the last time we’ll see someone this side of heaven.
It’s so easy to continue talking on the phone or staring at a screen or walking to our own car and miss the opportunity to say good-bye. I didn’t want to do that and live with regret.
I ran. And I’m going to keep running. I’m going to run to my husband’s car if I’m busy and cranky and didn’t say good-bye before he goes out of town. I’m going to run after my college kids as they get ready to go back to school. And I’m going to run after my friends if they slip away during a party at my home. Saying good-bye is too important not to.
That’s why I ran. I hope that from now on, you will too.
I’m a Christian psychologist turned homeschooling mother of six. My life can be a little crazy, so I look for sanity-saving ideas to use and share. I hope you’ll read my About page to learn more.
