I watched the movie A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood about Mr. Rogers and his relationship with a journalist who was sent to interview him. It is rated PG and is a drama that is not fast-paced. For that reason, I think young children would be bored. However, I highly recommend it for you as a homeschooler.
Mr. Rogers wasn’t a homeschooler and, as far as I know, had nothing to say about homeschooling. But I think his life and the way he lived it had a lot to say about it. I’m going to share with you six approaches to homeschooling that we can take from Mr. Rogers’s life. I believe these approaches could be transformative to your homeschooling and especially to your family.
Delight in your child.
The first approach we can take in homeschooling that is derived from Mr. Rogers’s life and work is to delight in your child.
In the opening scene of Mr. Rogers on set, we see him meeting with a child and his family. He is on his knee and commenting on a sword the child is holding. He does not ask the child a number of questions. Instead, he makes observations about the sword, allowing the child to correct him. This is standard procedure in play therapy. Making observations rather then asking questions makes children feel comfortable with us. Children have to answer multiple questions a day and grow weary of them. (I know. Moms do too, but hang with me here.) The final observation Mr. Rogers makes of the child and his sword is positive. He expresses wonder at the child’s strength. The child’s response is to hug Mr. Rogers.
How can we express delight in our own children? Let’s consider a child’s writing. Rather then asking what a child was trying to say in a piece of writing, we can make observations. It looks like you put a lot of thought into this. It seems like you really love this subject. If we are observing a child’s artwork, we might talk about the movement or emotion of the piece. We might comment on the beautiful colors.
Mr. Rogers also expressed delight in having the opportunity to get to know the journalist. In the same way, we can express our joy when our children wake up in the morning, or when they assemble for morning basket time, or when our teens come home from work. That leads me to Mr. Rogers’s principal number two.
Relationships come first.
While Mr. Rogers met with the child and his parents, the journalist asked his staff how often he did that. The staff sighed and and answered, “Every day.” They expressed their chagrin at the delays that these interactions caused their production crew.
When we have a needy toddler, teen, or spouse, we have a tendency to react the way Mr. Rogers’s production team did. We can become frustrated as we see these relationship issues as an interruption to our real work. Mr. Rogers would say that people are our real work. They should always come first, even if that means the math, the handwriting, or the history has to come later.
We can apply this principle by reminding ourselves every day that we are first and foremost about relationship building. As a homeschooling mom of six, I can say unequivocally that my relationships with my children are the greatest blessing of teaching them at home and not their superior education.
EQ is just as important as IQ.
The third Mr. Rogers principle that can apply to homeschooling is that EQ or emotional intelligence is just as important as IQ.
Mr. Rogers started his television program to address children’s emotional and social skills as opposed to the intellectual skills that were being addressed on Sesame Street. We see the importance of EQ in some gifted children who struggle. They can feel lonely, irritable, or depressed if they haven’t been taught emotional and social skills. We are not providing a whole education if we only focus on academics.
If we want to apply Mr. Rogers’s principle to our homeschooling, we have to take time to address sibling conflict. We have to teach our children how to manage grief. We have to teach our children how to make friends, how to handle teasing, how to handle disappointment, and so much more. We can use books and movies to teach these skills, and we can also use life experiences to prompt us. Again, we can do this, even if it means we get behind on our lesson plans.
Listen more and talk less.
The fourth Mr. Rogers’s principle that we can apply to our homeschooling is to listen more and talk less. James 1:19 says “Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” Mr. Rogers appeared to be the embodiment of this verse. In fact, at some points the movie creates significant discomfort because nothing is being said. Mr. Rogers waits for his journalist friend to speak, and when he does, the words are powerful. Silence can prompt true expression.
We can apply this principle in our homeschools by spending less time lecturing and even reading and more time listening to what our children have to say. If we make an observation or ask a question and our children don’t immediately respond or say ‘I don’t know,’ we can practice productive silence. We can wait for our kids to be ready to share. Our children will talk more as they come to trust that our relationship with them comes first. Using observations rather than questions is more likely to allow our children to talk. Rather then correcting or directing, we can model Mr. Rogers in thanking them for sharing, even if they share something we don’t like.
Spend time in the Word and prayer.
The next principle of Mr. Rogers’s life that we can apply to our homeschooling is praying. Mr. Rogers spent time in the Word and in prayer daily. He prayed for those in his life who obviously needed help and even those who didn’t.
We can apply this to our homeschooling by praying for each of our children. We can pray that they would grow in faith and that they would grow physically, emotionally, and socially. Of course, we can and should pray for ourselves as well. Near the end of the movie, Mr. Rogers asks a dying man to pray for him. We can and should ask others to pray for us as we do the incredibly important job of homeschooling our children.
Tell children they’re loved as they are.
The final principle I want to share from Mr. Rogers’s life that we can apply to homeschooling is showing our children that they’re loved as they are.
Mr. Rogers frequently told his viewers that they were wonderful just as they were. We may object to that when we’re dealing with a child who is sinful and disruptive. But the truth is that children who are struggling won’t have the will to change until they know they are loved just as they are.
We can apply this principle to our homeschooling by reminding our children that even if they never get better at math, reading, or keeping their rooms clean, we couldn’t possibly love them any more. They’re loved just as they are. This was Jesus’ message for us. While we were still sinners, Jesus came to set us free from the wages of that sin.
That message is for you too. You’re loved just as you are. Even if you never get more organized, never understand algebra, never have an Instagram-worthy homeschool day, you’re wonderful just as you are. Your family loves you so very much. God does, too.
Conclusion
Thank you so much for giving me the honor of listening to this podcast. I’m amazed by the sacrifice you make for your family week after week.
I watched another movie this week and there is a quote from it that applies here. The movie is Fighting with My Family. It’s a true story about a professional wrestling family. The sister is chosen to go pro over the brother. The sister tells her brother, “Just because you don’t have millions of people applauding doesn’t means that your work isn’t important.” Homeschool mom, your work is so important.
If you’ve ever wondered if using an audiobook was a bad replacement for reading, wonder no more! There are at least six reasons to include audiobooks in your homeschool.
If you have a child who is dyslexic or has another reading challenge, don’t let that discourage you. When my son was a four-year-old prereader, a workman was at our house and commented on my son’s large vocabulary. He said, “He talks like an eight-year-old!” That is likely because he was exposed to high-level vocabulary in our conversation and in books read to him by me or a narrator.
Audiobooks can present high-level vocabulary to students in a way they can benefit from. There is more than just the unknown words to tell the story. What we want is lots of exposure to new words, more than workbook drills. Audiobooks are a great vehicle for vocabulary exposure.
#2 Audiobooks teach pronunciation
Reason #2 to use audiobooks in your homeschool is because they teach correct pronunciation. Even advanced students who read voraciously can benefit from listening to audiobooks. Typically, students will not look up pronunciation of new words, leading my daughter to pronounce archives as arCHIVEs.
Even we as parents may not know how to properly pronounce a word when we are reading. It took me a while to learn that facade wasn’t pronounced facade. A professionally narrated audiobook provides valuable education in pronunctiation that doesn’t take your or your student’s time to look up the words.
#3 Audiobooks improve reading fluency
Reason #3 to use audiobooks is improved reading fluency. Having your child read along in the print book while listening to the audio will improve your child’s ability to read and read quickly. Have your child read out loud with the narrator. But even if your child isn’t looking at the book, the narrator’s reading cadence will help your child learn appropriate phrasing, proper pausing, and changes in tone required when reading aloud.
And if your child can read fluently, you’ll have a more confident child who will benefit greatly from reading more.
#4 Audiobooks engage readers
Reason #4 to use audiobooks in your homeschool is to engage readers. Whether you have a reluctant reader or a child who isn’t interested in a particular genre, using professionally produced audiobooks is a way to hook your child. Unless you’re a trained reader, your child will have better attention listening to a narrator’s characters in fiction or to a narrator’s commanding voice in nonfiction than to you. Reluctant readers are often happy to listen to a book, without realizing that the benefits of audiobooks are almost as great as reading a print book.
Audiobooks are fantastic for evoking emotion in listeners–something we know aids learning. Humor in particular is enhanced in audiobooks. The librarian’s voice in Grammar Galaxy Nebula cracks me up. Because she is funny, I remember her talking about tall tales. Your kids will remember too.
#5 Audiobooks are an incentive
Reason #5 to use audiobook is as an incentive. I talk with homeschool parents about how to motivate their students. It can be confusing to determine what to use as reinforcers. We can feel good about using educational materials as rewards, and audiobooks are the perfect option.
Have your child read the book first if you have a reluctant reader. Then play the audiobook. Or use the audiobook as a reward for completing chores or less desirable work. The more we present the audio as a treat, the more willing our kids will be to use it. They’ll have no idea that you want them to listen to the audiobook as much as you want them to complete the other tasks.
#6 Audiobooks save time
Reason #6 to use audiobooks is your time. Reading aloud is so valuable, but our voice only lasts so long. In some cases, we can’t read from a book. I can’t read in the car because of motion sickness. Audiobooks make long drives or even short commutes much more pleasant. They also allow Dad to be involved in what the kids are learning if he isn’t already.
You can use an audiobook for some children while you’re working with others. You can listen to an audiobook while you eat or do chores. You can play it at bedtime to keep kids quiet or for when they don’t have the energy to read themselves, if reading is a challenge. Audiobooks expand your educational time significantly.
Grammar Galaxy Nebula, the first volume of the elementary language arts curriculum kids love is now available as an audiobook! Listen to a sample and add it to your homeschool.
Conclusion
Audiobooks should be a part of your homeschool because they grow vocabulary, teach pronunciation, improve reading fluency, engage readers, motivate, and save time.
Soon, we’ll be in a new year. It’s that time when many of us think of goals like getting organized. You know you’re unlikely to organize everything in a year, so what are the most important areas for homeschoolers to focus on? My answer may surprise you.
Organize Your Homeschool Life All Year
Before we jump in, I want to offer you the digital version of my book, the Organized Homeschool Life for just $7! This year, you can organize more than just the most important areas of your homeschooling life. You’ll be given 15-minute missions that will help you in curriculum planning, preparing for seasons and holidays, and special areas like organizing a business or hobby.
So what are the most important areas? I’m going to share six of the most important areas to organize. But here’s a hint. They aren’t your school room, your kitchen, or even your curriculum. What? The heresy!
But I know from experience that if you don’t get these six key areas of your life down, you won’t be able to organize anything else. With them organized, you can tackle any other area easily.
#1 Daily Devotions
The #1 area to organize in your homeschooling life is daily devotions. If you aren’t spending devoted time with God on a regular basis, the risk of operating out of your own strength is high. As a result, you’re more likely to suffer from burnout, depression, and anger.
Yet, it’s so tempting to skip this time. Perhaps you have a baby or early riser at home. Maybe you’re not getting enough sleep. Or you may have no idea how to find quiet time.
I committed to having daily devotions consisting of Bible reading and prayer more than 20 years ago. That was when I read the Bible through for the first time in a year. The Bible I used was called the Change Your Life Daily Bible by Becky Tirabassi and it did change my life.
I didn’t really know God before I made that commitment. I didn’t think He cared about the details of my life. I felt like I was doing life and motherhood on my own.
I’ve read the Bible several times through in different forms since then, and I continue to learn more about God and myself. I know that He really is working all things together for my good. I know that when committed to Him, I can’t fail. How amazing is that?
If you organize nothing else this year, organize time for God. You don’t have to spend an hour at 5 a.m. Your time could be right before bed. It could be listening to the Bible and praying while walking. It could be using some of your kids’ nap and quiet time to converse with God. No matter when it is or how long it is, keep pursuing it and ask God to give you a desire for it. Why wouldn’t He answer that prayer?
#2 Daily Routine
The second area to organize in your homeschooling life is a daily routine. A routine, or doing key activities in order, is what allowed me to continue to homeschool and have six children. You can hear more about it by listening to the podcast I did with FLYLady on the topic.
Routines sound boring and confining but the truth is they give you freedom and they can even be fun. A quick cleanup each morning after breakfast was a pivotal part of our routine. I had an upbeat music playlist to listen to as we worked. I also set a timer as we worked on each floor. Sometimes when time was short, I would challenge the kids to see how much we could get done in just one minute. I have had competitions for speed during our clean-up time as well.
Whatever you do to make this part of your routine fun will pay off in your sanity. You’ll have a sense of peace and control as you do the simple tasks that keep your home looking tidy. Starting dinner as part of this routine will make your end of the day so relaxing and rewarding.
Routine is also how I brought order to my homeschooling. The kids knew which subjects we would do in which order, but we weren’t being ruled by the clock. If we wanted to read another chapter, we did. I spent less time on other subjects in this case. I found that alternating fun and difficult subjects or tackling the less desirable subjects in the mornings worked well for us.
#3 To-Do List
The third area to organize in your homeschooling life is your to-do list. If you don’t have a way of tracking and completing non-routine tasks, you’re not going to feel organized. Instead, you’ll feel overwhelmed and forgetful.
At one time, I didn’t use a calendar or to-do list in a consistent way. I missed appointments and deadlines all the time. It was embarrassing and I didn’t know what was wrong with me. The fact is I just hadn’t committed to a system for managing these tasks that worked for my personality.
My life changed when I got an iPhone. I made a rule for myself that every event went on my phone’s calendar. That way I would be reminded an hour before and again a half hour before appointments. I also had a constantly accessible place to put my to-do’s and the grocery items I needed. With voice commands, adding these things to one reliable list is even easier.
After a year of experimenting, I learned that I consistently do an average of six tasks aside from my routines. In the past, I would make a list of 25 or more tasks to complete in a day. I felt like a failure when I didn’t even make a dent in them. Now I choose just three priority tasks and three other tasks to put on my Organized Homeschool Life daily planner page, and I frequently complete my priority tasks and at least a couple of the others.
#4 Decluttering
The fourth area to organize in your homeschooling life is decluttering. If you aren’t regularly purging your belongings, you will lose money, time, and self-esteem. You already know that having too much stuff makes it very hard to organize. You spend time looking for what you have in the jumbled mess, give up, and buy more. If you have too much stuff that has taken over your house, you won’t feel comfortable practicing the hospitality that we’re called to. Your kids won’t be comfortable inviting friends over. And you might end up featured in an episode of Hoarders.
Letting go of belongings is an emotional process for many of us. I’ve been in tears packing up the preschool curriculum because I don’t need it anymore. But I’ve learned that hanging onto the curriculum doesn’t change anything. My youngest is still 14! What can change things is letting go of belongings we’re not using so we can truly enjoy the things we are. I can relive the joy of the preschool years any time I want by looking at photos and videos. I don’t want to miss this amazing season of homeschooling because I’m looking backward.
Decluttering must become routine. Everyone in the family needs to learn that it’s just what we do–like brushing our teeth and bathing. Create a regular time to declutter in your home.
#5 Chores
The fifth area to organize in your homeschooling life is chores. You can’t do all the cleaning and home maintenance as part of your morning routine. You need to decide how to get the laundry, the lawn mowing, and the dusting done, for example. There are so many ways to manage chores, and I’ve tried most of them. They’re like diets. They all work if you’re consistent with them!
My tip is to change things up when you get bored. But choose something easy as opposed to complex charts and apps. My kids have done their own laundry from an early age. My youngest does the yard work. Lately, my favorite way to get the rest of the chores done is to move through the house, room to room, as a team. I tell this one to dust, that one to move items to the next room, and the other to vacuum. I might clean the windows as we go. This method keeps the kids engaged and it’s lightning fast. It works if you have little ones too. They can pick things up or help you wipe windows.
#6 Relationships
The final area to organize in your homeschooling life is relationships. You don’t see this in other organizing books, but I knew it had to be in mine. If I don’t dedicate time to connect with my kids and husband and solve problems, it doesn’t matter how cute my school room is or how detailed my curriculum plan is. The whole thing can fall apart.
You need a realistic plan for spending quality time with your spouse or for having time with friends and family if you’re single. You also need a way of making sure you’re meeting your child’s emotional and spiritual needs and not just the academic ones.
I found that I would read books about marriage or parenting or I’d go to conferences and be all excited, but I had no plan for taking action on what I knew would make a difference. That’s why I created separate challenges to address marriage and parenting in The Organized Homeschool Life. And it’s why I added a plan for relationship focus to the daily page in The Organized Homeschool Life planner.
How to Organize the Six Most Important Areas This Year
Those are the six priority areas to organize this year.
Some of you will listen and take action with no problem.
Others will need The Organized Homeschool Life book to remind them what to do.
Still others will need the planner to see when they have time to organize these areas during the week and when on specific days. We know that planning a time makes it more likely you’ll complete the task.
Others have good intentions in buying the book and planner, but they need something more. They need a coach and accountability.
That’s why I’ve created Organized Homeschool LIVE. It’s an online boot camp for Christian homeschool families scheduled for January 3rd, but you can complete the challenge any time.
I’ll give you short, fun assignments to organize the areas I’ve just described and more WITH your kids. You’ll begin the year with a big win! You’ll have experienced what it’s like to have time with God, tidy up with a simple routine, cross off your most important to-do’s, let go of things you don’t need to make room to enjoy those you do, get your house clean in a hurry, and connect with your kids and spouse in a way you’ll want to repeat over and over again.
You’ll check in with our supportive Facebook group and friends you’ve asked to participate with you after you complete each challenge. You’ll find yourself motivated and excited about others’ ideas and successes in getting organized.
The event isn’t a course you buy and probably fail to complete, but an action workshop you’ll be motivated to finish. Your kids will have a blast completing the challenges with you. The low price includes immediate access to the digital PDF version of The Organized Homeschool Life book and planner, so you’ll be able to continue organizing the rest of your homeschool life. You’ll also receive a discount code if you prefer to make a separate purchase of print versions.
Finally, I’ve decided to include a bonus session on the keys to achieving your fitness and nutrition goals this year. I’m a psychologist who has battled these issues and has had victory in the Lord. I can’t wait to tell you about it in this session that won’t be available outside Organized Homeschool LIVE.
If you’d like to start with The Organized Homeschool Life book first but decide you’d like to join us for Organized Homeschool LIVE, I’ll apply your $7 purchase to the ticket price! Tickets are just $47. Click the button below to learn more about this special offer.
One of the most common concerns I hear from new homeschoolers is whether or not they’re doing enough. If that’s your question, regardless of how long you’ve been homeschooling, I have six ways you can know that you’re doing enough in your homeschool.
#1 Know you’re doing enough in your homeschool by comparing your plans to policies
The first way to know if you’re doing enough in your homeschool is to compare your plans with your state or charter school’s policies. Many homeschoolers are surprised to learn how few guidelines there really are for what to teach. I recommend that you visit HSLDA (the Homeschool Legal Defense Organization). This website lists homeschooling laws by state and also has curriculum guidelines for high schoolers – another area that causes homeschoolers a great deal of anxiety.
If you are doing what the laws or guidelines suggest, you can take a deep breath and relax. The standards set by others are typically much lower than the standards we set for ourselves. I am not suggesting that we do the least amount possible. We want our kids to have a rich, quality education. But neither am I suggesting that we should do every subject and use multiple curricula and classes to teach these subjects. I am here to promote homeschool sanity, and that’s the quickest way to the homeschool loony bin. Instead, use the standards to reassure yourself that you are in fact doing enough.
#2 Know you’re doing enough by comparing your hours
The second way to know if you’re doing enough is to consider the number of hours you might spend on direct teaching by the age of your child. RaisingArrows.net says that formal homeschooling takes 30-45 minutes for kindergarten and first grade, 1.5-2 hours for second to fourth grade, 2-4 hours for 5th & 6th grade, and 4+ hours for 7th grade and up. That doesn’t sound like a lot, does it?
My state requires 1000 hours of instruction. Let’s have a reasonable view of what that means. It does not mean that I must stand at my whiteboard lecturing for a thousand hours a year. Public school teachers are not held to that standard. In fact, public schools operate a bit more like I did when I practiced as a clinical psychologist. A counseling hour was really 45 minutes with ten minutes of that taken up with greetings and good-byes. Traditional school students spend time using the restroom, walking the hallway, staring out the window…you get the idea. We also have an advantage over traditional teachers in that we can count many informal activities as educational hours. Have your kids help you make dinner and if you are teaching as you go, you have life skill hours. When your child is reading the manual to understand a new game or toy that has been purchased, you have reading time. If you are balking at the suggestion that reading manuals counts as educational time, know that Common Core standards introduced the idea that this type of reading was valuable for students. I agree, but I don’t think it should replace literature. As homeschoolers, it certainly doesn’t have to.
I homeschooled for many years before I understood that educational hours did not always have to involve me. Kids can read and work independently. They can take classes, participate in extracurricular activities, and even help teach siblings. Begin to expand your definition of education, and you will be more confident that you are doing enough.
#3 Know you’re doing enough by developing key skills
The third way you can know you’re doing enough is if you are spending time developing key skills. My previous point may have had you thinking about unschooling. If you’re interested in unschooling, I recommend my podcast interview with Karla Marie Williams. No matter how strictly you adhere to the unschooling philosophy, I believe it’s critical that we spend time developing key skills. Even if you don’t think your child needs to learn handwriting until middle school, Grandma may believe otherwise and give you a hard time. Your child may be thoroughly embarrassed if she doesn’t know her math facts while playing a game with friends. And while many children develop the ability to read later, it is critical that we spend time developing phonics and fluid reading skills in our students. You may choose to develop reading, handwriting, and math knowledge in whichever way you choose. Have your child use games to learn phonics. Use online programs like Starfall for reading. Or use a book like Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons. Whatever you choose, reading instruction is not optional in my opinion.
Handwriting too is an essential skill. I’ve learned over the years of homeschooling five boys that slow handwriting results in reluctance to do any type of seatwork. In fact, even math homework can be a struggle if kids are not able to write their numerals quickly. Choose the handwriting approach that works for you. Teach your kids to form the letters by writing in Cool Whip, use the handwriting app on your iPad, or use formal curriculum like Handwriting Without Tears. Whatever you do, have your child practice for short periods and consistently.
The next area that I believe is critical for our students to learn is math facts. Some homeschoolers have told me that they don’t believe learning math facts is important in the age of calculators. I couldn’t disagree more. Have you ever made a mistake with calculators? I do it all the time. When I am totaling my sales at conventions and I am told that I had $300,000 in sales, I am not hooting and hollering. Instead, I groan and know that I have to re-calculate. If your kids don’t know math facts, higher level math will be impossible. Without memorizing basic math facts, your child will be that cashier who panics when the cash register doesn’t tell her how much change to give you back. Again, you choose how to have your child master math facts. Use flashcards, stories, games, or competition to complete math fact quizzes in a short period of time as is taught by Learn Math Fast. But make the acquisition of math facts a priority in your homeschool.
#4 Know you’re doing enough by covering some subjects every other year
The fourth way to know if you’re doing enough is you are covering subject areas like social studies, science, and fine arts at least every other year. One of the mistakes I made as a beginning homeschooler is I thought I had to teach every conceivable subject every year. That is a recipe for homeschool burnout. Public schools do not teach calligraphy, map memorization, and astronomy, in addition to all the core subjects they have to cover to meet standards.
If you want to study one or more of these things, make room for it in your homeschool schedule. I love history. But I didn’t realize that I was not required to teach it every single year. The same with science. These subjects and even fine arts will be a part of your homeschool education even if they are not a specific focus. Field trips we have taken almost always incorporate history. My kids did science experiments of their own for fun. In the YouTube age, that’s even more likely. And art and music appreciation can be incorporated into a fun Friday rather than being a specific course.
I know, I know. I want to do it all too. And we we can do a lot. Just not all this year. Just not all this week. If you’re struggling to determine which curriculum to use, I recommend that you read the article I wrote on curriculum paralysis.
#5 Know you’re doing enough if you’re reading a lot
The fifth way to know you’re doing enough is that you and your kids are reading a lot. Reading is the gold standard for education. In truth, we can teach our kids all the other subject areas with reading alone. Sure, mapping, experiments, and writing are important too. But primary education is to be found in books.
I learned best by reading. In fact, my teen son asked me while I was cutting his hair how I had learned to cut hair. I explained that I found a very old book at a used book sale and that was all I needed. If your child is not a verbal learner, audiobooks can be a huge help. I have spoken before about the benefits of audiobooks and reading aloud for building vocabulary.
If you are in a challenging time in your homeschool because you’re pregnant, traveling, or caring for an ill family member, focus on reading. It will be enough.
#6 Know you’re doing enough by talking to veteran homeschoolers
The final way to know you’re doing enough is to talk to veteran homeschoolers. I laughed so hard when my new homeschooling friend was worried that her son wasn’t willing to follow her plan. Of course he wasn’t. It was too much and I empathetically told her so.
Sure, there are homeschoolers online who present their homeschools as though they’re reading a novel or two aloud to their family each day, reenacting a new war every weekend, and building a life-sized model of the ark this month. But most homeschoolers will be honest about what they are able to accomplish. I trust the members of The Homeschool Sanity Circle on Facebook to be real with you. They will read your plan and will tell you if you’re doing enough or more likely that you’re trying to take on too much.
Conclusion
In conclusion, if you are following your state’s or charter school’s guidelines, spending a reasonable number of hours on school for your kids’ ages, teaching key skills, covering other subject areas at least every other year, reading a lot, and you’ve gotten the green light from veteran homeschoolers, you can rest assured that you’re doing enough.
I wrote what became a very popular blog post about why I wasted my education to homeschool. I will summarize by saying that there were people in my life who thought trading in a PhD in psychology and clinical practice in a Christian clinic to homeschool was a waste, an obvious mistake. I didn’t know if they were wrong at first. I didn’t know what to expect from homeschooling. If you’re near the beginning of your journey, you may wonder what the future holds for you too.
The truth about homeschooling and feeling fulfilled
I’m going to be completely honest and say that when I began homeschooling, my question was what about me? What about my gifts, what about my dreams? I even wondered what about God’s other call on my life, which I knew was to be a writer and speaker. To say that I didn’t trust God to work all things together for my good would be an understatement. I only knew how hard it was to parent three boys three and under. How would I have time for anything besides parenting, homeschooling, and homemaking?
If that’s your question, I have some answers for you gained through experience.
Truth: Homeschooling leaves less time for personal pursuits
The first truth I want to share is that homeschooling and parenting little ones leaves less time for your personal pursuits. Yup, I’m being Captain Obvious here. But what might not be obvious to you is that this season is short. Even with six children, I see how short that season was. When your oldest is unable to help you with any chores or responsibilities around the house, you will be busy. But as your older children mature, you will have built-in babysitters and a home maintenance crew. By the time I had my last baby, I never had to get him out of his crib. The older kids vied for the privilege of doing that. My older kids entertained the younger ones, were able to read to younger kids, and took on the responsibility of doing their own laundry. If you will allow your older children to help in your family, you can free up more time for those things you want to do apart from homeschooling.
Truth: Help is available
The second truth about fulfillment in homeschooling that I want to share with you is that if you’re married and you communicate your desire to your husband, he will help you. Now some of you may be protesting. Perhaps your husband hasn’t been all that helpful to this point. I would say my experience was the same. When my kids were younger and there were fewer of them, my husband was not doing as much child care and managing as many chores around the house as he does now. I think there are a couple of reasons for that that are in my control. What I mean by in my control is that my husband is reluctant to do things because of his own reasons. I have no control over that and neither do you.
But I did have control over my attitude. I had two attitudes that got in the way of my husband supporting me in being fulfilled in my homeschooling. The first was my supermom persona. I honestly made everything look too easy. My husband thought I had it all under control and therefore didn’t need his help. Men seem to like helping people who have obvious needs. I didn’t seem to need anything. Why would he help?
The next bad attitude I had was just the opposite of the supermom. When my supermom attitude wasn’t getting me what I wanted, I tried on the martyr role. I was the suffering saint, always at home with the children and doing it all with very little help. Do you know anyone who is a martyr? Are they fun to be around? I didn’t think so. Men want their wives to be happy. Instead of being a martyr, explain how happy the activities you want time for will make you. Demonstrate that happiness. Read my post on how to be happy and homeschool too.
Besides our happiness, we can convince our husbands of the benefits of the other activities we want to take on. I explained to my husband that while having a business selling books to homeschoolers would require more of my time and my absence for conventions, we would enjoy the benefits of an additional income. He has been very supportive of me for the that reason as well as for the obvious happiness it brings me.
Without appearing as though you can do it all and without whining about your lack of help, talk to your husband about what it is that you aspire to do.
If you are not married, perhaps you have parents who are involved in your kids’ lives and you could have a similar conversation with them. But realistically, we may have to consider getting help with the kids elsewhere. We can hire a mother’s helper. I hired my niece to come in once a week when my kids were young. My daughter is a mother’s helper for a mom in our neighborhood. It’s a worthwhile investment in your sanity. But if finances don’t yet allow for that, you could barter time with a friend. Have play dates and one mom takes a turn watching the kids. Where there is a will, there is a way.
Truth: Homeschooling itself can be fulfilling
To this point I have been discussing fulfillment as something that exists outside of homeschooling. So you need time to engage in a ministry, start a business, or start writing. But even though these extra activities can be fulfilling as they have been for me, homeschooling itself can be fulfilling.
One of my favorite things to do is learn. Studying history with my kids and following all kinds of educational rabbit trails is one of the best parts of my life. Teaching my kids has been more fulfilling than I ever dreamed.
Because of homeschooling, I realized that I was born to be a teacher. I didn’t even consider it because I felt people expected me to do something that required more education. But I began my childhood teaching my dolls and stuffed animals every single night. Homeschooling allowed me to rediscover my true passion in life. Now that I am no longer counseling people one on one, I find myself teaching instead. I teach on my podcast. I teach through my books. And I teach in sessions at conventions.
But what if teaching is not your passion? There are so many other ways for you to find fulfillment in homeschooling. Are you a leader? The options for you to take a leadership role in homeschooling groups are wide open for you. Where you may have had difficulty taking on a leadership position like that in a large traditional school, the smaller groups of busy homeschool moms can afford you the opportunity to share your gift of leadership.
Are you a natural organizer? After you have organized your own homeschool, you can help other homeschooling moms get organized, either as a business or a ministry.
Do you have a skill in art or music or computers or science? You have the opportunity to share whatever your gift is through teaching other students or creating your own curriculum as I have done. My friend Gena Mayo has a passion for music that she has turned into not just local co-op classes but courses that are available to all homeschoolers online. Check out her courses at Music in Our Homeschool and listen to the interview I did with her on easy ways to add music to your homeschool.
I have another friend who uses her flexible schedule in homeschooling to put her decorating and organizing skills to work in planning parties and coordinating weddings. I have a photographer friend who taught photography in our co-op. In the process, she realized she wanted to return to it as a business. I also know many homeschooling moms who love to counsel others. They make themselves available to advise new homeschoolers about curriculum, parenting, and homeschooling in general.
Conclusion
Homeschooling itself can be fulfilling as you teach your children and enjoy watching them develop as people. But homeschooling is also a flexible lifestyle that allows you to explore other interests.
I never dreamed that homeschooling would become my most fulfilling career. Not only has it met and exceeded every one of my desires for my kids’ education, their family relationships, and their faith life, but it has given me the opportunity do what I love. I don’t believe that my ability to write and speak would have enjoyed as much success outside of the homeschooling niche.
I am not suggesting that every woman must choose to find her fulfillment in homeschooling. Even if they could, eventually the kids grow up and move out. But I am saying that homeschooling can be fulfilling. It has been for me and I am so thankful to God for leading me to it. I encourage you to pray about how homeschooling can be fulfilling for you too.
It is possible that you have a child who needs an external reward to finish work in a timely manner. That is particularly likely to be the case if the subject is one that your student doesn’t like or struggles to complete. One motivator that I particularly like for dawdlers is time for activities of that child’s choice. Rather then prescribing a particular use of time, give your child time to pursue any activity of interest as soon as she is done with school work. Your child is more likely to be motivated.
I have written about a quarterly, motivational planner that I created for my kids that takes advantage of this concept. We were nearing the end of the school year and I listed all of the work my kids had to get done in each subject in order for them to be done with school. I never saw them do work so quickly. You might adapt this quarterly planner for the week. You can also adapt it for the day and give your child the work that has to be completed before pursuing other activities. Make sure the work has been done to your standards.
#2 Cut Your Dawdler’s Work Down
The next way to deal with a dawdler is to cut the amount of work down. Many times when I hear a parent complain about their child dawdling, I find that the parent is using very detailed curriculum as written and is expecting the child to do all of the assigned exercises. Some parents are using multiple curricula for various subjects. If you have a child who is resisting, it is worth your while to determine if you are expecting too much.
Most curriculum is written to give lots of options to the teacher. The curriculum publisher isn’t necessarily expecting you to do every single exercise. What I learned from talking with public school teachers is they don’t complete everything in the curriculum they are using either. So, if you want a more motivated child who is not dawdling, you will want to eliminate some of the work. That might mean dropping a secondary curriculum that simply doesn’t need to be done. It might mean having your child do half of the exercises. It might mean dropping a subject for the whole school year. We don’t have to teach every single subject every single year.
If you aren’t sure if you are doing too much, please follow my best advice on this topic. That is to ask veteran homeschoolers. I have a Facebook group called the Homeschool Sanity Circle with many veteran homeschoolers who are happy to help you determine if you are expecting too much.
#3 Have Your Dawdler Evaluated
If you are using motivators and you’ve cut the work down to a reasonable amount and you still have a child who is dawdling, it may be time to have your child evaluated for a learning disability. No one wants to do things that they aren’t good at. Rather then be straightforward in admitting that they just don’t understand something or they just can’t do it, many kids prefer to appear resistant instead.
You can find resources for evaluation through your local homeschool support group. Homeschool support groups offer referrals to homeschool-friendly professionals who can tell you if your students is struggling with a learning disability. But it might make sense to have your child’s vision or hearing evaluated as well. In that case, your pediatrician is not a bad place to start if you have a student who is struggling with schoolwork.
If you learn that your child has a learning disability, then it is time to look for resources for that particular learning difference. And that includes looking for curriculum best suited for your child’s particular needs. Every effort should be made to talk to the child about how common the the learning difference is. Even if your child doesn’t have a formal learning disability, your student could benefit from a different approach to learning the subject. If you have an auditory or hands-on learner, adjust your curriculum.
#5 Give Your Dawdler Formal Class Periods
I talk to many homeschooling parents who expect their child to work independently, completing all of their subjects. When that isn’t working for you, consider having a subject-based time. Here is what I mean. I would have all of my kids sitting around a table working on math at the same time. That allowed for the social pressure of actually doing math. I liken it to going to the gym and feeling like you’d like to be on your phone instead of lifting weights, but you feel really uncomfortable about doing that when everyone else is working out. So use that positive social pressure to get your kids working on that particular subject in a group.
The other thing having a class period allows you to do is walk from student to student, making sure that each person is making progress. You can provide help and encouragement where needed. This approach will save you so much time. You won’t have to nag each student about getting work done. And you won’t have to have individual sessions for each subject with all of your kids.
#5 Give Your Dawdler One-On-One Tutoring
However, my last suggestion for dealing with a dawdling homeschooler is to use one-on-one tutoring. I sometimes find that parents expect young students or students with certain personalities to be completely independent in their work when that isn’t feasible or optimal. We homeschool so that we can provide an education for our kids that is suited to them as individuals. It’s rewarding to teach our kids directly and to have that special one-on-one time with them. Believe me, that time will come to an end all too quickly!
I couldn’t get my son to use an independent art curriculum. So I made it an art class that I participated in and the problem was solved.
Conclusion
If you have a dawdler, use motivators, cut the work down, have an evaluation for learning disabilities, set up class periods, or provide one-on-one tutoring. I’m confident that one or more of these strategies will help your dawdler become a little more driven to learn.
Which of these strategies will you try first in dealing with a dawdler? What else have you tried that has worked? Comment and let me know.
I’m a Christian psychologist turned homeschooling mother of six. My life can be a little crazy, so I look for sanity-saving ideas to use and share. I hope you’ll read my About page to learn more.
