I’m thrilled to introduce you to my new friend, Jennifer Janes. She offers a perspective on an important homeschooling issue that I am often asked about. If you enjoy her guest post (and I know you will!), I hope you will visit her blog.
Some parents know they’re starting the homeschooling journey with a child with special needs. They can prepare themselves for the journey ahead. But what about those who think everything is fine, then find out otherwise?
I knew my daughter had special needs early on. What I didn’t realize as we started her kindergarten year is that she has learning disabilities too, making her special needs even more challenging. It took me until October, when we were on our fourth reading curriculum, to admit that there was a problem. This smart, bubbly little girl was really struggling with academics. I wasn’t prepared for that. I started to panic.
If you find yourself in the same situation I did, there’s hope.
When you realize you’re homeschooling a child with special needs, there are things you can do to take control of the situation.
Take some deep breaths. The situation isn’t as hopeless as it seems. There are a lot of families homeschooling a child with special needs successfully. You can do it too.
Figure out the problem. You have to know what you’re dealing with before you can create a plan. Whether it’s ordering some books from Amazon or seeking a professional evaluation, you need to take steps to identify your child’s specific challenge.
Gather resources. If you haven’t already joined HSLDA, I highly recommend that you do. The legal representatives can help you with the legalities of homeschooling in your state, connect you with special needs consultants who can guide you through finding a curriculum to use with your child, and provide you with regular newsletters to address different aspects of special needs homeschooling.
Find your tribe. There are other families out there who are on a similar path. It helps if you can find some to collaborate with. They can share their research into different resources and teaching strategies and may even have some items you can borrow (to see if they work for your child) before you invest in them. If you don’t know anyone in your community, there are groups for special needs homeschooling online on various forums and social media sites.
Be willing to try something different. Your child may not (probably doesn’t) learn with the same learning style that’s comfortable for you. Learn about different teaching methods and use them with your child until you find what works best.
Relax. Your child will learn, and you will navigate through the issues that seem so daunting now. Give your child permission to learn at a comfortable pace and learn to mark progress, not completion of curriculum at a certain grade-level.
What are your best tips for navigating those first days of homeschooling a child with special needs?
Jennifer lives in Arkansas with her husband and two daughters. She enjoys homeschooling, writing in blue ink, reading, Bible study, and drinking iced tea. You can read more about her faith, family, and homeschooling with special needs on her blog, Jennifer A. Janes.
I’m writing my niece (who is expecting her first baby) a letter about what she doesn’t want to know about being a mom. Maybe she’ll have the courage to read it a few years from now when she wonders why she can’t stop crying.
#1 It hurts.
We’ve already covered the pain of labor. But if you’re going to nurse your baby, be prepared for the sensation of your nipples being subjected to a nutcracker for 25 minutes every couple of hours. The good news is this pain is better with lanolin and time (about two weeks will do it). The bad news is this is just the beginning of the pain your child will inflict on you. You can look forward to being bitten, head butted, and whacked with a hard toy when you least expect it. When your little darling leaves marks, be prepared to convince those who are sure you’re a domestic violence victim that you’re just a mom.
#2 You’ll never be alone.
You don’t want to be away from your baby now. Understandable. It’s also understandable that you enjoy being around people. But trust me when I tell you that you will think Guantanamo is an amusement park when your kid gets done torturing you. Just when you fall asleep, there they are to wake you up. You go to use the toilet or take a shower and your little blessing will be banging on the door screaming for you. When you sneak off to chat on the phone, read a novel, or have some chocolate, he will appear suddenly like a stalker in a scary movie. Only it’s your life. The really terrifying thing is they never grow out of it.
#3 Your house will never be the same.
Be sure to take pictures of your beautiful nursery now, because it’s going to be trashed very soon. Newborns pee, poo, and puke on everything and no matter how much you Shout it out, you’ll be left with stains. As your little doll gets older, expect to see the wallpaper ripped, the walls littered with graffiti using various mediums, the carpet dyed, and the curtains cut. Everything you love in your house will be lost, broken, or used to start her personal landfill. Is it possible to protect your home and belongings from this destruction with gates, locks, and strict discipline, you ask? Absolutely! However, your reputation will be destroyed when your child starts a tell-all blog about her mommy dearest.
#4 You’ll abandon your principles.
Whether you’re committed to giving your kids no fast food, no toy guns, or no video games, odds are you’re going to cave. Why? Remember, you’re going to be in pain, sleep-deprived, and living in a house ready for a Hoarders episode. If you’re really going to make your child be the one weirdo who can’t go to the McDonalds birthday party, play with the other boys in a Nerf War, or use any kind of screen (they all have games), you have some family therapy in your future. The therapist will probably agree to guest post on your child’s blog.
#5 You’re going to be afraid.
Remember the hypochondria you had during pregnancy? That’s going to grow along with your child. You’re going to be certain that every disease, disorder, and cause of death is going to visit your kid. Then you’re going to be afraid that you have the opposite problem. You’ll worry that you’re ignoring symptoms that would be cause for obvious alarm to anyone who wasn’t awakened by a screaming interrogator every 30 minutes. The truth is most of these terrifying scenarios won’t happen. Unfortunately, you still have reason to fear. Read on.
#6 You’re going to be embarrassed.
You’re careful to be politically correct and not to offend people. Your child, on the other hand, will behave like an alien life form or a National Enquirer reporter who has no respect for your reputation. She will point out everyone who’s fat with a Simon Cowell kind of honesty. She will tell your mother-in-law what you said about her before she came over. She will repeat the curse word you used in a weak moment when someone you want to impress asks how she is–probably your mother-in-law. If you give your little paparazzi a Facebook-connected camera, you deserve what you get.
#7 You’re going to be disappointed.
The disappointment your child dishes up will go beyond embarrassment. Kids are like cashiers at fast-food restaurants who listen carefully to your request for no mustard, no onions, and extra ketchup and then give you the opposite. When you express your disappointment, the cashier and your kid will look at you piteously as though you just haven’t learned not to sweat the small stuff. Whether your request is no mustard or a college athletic scholarship, my advice is the same. Don’t place any special orders and you’ll be satisfied with what you get.
#8 You’re going to need help.
Like any other torture victim, you’re going to need some counseling. Even if all you do is sit and cry to another mom, do it. It’s cheaper than therapy. And for heaven’s sake, relax your rules if they’re making you crazy. A bottle won’t kill a kid who’s nursing, a serving of chicken nuggets and fries won’t destine your child for the Biggest Loser, and getting a housekeeper doesn’t mean all you’re doing is sitting around watching reality TV and eating chocolate (unless you are, in which case call me. It sounds like fun). If your husband isn’t motivated to help out, use your best vacant stare and repeat gibberish. That shouldn’t be hard for you.
#9 Your body will never be the same.
You think you’re going to be one of those moms whose body looks just as good as it did before you had a baby. You probably think you’re going to win the lottery one of these days, too. Go ahead and blow the money on the stretch mark cream and the chiseled ab workout programs. They’ll help you get through the denial phase. Sure it’s possible that you’re one of those freaks of nature, who doesn’t have an abdomen that looks like a Shar Pei puppy after giving birth. But I feel it necessary to remind you of what we covered in the truth about pregnancy. If your body is the same, your friendships won’t be. We’ll all hate you. To avoid this, be a smart girl and wear a tankini even if you don’t need to.
#10 You’ll love it so much, you’ll want another baby.
Yes, despite learning everything you never wanted to know about being a mom, you’re going to want another child. It’s crazy! My diagnosis is Stockholm Syndrome. The child has hurt you, tortured you, destroyed your house, made you abandon your principles, scared you to death, embarrassed you, disappointed you, reduced you to dependency, and ruined your chances of appearing on the cover of Shape magazine, yet you’re convinced they’re one of the best things that’s ever happened to you.
This week I tested the Pomodoro Technique by planning my tasks in order of importance, estimating how many Pomodoros each would take, and then working for 25-minute periods followed by 5-minute breaks. Scroll to the bottom of last week’s post to read more.
How the Pomodoro Technique Saved My Sanity This Week
Helped me think about what I wanted to accomplish. At least it did for the ONE day that I used the technique completely as written in the free PDF. I liked having a plan for the day. I felt a sense of peace in knowing that the must-do tasks were on my list in order of importance.
Helped me keep internal distractions under control. Knowing that I could do what I wanted after a solid period of work helped me not to give in to the temptation to web surf before doing what needed done.
How the Pomodoro Technique Made Me Crazy This Week
Breaks too short. Five minutes wasn’t enough to do anything satisfying. I think this would be perfect for a traditional desk job, however.
Rigid rules. If a Pomodoro ends early, you’re supposed to review your work until the timer goes off. Really? I decided to take a longer break. If you get interrupted, you’re supposed to start the timer over. Again, really? In a house with six kids and a husband? I’d work all day and get no Pomodoro credit. I also really hated having to work each task to completion in order, rather than having the choice to do a little in whatever order as I did with DIT.
Confusing record keeping. I estimated the number of Pomodoros each task would require, then realized I could knock out two tasks simultaneously. I found myself moving back and forth between the two tasks. How many Pomodoros should each get? I had no idea.
Did the Pomodoro Technique Help Me Get More Done?
Yes and no. Using the technique as written helped me focus for several hours and then I was ready to scream because of the arbitrary nature of it. Using a 50-minute work period followed by a ten-minute break works beautifully for me, however. If I am not rigid about it and I ignore every other aspect of the technique, it works for me.
**UPDATE**
I rarely set a timer these days for work, because I am using time blocking instead. If I had to tackle something really unappealing, I would definitely rely on it, but I have been motivated in my work for quite some time. I do think it’s a great approach.
The Productivity Approach I’ll Be Using for Week 10
This week I’ll be using the principles of Time Warriorby Steve Chandler–a cognitive approach to productivity.
The concept. As a psychologist, I know that the way we think about productivity is much more important than how we choose to manage our tasks. Despite the book being full of New Age philosophy that is at odds with my faith, Time Warrior is also full of great advice for getting things done.
Chandler’s approach can be summarized as: do what you know you need to do now, even if that’s at odds with your thoughts and feelings.
This approach addresses the feeling of overwhelm. He writes, “You are not, in this hour we’ve chosen to look at, at all overwhelmed, are you? Not in this particular hour. But your story is that you are. You can drop that story. You can tell a different story. Try this story: ‘I’ve only got one thing to do! How liberating. It’s the thing I’m doing right now.'”
This approach eliminates mental time wasters. Chandler explains, “To really live now there are two things I want to phase out of my life forever: (1) Resentments about the past and (2) Worries about the future. These two activities, strengthened by repeated indulgence, are like hagfish. Hagfish? Many people don’t know what hagfish are, but they are just like worries and resentments. In the real, undersea world, hagfish are blind, slimy, deepwater eel-like creatures that dart into the orifices of their prey and devour them, alive, from the inside. Kill the hagfish in your life. Then you can live now and maybe procrastinate later.”
This approach defeats procrastination. The Time Warrior argues, “The main reason people have a problem with procrastination is that they don’t see the connection between completing something and having new, fresh energy come out of that. They actually imagine that working on this thing and finishing it would drain even more of their energy and they get tired just thinking about it, so they don’t complete it…If procrastination is occurring, do the things you are procrastinating on. It’s a very simple cure and it’s the last thing people really want to do because they don’t really want to cure procrastination. They want to find some mysterious psychotic fault line in themselves that causes them to procrastinate and then try to examine that fault line (even if it takes years) rather than do the thing.”
If you’d like to join me this week, here’s what you do. Stay focused on doing things now. Go to war with past resentments, future worries, or negative thinking that keeps you stuck. Write down the negative thoughts you keep returning to so you can challenge them. Try to accomplish as many things as you can to increase your energy and to put an end to your personal story that you’re a victim of procrastination. Of course, if you want more, you can pick up a copy of Time Warrior {Amazon affiliate link}.
To see how my week using the Time Warrior went, click here. .
If you’ve tried the Pomodoro Technique to increase your productivity, please vote in the poll below.
Here are the links to the productivity hacks I’ve tried so far:
Spring may finally be here! Some of what’s hot this week is perfect for those of you with spring fever. Thank you to everyone who linked up last week! If you are featured this week, please grab a button from the bottom of the blog. Want to get even more hot homeschooling goodness? Follow the What’s Hot in Homeschooling board on Pinterest!
Homeschool Circus shares further encouragement for us based on Scripture. This would be great to print out and read instead of gorging yourself on chocolate!
Ever wonder what a mom who was homeschooled would use to teach her own children? Wonder no longer! The moms at NextGen Homeschool share their experiences.
Speaking of curriculum, few things are more exciting than the word FREE. Guest Hollow has made a variety of curricula (history, science, math) available at no charge. I’m particularly interested in the ancient history for next year as it can be used with Mystery of History (and also Story of the World).
Now it’s your turn! Link up what’s hot in your homeschool this week. Link to this post or use the What’s Hot button on the bottom right.
When you’re a busy mom, 5 minutes may be all you can devote to your faith at a time. That’s why I’m thrilled to be a contributor at 5 Minutes for Faith. I’m joining a lot of wonderful mom writers who will help you use your five minutes well.
My first regular post is up today, entitled “In the Way He Should Go.” I’d love to have you come by and see what this picture is all about! And please leave a comment if you have one extra minute.
Like what you see? Sign up for the free newsletter and get the devotionals in your inbox.
This week I tested the principles of Mark Forster’s book, Do It Tomorrow. Specifically, I declared a backlog of all former tasks which I then spent the first part of each work day on. The majority of other tasks were accomplished the following day from when they came in. Scroll to the end of last week’s post for more information about my test week.
How Do it Tomorrow Saved My Sanity This Week
Helped me accomplish more routine tasks. I did more of my planned routines this week than I did when I was specifically testing routines! The book really reignited my vision for why I have routines in the first place. I developed them to address specific problems I’ve identified. Not doing them means I have more hassles.
Gave me the satisfaction of being done for the day. I can’t say enough about the feeling of doing everything I should and being able to call it a night. Not only that, but I knew I had done more than a few easy one-off tasks. I was working on a variety of things that made me feel reliable and that I was progressing on my goals. I was also motivated to finish tasks because I knew if I didn’t, they’d be on the list again tomorrow.
Relieved stress over undone tasks. Declaring a backlog gave me immediate piece of mind and the belief that I really could be on top of my work. Can’t remember feeling that way since I was in college and the terror of failing had me working ahead on assignments.
How Do it Tomorrow Made Me Crazy This Week
Having two scheduled days in a row put me behind. My two busy days with little time for tasks made my perfectionism kick in. I was demotivated because I had failed to do a day’s work. I forgot what Mark Forster’s admonition was for situations like this. First, just do what you can and catch up on the proceeding days. If necessary, non-urgent tasks can also be scheduled across several days.
I had to think about my commitments. In order to do everything I want to do, I have to stay really, really busy. I really don’t like to admit that some of my interests will have to go if I want to get a day’s work done.
Did Do it Tomorrow Help Me Get More Done?
Without a doubt. I couldn’t be more delighted and I am unwilling to give it up this week! I will say that I’ve had more energy this week than I’ve had in a long time, but the philosophy resonates with me and that energizes me, too.
**UPDATE**
Surprisingly, I don’t use Do it Tomorrow anymore. I eventually found that it didn’t make sense to tackle every incoming task tomorrow, even though it was nice to get a head start on a lot of projects. The problem for me is that when it rains, it pours. Tasks tend to get processed in bulk on an open day that is followed by a busy day. Now, I schedule tasks for certain days of the week to batch them. I pay bills on Mondays. I manage blog tasks on Tuesdays, and so on. If I can’t get to something, it gets pushed to the following day or week, depending on the task and its deadline.
The Productivity Approach I’ll Be Using for Week 9
If you’ve not heard of the Pomodoro technique, you haven’t been reading anything about productivity. But even if you’re into productivity hacks like I am, you may not be familiar with the whole approach.
The concept. I knew that Pomodoro meant working for a set period of time and taking a break. That’s all I thought it was. A Pomodoro is a 25-minute work period followed by a 3-5 minute break. After four Pomodoros, a 15-30 minute break should be taken.
The information that was new to me is that tasks to be done for the day (listed in order of importance) should be recorded and the number of Pomodoros required should be estimated. (Tasks should be grouped so they will take at least 25 minutes). Each completed Pomodoro for that task should be indicated with an X. Interrupted Pomodoros don’t count.
The Pomodoro Technique should be an excellent complement to Do it Tomorrow. Just as in Do it Tomorrow, Pomodoro requires same-day urgent tasks to be written below the line of tasks that were planned. I plan to use a paper planner and the Promodoro timer app on my iPhone to track my Pomodoros.
If you’d like to join me this week, here’s what you do. Read about the Pomodoro Technique in the free PDF or watch the video. Decide if you will use the paper recording forms, an online tracker, or an app. Plan your tasks and estimate the number of Promodoros or just work according to the 25-5 x 4 + 15-30 minute break schedule.
To see how my test with Pomodoros went, click here.
If you’ve tried Do it Tomorrow to increase your productivity, please vote in the poll below.
Here are the links to the productivity hacks I’ve tried so far:
I’m a Christian psychologist turned homeschooling mother of six. My life can be a little crazy, so I look for sanity-saving ideas to use and share. I hope you’ll read my About page to learn more.
