Few things are as valuable to a homeschooler as quality reviews. I hope the reviews I’ve shared here on Psychowith6 will be a blessing to you. I’ve also added any resource lists I’ve created here. You will want to subscribe to Psychowith6 because I’m adding reviews and resources all the time!
I continue to be amazed by the talents God has blessed homeschoolers with. It’s a pleasure to look through these wonderful resources each week. Hope you enjoy them!
Learn Math Fast’s big math bookmark was a huge hit, so this week the site has another freebie for us. Quickly and easily determine what grade level your child is working at in math.
Last week I had to make an important decision and my friend, Barb, directed me to her decision-making post for the second time. It was SO helpful that I realized it could help us homeschool moms decide on curriculum and other schooling issues as well. Pin it so you’ll have it when you need it.
It’s been a while since I’ve taken the kids to the library (my husband took them this summer), so I love No Twiddle Twaddle’s idea of sending them on a scavenger hunt. I think they will, too.
Can I ever use these ideas! I have a tweenager who is incredibly creative in imagining reasons he should be allowed to have more game time. Fortunately, Frugal Fun 4 Boys is just as creative in giving us these game-free activities.
I was SO excited when I saw this idea because I was thinking like a psychologist. These homemade room dividers are not only attractive, but they are just the thing for a child who is easily distracted. Thank you, Organizing Made Fun!
I have five boys and none of them have had the motor skills that my daughter had. Fine motor skills are what enable a child to dress himself, tie his shoes, write, and draw. Hands on as We Grow has a wonderful list of fun ideas for developing fine motor skills that work for all ages.
More Hot Stuff!
This week I have a bonus tip that I shared on my Facebook Page that is for homeschoolers only. Be sure to visit the Ultimate Homeschool Radio Network page and “Like” it to hear about the launch of these podcasts. You just might recognize one of the hosts. More later!
In honor of the Greater St. Louis Area Expo, you can get the Kindle version of my book, So You’re Not Wonder Woman for FREE! Please click on the book, read it, share the link with anyone who wants to be more of a Wonder Woman, and leave a review on Amazon. You can read the book on your computer using Amazon’s free software. And don’t forget to sign up for the Learn Math Fast giveaway below!
To talk about how to cope with extreme stress, I have to tell you what happened when I was 14. I was riding in the back of our family friends’ car. My parents, my 12-year-old brother, and our friends’ son were in the car ahead of us. We had just begun our annual winter weekend. We’d checked into a hotel and enjoyed the treat of a dinner out. We were returning to the hotel for swimming and more fun when I saw a car up ahead coming fast and swerving wildly from lane to lane. The car was headed right for my family, when it swerved in the opposite direction. I was so relieved. But then it came careening back toward our family car and struck it, spinning and crushing it.
What happened next is a blur for me, but I remember my dad stumbling out of the car with blood streaming down his forehead. My brother came out limping with a bloody knee. My mom did not appear as she was embedded in the dash of the car.
After the ambulance arrived to take my family to the emergency room, I found I couldn’t stop shaking. When we arrived, I was dazed. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t think straight. Then I was horrified by the sound of my mother screaming in pain.
Later that evening when everyone but my mother had been discharged, I couldn’t sleep. I saw the accident happen over and over and over again. When I returned to school the next week, I felt like I was dreaming, that nothing I had experienced or was experiencing was real.
Acute Stress Disorder
I now understand that I had symptoms of Acute Stress Disorder. The stress of the experience was extreme enough that I was having trouble functioning. My mother was in recovery from that accident involving a drunk and high driver for over a year, but thanks be to God, she did recover. So did I.
You may be wondering why I’m talking about the effects of extreme stress on a homeschool blog. I am writing about it because you or your family members may be unfortunate enough to experience the kind of trauma I did — unexpected loss of a loved one, a shocking diagnosis, or witnessing violence. There is another form of extreme stress, though, that we don’t often associate with Acute or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, but it affects all of us. I’ll explain with another story.
Media Trauma
It was September 11th, 2001. I was getting ready to take my preschooler to a morning Mother’s Day Out program at my church, when the radio reported that an airplane had hit one of the twin towers in New York City. This was upsetting to say the least, but it was believed to be a terrible accident. My husband and I never have the news on during the day, but we turned the TV on when we learned that a second plane had struck the World Trade Center.
I was confused about whether I should take my son to church as scheduled when it was obvious that we had suffered a terrorist attack. I did, though, and had the radio on as I drove. When the newscasters described the collapse of the towers as I drove, I was utterly horrified. I was crying and shaking and confused. When I arrived at church, no one knew what to do.
In the days that followed, we, like so many others, watched gruesome, terrifying, gut-wrenching newscasts all day, every day. I had that same feeling of derealization, that same numb feeling of not knowing what to do that I’d had at 14. It took me a while to realize that what we were doing wasn’t healthy. But when I understood what was happening, I spoke at my church and encouraged our members to stop watching the coverage of this tragedy. We were being traumatized over and over again by what we were watching. We were developing and maintaining a stress disorder by taking in media trauma.
The Trauma of 2020
Then came 2020. Pandemics were always something that affected far-off countries and a few unfortunate individuals here before it was stopped. I fully expected Covid-19 to be no different. So I was shocked when my Great Homeschool session in Ft. Worth was halted. We were told we had to be out of the building in short order.
I returned home and a short time later my husband and I went to the grocery store and found 90% of the shelves were empty. We were under lockdown and the streets of our busy city were eerily empty. The headlines of our papers used every terrifying word in the English vocabulary to tell us what the pandemic was doing day after day after day. Social media was rife with stories of people dying, people afraid of dying, and people afraid of being responsible for someone else dying.
Weddings were canceled. Funerals for our beloved friends and family members weren’t held. Kids’ sports and trips and family get togethers were canceled. Kids in schools including colleges were sent home. We were thoroughly traumatized. But we kept watching and reading the news.
The extreme stress of we’ve experienced in the last 19 months is unlikely to be our last. So I want to share with you the symptoms of stress disorders and what we can do to cope with them and prevent them in the future.
Symptoms of Stress Disorders
One major feature is mentally reexperiencing the trauma. This occurs in the form of nightmares or flashbacks. These memories feel intrusive and uncontrollable and can disrupt sleep and normal functioning. I mentioned my intrusive memories of my family’s accident. I have also had a number of pandemic nightmares.
A second major feature of stress disorders is a sense of being numb, disassociated from others, and trying to avoid anything that reminds one of the trauma. When our new puppy died in surgery, I ran through the house, collecting anything that reminded me of her and put it out of sight. Throughout 2020, I felt like I was dreaming and hoped I would wake up.
A third major feature of stress disorders is heightened arousal. A traumatized person is often jumpy, startling easily. Severe anxiety and irritability are common. After 9/11, I kept anticipating the next attack. For a while, I was afraid to go to some public places. Current stress seems to have taken a toll on flight crews as the irritability was noticeable on flights I took recently.
When someone is suffering from the effects of extreme stress, they will not respond to reason. Someone could have said to me that the odds of our local shopping mall being targeted by terrorists in the aftermath of 9/11 were infintesimal and they would have been correct. But it wouldn’t have changed my anxiety.
One of the most common statements I’ve heard since the spring of 2020 is “People have gone crazy.” In my opinion, this angry, anxious, irrational behavior we have seen in ourselves and others is the result of extreme stress–trauma, if you will. But we don’t have to continue to suffer its effects.
Coping Strategies for Extreme Stress
Stop reading and watching the news
You won’t be surprised to hear me say that the first step is to stop reading and watching the news. Also stop reading and watching social media posts that trigger this stress. That is easier said than done. We tend to be drawn to tales of terror as witnessed by the popularity of the horror genre and ratings of anxiety-inducing news stories. I have struggled to disconnect from the peddlers of panic myself. One reason we keep taking in the trauma is our belief that information is protective. If we know what’s going on the world, we think we can take action and evade the tragedy.
Because like me you may have symptoms of a stress disorder, I’m not going to try to reason with you about that. But I am going to ask you who is in control. I am going to paraphrase a powerful quote I read some years ago. If you are in control, you have reason to worry. If God is, you have nothing to worry about. In fact, the Christians I know who believe that God leaves us with all the choices that can shorten or lengthen our lives have the most anxiety. Those who believe God is sovereign and works even our bad choices together for our good have the most peace. In Luke 12, Jesus asks us, “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life[a]? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?” It’s true that in trusting God we have no guarantee that we won’t experience trauma. But it is also true that God will never leave us or forsake us, and will give us His grace and supernatural peace.
Talk about it
On my internship I was part of group counseling for veterans who experienced trauma. When these veterans served in wars, we didn’t know that a critical part of preventing stress disorders was getting the traumatized person to talk about what they experienced. Especially the World War II vets I met were encouraged to be stoic and protect their loved ones from their trauma. That avoidance and denial contribute to chronic stress disorders, substance abuse disorders, depression, psychosis, and suicide.
In the same way, a contributor to stress disorders in 2020 and onward has been the social stigma of talking about the trauma so many of us have experienced. If we share the distress about anything other than the death of a loved one from Covid, we are being selfish and are quickly silenced. Better to cancel a wedding and save lives, we were told. Better not to have a funeral than risk others dying. Better to keep the kids away from friends and activities than risk a grandparent’s life. Don’t complain about these things. Think about people in worse situations than you’re in, we’re told.
I’ve spoken about the problem with this way of thinking before. Invalidating people’s grief makes it worse. There is always someone who has it worse. When I lost a baby at 11 weeks, I was told about a woman who lost one at 8 months. Her grief was far worse than mine, but that didn’t make mine disappear. And it didn’t make it less important for me to talk about it.
So after eliminating the source of repeated trauma, the next step for coping with extreme stress is talking about it. I found I wasn’t able to talk about what I was feeling with respect to current events on social media. Some of my friends and family weren’t comfortable talking about it either. Not everyone is a safe person to talk to about trauma. But there are people who can handle it. They’re either people who have experienced similar stress, people who are excellent empathic listeners, or professional counselors. No matter which type of person you speak with about your experiences, it is critical that you talk about it and keep talking about it when you need to.
Have you talked with your immediate family about their experiences? If not, ask them what was the hardest, most frightening, most demoralizing aspect of it. Affirm each family member for sharing without putting a happy spin on it.
Get professional help
If extreme stress interferes with your health and daily functioning for more than 30 days and it isn’t a part of the normal grieving process, make an appointment with a counselor. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is the treatment of choice for chronic stress disorders. The counselor will help you change the way you think and behave with respect to the trauma. You’ll learn skills for calming yourself. You’ll get help developing constructive coping strategies like exercise and creative pursuits and ending destructive coping strategies like alcohol abuse.
God’s remedy for extreme stress
I’m going to conclude by telling you the new perspective I have of a popular Bible account in 1 Kings 18-19. Elijah has a showdown with the prophets of Baal and God wins decisively. Elijah then calls on God to make it rain and it does. Finally, Elijah runs supernaturally fast like the superhero Flash to get ahead of Ahab. Win, win, win. But when Jezebel calls for his murder, he runs away in a panic and asks God to end his life. I’ve always thought he was suffering from depression. I missed something. Elijah had likely seen some of the other prophets of God who had been killed. No doubt their murders had been gruesome. After the contest on Mount Carmel, the Bible says Elijah has the prophets of Baal slaughtered. Even though these men were evil, the carnage had to have been traumatic for Elijah. He was experiencing the effects of extreme stress despite the victories he had in the Lord and he wasn’t talking it out.
In addition to recognizing traumatic circumstances, avoiding media that traumatizes us father, and talking about our experiences, we have these admonitions from 1 Kings: 1) get extra rest, 2) eat well, and 3) spend time in prayer and God’s Word.
We can be encouaged that our Lord understands our weakness and lends us His strength at these times.
I have been at home with my kids full-time for 23 years. It wasn’t what I wanted at first and I’ve had my share of challenges, but now I’m so grateful for the time I’ve had. If you’re a homeschooler whose kids are now home from outside classes and activities because of sheltering in or you’re new to having your kids home from school, this episode is for you. I want to share simple tips that will have you not just surviving but thriving with your kids home full-time.
I didn’t want to stay home with my kids full-time originally. I planned on working as a clinical psychologist part-time. But my first baby kept getting ear infections while in daycare, and I kept having to cancel my appointments. I moved to having sessions two evenings a week and then quit my practice entirely when I had my second child. When I had three children, I felt called to homeschool. I gave it a try with my preschooler.
I had struggles both with staying home with my kids and with homeschooling them that you can avoid with the tips I’m going to share with you today.
The first tip is to adjust your expectations.
I thought I would be able to get things done while home with my young children. I had freelance writing deadlines and conferences I was keynoting at the time. I counted on nap times to get my work done. Whenever I counted on nap time, I could be sure that my child wouldn’t sleep or something else would happen to interrupt me.
If you are currently working from home while trying to manage your children’s education, God bless you. What you are doing is not easy. There is no trick you are missing. Other people are not doing it well while you struggle. The truth is you are unlikely to get as much work done as you did before your children were home full-time. If you accept that, your days will be smoother.
I thought that staying home with a toddler would be a delight. I took my little guy to the mall to walk with a friend in the mornings. My expectations set me up for a lot of disappointment. My strong-willed child hated to be buckled into his car seat. The Herculean effort required to buckle him did not start the morning off well. Then he would deftly extricate himself from his stroller and would stand up in it as I pushed, looking like Kate Winslet on the bow of the Titanic. Even after I got him a stroller with a 5-point restraint, I let him out and he ran into Victoria Secret and flung the neatly folded lingerie out of the drawers as quickly as he could.
Homeschooling him went no better. I expected to have a darling little cherub of a student who would rise up and call me blessed. I didn’t get that. My son had not signed off on my educational plan. He wanted to avoid anything that required him to sit down and pay attention to me when there were so many other fun things to explore.
And I am not an outlier. I don’t know anyone whose high expectations of their children and homeschooling have been fulfilled. And that was in a time when the entire world wasn’t reeling from the impact of a pandemic. Our children are just as disoriented by all the changes as we are. Instead of believing that you’ll be able to get all your work done and your children will cheerfully, independently do their school assignments and chores and will seek out plenty of educational enrichment activities, adopt this motto: what can go wrong will go wrong. Then when you experience the unexpected gift of accomplishment, you’ll rejoice.
With low expectations, you can create a routine or schedule that has the best chance of success. Trying to accomplish two objectives at once is destined to fail. If you’re going to try to work and parent or work and teach, you’ll do neither well. Arrange a routine in which you first spend time with your kids to get them going on activities. Really attend to them. Go over the chore, the worksheet, or the activity. Have them repeat in their own words what they are to do. Explain that when the activity is complete, they will get to have a break to do something pleasant: play outside, play a board game, or have screen time.
That is when you are going to have time devoted to work. Explain to your children that interruptions of your work time for non-emergencies will result in shortened free time. The younger your children, the shorter your work periods will have to be. Consider alternating child supervision with a spouse or older children. And remember to expect the worst.
My second tip for staying sane with kids home full-time is to reserve time to recharge.
When I began staying home full-time with my child, the loneliness for this extrovert was a killer. I became depressed because I didn’t have work colleagues to talk to. I wasn’t allowing myself time for hobbies, either. Later, homeschooling limited my social contacts as friends put their kids in school and spent more time with other school parents.
I was able to recharge by first starting a stay-at-home-mom Bible study for women at my church. The Bible study, social, and scrapbooking time made a huge difference in my mood and in my ability to be a patient, loving parent. As a homeschooler, I created a home-based co-op so I could do the same with homeschooling friends. My kids loved spending time with other children and my visits with moms helped me stay sane and manage my expectations with a veteran homeschooler’s counsel.
I wrote How to Be Happy and Homeschool Too in which I argue that we need time to recharge doing something other than homeschooling. I think that’s just as important as we shelter in place. Unfortunately, socializing has become a lot more difficult. But it’s not impossible. We can use apps like Houseparty to get together with friends and have that book club, Bible study, or craft time. Aside from socializing, we can make sure we have time alone for devotions, reading, or exercising by communicating our need for it with our family. Take turns with a spouse or reserve screen time so you can have the quiet you need to be recharged. If you’re not sure about self-care, read my recent article on Is Self-Care a Snare. I urge you not to skimp on sleep now to meet other needs. I’ve made the decision to stop staying up late during this time and the difference in my mood is dramatic. The other thing I do to recharge is get dressed every day and share in the Get Your Pretty On group on Facebook. I love having the outfit and the interaction to look forward to each day. Find free outfit formulas to use with the clothes you own.
My third tip for staying sane with kids home full-time is to focus on what your kids need most.
When I started homeschooling, I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to teach my kids because I’m not a trained teacher. I didn’t know any of the tricks I was sure teachers had learned for teaching my kids to read or do math. I was also worried that my pregnancies in which I was so fatigued and the constant interruptions in education caused by my toddlers and preschoolers were doing my kids irreparable harm.
Soon I will have four graduates, all of whom have earned A’s in college courses. More importantly, they are well adjusted adults who love God and are close to their families. I have to give all the credit for that to Jesus. Even though I am a psychologist, I am naturally lazy, disorganized, and prone to anger. That leads me to share what I think kids need most. It happens to coincide with the greatest commandments: Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself. Our kids need to see us loving God, loving our spouse, and loving them. Our current situation is like a final exam with that. If you can keep loving in the midst of fear and uncertainty and disruption, what an amazing lesson that is for your kids. We provide them then not just with love but security.
Take the time to pray and read the Bible together each day. You can use a prepared devotional, but you don’t have to. We still pray prayers of thanksgiving, repentance, and supplication for ourselves and others in need and it has been time well spent. I always come away from our family devotional time with more peace.
Also give your children individual time. Our kids need time with us to connect and share. Spending time with each child doing what he or she enjoys most will pay dividends in better behavior and less sibling squabbling. It doesn’t have to be a lot of time and each child doesn’t have to have that time daily. With six kids, I gave each child a day of the week. That was their day to have the choice seat, make decisions, and have time with me. In your individual time, ask your child about their adjustment to sheltering in. To draw them out, ask about their least favorite things about it and the things they enjoy about it. Ask what if anything you can do to help them adjust.
The next best thing your children need now is reading. The worst thing that happens educationally for children is what teachers call the summer slide–a break during which kids quit reading. Don’t allow sheltering in to be a time your children put the books down. If your school district doesn’t provide online instruction or at-home curriculum, have your children read, read aloud to them, or listen to audiobooks. Public libraries have digital books to check out. Numerous classic books are available for free online. And consider Grammar Galaxy, a short, fun curriculum you can read aloud or listen to as a family. Reading in any format improves vocabulary which is the best predictor of academic and life success.
Finally, what your children need now is memories. None of us will forget this time of being home together. But how will we remember it? Let’s make the memories sweet. I think we can do that by shared activities, celebrations, and games.
Our college boys are home for the year. One of our sons loves going on challenging bike rides. My husband has been going with him, even though our son pushes him to his limit. They both love it and the relationship that is being strengthened in this. The first Sunday we stayed home from church, my family planned a huge breakfast. Several of the kids helped prepare the food for it. I don’t think we’ve had a more memorable meal outside of Thanksgiving. Easter is coming up and the kids are already asking me for special foods. I plan to dress up for watching the livestream of our service together. I don’t know if I can talk the kids into dressing up, but I’ll try! Finally, we have been playing indoor and outdoor games together and having so much fun. We had a blast playing spoons and the app Psych!. We have played pickleball and four square outside. We got out our stilts that have been sitting for years and I was even using them.
Use this time to create shared experiences. Cook together, exercise together. Plan celebrations for your family. Have extended family join you via FaceTime or another video app. And play games together. Make a list of games you have. Try some you haven’t played much and give any away you don’t enjoy. Consider playing some of the free grammar games I share on my site. Or sign up for the Grammar Guardians mission calendar for free.
Conclusion
When you adjust your expectations, reserve time to recharge, and give your kids what they need, you’ll not only survive this time, you’ll thrive during it.
Do you regularly find yourself at the end of the school day with nothing to show for it? Do you feel like you aren’t getting anything done? If that’s you, you’re in good company. I regularly hear from homeschoolers just like you and I can’t wait to share the solution I give them.
Before I tell you why you aren’t getting anything done in your homeschool, I want you to know that I’ve been there. I started homeschooling my oldest child for preschool. Yes, I had a toddler and a baby at the time, but I could not understand why I wasn’t getting to the preschool curriculum I looked forward to teaching. My laundry piled up, my house was a wreck, and I had no idea what was for dinner. My husband was frustrated and so was I. That’s when I knew that I couldn’t homeschool my kids. If I wasn’t going to be able to teach them the important subjects beyond preschool, I did not want to risk being arrested for educational neglect. I also knew I could not have any more children and that made me sad. But I obviously couldn’t handle any more than I already had.
I hope you understand from my story that I can relate to you if you feel like your children are behind, the house is cluttered, and you feel like a failure. When we are in this place, we tend to think that there is something fundamentally wrong with us, our kids, or even with homeschooling. Please hear me when I say there is not. Instead, there are three main reasons we become stuck in chaos. Fortunately, the fix is simple.
Three Reasons We Aren’t Getting Anything Done in Our Homeschools
Reason #1: We believe we can get things done.
The first reason we aren’t getting anything done is because we believe we can. What a crazy statement, right? You may think I’ve finally lost it because you know I have said before that you can do this. Allow me to explain.
When we believe we can overcome the chaos, we raise our expectations. Tomorrow will be different, we tell ourselves. We’re going to have a plan and our family will follow it. We will be the patient, loving mother of our homeschool dreams. We typically don’t give our families the memo that tomorrow is going to be a miraculously awesome day. And as a result, they don’t cooperate. They whine and cry and fight you over everything you have planned. And don’t forget the interruptions. The diaper blowout, the dog escaping from the yard, and the dishwasher that starts leaking.
If we believe we can overcome the chaos, we’re going to be disappointed. We’re going to blow our top. We’re going to decide that we were right in the first place and conclude that we can’t do this homeschooling stuff.
Another reason we ought not to believe that we can get things accomplished in our homeschools is because we’re going to be exhausted. Even though I wasn’t getting anything done when I began homeschooling, I was tired. I was worn out. And the thought of staying up later, working harder, and giving it more of an effort exhausted me. The harder I tried, the harder I fell. If you believe you can do this on your own, there is one benefit to this approach. You’ll come to the true solution faster. So if I haven’t convinced you that you can’t conquer the chaos, go right ahead and give it your best shot. Just remember to come back and listen to this podcast again. I know of what I speak. I am a self-made homeschooler. I want to do it all my way without help, thank you very much. But I can’t do it. I honestly can’t.
If you want to get things done in your homeschool, if you want to spend time with your preschooler, teach your first-grader to read, and help your third-grader master long division, you’re going to have to admit that you can’t. You’re not capable. Instead if you are a believer in Jesus Christ, you have to believe that God is your help. God can change you. Believe that He can empower you to do all the things that count.
This is the point in most articles like this where I tell you that you need to pray. But if you stop and pray one time, “Lord, help me,” you’ll see very little difference in your homeschool. You’ll go back to depending on your own strength. And the chaos will continue. Instead of throwing up one desperate prayer today or even asking for help each morning of your day, ask for help constantly. And you have to rest in believing prayer. Here’s what I mean.
Have you ever been in training for a new job? I have. I had to ask how to do everything. I did not believe that I knew best how to do the job. I asked for help and supervision every step of the way. If I had customer with a question I didn’t know the answer to, I immediately turned to my trainer. This is how we must be in our homeschools, no matter how long we’ve been doing it. When the kids are squabbling, when a student is dawdling, or and interruption changes your day, you go to your supervisor and say, what now?
I believed my supervisor had the answers to my questions and could make me into a competent employee. Believe that God can advise you, help you, and make you into the homeschooling mother He wants you to be. Yes, I advise you to either start or end your day in prayer and God’s word. Reading God’s word is like reading the training manual for your new job, except we never get out of training. You won’t understand how God is making things work in your homeschool and in your life until you live in complete believing dependence on Him.
When you stop believing or stop asking and you blow it, simply ask for forgiveness. I once worked in a sub sandwich shop that had excellent training. The first night that I closed the shop on my own, I had a problem. I blew it! I locked the front door of the shop as I was supposed to. I finished all of my cleaning chores and did the last chore of the day. I took the trash out to the dumpster behind the store. As I added the bag of trash to the dumpster, I remembered my supervisor saying to make sure to prop the door open, so I could get back in. That’s when I heard the click of the door locking. My purse and keys were locked in the shop and the shop’s lights were left on. It was the middle of the night and I had no phone. I found a pay phone, called 911, and the police called my supervisor. I was certain I would be fired. My supervisor had been awakened in the middle of the night to come get me back into the store. Instead she laughed and told me it was fine. I kept working there and became a trusted employee.
When we mess up in our homeschools, God doesn’t mind if we come to Him, confessing, and asking for help. We simply go on with our work as I did at the sub sandwich shop.
Reason #2: No routine.
The main reason we aren’t getting anything done in our homeschools is because are trying to do the work in our own strength. We are not believing that God alone can give us success. The second reason we aren’t getting anything done is because we do not have a routine.
At the end of a day when I was first homeschooling, I had no idea what I had accomplished. That’s because every day was different. I woke up at a different time, prepared meals at various times, and did not pick up or teach at any particular time. You have likely heard me or FlyLady talk about the importance of routines. Routines, once I’d adopted them, are the reason I could identify what I had done during the day. Routines gave me and my family a sense of control.
You may be similar to me in that I wanted freedom as a homeschooler. I didn’t want rules for how my days went. The truth is that freedom does not come in unpredictable days. Freedom comes from predictability. When you know what to expect each day, you are free to be present with your children. You know you will have an opportunity to do the things that matter. You know your house and your school are in order, so you are free to enjoy conversation with your husband and family time in the evenings.
When our homeschool is out of control, it’s very difficult to determine what your routine should be. I can relate! When I found FLYLady, I copied her routines. Her routine, even though she wasn’t a homeschooling mom, gave me the structure I needed to get started. I was soon able to modify her routine for my purposes. I found that my husband, my children, and I thrived with a routine.
I want you to get started today with a routine. I’m going to share my routine with you so you can modify it for your family’s needs.
My recommended homeschool routine
My routine for you includes morning activities prior to the children getting up. If your children are early risers, check the alternative times for your time later in the day.
First, mom gets up and exercises or walks
Next, mom has breakfast and chats with husband if available
Mom has quiet time with the Lord and plans her day
Kids wake up and have breakfast. This is where moms with early-rising kids begin their day.
Mom and kids do chores
Family time school, including Bible, read aloud subjects, and memory work
Quick exercise time. Have the kids do jumping jacks, sit-ups, or push-ups to get the blood flowing to their brains. You better join them or they’ll complain.
Individual time with kids. Children who are not with you are working on a subject like math together near you. They may also be reading or playing assigned games or activities together.
Lunch break. After eating and cleaning up, kids go outside if possible or play inside while mom does email, social media, or other tasks.
Loop schedule. Subjects like art and science experiments are looped here. Every day you are home to do school, you’ll do the next subject. If you are home for school on Monday and Wednesday, for example, you would do art on Monday and science experiments on Wednesday.
Snacktime.
Worktime. This is nap time for youngers, more individual work time for olders, and mom’s work time. Children may also be occupied with educational videos and games at this time. Mom may have her quiet/planning time here if she has early risers.
Flex time. This is a time left open for leftover tasks, unexpected demands, or outside activities. Mom may choose to work out here if she has early risers.
Dinner and family time.
Kids’ bedtime routine.
Adult time. This is time for you to read and relax with your husband.
Lights out.
If you already know that you need to change an aspect of this routine now, go for it. But I recommend that you try it before concluding that it won’t work.
When you have a working routine ready to go, post in a visible location. Share it with your kids and your husband and walk them through each part of it.
When you are ready, you can create routines for days you attend co-op and weekend days too. The most important thing is developing a realistic routine. I’ve used this routine and I know it works.
Reason #3: Your children don’t respect your time boundaries.
When you believe that only God can help you get things done in your homeschool and you have a routine you’re following, you are beginning to see results. But this third reason you’re not getting things done can stand in your way. It is incredibly common. Your children do not respect your time boundaries.
If you are beginning morning time, and kids start clammering to do science experiments, you either give in and do them or you throw up your hands in despair and say that the routine doesn’t work.
You are working with Junior on his phonics when sister interrupts to ask for help with math. If you stop what you’re doing to help sister, you’ve just taught Junior that he is welcome to interrupt any time too. You’re in your work time and the kids’ bickering or demands are keeping you from getting anything done.
Early on in my homeschooling, I was a frequent radio guest. I would be on the phone and live on air. I had to ask my husband for help when he was home to keep the kids away from me. On one of these occasions, I was in my basement when my oldest came creeping down the stairs. I was waving wildly to get him to go back up and he did not. Fortunately, he was quiet. As soon as the station took a break, I put the phone down and bolted upstairs to see what was going on. I saw my toddler walking through the kitchen, steak knife in hand. My husband was sitting outside, chatting on the phone. I had to explain again what watching the kids while I was being interviewed meant.
It can take time to convince your family that you mean business, but don’t give up. Post signs as reminders that you are working. Create consequences for unnecessary interruptions. One I particularly like is to assign some of my work to the kids because they wasted my time.
If you question whether your children can be trained to respect your boundaries, think about whether there are people whose boundaries they do respect. My kids knew not to walk into my husband’s office when he was on the phone, for example, because he had enforced those boundaries.
If we are meeting our children’s needs for attention, comfort, and education, they are more likely to respect our boundaries of reasonable work periods. The younger your children are, the shorter those work periods need to be.
Conclusion
If you believe you are incapable of getting things done in your own strength, if you create a routine for yourself and your family, and you establish and enforce boundaries, you can find that you are getting more done than you ever dreamed. That’s been my experience!
Which of these reasons is the main reason you aren’t getting things done in your homeschool?
I’m a Christian psychologist turned homeschooling mother of six. My life can be a little crazy, so I look for sanity-saving ideas to use and share. I hope you’ll read my About page to learn more.
